As we get ready for marriage my fiancée told me that during uni she hooked up with a mutual friend (m28) after nights out. The friend was initially hers but has become mine over our 4 year relationship.

She said that he was the first guy (and only other apart from me) she has got into bed with, they did everything except sex (foreplay getting very close to sex though). This lasted for 3 years.

We both see this friend on a weekly basis. I don’t know how I can retain the friendship with him now knowing what I know. I hate the idea of him being around as it feels intrusive to have someone around who has seen my fiancée naked and explored her body for three years. In this time he has not been in a relationship with any girl. I hate the thought of her being a primary experience he reflects on as he has limited overall experience.

Am I wrong for having a feeling of total disgust? Is it acceptable for us both to end this long friendship with him in light of this news? How should I feel? Thanks

I (F) have an amazing boyfriend. He’s funny, loving, respectful, hardworking, family-oriented, and studying economics. I’m a law student, we are both pretty busy. He’s genuinely the kind of man I want to marry and have children with 100%. I love him deeply, and I don’t want to leave him.

We have been together for 4 years. However, over the years, he’s stopped taking care of himself. He’s tall and has a cute face, but he’s developed a very noticeable belly while the rest of his limbs are too thin. Eats poorly and never ever exercises. I’m very fit, I also have almost no time for myself, but still exercise and hit my macros and maintenance bc I like looking toned and feeling strong. I understand he’s busy with college and his internship, but I feel he could def make time for himself if he wanted to.

This has grown overtime, and I didn’t really care because I truly adore this man. The problem is that lately I’m losing physical attraction to him due to his body. I still love him and find his face attractive, and sex is good, but lately, I genuinely don’t want to have sex. I always go along with it anyway, he never pressures me btw I just lie. He notices when something feels off and asks if I’m okay, but I keep blaming it on stress because I’m afraid of hurting him.

I feel awful because I don’t want him to think his appearance determines his worth or that my love is conditional. I want a future with him, and I’m not planning to leave. But I also don’t want to keep pretending everything is fine when our sex life is being affected.

Should I address this? How can I tell him that his lack of self-care is affecting my attraction to him, in the hope that he’ll start exercising and taking better care of himself, without destroying his confidence or making him feel inadequate?

Please help :(

I need someone to tell me how I should take this, if it’s cheating or not. This happened in February/march this year, but I keep remembering about it from time to time. Me and my boyfriend had been dating since February this year and our relationship was very intense since the beginning, we would argue a lot but make up hours later, break up many times from dumb things but get back together a day later, but for about 2-3 months we’ve been doing much better, make efforts in understanding eachother and argue less. He said he wants to marry me and he even started to provide for me financially even though I said he doesn’t have to. We spend all day together, play games, watch stuff, talk and just mesh extremely well, but from time to time smth that happened months ago still comes to me and it attacks my brain with thoughts like “he still thinks about his ex” or “he will cheat on you” or “he cheated on you before for sure”, etc. A few months ago I told him to share his screen to me, like I said back then things were really intense, no trust, always fighting. I tell him to go into “deleted messages” and there I find what seemed to be a conversation with his ex gf, he dated this girl for like 6 months and they broke up in like November or December 2025. The first message was sent by her in February when me and him were still getting to know eachother, and kinda dating (we met in January this year).
So this is how the first conversation went:
Her: hi? (14 February)
Her: hey (double texted in the same day)
Him: hello (15 February at 2am)
Her: what’s up (15 February 4am)
Him: nothing much, thanks for asking. Honestly we shouldn't really speak, like I said I'm not gonna block you but our contact should only be essential things like maybe checking in every few months if anything (15 February 8am)
Her: okay if u say so

A day later HE texts her first :
Him: Ik I said we wouldn’t talk for a good while but I wanted to say, I had a dream abt u last night lol (16 February)
Her: anything interesting?
Him: *he says the dream it wasn’t anything crazy just them hanging out and he says “they hugged”)
Her: aww that’s cute
Him: yes it was very random. Just wanted to mention it before I forgot, have a good day.

(What bothers me here is that, on this day we slept together on call because he was away at that time, and I sent him a big morning paragraph saying sweet stuff, and while he was sleeping on call with me, he was dreaming of her and texting her abt it?)

Then she texted him to call and play a game together, and they did. He said that during the call she kept trying to flirt with him and try to have a conversation abt getting back together and that he just rejected her

Then they don’t talk anymore for the rest of February, so this was like 2-3 days in February they spoke, then she texted him a happy birthday in march, here me and him were dating, and she offered to buy him smth and send it to him (a mic, quite expensive) to which he declines the offer, she kept reaching out a couple more times but he wouldn’t reply or only replied once very dry and late.

They had a conversation abt how he didn’t like how she treated him and how their relationship went and then on 14 April, a month later he texts again “hey, Just felt motivated to say hope you're ok and doing well. Keep talking to God. We most likely won't speak again after this but just take care of yourself. My time with you was meaningful, even if I did feel betrayed by the way you treated me in the end, it was helpful learning for my future relationships, cya.” And then he blocked her. And that’s where they’re conversations finished, I found out abt all of these in may, a month after their last message, I remember crying and yelling and felt very disgusted and heart broken, idk if I overreacted but it’s just how I felt, his reasons was that he just needed closure and that he does not want her or love her, and that if he wanted her back he would’ve went back to her when she kept reaching out and asking to get back together, I didn’t feel better tho because I wish he would’ve just never replied and block her since the beginning, and I wish he told me his ex reached out. And about the dream he had of her, he said he only said that to her to see how she reacts, I don’t understand him and I don’t know even know months later if to believe he rlly didn’t have any intentions, it’s true that back then we were just barely dating, or fighting , or were broken up, or another dumb scenario, but it still hurt, and to this day I feel that what we have is not real, and that he doesn’t actually love me, and still thinks abt her or even still talks to her but hides it better now.

What should I believe? Did he cheat on me? Did he not do anything wrong? Am I overreacting? Is it normal for him to text her back then?

I (24F) just found out that my long term boyfriend, Jasper (24M), has had a very big crush on someone else. This crush has created a lot friction in our relationship for which I was blaming myself until one of our mutual friends (let's call him Sam) told me about this whole thing. We have recently reached a point in our relationship where we were both trying to understand if the relationship was working for us, since he was bringing up some problems and the feeling he didn't feel connected anymore.

I was a bit caught off guard because I was feeling like our relationship was fine and started blaming myself for lack of information. Sam has been very close to me during this time, saw how sad I was and decided to tell me about the crush my boyfriend had had 2 months ago (right when the issues were starting).

The girl in question is the girlfriend of Jasper's best friend, and they have been together for 7 years now. Sam made me read some chats form the time right after the crush happened, where my boyfriend was saying things like "nobody has made my heart beat like this", "she's always been my type but I never acted on it because she was my best friend girlfriend, but now I feel like this might not be completely one-sided" and also "this doesn't feel like a crush, but more like full on falling in love", "this ten days together made me go completely crazy and I just can't stop thinking about her".

For a bit of context, we just came back from a vacation with his whole friends group that I organized in my hometown, in my own house, where I couldn't be very present because of a lot of stress (I had just gotten evicted from my apartment and I couldn't find a new place, my father had stopped talking to me because of a very big argument we had, on top of organizing the whole trip for everybody (about 15 people) with bookings, restaurants, activities and overall schedules, for which, I have to be fair, my boyfriend did help) on top of very bad low blood pressure and weakness because of the intense heat. I was basically laying in bed whenever whe had a bit of spare time, and while I was there trying to feel better Jasper and this girl spent a lot of time together.

On the chats there were also other things, him saying that he really loved me and that he didn't want to be feeling any of that, feeling very depressed about the whole situation and wanting to make it right and understand everything.

After discovering this I tried to talk to him, asking if he had anything he wanted to add on why he wasn't feeling good in the relationship, if there was something else I should know excetera; but even if I pushed he didn't admit it until I told him clearly that I knew and Sam that had told me everything. After that he crashed, saying he was sorry, that he was scared of my reaction and that's why he didn't tell me, that he has been working on it with his therapist and that the situation has changed a lot from the chat that I read, which was a spur of the moment when the situation still very fresh (the chat is indeed 2 months old and there weren't any new one after that). He told me that he loves me and wants me, thathe wants to be a better person and make this right but he keeps sabotaging himself.

Right now I'm very confused, I'm still very much in love and attached to Jasper (we have been together 3 years and he was my safe space during my parents very messy divorce, that is still happening), at the same time I feel like I didn't deserve any of this and it's making me feel so small and insecure and confused (mind you, I found out all of this within 48 hours, before this our relationship has been more or less normal).

We are right now deciding if this relationship is worth saving, which I don't want your opinion on, I just want to hear your experiences and trying to understand. If I choose to stay with him, is it realistic to build that trust again with boundaries and a lot of effort? On your experience what did it take for you to feel safe again? Is there any coming back from this?

I don't know if it the right subreddit for this, so feel also free to give me advice if this post is better suited somewhere else.

Thanks in advance to everyone who will stop and give advice.

I suddenly have this gut feeling about my girlfriend of 3 years that she may be cheating. We have been doing long-distance for 1.5 years now, and suddenly her patterns have changed. She doesn't text me as much and has started wearing bold clothing, and she even got a haircut. Recently, she told me that she talked to another dude solo for 2 hours, and even called him later at night to talk about university-related things. Am I reading into this too much? Even if she is cheating on me, it will eventually expose itself, even if I am not actively looking for it, right?

My boyfriend used to be a security guard downtown. He recently got asked to work this weekend for halloween for extra help. We just got back together so I know he was talking to some other girls which is fine. But he says he doesn’t want me going downtown because he thinks that guys will try to flirt with me. I don’t really want to be all alone on halloween while he’s out with a bunch of girls in costumes. He told me he used to get drunk while working and that’s how he met his ex girlfriend. We were also supposed to go to his camp for halloween (i made plans to go out with my friends while him and i split) so i canceled my plans with them to go to camp with him and then he said he changed his mind and said he is going to work.

Anyways he originally told me that i could come and sit close to him while he’s there if i went alone with him. Now he’s saying i need to stay home and he’ll come straight home after. He’s going to be working with his one friend who i honestly don’t like. i think he’s a bad influence. Does drugs all week and talks horribly about women lol. Idk. I have a feeling that he’s not going to be coming straight home because he always says that. Idk i’m just uncomfortable with the whole thing and i told him that but he won’t hear my side. I’ve mentioned to him before about maybe bartending and he said absolutely not. “I don’t date women who bartend and talk to a bunch of guys all night” So i just feel like this is kind of a double standard. What do you guys think. idk what to do

I have begun to notice signs that my partner is seeing someone else. I work 1st shift and she works 3rd we rarely see each other and just moved into a home together. I am going crazy trying to figure out what I should do. How do I know if I'm just making things up in my head or if she's really being unfaithful?

Me 25F and my boyfriend 25M have been together for a year doing ldr and we see each other every 3 or so months, 6 months into our relationship I started suspecting that he was doing things behind my back due to his behaviour so I asked him for his instagram and went through it

I found that he has been using a fake profile to stalk his ex, follow & message sex workers/only fans models & send pages to jerk off to

I have no issues with p\*rn use whatsoever so I wasn't upset by that but going through the dm with himself and his fake page I see that he sent himself my friends instagram page which is private,to his jerk off page. He did this 10 days before he flew to see me for my birthday and we were texting while he was doing this, he was saying he loved me and he couldn't wait to see me while doing that to my friends picture.

It has been 6 months and I think of this almost daily.

He claimed he never jerked off to it (I don't believe him because he is the type that will lie until you have cold hard proof and then admit it) and that he just sent it because he has large breasts and is "pretty" it's just so violating to my friend as well. He claimed to not know she was my friend but all of the mutuals are my family which he could not have possibly missed. Eventually he admitted he just sent it anyway and he's sorry and whatever

I thought this was the man I was going to marry and be with for the rest of my life but now I just see him as a nasty pervert. I know it may seem like a silly question but I really need help here because I don't know what to do.

Has anyone else been through this and can give some advice on how to try moving forward?

TLDR: caught my bf sending my friend page to his secret fake page I didn't know he has for listing over women online. How do I get over this?

Hi everyone on Reddit,

I just turned 28, and my dating life is an absolute mess right now.

It feels like every single time I try to get back out there, I end up in the exact same cycle: I constantly attract women who reject me, girls who turn out to be already taken, or women who feel completely out of my league.

I honestly don't get what I'm doing wrong or how to fix this pattern. How do I actually start attracting genuine, quality women into my life? Any advice would be appreciated.

I went on a 5-day trip to Banff with my boyfriend and his family. We all shared an open-concept hotel room where the shower area had glass walls, meaning people in the bedroom could see silhouettes and movements inside.

Throughout the trip, I noticed my boyfriend repeatedly looking toward the bathroom whenever his younger sister went to shower. I tried to convince myself I was overthinking it, but I even put blankets up for privacy, and I still caught him peeking when he heard her say she was going to shower.
What made me question things further was that, when we were alone, I noticed he was watching a shower video on Pornhub. I don’t know if these things were connected, but after what I’d witnessed, I felt extremely uncomfortable.

When I confronted him, he denied everything and told me I was disgusting for thinking that way about his sister. He said I deserved to go to hell for suggesting it. I told him I wouldn’t have these concerns if I hadn’t seen what I saw.

The argument escalated, and he hit me in the stomach with a spray deodorant. When I defended myself, he grabbed my hair and repeatedly hit my head with it until I started bleeding.

He panicked afterward and tried to get me to clean the wound. Then he went downstairs and told his parents that I had sprayed him in the eye. His mom came upstairs, saw that I was bleeding, and said, “Why do you guys have to ruin our vacation?”
I was shocked. I was sitting there bleeding, and her main concern seemed to be the vacation.

I’m struggling to process everything that happened. I can’t prove what his intentions were when he looked toward the bathroom, and I don’t want to make accusations without knowing for sure. But the behavior made me uncomfortable, and the violence afterward was terrifying.

Am I overthinking the behavior I noticed, or would you also have concerns? How would you handle this situation?

Not a regular poster and this will probably be extremely long winded so thanks in advance for reading through everything. I'm just interested in hearing perspectives from others on an incredibly difficult situation I'm going through right now.

I have a 4 year old daughter and am separated from a long time partner of roughly ten years. We're both in our late 30's.

To preface our relationship wasn't in an amazing place. We had recently had a child which was both of our first and were navigating the struggles of working and taking care of a new life. Our communication was pretty poor and we tended not to see eye to eye on a lot of things. We weren't at each other's throats or anything but there just didn't seem to be much spark left, especially considering much of the focus was on our little one. We moved out of our apartment and into my parents while we were building an apartment/addition on to her parents existing house. This added more stress onto an already stressful situation. I was quite busy with work and she was taking care of our child and working as a part time server. (This has been the case for her since she was a teenager basically and she is still part time serving today) Our schedules were very opposite and we would essentially be caring for our child while the other was working. Needless to say that didn't leave much time for us to prioritize each other. Our relationship was stagnant and we were going through the motions. Im aware that I could have done more during this time to make her feel loved/special but I just thought this was kind of normal in relationships after being together so long.

Fast forward a year roughly and we're moved into the new addition at her parents. It's just a normal night watching TV together and she seems really on edge. She gets up and goes outside which I didn't think much of and all of a sudden I hear her scream my name outside. So I come running down the stairs and grab the nearest heavy thing I can find while I watch a truck speed away from the front of the house. My little daughter is in the house so I'm concerned for everyone's safety in this moment. She proceeds to tell me that she connected with a guy from her work nearly a year before that moment and that he's been stalking her for the better part of a year. He was some kitchen guy that clearly had drug/alcohol problems and serious mental issues. She admits that she's been dealing with this for roughly a year. Tells me he's made death threats to her, made death threats about me, and threatened to kill himself as well. I had absolutely no idea what to think in the moment and was mostly concerned about everyone's safety in the morning so I just stayed up with her and watched him rip up and down the street in his truck until he eventually took off.

It's clear to me that she's been lying to me for God knows how long. Saying shes staying for drinks after work with her girlfriends and essentially cheating with this guy. When she breaks it off with him he goes completely nuts and this is the end result. She said that she was trying to protect me and my daughter by trying to deal with everything herself which was laughable to me but I was pretty stoic at the time about everything. I'm typically a bit closed off and didn't know how to handle the situation so I cried myself to sleep for a couple weeks and just carried on with life as best as I could.

When you're so connected with someone ( living together and have a child) it's really difficult to know what the right decision is when faced with a tough situation. Looking back I know I should have just ended things right there but I just didn't have the balls to face up to it. I was never even close to being unfaithful and I had never questioned her loyalty before this. Anyways, she ends up going to the police and getting a restraining order against this guy. He tries to contact her every now and then as well as me but as far as I know he's moved on at this point.

So time passes and I go into autopilot mode. Working and taking care of my daughter are my main priorities. We stop kissing, hugging, saying I love you, doing things together etc. We're basically cohabitating/co-parenting but I haven't dealt with any of my emotional wounds from all of this. Eventually she starts staying out late, not coming home till the early morning, saying shes staying at a friend's etc. All the while my resentment is building and building until I blow up. I call her sketchy and say I don't want anything to do with her and that sort of thing. I continue on auto pilot mode and we keep living together, working and taking care of our daughter. Im convinced that we're not right for each other and we're never gonna be able to make things work.

Somewhere down the line my daughter mentions a guy's name that I haven't heard before that gave her a little gift. I was obviously frustrated and brought it up with her and we got in a big fight. I finally decided that I had to talk to someone about it so I went over to my sister's and told her everything. (I hadn't told anyone, anything about the whole situation) I end up going through all the trauma and betrayal and realize that this is someone I actually really care for that just hurt me really deeply.

For the next couple months I snap into repair mode. Trying desperately to fight for my family and to save our broken relationship. I couldn't imagine breaking up our little family and was committed to doing everything I could to mend it. She started off denying that she was seeing someone and just said that she was chatty/flirty with guys. She expressed feelings towards me that felt like she still might want to work on things. This was the most stressful/ anxiety ridden point in my life. I was constantly playing detective, trying to sniff out lies from the truth and just digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole. She consistently lied to me about what she was doing and who she was doing it with because she was undecided how she wanted to move forward. Eventually I move out to my parents l, still with the hope that some time apart would help us on this journey. I confide in my friends and family, telling them everything and allowing the whole situation to become 'real'.

For a long time I struggle with loving/hating this person. Going back and forth until I'm driving myself crazy. I know it's best for co parents to be friends if possible but for me there's just too much pain to imagine being platonic with her. She guilt trips me using my daughter and says I'm being immature about the whole situation and I just wish I could have nothing to do with her.

Fast forward to today. I'm renting a two bedroom basement apartment for me and my daughter to have our own space which has been really nice. I'm no where near dating or thinking about connecting with a girl at a time like this.

Meanwhile she is clearly dating this new guy that she kept secret for so long. She's now expressing that she intends to have him around our daughter which is a gut wrenching feeling for me. There is still some jealousy and feelings of rejection. But it's mostly just anger that there could be someone new around my 4 year old daughter. From what I understand this guy worked at her work and is 8-10 years younger than her which I find ridiculous. My daughter is obsessed with family and is still very confused about her parents. She still draws pictures of us all together clearly hoping that we can be a family today. I think it's very selfish of my ex to subject my daughter to this. My ex says that she only has him around while in 'group situations' and that she has thought very carefully about how she's moving forward and that our daughter is our number one priority.

I believe she is a very loving mother but I question her ability to provide for our daughter considering half of her bills are still paid by her step dad and she still just works as a part time server and is terrible with money. She has a habit of driving people away and now her only friends are mostly bar staff that are 10 years younger then her. She's always gotten extremely defensive when criticized a out anything and has a habit of spinning everything around so it's someone else's fault. I feel like I don't even know her anymore and have no desire to communicate with her on a human level at all.

We had a big blow out through text tonight where I asked if she would give me her new boyfriends number if she plans on having my daughter around him. She basically refused and said she would like me to meet him but only if it's in person and she is there. Obviously she wants to control the narrative and I doubt he understands how messy this situation truly is. The last thing I want to do is meet this guy. The only reason I want to talk to him is to tell him that I'm not comfortable with him around my daughter and that he should tread carefully cause he has no idea what he's getting into.

I'm at a loss. This situation is harder than anything I thought I would ever have to deal with in my life. I know this is only one side of the story and I know I could have been better when it meant something. But it all just feels like cruel and unusual punishment for me. Just interested in hearing outside perspectives on the situation. If anyone has gone through anything similar I'd greatly appreciate some feedback on coping strategies/ how to move on with life during crazy times like these.

Thanks in advance ✌️

How can I prevent this? I understand it’s not always preventable, but he hasn’t brought up any concerns to me. We’ve been dating for two and a half years, and it’s been the best relationship i’ve ever had. Anytime i prod and ask how we are or if he’s still in love with me, it’s always a positive and reassuring response. I saw a text message on his phone where his friend asked how our relationship was and he replied “no comment.” I’ve seen other things pointing towards this, but there’s been no change in how we are as a couple. I do a lot for him because I care so much about him, and because I thought we were building a life together. The past few months i’ve been working on becoming healthier and trying to be better overall. Just wondering if anyone’s been through something like this or if anyone has any words of encouragement. This might be the hardest thing i’ve ever had to consider happening. My plan is to ask him tonight for a relationship check in and see where that goes. I understand that might be the extent of what I can do but open to any thoughts.

We’ve been in a relationship for about 1 month now known her for a while, she’s going to earn way more than me in 10 years time as she’s becoming a Dr soon (I’ll be so proud of her)

Given that I don’t have a degree, due to helping out my family when they needed me, I do not know what my earnings will look like in 10 years time.

I want to give her the life she wants but I’m afraid I won’t be able to, and I love her so much that I don’t want her to spend the rest of her life with someone like me that will be able to provide the basics but not anything more unless I miraculously make more money.

Has someone been in a similar situation and could advise me as in what to do?

It's just like the title states and here is the context:

We first met in mid-May at a meet and greet event at a local bar. My personal goal was to make more friends since I am quite introverted and have a very hard time making friends to begin with. Most of the friends I have now are from elementary school or from high school. Because of this I have a hard time getting into a zone were the person is not a lifelong friend, but also not a complete stranger I'm trying to have a conversation with. The hard part for me is all my friends are guys so I'm not sure where the line is in terms of what's appropriate with talking to a woman and what's not appropriate when it comes to interacting with woman.

To be honest I wasn't expecting meeting a lot of people my age since I saw a lot of elderly at first, but throughout that night I did meet her we'll call her Sarah. Sarah and I started talking and for the first time in a long time it felt like I could just talk to somebody without feeling any pressure. What I mean by pressure is afraid of saying the wrong things and them being uncomfortable, so the conversation stops. Usually making them leave and never talking to him again. While conversations did stop once in a while it wasn't Because of what I said, I just ran out of things to say lol.

At the end of the night she need to leave to take care of her Kitty. And I asked her for her discord so we could perhaps play some games together and hanging out again. (Note there was a second guy that we talked to during that time and we did get his information however we just never talked to him again he just stopped replying)

We talked on discord for a bit, before I asked Sarah if she wanted to hang out at a local arcade/bar. At this point we've been talking for about two months, she replied “I'm down as long as this is a platonic invitation lol”. I personally had a lot of fun while the conversation did die once in a while it wasn't as bad as the first time. We ate together at the bar and went to the basement to play the arcade games. I had such a blast hanging out with her when we were playing the arcade games classic and new. After we left to go to our homes.  I did apologize for not walking into her car cause I didn't know if I was supposed to do that or not.

We have been talking since on discord on and off she is a much more busier life than I do, but I tried to send memes and stuff to keep conversations going and last week we played Mario Kart 8 on the switch which she annihilated me at lol.

The thing is though I can't tell where we are in terms of our relationship. I want to believe that she thinks of us as friends and not associates but I can't tell. My big problem is I overcomplicate things in my head. Especially that she is a woman, I don't know certain etiquettes I should treat her, whether if I should treat her differently or not, whether she be offended if I do trat her different or not. This is just a lot that goes through my head when I think of this. I don't want to overstep and freak her out and lose her, but I also want to see if perhaps we can have a stronger relationship(Not FWB).

So I'm asking here since I'm not sure exactly I where to go and I want inputs from people that I don't know as a neutral party give or take. SHould I just go for it?

My boyfriend (18) and I (17) have been together almost 6 months, so clearly not crazy long, but I still want to make it work, obviously. We don't have many issues other than stuff he kind of repeatedly does, and I need to know if I'm maybe expecting too much or need to change anything.

To start off strong, he seems to be a little insensitive, if thats the right wording. I, unfortunately, had my dog get hit by a car back in April and not survive, he was the first one I told as we had started getting close again and I kind of disappeared from the conversation with no explanation when I found out, and I didn't want to just lie. I don't expect him to remember everything, but he finally asked me out exactly a month after she died, which I felt was a little odd, especially after I had mentioned it had been a month earlier that day. Regardless I said yes, but the issue is that he repeatedly makes jokes about throwing his own dog into traffic. He heavily dislikes the dog he has since his family got him right after his old dog had died, and he isn't trained at all so from what I've heard he's pretty frustrating. The first time he made that joke was about 2 months after my dog's death, I asked him not to say that, and he apologized and said he wouldn't, yet he's said it maybe just under 10 more times since then and I gave up asking him not to after the 4th time. Two days ago he just did not seem to care when I brought up it being a year since my horse died, as he just changed the conversation when I said that's the reason I might be off, which okay, I get if he's not comfortable with me bringing it up, but I'd rather he communicate that than completely disregard it. I don't expect him to turn into a therapist and say everything perfectly when I mention the two animals but I also don't wanna be ignored. I've genuinely never dealt with death until the horse and ever since then that's all I think about with everyone and my animals. I've also asked him to stop making child abuse and rape jokes, for obvious reasons. He rarely makes them but he does it often enough that I keep thinking about them. Not to mention him asking for nudes (which I refuse to do) and randomly making sexual jokes. I'm not prissy, but I'm not one to just want to hear sex jokes constantly, especially with what I've experienced that I've told him about.

He also has a tendency to forget stuff. I know that's not his fault, he doesn't choose to forget stuff, but it bothers me when it's stuff important to me or stuff that I've explained/talked about multiple times. I understand that not everyone thinks like me, but I can argue that I make the effort to remember stuff someone says, especially if they seem to mention it a ton. When I got the dog that's now gone, we also got a cat with her. The cat unfortunately kept getting let outside (which I disagreed with and tried to stop from happening) and she didn't come back one day. I was questioning him and I asked if he remembered which cat I got with my dog. He named the two cats I have now (one of which I got while we were actively talking) and the cat that belongs to my grandpa before I told him the answer. The car that my grandma and I basically shared was called Teebu, I was the main one that used that name for it, and I used it nearly every time I mentioned the car. 8 times out of 10 he'd ask "who" Teebu was. This seems so childish to complain about but how can you say you love someone but not care to try and remember stuff important to them? My memory sucks too, so I started writing down anything he told me in my notes so I wouldn't forget anything and I suggested he do the same a few times but he dismisses it and just apologizes, so I dropped it and have just started replying to another message I sent before explaining something if hes asked about it more than maybe twice. He also forgot the horse's name. I said it and he was confused until I sent a photo. I talk about all of my animals a ton, I love them, yet he forgets a ton of their names, and even forgets about them. I could tell you the name and breed of a hamster he mentioned once that his mom had 10 years ago but he can't remember animals that I really love and it hurts a bit.

Last main thing I think, he copies me a lot. Obviously I don't own any of these behaviors or words or anything, but I don't want someone just copying all that I do. When we first started talking I used mostly "🥹, 🥹💔" religiously. Clearly not my original ideas as I kind of took it from tiktok lol, but then he started doing it. He didn't use emojis at all and talked completely differently before we got closer. It was kind of cute at first but its just annoying now. I used to use "🩵" in place of the usual read heart and he started using the green one. I started using "⁉️‼️❓️❗️" in replace of "?, !" And he started doing it too. Then I switched to "❕️❔️" so we could at least be somewhat different, he started using those ones too. I started saying "yippee" in place of "yay", he started doing it too. Again, I don't think I own these things and I'm not the only one ever allowed to do it, but doing it on your own is much different from seeing someone else do it and copying it. There's small things I do that I haven't seen many people do and I like that I can have unique quirks, and he'll start to do them too. I had brought up him doing it and how it made me feel, but he hasn't stopped so I didn't bring it up again. I have heard that copying someone is common when people like each other and its fine until its everything imo.

This all probably seems very stupid I know. I'm obviously not perfect myself, but when he says he doesn't like something, I stop. I'll slip up sometimes and call him bro but I'll edit it and apologize when I do. I'm so tired of him saying sorry instead of just genuinely working on changing it. I clearly don't want him to completely change I just want him to see where I'm coming from, as small things add up.

Please don't be mean lol, I want to know if there's anything I need to do better or change, and if I'm right or wrong about my complaints. I don't think I'm asking too much but I might be wrong. We're young I know but I'm not just gonna ditch him over stuff instead of trying to fix it. Sorry about anything being badly written, I'm tired

Hi everyone, I am writing this because I really don't know what to do right now, I have a feeling that this will be a pretty long post, so grab your popcorn. For context, I (21 F) and my boyfriend (21 M) have been dating for just over a year, but we have known eachother since we were about 15 years old. Like any relationship there has been ups and downs, disagreements, but nothing major, I love him very much and at this stage in our relationship had finally, and completely let my guard down, loving how comfortable he made me feel.

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This morning I opened my boyfriends phone to check what time his alarm was set for. As I did this I accidentally clicked on a Reddit notification that he had received, the notification itself was fine, it was just for a game he likes to play, I'm not sure what came over me but for some reason I decided to snoop a little bit and look through his history on Reddit, which is not usual for me and it was the first time I'd ever looked through anything on his phone (we both use eachothers phones quite often and nothing has ever popped up to make me suspicious).

Immediately I was met with post after post of pornography, I scrolled through it all for about 5 minutes until I reached the end, they were all captioned with something similar to "skinny girl gets pounded". This made my heart race and instantly I felt nauseous, prompting me to have a break and throw up in the bathroom before I could even make it to the end of the list of videos. By this point there was still about 30 minutes before his alarm was due to go off so I decided to think about what I was going to say when he woke up.

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Reading through all the captions and seeing the girls in the videos made me feel like shit to be honest, my boyfriend and I are both decently tall hes 6'1 and im 5'10 however I am about 100kg (30ish kgs heavier than him) so i am by no means "skinny" or small. All my life ive been self concious of both my height and my weight, I have tried dieting and exercise however nothing seems to have worked very well, I suspect possibly a hormone issue although I have no formal diagnosis. My boyfriend is aware of these insecurities and has always been supportive and loving, and has never made me feel bad about being a bit bigger.

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At the beginning of our relationship he did admit very early that he has struggled with porn for years, I didn't judge him for it because I know many guys also struggle with it, I did however make him aware of my opinions on it, and that I would find him watching porn behind my back extremely disrespectful. I told him that we could work through it together and that I know its not going to be easy to break the habit. I was right the habit wasnt easy to break but he made really good progress once we started taking pictures of myself and him while we had sex. He eventually told me that he hadnt watched porn since and had been using the pictures we took instead. This made me feel alot better, I had no reason not to trust him, I had even seen convos between him and his friends about how none of them watch porn anymore and they all feel so much better without it. Until this morning I 100% trusted him.

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After his alarm had gone off I wasted no time asking him when he had last looked at porn, he said he didnt know, I then handed him his phone with the Reddit history already open. I asked why we was watching it and for how long hed been watching it behind my back. After talking about it and many tears from myself, he had told me that hed only started watching it again within the past couple weeks, maybe once or twice a week. He said that since Id started my new job just over a month ago, he had been quite lonely (I have been working 10 hour shifts, 8/9 days a fortnight, with little to no phone usage during the shifts) I understand that they are long work days and that ive got to be in bed pretty early to be up in the mornings, but we were still spending time together and having sex a couple times a week, so its not like I had completed abandoned him. My favourite part of each day was actually coming home and being able to finally send time with him.

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It really hurt when he said that he stopped using the pictures and videos we had taken because "they had gotten boring, its all the same. I suggested taking some more or doing something different, it also made my insecurities come back, seeing him specifically search for "skinny" girls.

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To wrap up this post, I just want to ask for some advice, he has apologised and said he wants to work through it if id be willing to, neither of us want to break up, hes said hes very sorry and fully understands how devastated and hurt I am. He admits he messed up and has even gone as far as downloading an app lock, that only I know the passcode to, meaning he wouldnt be physically able to access Reddit, Twitter (X), Threads, or Brave. For now I have agreed to try and work things out and will by trying the app lock, even though I feel like I shouldn't even have to consider using that amount of control over him. Thank you guys in advance, id be happy to reply or edit this with more info as needed. ❤️🙏

I wanted to ask what are the normal pros and cons you should expect in a healthy relationship?

ALSO

What are signs that I should be leaving as-well?

I only ask this, because I’m reconsidering our relationship and I’m afraid to leave him because we have been together for 5 years but I don’t know if I wanna stay or leave.

Me and my boyfriend have known each other since 2019 and been together for the past two years. We met online and are long distance, having met only a handful of times. We are also each others first everything. The first time I met him it was instant sparks we had an amazing couple of days with intense tension, spent the night together watching movies (more so talking and cuddling) and it was overall one of the best times of my life. After a couple times of meeting he eventually asked me out and things were genuinely magically. It’s like he knew my soul inside out, he knew things I like and dislike even if I never told him, he did things just to make me smile, he’s send me care packages and flowers, we’d ft everyday and talk for hours and hours. But things started changing last year. I was in my last year of college and wanted to be more social as I realized I had spend all four years of college shut in, so i started joined clubs and making friends and hanging out more. This did not sit right with him at all. He’d always get upset every time I went out and pick a fight with me for random things, always asking for proof of where I am, who I am with, what I am doing, and if I didn’t provide proof he’d start accusing me of lying and being with men (little background: I have never cheated on him and he’s never been cheated on by anyone else considering I am his first girlfriend).

Towards the end of my senior year I went to a house party (something I had never done before) and he started berating me about how I am going out to seek validation from men and getting drunk and what not (I don’t drink, I went with my girl friends and was constantly updating him throughout the night).

Another time he got upset at me for using slang words that he didn’t know and I haven’t used with him before because he thought I learned it from a guy..(I do not talk to any other guys).

He is also pretty strict about having to know everything about my day, minute to minute. For example: if I say I am going somewhere that takes 30 mins and I end up taking 40 because I was on my phone before driving or I was on my phone after and didn’t text him or if I stopped otw to get something, he always had a hard time believing me when I tell him that I wasn’t doing anything suspicious

Other than the accusations, I just sometimes feel so hurt that he would think so lowly of me, like he doesn’t know me at all and it’s very disheartening.

I just feel so conflicted; on one hand I love him so much and I know for a fact that he loves me too. I know he can make me so so happy he’s such an amazing person and partner if it’s just not for a couple of things that he says he’ll change but he never does. I want to be with him more than anything, I imagined my entire future with him but I just don’t know if I want to live a life where I am constantly paranoid that he’s gonna misconstrue something I said or did or defending myself or feeling monitored instead of cared.

sorry for the long post/rant but Id appreciate any
advice on how I can get him to be better for me or if I should give him.

TDLR: Thinking about ending things with my bf of 2 years because I think long distance is creating too many jealousy and paranoia issues for him that are causing a lot of stress and anxiety and unhappiness for the both of us.

P.S: He really is an amazing amazing and loving person, I know he cares and loves me so deeply and I him. Please take into account that all of this is biased towards me so I welcome any clarifying questions that would help you give better advice.

I (19M) and my girlfriend (18F) have been together for almost 6 months now. She’s a lovely and sweet girl, and I adore her a lot. But I feel like our sex life is something I have to force upon myself. She wants to do it almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day. Of course I find it awesome that she finds me sexually attractive, but sometimes it feels like that’s my only purpose. And honestly, I’m not really in the mood 80% of the time. Not because I don’t find her attractive - I find her very attractive. At the beginning it was fine, but now it just feels more like I’m putting on a performance. I say no to her a lot when I’m not feeling it, and she often wants to do it after an argument, which is the worst time for me personally because arguments really affect me. But when I tell her no, she begs and begs even though I keep saying no. If I stand my ground, I end up getting the silent treatment or getting told I’m useless or boring - or threatened that she’ll go find it somewhere else. This hurts me a lot. I’ve told her that I often feel forced and that I don’t want to do it most of the time. She replies, “Well, you fold anyway.” Which is true, because I know what happens if I don’t. And I don’t want her to get mad at me. How do I handle this situation?

He convinced me that I should feel bad about myself for having a sugar daddy. He told me if I did that I should be supporting my man if he’s down. He said he needed money for a life or death situation. And that he was going to pay me back. I stupidly gave it to him. And he used the money towards something that I can’t speak of. For some stupid reason, I thought that being with someone romantically for years meant they were trustworthy. I hate myself and feel so dumb but I geneuinly did love him and was hoping he would be my husband someday. And before I continue, I feel the need to say Im not “ugly” or have no options, I may just be naive when it comes to being inlove. Long story short, he broke up with me every time I would panic and bring up my mistrust concerns to him because aparently I was “disrespectful”. Then eventually months later he sold the item and got the money back. He never went out of his way to tell me he had the money, I only found out because he was flexing a photo of it. Then one day, because I needed one last confirmation he was a liar, I sent a girl to message him. He fell for it and in their conversation he says how he is trying to working things out with me “his ex” but things arent working. And that he wanted to hang out with her once he fixed him car…. WITH MY MONEY. I know I shouldn’t have tested him like that, but regardless he broke up with me and blocked me as soon as the girl told him she wanted to hangout. I will probably not get that money back.

It hard not to be deceived because it’s not always all horrible times. Theres often really amazing times and if you add that , plus living together in my first apartment plus dating on and off for 6 years.

This little financial situation is only a snippet of all the mean things he’s done. I hate myself for not realizing sooner I was being deceived. And I hate that I was always genuine towards him, up until the end of course. I did so much for this man out of love and I just don’t know how people like this never seem to get their karma. Even now it’s hard to walk away because I feel such a huge loss in what I’ve invested. I feel so dumb knowing him and his friends were probably all sitting there laughing about me. Why does society not shame these kinds of people (grown men btw), and their actions. And instead society shames women for pursuing their love and seeing the good in people.

Hello, can I have an advice regarding with this one.

Is it still worth fighting for your relationship if you're both tired? But you're also afraid that at some point you'll leave your relationship. Is there still a chance for this relationship to be healthy?

19f never had a boyfriend and not even my first kiss and i really really want it to happen. i feel so behind and i’ve heard all of that “you’re on your own timeline” advice and “it’s not even worth it” but that frustrates me because i am such a romantic and my big dream is to find love. and it’s one thing if i has already experienced it before, but i haven’t and the anticipation is killing me. i just wanna know what it’s like. i’ve done everything i can think of- i’ve put myself out there and gone to events, i’ve asked guys out, confessed to my crushes, been on dating apps, etc etc. no guys seem to even look my way. i’m pretty and an amazing girl. i just don’t understand why no one else sees that: i feel hopeless that ill ever get lucky in love. what do i do?

Ill try to keep this short and sweet because I really dont know if this is something i need to worry about, but the situationship between me and my crush has been eating me up lately and with no one to talk to about it, I figured anonymously posting on reddit would help me out.
Ive(18F) been in love with this guy(19M) for about 3-4 years now, but have only really been friends up to this point. From what I can tell, the two of us have good chemistry together, but, I generally don’t have a lot of trust in my own judgment and have issues with overthinking. Due to this I can’t tell if he likes me as a person, based on the way he acts towards me. I really just wanted some insight on if his actions are signs of disinterest or if I’m seriously just overthinking.

One thing to note is that he has a tendency to stop responding to messages, basically forgetting to respond to me for days on end. I know he is busy as we’re both college students, but I see his status as online on the app we use, and I cant help but think he’s just ignoring me. He also barely reaches out to me first? Either I have to take initiative and DM him first, or wait until he responds or messages me, which can take a couple days to a week or two. Because of this, we sparingly talk and hang out only occasionally.

Because I’m usually the one who has to continue a conversation, I’m scared I’ll begin to come off as a desperate person who seriously just cant take the hint that he’s uninterested, and that he only interacts with me because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. Aside from my crush on him, I generally enjoy our friendship , but find it hard to talk about how we feel about each other for the sake of not having an awkward conversation. Like I said before, from my perspective we have a solid friendship, and when we actually do hang out, we have a lot of fun together. I haven’t seen any signs of him actually being mean to me or making excuses as to not hang out with me, but it’s mostly the lack of communication that bothers me. Does this sound like he doesn’t like me, just generally as a person?

I hope this post makes sense i wrote this at 3 am sorry

Hi! So me (20F) and ex (NB21) broke up about a week and a half ago. The reason is because they feel that they might not be sexually attracted to women, there was no big fight or disagreement or really any falling out at all. This is why I'm not incredibly heartbroken over the breakup and initially said yes to being friends when they asked me to. However, we hung out for the first time as friends yesterday and I found it made me quite sad. I realized that, even though I do not have romantic feelings for them anymore, I haven't really gotten over the emotional pain that our relationship caused me. However, they are very interested in a friendship, even expressing the desire to become BEST friends. I'm not completely opposed to that, and I would even like to be close with them in the future! I just feel as if they're moving on weirdly too fast and my emotions are getting played with as a result. Feels kinda bad man :(

Do I express my feelings and tell them this? I was just thinking something along the lines of "hey, sorry if i seemed sad or rude yesterday. i think i'm a little more hurt than i initially realized and i need a little more time to process those feelings before becoming close again." Or... do I just let silence do the talking? Do they even deserve this explanation?? Should I say how I feel, or should I just be 'chill' and not say anything? Honestly I'm very confused on how to proceed with this situation as I am inevitably going to see them this upcoming weekend in a group setting. Any advice is greatly appreciated :)