So me and my wife want to buy this lovely home we found outside of the current city we live in, it would be 45 minutes from my parents and an hour from hers. My mom is absolutely devastated we want to buy a home where it is and her mom is equally upset with our choice in location, it’s much cooler, quiet, and has almost 2 acres of land.

Another issue with my side of the family is: my mom and dad are looking at properties an hour an half away from their current home and think that we should buy something out there, problem is.. our budget of 300K in that area is small manufactured homes OR it’s very small homes (1300sqf) for my wife and 2 kids.

My issue with manufactured is they almost never have a garage, and we need space for my work tools, motorcycles and general garage things.

I have this feeling like we need to just take the plunge and show them we’ll still see them weekly if not multiple times a week still..

This might be long I'm going to try and keep it as simple as possible.

I(24f) have only ever lived with my mom(58) and my brother(30). My mom became a single mother after my dad left when I was 7. 4 years ago I met my now fiancé(24m), whom I live with now. Everything was great to start out with until we started to get more serious. The upset began last year when we went out of the country on vacation with his family. The news of the vacation plunged my mom into a deep depression[putting curtains over her windows and not speaking to anyone], her thought process being that I was going to get kidnapped and die and that my fiancés[then just bf] family was trying to take me from her. Side note, we went to an all inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic and the resort keeps track of what your excursions are and yes his family loves me but I'm not being pulled to "their side" because there are no sides.

Flash forward to now we got engaged 7 mo. ago [which my mom spoiled by telling me and sobbing abt his intention to propose] and bought a house 3 mo. ago. This is where things got really rough. I told my mom when we were thinking about buying it, she then lied and said my fiancé had broken a promise to her because he said we would wait 3 yrs. to move in together until we were married, and that he wouldn't move me out to the county where his family lives. No one ever said that, we both told her separately that our outline moving forward was getting engaged, living together, getting married, and waiting three yrs. after marriage to have a baby. He had promised her he wouldn't take me more than 30 minutes away, we are 15 min. from my moms house. So, in telling my mom about this it started this cycle of her being fine and supportive, then flipping to warning me and insinuating I'm being taken away from her. Our house is much closer to his parents than my mom, but that wasn't intentional, we walked in and loved it instantly, it also takes my 50 min drive to work down to 30 min, which is amazing.

This all leads us to the actual day I moved in. I had been bringing stuff slowly bc. me and my mom only have cars and don't know anyone who could lend us a bigger vehicle. My fiances family gave us a bunch of furniture they wanted to get rid of, saving us THOUSANDS of dollars. I had let my mom know in the months and weeks leading up to the day I moved that they gave us a lot, its not permanent furniture or new/ fancy but I love it for the time being. We get my stuff in a couple car loads and as I'm showing her the house she breaks down crying exclaiming that I left her out of everything, how could I do this to her, we are in his parents backyard, she never wants to meet his mom, etc. After we got back to her house to get my cat, I walked in to her talking to my stepdad on the phone and I can hear him yelling abt. me. I end up sobbing and having a panic attack before leaving.

It's been a month since we moved in here and I love it, but the drama continues to drag on. I get texts from my stepdad asking me why I leave my mom out of things and to see her, do stuff with her, talk to her[all the while I'm continuously having to text her first and initiate the only contact between us and she wont come to my house]. My mom and step dad are convinced I've done all this intentionally to hurt her, even going as far to ask a relator friend to look into records of who "ACTUALLY" owns our house[surprise it's us]. We had a plan that after I moved I would pick her up on Thursdays, we would pick up my niece, and come back to my house and spend time together. She won't come to my house, cancels every time I try.

I'm not at all equipped to handle this amount of family drama but have talked to my brother about all three of us having a family meeting. I understand I should've tried more to include her, but any time I'd talk abt. it she would cry and the convo went nowhere. I'm not mad at her or even my stepdad, I feel a massive amount of guilt, I miss her, but at the same time the reaction to this doesn't seem rational to what actually happened. I'm in a really bad headspace abt. all this and feel so much pressure to fix it. It's torn us a part and changed everything cause now my mom hates my fiance and his family. It has all gotten too complicated and I'm confused and overwhelmed.

I am a 35-year-old married woman. I have noticed that my father-in-law frequently stares at me in an intense and intimidating manner. He is 75 years old now. Whenever I appear confident, his prolonged staring makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and causes me to lose my confidence. However, when my husband is at home, my father-in-law behaves decently.

When the whole family sits together and talks, he closely watches my facial expressions and reactions. Sometimes, he repeatedly glares at me angrily, and at other times, I notice him looking me up and down with an angry expression that makes me feel intimidated.

He also speaks to me in a controlling manner, which makes me feel uncomfortable.

Whenever he looks at me this way, I become extremely frightened and start sweating.

Is this just my perception, or could there be something wrong with my father-in-law’s behavior?

What could be the reason for this behavior? I would be grateful if anyone who has experienced or understands this kind of behavior could share their thoughts and advice.

My husband passed away unexpectedly in 2021. We have two adult sons who had a very close, loving relationship with their paternal grandmother.

Their grandmother recently passed away. She had three children: my late husband and his two sisters.

My sons received a letter from probate with a handwritten note stating that no grandchildren were included in the will and that their grandmother's house was going to their two aunts.

My sons decided to obtain the actual will and probate documents themselves.

What they discovered was upsetting.

The 2024 will leaves the estate equally to the two surviving daughters. However, it also contains a backup provision specifically naming four grandchildren—the aunts' children—at 25% each if certain conditions are met.

My two sons are the only grandchildren not named.

When my sons questioned why their father's family had been excluded, their aunts explained that their grandfather had excluded the daughters from his own will, so their grandmother supposedly wanted to make things fair by leaving everything to them.

Here's what makes that explanation particularly strange to me: Their grandparents divorced approximately 50 years ago. They had been divorced for decades, yet we're being told that their grandmother's decision to exclude my husband's family was somehow connected to what her ex-husband did in his own will.

My husband and our sons had absolutely nothing to do with their grandfather's decisions.

My younger son confronted his aunts because he wanted honest, straightforward answers.

One aunt then told him that if both sisters died, the estate would have been divided equally among all six grandchildren.

He sent her a picture of the actual provision naming only four grandchildren at 25% each and accused her of lying.

Her response was, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

My son was furious. He told his aunts that his dad would be furious if he knew what was happening. He also questioned why his grandmother would intentionally name four grandchildren but exclude the other two.

I want to be clear: My sons aren't questioning whether their grandmother loved them. They know she did.

What is breaking my heart is watching my boys deal with this after already losing their dad. I don't care about the money. I care about how they're being treated by people who are supposed to be their family.

I know my younger son is angry, and maybe he's coming across harshly, but I also understand why. Every time he asks a question, he seems to get another explanation that doesn't make sense.

I don't expect anyone here to know what really happened. I guess I'm just wondering how other people would feel in this situation. Am I wrong for thinking the least their aunts could do is be honest with them? And at what point do you stop asking questions because you realize you may never get a straight answer?

I’m 21, recently turned 21 5 days ago, attend community college, can’t drive, and live with my two parents, while my younger brother is at a university. We live in a good house, lifestyle, and my parents have good income as software engineers. However, I am autistic, have management and independent issues, and often need my parents to monitor so I don’t go off task.

Today, I had a conflict with my father because he approached me saying that I need to change my behavior. Whenever he checks up on me, I have to comply with him and show everything I may be hiding. He doesn't respect my privacy and need to be left alone at certain times. I was waking up slowly like I always do and looking at my phone in the process. Last night in my dreams I was thinking about why I resent him. It didn’t end well. He got angrier the more I disobeyed him, ignored him, stayed silent from him, and didn’t do exactly as he says(Namely, returning my phone to his desk when I tossed it onto the couch once he started yelling at me to give it back. Even so, he demanded that I return it to his desk). Then I couldn’t contain my anger and resent anymore and shot back. What he did as usual was say that he didn’t deserve any bad behavior from me, he did nothing wrong, and that he deserves respect from me(but I heard parents owe their children nothing, is that right?). Victimizing himself and antagonizing me, and blaming me for challenging him. I feel like shit when I’m antagonized by him. Then he goes on and on about what he did for me(taking me to good and fun places, buying me food), that this is his house I live in. A frequent excuse he used today is to question what I have given back to the family. He also called me mentally ill, which I deflected back at him, and even told me that if I don’t want to see him, get out of his house. I may have no other option than to stay, but despite that I kinda want to because I am tired of living with him. He even called me a burden.

Along with this today, there are many reasons why I hate and resent him deep down. I just hate how he treats me regularly, expressing disdain with my bad habits, and anger when I don’t comply. Even mocking instead of praising me when I express that I want to do some good, at a certain time. In general, whenever I have struggles and conflicts online, he usually doesn’t comfort me, but berates me more, doesn’t understand me, and makes me feel worse instead of supporting me. He doesn’t know how scary and intimidating he really is. Yet despite that, whenever he talks in a stern tone, he later always says his tone was good and that was being nice.

I remember one time, even after having an argument with my mother, when she wanted to be left alone, he approached saying they needed to talk in the same sort of tune. At her breaking point, my mother screamed to be left alone, ran into their room, and began crying. At that moment, when I wanted to stand up for her, my dad said and brushed off the fact that she screamed and cried as something unreasonable, and even addressed that I wanted to protect her with slight mockery, anger, and disdain.

Another time, when I was emotionally unstable and crying because of my mom screaming at me, he then downplayed my emotions by saying that my suffering can't compare to theirs because of how high maintenance I am. Then said that I needed to be “lovable” and “adorable” to be loved or hugged. I then cried saying that he doesn’t know how I feel and how I suffer, only for him to berate me more, and tell me to “shut the fuck up”. After that, when I tried to talk to my mother after that, he then tried to make her stop listening and say to her that I’m “using her”, even though I just wanted to talk to her and for her to understand me.

Never once have I seen him apologize to me or my mother and take accountability about what he did and how I acted. He even threatened that he might kill me because I attacked my mother when I was angry at her for mocking me in a heated moment. That was the only time I ever saw him cry, after I hurt my mother out of anger. Whenever I cry, and am sad and have an outburst because of that, he calls it "drama", "showing off", and "looking to fight". He treats my emotions like a disease in the family. I have barely received and felt emotional affection, comfort, care, empathy, or sympathy from him, and he doesn’t respect me. He has never cried for me or even told how much he loves me. When I try to talk about that to him, he uses the excuse “it’s his style of parenting”, and that he can’t understand the emotional care and treatment I want. He even laughs at it a couple times.

Whenever I mention it to my mother, she just downplays his lack of emotional care, saying he’s good enough, that I need to forgive him, and that it’s hard to make him understand empathy. She also says he’s already near perfect because her father was worse, and that he cares for me. I doubt it. With how things go on, if I committed suicide or got lost, I doubt he would feel sad, care for me. I feel so expendable, replaceable to him, because he stops loving me the moment I object to him or disobey him. He only hates me when that happens. Yet, during some of these heated moments, my mother would get emotional and regret that she brought me into this family, and that I can testify to the court against my father. She was even unhappy with him for a certain period of time. When I bring those up, she downplays those too. My father even made my brother cry when he expressed doubt in him and that he didn’t like him and how he acted. He just demands obedience, compliance, and respect.

To anyone reading this, tell me, is this okay? Am I wrong for feeling this about my father? I feel like my life feels empty, lacks self esteem, and that I lack motivation to do good because I didn’t receive enough care. I feel alone and unloved. I feel like I act like this because of how my parents, most especially my father has treated me. Is that true? I think I don’t give back to the family because it’s just very hard for me to do so due to feeling this way. I usually just live my own life on the internet and contribute to chores whenever asked. Am I a bad son for doing so?

Whenever I doubt his love for me, he and my mom just use the excuse of the things he did for the family, transporting me to school, taking me to good places, and providing food. Is this love, despite the complete absence of empathy and emotional support? Am I supposed to force myself to accept and love him this way? Is that how love works? This love feels so empty, so hollow. To me, because of everything he did, that makes him a provider, but not a father. He may feed and give us good experiences, but no amount of them will fix or erase what he did, how he acted, and how he made me feel when I needed emotional support the most. The feeding and good experiences are ultimately just fleeting moments when it comes to my family’s relationship.

Is my father right or wrong for treating me and my family this way? Help me, I can’t go on like this forever, I think I’m going to snap and do something irreversible one day.

P.S.: My family is Asian, which may explain a lot…

Just wondering since I've never seen this in anyone else's family. My mother especially makes really cruel remarks towards me (e.g. "you look like a hunchback, don't come crying to me when you're fat and ugly in the future because you didn't lose weight now, you look pregnant in that skirt, with how you work I'm surprised you still have a job, I would have fired you ages ago with how lazy you are, etc") and always follows it up with "I'm just being honest" and "would you rather I just didn't tell you?" When I call her out on it. Is this normal? Because it hurts as fuck to hear this stuff, but being raised this way, I've almost started getting used to it until some pointed out it's Hella mean.

Tell me your most unhinged family stories. What have your crazy aunt or uncle done? Has your narcissistic mom said to you? Share all please!!

I (26F) recently came back to live with my parents after getting my MSc, having lived by myself for my studies for almost 7 years. I am currently sharing my room with my sister (20F). I understand that she got used to having the room to herself and took over all the space, but I’m back and planning on staying here before getting a job and possibly moving out, which, in today’s economy, may take up to a year.

She’s already pretty upset about having to share the room, even though all my stuff is currently on the floor because she took over the whole closet. Now she’s also irritated just by my presence.

Once, I asked her if she wanted to hang out (I'm pretty introverted and almost have no friends). She always says she's tired, which is valid if she really is, so I don't mind. I leave her alone to rest. I even go out of the room and stay in the kitchen so I don't bother her. What’s truly hurtful is seeing her go out with her friends right after saying she's too tired to go out with me.

Sometimes I'm literally begging her, and I offer to pay. Once, when she said she wasn't in the mood to go out, I told her I would make her something sweet, and she accepted (I made cinnamon rolls from scratch, btw 🥹). I also made hot chocolate, bought her favorite face mask, and brought it all to her to try to cheer her up. She just brushed it off—didn't take any of it and stayed in our room while I waited in the kitchen like an idiot for hours when she said she would come out.

Today, I brought it up to her that I would like to know her better—not just as a roommate, because that's what we are right now, but as sisters. I said I wanted to do things with her, like going to the cinema, shopping, or going to a cafe. Not really long activities, just something to pass a few hours together. I also stated that when I see sisters getting along,I want to take example, be more like them, and become a better big sister myself. She replied that if I wanted to do outings and stuff, I should just find a boyfriend (I've never had one, while she has).

She took it personally, as if I attacked her (I feel like I'm not very eloquent, so I hope I used the right words), and she told me that she does take me out when she's out with her friends. (I complained to my mom about this once, and ever since, my mom forces her to take me out. I feel bad for my sister so sometimes I refuse, but still.)

I just want to have a bit of her time. Sometimes we are in the room and she's just on her phone. Even in the kitchen while eating, she's just talking and making plans with her friends, while I'm here begging to get just a single word out of her. Today she said she's had enough of me and that when I lived far away for university, it was way better. After that, I just apologized and backed off because I don't know what to do anymore.

I tried talking to my mom. At first, she told me to let her be, that she's like that all the time, and that "that's just her personality." My sister is really harsh with her words, but my mom seems to be used to it and almost completely takes her side because she's the sister with "a personality." My mom just tells me to hang out with my own friends, even though she knows well I don't have any. I'm just a "floater" friend in many already established friend groups because of university, which is even more hurtful.

I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if there's someone else in my case, but even if not, what should I do?

My mom passed away two years ago. After a long time alone, my dad started dating a woman a few months back. He seems really happy with her, and I want him to be able to enjoy life.

The problem is, I still miss my mom so much. It feels wrong to have someone else fill that space. She tries hard to be nice, asks about my day and invites me to family meals, but I keep pulling away.

My dad noticed I’m distant. He said he just wants us all to get along. I don’t want to make him choose between me and her, and I hate that I can’t be kinder. Is it okay to take more time, or am I being unfair to them both?

Ich bin seit einigen Jahren mit meinem Partner zusammen. Er ist geschieden und hat zwei Kinder um die 20. Seine Ex-Frau und er sind schon seit einigen Jahren getrennt.

Seine Kinder hängen sehr an der ursprünglichen Familienkonstellation und haben Schwierigkeiten damit, dass ihre Eltern nicht mehr zusammen sind. Sie wünschen sich, dass bestimmte Familientraditionen erhalten bleiben, vor allem Weihnachten.
Und genau da liegt mein Problem.
Ich komme selbst aus einer ziemlich zerrissenen Familie. Ich habe mehrere Geschwister, aber wir haben alle ein eher distanziertes Verhältnis zueinander, obwohl wir versuchen, uns näherzukommen. Meine Kindheit war von wenig emotionaler Wärme und Geborgenheit geprägt. Weihnachten mit meinen Eltern war für mich oft so belastend, dass ich irgendwann beschlossen habe, es nicht mehr mit ihnen zu verbringen.
Ich habe also keine eigene Familie, zu der ich an Weihnachten gerne zurückkehre. Gleichzeitig wünsche ich mir wahrscheinlich gerade deshalb sehr, irgendwo dazuzugehören und mit meinem Partner eine eigene Form von Familie und gemeinsamen Traditionen aufzubauen.

Nun steht Weihnachten wieder vor der Tür. Seine Kinder wünschen sich, den 24. Dezember gemeinsam mit beiden Eltern zu verbringen. Seine Ex-Frau findet das selbst etwas merkwürdig, würde es aber den Kindern zuliebe machen.
Ich kann verstehen, dass die Kinder an ihren Traditionen hängen. Und ich finde auch, dass mein Partner ein guter Vater sein und die Bedürfnisse seiner Kinder ernst nehmen soll.
Trotzdem habe ich Angst, davor, alleine zu sein. Ich habe sehr dunkle Abgründe und war schon öfters Weihnachten alleine und es ist richtig schlimm.

Ich fühle mich in dieser Patchwork-Konstellation immer wieder ausgeschlossen. Ich kenne seine Kinder und seine Ex-Frau zwar, aber nicht besonders gut. Ich würde mich bei einem gemeinsamen Weihnachtsfest mit ihnen vermutlich auch nicht wirklich wohlfühlen. Gleichzeitig tut mir der Gedanke unglaublich weh, dass mein Partner Weihnachten mit seiner früheren Familie verbringt und ich irgendwie außerhalb dieses Familiengefüges stehe.

Natürlich könnte ich Weihnachten mit Freunden verbringen. Aber ich würde dabei vermutlich traurig sein und mich wieder so fühlen, als hätte ich keinen richtigen Platz und keine eigene Familie.
Was mich zunehmend beschäftigt: Ich merke, dass ich diese Patchwork-Konstellation insgesamt schwer akzeptieren kann. Nicht nur Weihnachten. Ich habe manchmal das Gefühl, dass es da ein bestehendes Familiensystem gibt, in dem ich nie wirklich einen selbstverständlichen Platz haben werde.
Ich weiß, dass die Kinder immer Teil seines Lebens bleiben werden. Das möchte ich auch gar nicht ändern. Und ich weiß, dass ich als erwachsene Frau vielleicht souveräner damit umgehen sollte.
Aber ich schaffe es emotional nicht. Ich fühle mich verletzt, ausgeschlossen und teilweise auch neidisch auf diese familiäre Verbundenheit, die ich selbst nie hatte.
Ich frage mich deshalb zunehmend, ob ich einfach an meinen eigenen Themen arbeiten muss oder ob eine Patchwork-Beziehung vielleicht tatsächlich nicht das Richtige für mich ist.

Meine Fragen an euch:
Gibt es hier Menschen, die als neue Partnerin oder neuer Partner ähnliche Schwierigkeiten mit Patchwork-Familien hatten? Hat sich das irgendwann verändert?
Ist es egoistisch, sich zu wünschen, Weihnachten mit seinem Partner zu verbringen, auch wenn dessen erwachsene Kinder andere Vorstellungen haben?
Wie findet man seinen Platz in einer Familie, die schon lange vor einem existiert hat?
Und woran erkennt man, ob man an eigenen Verletzungen arbeiten sollte oder ob eine Beziehungskonstellation einfach nicht zu den eigenen emotionalen Bedürfnissen passt?
Ich möchte niemandem etwas wegnehmen und schon gar nicht zwischen meinem Partner und seinen Kindern stehen. Aber ich möchte auch nicht dauerhaft das Gefühl haben, bei den wichtigen familiären Momenten nur am Rand vorzukommen.

TL;DR: Mein Partner hat zwei Kinder um die 20, die Weihnachten weiterhin mit beiden Eltern feiern möchten. Ich komme aus einer schwierigen Familie, habe selbst kein schönes familiäres Weihnachten und fühle mich in seiner Patchwork-Konstellation zunehmend ausgeschlossen. Ich frage mich, ob ich lernen muss, damit umzugehen, oder ob diese Beziehungsform einfach nicht zu mir passt.

I (21F) share a bathroom with my little brother (20M). We still live with our parents and I am grateful that we can.

For extra context, I do struggle with contamination fears... but I am certain that I am not crazy in this.

My little brother never ever cleans the bathroom. I hate that he doesn't... but I can deal with that. However, what I can't deal with is the ABSOLUTE MESS he makes of the bathroom which I then have to clean. It's not just 'cleaning the toilet' kind of stuff... Even if that's disgusting, I see that as a basic thing I have to do to clean the bathroom. No... he.. leaves stuff.

For example, he doesn't rinse off the bathtub. Often times I find pubic hair. YES PUBIC HAIR. It drives me insane!

On top of that, he never rinses away the toothpaste he spit out in the sink. He also never grabs a new shampoo bottle, hand wash or toilet rolls. If I don't grab new shampoo, this man will not wash his hair...

Today it was really bad cuz he went to the bathroom before me.. peed on the toilet ring (idk if that's the correct term) did not clean it up, then also did not wash his hands. THIS WAS RIGHT BEFORE DINNER! And after dinner he unloaded the dishwasher!

I am so freaked out. I feel like this isn't just my 'contamination fear'. Like this is absolutely disgusting right?

I have tried to talk to him about it, but he just gets angry. I also feel kinda uncomfortable to talk about him leaving pubic hair in the bathtub. So is there any way on how I can improve this situation?

while im not really sad about it bcz ive had this realisation for a while now and it's only today that i finally confronted it. Me and my younger brother have had a rough childhood, not financially but our parents never really got along, there were calm times here and there but overall it was all a f-ing mess. They did however like my younger brother more and it was quite obvious always but i don't hold anything against him for that, he'll always be my lil bro.... Idk it's a very complicated family dynamic, the last time when i felt truly scared was when i realised that in case of a divorce, both my parents would choose my brother.
This was when i was 16, now im 21. Surprisingly im an extrovert and Ive tried to express this at times but eventually never did, never found anyone i could relate this to haha bye.

I 22F am having troubles connecting with my 13 year old sister. We just don’t have stuff in common and I feel bad, I want to have a close relationship with her but the age difference makes it hard and i’m busy most of the time studying. What makes me feel even worse is that i’m close to my 18 y.o. brother cause we have similar interests and grew up being really close before she was born. So most of the time when i’m free we’re together. I don’t want her to feel that i don’t like her (which is not true). But I have a hard time connecting and when I try it just feels awkward. I don’t want her growing up remembering that I wasn’t a good sister to her. But I can count the times we have hung out together in her 13 years of living on my fingers. How do I try to be more present in her life ?

My parents divorced when I was under ten years old. They both remarried and that’s been the family structure I’ve known for my entire life. When I was maybe seventeen or so, my grandmother slipped up and made a comment that implied my dad cheating was the reason for my parent’s divorce. I hadn’t given it much thought since I was so young when it happened, but things finally clocked into place. I confronted my dad about it and he admitted it. I had even been introduced to the woman he cheated on my mom with as his “new girlfriend” on more than one occasion.

Over the years, this has kind of faded into the background and it wasn’t something I thought of actively. However, now that I am married myself and I see my dad getting older, I start to lose respect for him more and more. I don’t know if it’s because I couldn’t see myself cheating on my spouse or what, but it’s made me bitter towards him. For the most part, he was a very good father; he was always supportive of my hobbies and was there to help me when I needed it, but I would never say he was someone I looked up to, or someone that I would ever want making a speech at my wedding (does that make sense? I know I’m already married but it was the best analogy I could think of lol) But now I just can’t get this nagging thought out of my mind that it’s all tarnished by the fact that he’s a cheater. I guess I just don’t respect him at all anymore and I feel guilty. Has anyone ever been in this position before?

TL;DR: my dad’s infidelity affects me more as an adult than it did as a kid, even though it’s what caused my parent’s divorce and a complete 180 of my life.

My dad is a lovely guy but completely technologically illiterate. Every single time something goes wrong with his computer, his phone, his smart TV or any other gadget he owns he immediately calls me. I dont mind helping out sometimes but it feels like a constant stream of requests that interrupts my own life. He doesnt even try to troubleshoot himself anymore. Im starting to feel like his unpaid, unappreciated tech support line.

I grew up rurally on a farm, my parents are in their 60s. My mother left school at 12 and my father and sibling have limited education.

Education was always important to me therefore I always felt very different to my family.

My issue for a long time has been struggling with my parents limited cognitive abilities and poor decision making. Throughout my life I have always had to deal with and try and solve their problems. They have made countless huge life mistakes eg

1. my mother giving her entire life savings to her brother and then complaining to me that she doesn’t have enough money

2. Animal abuse eg giving my cat chocolate for years despite warning her not to and it passing away from this.

3. Secret children in the family that they don’t care about and would rather remain hidden

4. Tax fraud and other fraud where they believe they can get away with it

5. Drink driving - or the fact I don’t feel safe in the car with my mother because she gets tired. A few years ago she crashed while I was a passenger in the car and now when I ensure that she is okay to drive I get berated because I don’t feel safe with her.

These are just a few examples - my father is not inherently a bad person just not bright meanwhile my mother and other sibling can be downright manipulative and even more difficult. I usually make excuses for them and I’m not going to cut them off because I understand they are the way they are because of certain life factors.

I struggle hugely with accepting who they are. I avoid big events like my graduation or my in-laws meeting my parents because of my shame and that they will judge the kind of family I come from. My partner and in laws come from a very privileged background.

When the topic of my parents come up with others I find myself saying that they have dementia because this results in pity rather than judgement.

I want to clarify that speaking logically to them does not help. If I give my mother advice she will do the opposite of this.

I have nobody who understands what this is like. How do others cope when they feel ashamed of their entire family?

I’ve had a complicated relationship with my father for as long as I can remember. Honestly, I’ve grown to resent him because of the emotional damage I’ve experienced growing up. He constantly insults my mother, is extremely controlling when it comes to disagreements, holds things over people’s heads, and somehow manages to turn the smallest situations into arguments simply because someone doesn’t agree with him.
Yesterday, we were all sitting together when my father mentioned that the AC was making a strange noise. None of us could hear what he was talking about. Instead of accepting that we might not hear it, he started making comments about how we couldn’t hear properly and even called me mentally ill. I know him well enough to recognize when he’s trying to provoke me.
The frustrating part is that the whole argument started over something incredibly trivial.
My mother has been putting up with his behavior for over 35 years. Recently, she’s started distancing herself from him. She sleeps in a separate room, avoids sitting near him, and barely initiates conversations with him anymore. From my perspective, she’s reached a point where she simply doesn’t want to deal with him the way she used to.
Despite this, he still insults her in front of us and compares us to her whenever we disagree with him, as if being like her is something shameful. What’s particularly painful is that, growing up, I never really heard my mother badmouth him behind his back, even when she was clearly upset with him.
But what bothers me almost as much as his behavior is my siblings’ reaction to it.
Whenever I challenge my father’s hurtful comments, my siblings remain completely silent. They look uncomfortable and tense, just like my father does during these arguments. Meanwhile, I end up feeling like the rebellious troublemaker simply because I’m the only one willing to speak up.
Yesterday, my father even claimed that all my siblings agreed with him but had simply chosen to remain silent. Of course, none of them actually said anything to confirm or deny that.
This has made it difficult for me to trust them when it comes to family matters. I don’t expect everyone to argue with our father or put themselves in an uncomfortable situation, but their silence leaves me wondering what they genuinely think.
Are they afraid of confronting him? Do they agree with him? Or have they simply learned that staying quiet is the easiest way to deal with him?
I know I can get passionate and emotional when I argue with my father, and I’m not claiming that I handle every confrontation perfectly. But I feel like there’s a difference between being rebellious and refusing to accept hurtful behavior as normal.
Am I wrong for being the only one who speaks up, and how should I interpret my siblings’ silence?

I don't dislike her. She's sweet and goes to our church and the whole family likes her. I don't know how to explain it but it always feels like company is over when she comes over. Like I know she's considered family. Every event he leaves early to pick her up and take her and he's often late because of it. I get along with her fine but I just miss it being just the family. Just us hanging out. I don't think we really have the last few months. I don't mean to come off as an a**hole I just wonder if anyone else feels this way. I'm glad he has someone. It's just it feels hard to relax or be myself when she's around. When she comes over I feel rude if I just hang out in my room all night and feel obliged to come out and interact. Please don't take this the wrong way. I just feel like I can't tell anyone these feelings without being judged or feeling guilty

They are putting their children out of democracy and same rights?