I honestly feel like the worst part about being alone is that fact that I have always told myself that it would happen eventually. It was never a question of IF it would happen just WHEN.

Now I am starting to realize that love is not just a given for everyone and that I shouldn’t feel entitled to thinking it will automatically happen just because it happens to other people. But how do I get over that hope? I feel like if I finally gave up that hope, that would give me space to find other interests and allow those interests to fill the void, and that emptiness. Not just in a romantic sense, but also giving up hope of finding true friends as well. I just want to accept that my destiny is to be a loner and only have fleeting interactions.

Also I have used maladaptive daydreaming as an outlet to feel those feeling you get in relationships but it only leaves me sadder that it won’t happen for me. So I also want to stop daydreaming as well.

Im in the place that people describe as the easiest place in the world to hook up, find relationships and grow as people.

People party every week, make memories for life and live real life movies

Almost no people graduate without atleast a solid friend group and a couple of romantic experiences

Then theres me who hasnt made a single friend in 4 years.

I can go a week without speaking a single word, just attend the lecture, drive home, eat, go for a walk and the spend the evening playing games

Im "only" 23 but im afraid i will never experience a romantic relationship

Sigh... yeah, you are not supposed to talk down on yourself like this as it just compounds the issue, but I need to vent again about how I don't have any energy to break out of my cycle. I know I'm not in a position to date and will likely never be. But I am still hurting because of immense loneliness and feel so selfish that I still want to at least once in my life want to be loved.

I'm getting mad that I can't stop hurting about my loneliness, that every day, every year passes in a blink and I'm getting older and older and love still feels like a completely alien concept to me. I want to experience it just once before I die... but then balk at the thought to burden someone with myself.

I hate my parents and my family. My father was never shy in expressing his disappointment in me for not being an athlete like him, but a scrawny nerd instead. And my extremely paranoid and fear-driven mother is responsible for all anxieties and I have to pretend it isn't so to avoid her getting a meltdown. When my father cheated on her and fled to his affair, he left my mother behind in a house she couldn't afford, causing her to move into my tiny two-room apartment I moved out to for university when I was 19. Now I'm 33 and she had pressured me into saving every cent I earned up until here to buy her a house where I am supposed to take care of her until she dies, making it clear that this is the only viable path and any other would mean I condemn her to homelessness. Every step of that path was accompanied by verbal abuse, with her kicking down on me all the time to vent her frustration at me being useless and not having been finished with all the renovation work yesterday. And yes, I get it, every time I vented about it on the internet, people were screaming at me to "just move out" and leave her behind. But I am a coward with zero privacy who had her hovering behind my shoulder every wake moment. I didn't see how I could possibly do the house hunting and paperwork behind her back without it blowing up and her retaliating, because she is also an extremely vengeful person. Yes, I'm a coward, I'm a doormat... and the crushing hopelessness about my situation wasn't helping either.

The thing is... I... know I am too old and broken socially by now. I never had friends ever. In school I was bullied from 3rd grade onward, and university was overshadowed by my mother's six-years divorce-battle, coming home everyday to her crying and accusing me of not giving enough of a shit about her. I started out behind in my social skills, but it was then I developed full-blown social anxiety as I was so ashamed of my nightmarish home situation and couldn't really interact with people beyond the surface-level because of it. I know if anyone knew what I was going through, they'd instantly ditch me, because nobody wants to be around with someone who has issues, with someone who might drag them down in a moment of depression, who can't just lift them up. And so... I retreated...

And now I'm fucking 33. Time is rushing past me. I missed all the milestones of a normal life. When I was 19, I was thinking this is temporary, my mother would move out once things have been worked out. I thought to just pause working on my social life until I have the freedom to do so. 14 years later, that day never happened. I fought tooth and nails that it's a two-family home, so now I have my own door I can close and am not exposed to her all the time for the first time in my life. But does it matter? She still lives upstairs? She still judges me every time I leave the house unannounced. She still expects me to drop everything and help her with every little thing. I don't want to bring anyone into this situation. I don't want to make anyone miserable, particularly someone I would care about. And yet I want to make someone happy who makes me feel good about myself. I feel like I need someone to give me hope that I'm not utterly unlikable, that I am not completely worthless and that fighting for them and by extension myself could be worth it.

... but then I would expose such a person to... myself and my situation. I can't do that. I can never do that. And that breaks me. I'm torn between this absurdly selfish wish and the knowledge of how I'm a useless coward who could only disappoint. And this is what drives me insane these days.

My birthday is coming up and I haven’t done anything in so long I can’t even remember. I don’t really care but this year I’m just using it as an excuse to maybe treat myself to a movie(probably the new clayface movie) and pigging out on something sweet for the day since I have a massive sweet tooth. Being out and about might help me not think so much about how I’ll never get to share something like this with a SO. No romance, no hookup, no friends to spend it with. One upside is seeing a movie alone won’t be awkward for me since I always go alone but anything else I might get anxious and nervous alone. Essentially it’s just another day or that’s how it’s always felt to me.

Hi, well halloween is approaching and i am starting to get depressed as fuck for the incoming holidays and new years eve and january and saint valentine and the idea of spending them alone or aguing with my family or getting excluded.....what about you guys and tips or advice is welcomed.

I am depressed and in a bad mood, I spent so many new years eve alone watching fireworks while couple kiss o group of friends hang out....

I let them lie and manipulate me cause I want to believe so badly that someone in this world actually wants and likes me. They pretend then they throw me away like garbage and it makes me feel so awful inside.

I've been thinking of talking with a psychologist/ psychiatrist for a while now. I'm 25M and I've never had a romantic/sexual experience. I didn't even have friends till 2 years ago, when I somehow managed to make a bunch of friends (tbh I think I got lucky). But for a couple of months I've began to feel "sick".

I feel my life is being drained from me. I hate my body, because of health problems and I've come to believe I'll never have a romantic and sex life. I'm not suicidal, but I don't feel like I'm living life. I'm just like a plant, surviving. I try to work on making life better, but it feels like a lost battle and I stay awake at night thinking of how everything I do is futile. I can't change my life.

So, has talking with a therapist improved your mental health? I don't expect a therapist to teach me how to get a girlfriend, but it'd be nice to at least be able to fall asleep without feeling like a total failure every night.

This isn’t an angry rant or even a bitter one but a self realization. Unless I change myself and stop being shy or scared or whatever else is wrong inside me this is my life for the foreseeable future. Barely having any if I can even call them that, friends. No love life cause for some reason romance and love are hard for me to grasp and even hold onto. Not being able to trust or not drive the people I care for or even love away. No sex life cause I look unappealing or people see me as pitiful or even a red flag given my past actions of causing harm to myself and the scarring is always there as a reminder. I get attached easily to those that show me an ounce of kindness and I feel like I’m annoying to them or worse they use that against me… I know what my future looks like and I know who’s fault it is. I think I just need to let it settle in and when it does maybe it won’t plague my mind so often.

Like i get it, your proud of your family member being a normie, now fuck off out of my algorithm

Because that's pretty much a fact at this point. I have been on dating apps for years at this point and the only people who ever liked my profile were visa scammers. I go outside and I get absolutely zero interest from women, which is hardly surprising given my looks. Even if I did try to talk to someone, my autistic accent would mark me out.

I just wish I could accept this, move on, and try my best to live a somewhat meaningful life even without romance. But no, between my brother always going out with his girlfriend, between my co-workers all being in relationships, and seeing couples going out, it is impossible for me not to feel envious about it. I'm 24M and I feel there's little point in trying because all my attempts, from going to the gym to styling myself, has led me absolutely nowhere.

Dating, relationships and sex are the main themes of pretty much any sitcom. I always felt like sitcoms are not for us loners since they treat themes that are not familiar to us. They also most of the time represent virgin and lonely characters in a denigrating way.

That said, I am a big fan of the show Seinfeld. Even though dating and relationships are very common themes in the show, I really love it. However, I also started watching Friends lately but I really didn't like the show so far. I find the jokes very simple and predictable even though everyone I know in real life is a huge fan of the show. I am starting to think maybe I can't relate with the jokes since I am almost a 30 year old who is a virgin.

What do you guys think about sitcoms? Do you watch them?

I’m starting a new job that was advertised as hybrid, and one of the things I was hoping for was the opportunity to get out of the house, meet people and potentially make some friends along the way.

During conversations with my boss, though, I found out that nobody actually comes into the office. It’s technically hybrid, but in practice everyone works remotely. My boss even warned me that the previous guy quit partly because there were no opportunities to socialise. I don’t really know what to make of that, but it’s genuinely getting me down.

I’m a man in my 30s and I’ve never had a girlfriend or really experienced dating. I’ve spent years trying to improve myself, going to the gym, trying different hobbies and social activities, volunteering and generally trying to put myself out there. I’m not someone who just sits at home expecting a relationship to magically happen, but despite all that, I’ve never really managed to build the kind of social life I want. I think part of me was hoping this new job might give me another opportunity to meet people naturally. Not necessarily to find a partner at work, but just to have more regular contact with other people and perhaps make some friends. Now I’m worried that I’ll be spending most of my working life alone at home, with very few opportunities to meet anyone new.

I know it’s not my employer’s responsibility to provide me with a social life, and I appreciate that plenty of people work remotely and have fulfilling lives. But when you’re already struggling with loneliness, finding out that even your workplace offers practically no social interaction feels pretty bleak.

For those of you who have been in a similar position, how have you managed to build a social life outside work, particularly when your job gives you very little opportunity to interact with people? And for those who have been in their 30s or older without much dating experience, is there a realistic way to turn things around when you feel like you’ve already spent years trying?

I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, but at the moment I’m struggling to see how things are going to change.

I've spent most of my life alone. I have no friends, never had a partner. I live in a poor country with no public spaces or opportunities. So I spend most of my time indoors because where would I even go? Dating apps are a humiliation ritual and most people always blame it on you.

This feeling is lifelong. I remember fantasizing with having a partner everyday for who knows how many years.
What it would be like for someone to want to spent time with you, hug you, appreciate you. I can't even imagine what it would be like. Which is why dreaming about it is as close as I'll get to experiencing it.

Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for me to have dreams like that. I've only had one once. A few years ago, I dreamed about having my first kiss. It was a short dream, but I still remember it and how shocked I felt because she was the one to show interest first.

Even while dreaming, I could "feel" the kiss, but I still knew it was false. I knew it was just my brain trying its best to imagine what it must feel like. But it lacked "warmth", because I don't actually know what it feels like.

After all these years, I stayed the same. Never had another dream like that and I wish I could. Or at the very least, I wish I could imagine someone being here.

I sometimes see posts from FAs who are doing well in every other aspect of their lives (career, money, friends, etc.) but only have problems with dating.

Honestly i wish that was me too. I got rejected in the final interview at the hospital i really wanted, after spending two months in the process. I only got into a mediocre university hospital near my home, and since then, I’ve been rejected by every other hospital I’ve applied to.

It sucks that as an FA, I'm not going to find a partner or build a family in the future, so I wanted to at least feel accomplished in my career.

I think I used to be fixable... I have been many many years fixable... Many years where if somebody appeared, I would just gain instant strength and felt like I could deal with anything...

But now... With everything Im carrying. All this useless pain...

I wonder... Even if I found a partner right now if I could keep going anymore... I think maybe yes, who knows, but id take a lot of time to heal...

But... Who cares... Nobody wants me and Im going to be alone until my last breath...

Type 1: Neurotypical + Conventionally Attractive Looks = Easiest difficulty (but can still end up FA especially with issues such as trauma)

Type 2: Neurotypical + Average Looks = Standard Difficulty. Still very hard, but with enough social exposure and repeated attempts, most should succeed.

Type 3: Neurotypical + Conventionally Unattractive Looks = extremely difficult but with enough social exposure, eventually most neurotypicals statistically find love and date anyways

Type 4: Autistic/Neurodivergent + Conventionally Attractive Looks = Difficult but made easier with the pretty looks (though this can heavily depend as I've heard many stories from attractive autistics about how their pretty looks attracts potential partners very well but they fail to hold on to them once they smell the autism).

Type 5: Autistic/Neurodivergent + Average Looks = Nightmare difficulty mode

Type 6: Autistic/Neurodivergent + Conventionally Unattractive Looks = Extreme Nightmare difficulty Mode (and in my opinion the people most likely to end up on this sub alongside type 5). Take me for example: 5'5, balding, autistic and indian (race with least dating market appeal due to racism and racial biases).

Now a special note for us type 5 and 6 folk (and to an extent, type 4s):
The key for us type 5 and 6 (and type 4) is to never allow ourselves to fall into the maladaptive daydreaming loops. My psychiatrist explained to me how many autistics who grow up without pretty privilege are so horribly treated that we use maladaptive daydreaming as a cope to meet our needs which is extremely dangerous as it prevents us from learning the necessary social skills to not only date, but to survive in the world in general. I know it seems hard but trust me, in the future, you will feel far more happpy with yourself that you actually tried in the past. Bare minimum, as autistics, we must ensure first that our financial situation is stable (which in itself is a bare minimum dating requirement anyways) as that will alleviate alot of our worries. Get a job in your special interest IF YOU CAN. Ensure that you engage with your special interests in your spare time. First step in dating is to learn how to make FRIENDS with the opposite gender (or whoever you are interested in). Get into therapy and social skills training. I know how insanely cllche this sounds but wiht enough hard work, it will pay off. That is our skills as autistics. Obsession. Lol.

I went on a 3rd date with a woman this year I got from an app. I'm a 21 year old autistic man that was diagnosed at 3. We met on tinder. But anyway we went for coffee and she was basically 30 minutes in I asked if I was neurodivergent even though I was trying hard to mask. We then spent more time together for like an hour or so but we didn't even get to PDA like I did with the other 2 (which also went nowhere).

I hate being born this way. Why could I not be normal. I don't like my looks at all as well but if given the choice of gaining 3 inches of height or becoming not autistic I would definitely choose to get rid of the disability. Because every time I get in the door it sabotages that.

21,I feel really bad whenever Holi, Janmashtami, Dussehra, Durga Puja, Diwali, Christmas, or New Year or any other festival comes around.

It feels like everyone is out enjoying these occasions with their friends, going places, celebrating, making memories, and having someone to spend the day with, while I'm just sitting here alone.

I'm 21 years old, and I still haven't even gone out once in my life to watch a Dussehra Ravan burning. It sounds like such a small thing, but it genuinely hurts because I've always wanted to experience these things with someone.

No matter which festival it is, instead of feeling happy or excited, my mood gets worse. Festivals seem to remind me of how alone I am and how much of these experiences I've missed.

I don't know if you call me a prison inmate but maybe I am. I'm so horny but no woman wants to be with me. I just want the physical sensation of sex and if its a guy then maybe that's what it has to be. Im by no means attracted to men but I need some kind of touch sexually. My mind is definitely playing tricks on me, thats how sad and desperate I am.

after school and college most mediocre-average men can get a relationship if they genuinely put enough effort in, yet these relationships will always be preconditioned on keeping up appearances, finances, social status, or straight up manipulation. You will always be insecure and never experience unconditional love.

She said she'd love to go look at the stars with me and get ice cream this week.. we talked for a bit.. then she left on me on delivered for 2 days then unadded me. I can try my best but no girl will ever be with me

There can be some leeway if you're attractive and autistic, if people can overlook actual crimes cause someone is 'hot' them you can definitely find a partner if you're hot and autistic.

But if you're ugly and autistic, women don't give you the time of day. No matches, and if so you'll automatically find yourself unmatched. Or ghosted/stood up because they find your behavior 'offputting' even though you're not creepy nor rude to them. Nobody makes eye contact with you.

I wish I wasn't autistic, I wish I could rizz women up but I don't have that in me. They always want me to shut up, even the two girls I did date. Both cheated, with one financially abusing me and I took it cause I liked having attention of the female variety, only left after she cheated :/

And since then nobody has looked my way, it's been months! I keep getting guys trying to get me to switch teams, but I know guys aren't picky. I know when they're desperate they'll chase after anything, I'm just an ugly dude that no woman will ever want to settle down and raise a family with. Because my looks and behavior are so offputting

I think that's not an exaggeration because next thing. Asociality means having critically low level of charisma, soft-skills, "animal" charm, pushfulness and conformism. Without that traits you will be invisible, even if you have an almost perfect health, smart brain, good looks or a lot of money. And this invisibility destroys almost everything in life - school days, growing up, all types of relationships, career opportunities, and sometimes even civil rights. When you talk to somebody about your problems, they give you a toxic positivity examples alike Nick Vujicic. "Look at him! He hasn't hands and legs, and achieved success! And you just keep on whining!" - they said. But completely ignoring the fact, that he has incredibly good social skills, which are for the most part a consequence of genetics, raising and habitation. And many of another, asocial disabled persons, are rotting in dereliction. One more thing - social services in developed states is almost worthless for a helping with the problems of asocial people. Only empty words or canned responses. They only serve those, who fit the "norm".