I don't want to sound like some type of weird manopshere influencer, but women say they want soft and safe men but they always eventually get sick of them.

Ultimately women want men who are competent more than anything else, the type of experiences and culture that develop soft men are also one's that are diametrically opposed to developing competence.

When a man is incompetent no matter how kind or loving he is that shit never matters during life's hardest tribulations. She will eventually grow to resent him. Without fail I've observed this pattern.

There's a guy I met online on a video game. He lives far away from me, and I don't e-date at all. We have deep talks sometimes, and I really enjoy our conversations.
One night I was at a concert with my boyfriend and I had a mental breakdown. I left and ran off, leaving him there with his friends. When I got home, I got high for the first time after being sober for months. Then I called this guy, and he comforted me and we talked for 2 hours. He never disrespected my boyfriend for letting me leave the concert without him or said anything against him. He respected the relationship, and we just talked until I stopped feeling paranoid.
After that night we got close. We play games together a lot, text a lot about One Piece, and just mess around.
My boyfriend is a pretty traditional guy. He believes guy friends always secretly like you, and that I shouldn't have close guy friends. I understand where he's coming from, and I feel guilty about talking to and texting this guy.
I never flirt with him, but he flirts with me. I don't respond to it, because I'm hoping he gets that I'm not interested. Honestly, deep down I sometimes enjoy it, but I never entertain the idea. I just want him as a friend, and I don't want to lose him over something stupid. also i respect my boyfriend and love him.
So why do I keep deleting our long conversations on Instagram so my boyfriend won't see them? Am I cheating, am I overreacting, or is my boyfriend just being soft?

I met a girl and we went out. Honestly I felt a bit shy/reluctant about asking her out. She’s pretty good looking and is… pretty gorgeous, so I just kind of space out when I see her. I ended up feeling like I was falling too deep after just one date so I called things off and said it was not a good time for a relationship for me. That sucked. I was able to apologize in person sometime later.

A month passed by and we connected again and I had missed her. We went out again, and I immediately fell in to what felt like a depression. I wanted to throw up for a couple of days, stopped eating like I usually do, and felt super clingy.

As you can tell, my mental state is a bit of a mess and I’m figuring this stuff out through the proper means. But, I let her down twice and am a pretty terrible person for it.

I did my best to try and meet her in person to ask her what the chemistry felt like to her, but I wasn’t able to arrange a meeting face to face. So after a few messages I told her I hadn’t really been feeling that great over the course of a couple of weeks and that this relationship likely wouldn’t work for me. She said she didn’t fully understand but overall there were no hard feelings and whatnot. I wasn’t sure if I should explain what I was feeling further or not. It’d be kind of crazy stuff, like, “Hey, I’m super in to you romantically, but turn in to a complete mess mentally. That’s essentially what happened.” Maybe it is best to just leave it be instead, though. And, yeah, I know. I’ve got to get my stuff together. Thanks for your thoughts.

It just seemed like when we were kids, dating wasn't really a priority. If you did have a relationship, you were just fooling around. Then suddenly we hit adulthood, and its all about pairing up before you miss out. The longer you wait, the more socially isolated you'll be; the dating game changes, too. Also just seems the more you want it, the less likely you are to have it.

I don’t know if he genuinely likes me or if I’m just convenient for him whenever he needs someone to be with.

We do things that couples normally do. We go on dates, he picks me up at home, brings food for my family, gives me flowers, and makes an effort to spend time with me. But sometimes, after we see each other, he suddenly becomes distant. The next day or even the day after, he won’t call or text me unless he wants to hang out again.

It makes me wonder where I really stand in his life. Does he genuinely like me and want to get to know me on a deeper level, or does he only reach out when it’s convenient for him? What am I to him, really? 🥹

I’m not rushing him or asking him to commit to me right away. I just want to know if he’s genuinely interested in me or if I’m only someone he enjoys being with whenever it’s convenient for him. Sometimes, I wonder if he really likes me or if I’m just overthinking things, especially knowing that there are a lot of other women out there who want him. I’m willing to take things slowly, but I also don’t want to keep investing my feelings in someone who might not see me the same way I see him. I just want to know if what we have is genuine.

(Reupload bc previous title was pretty misleading)

It’s about a year since I’ve been dating this girl and I really do like her. She’s gorgeous, has values, and works really hard.

I really want this relationship to work but I don’t really have a lot of people to ask. Some problems I’ve been having with her is that she doesn’t really initiate anything. Hangouts, dates, and lately even texts. Apart from that she’s always super busy which is a huge factor in why she doesn’t really initiate things. Like her day to day schedule is filled from 10am to 10pm with literally zero time in between. And whenever we talk whether it’s text or in person the only thing she can talk about is how busy she is. I can understand because it does seem stressful. Im not asking to have her attention 24/7 but a little more would be good you know? And she’s not willing to do anything with me impulsively. Or whatever I recommend we should do almost gets glossed over. I guess the biggest thing is that I don’t really feel like I’m important to her. I have brought it up with her a couple times and she was super apologetic but hasn’t really changed. And I’ve also asked if there’s anything I have been bothering her with. Only for her to respond “no you are pretty unproblematic.” Which I have no idea how to take. I don’t really do much other than school and my hobbies. And I don’t really talk to other girls either. The problem for me is like, really? You have NOTHING to say about me in our relationship. Anything that bothers you and nothing? It almost doesn’t feel like a real relationship and it’s like she doesn’t really care for it. To be fair though, she even barely sees her closest friends.

I’m a 26 year old female and have never had anyone actually ask me out on a date or express real interest. I do gain a lot of sexual interest and tried to eliminate that by changing up my style but it’s been crickets for years now. I’ve tried dating apps and approaching people in public and I get friendly interactions and positive feedback but every single time I’m clearly not a person they take seriously or I get ghosted. Any advice or tips would be appreciated.

I'm pretty sure I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style, and honestly, I'm tired of feeling this way. I really want to change and learn how to have healthy, secure relationships.

I want closeness, but when someone starts showing genuine interest in me or things become more romantic, I sometimes feel overwhelmed and want to pull away. Physical affection and conversations about where things are going can make me uncomfortable, too.

But then, if the person pulls away or doesn't reply, I start worrying that they've lost interest in me. So I end up wanting closeness and distance at the same time.

I also struggle to tell the difference between my avoidant tendencies kicking in and simply not being that interested in someone. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm pushing people away because I'm scared of intimacy, or whether I genuinely don't see them romantically.

I don't want to keep repeating this pattern or end up sabotaging a potentially good relationship.

For those of you who have healed your FA tendencies or moved towards secure attachment:

• What actually helped you change?
• What did you do differently when you felt the urge to withdraw?
• How did you learn to tolerate intimacy without feeling trapped?
• How did you distinguish between an avoidant response and genuinely not being interested in someone?
• Did therapy help? If so, what kind?
• What are some practical things I can start doing now?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have made real progress themselves, rather than just learning about attachment theory.

I know healing takes time, but I'd really appreciate hearing what genuinely helped you. ❤️

What does it mean if a girl sends a lot of selfies to you, good sign, bad sign, inconclusive, all of the above?

​

I wasn't looking to date after my last ex like 7 years ago. She had severe depression, bad anxiety, and was very insecure. We dated for almost three years and towards the end it was rough.

This girl I like works at the same place I do. I've worked with her a few times, early on directly a few times but I'm in a different department now. I've never really talked to her much but over the past couple weeks when she gave me my number we've been texting daily and seeing each other more at work. We're planning to meet up for coffee next week as well.

She's also having problems with mental health and while its not as bad as my ex she does seem to have some insecurities. She also coincidentally likes similar music, anime, and loves Sanrio. Just like my ex. She also has an alt style when not in uniform and my ex occasionally did, but was mainly goth.

Should I be concerned I'm falling for a girl who is very similar? This new girl does seem way more well adjusted and mature but I'm still worried. Do I just have a type? I'm just an average dude and not alt or goth at all so it's odd two girls like that would be into me.

Also I'm assuming I should never tell her this? She does know that my ex was goth and tried hard to see pictures (which I don't have month ago). Looking back that might have been a sign she was into me lol

I was dating someone this year, and I know he was the love of my life.

But, I feel like I ruined everything. There were communication issues with him and I would bring this up frequently with him on how it would hurt my feelings.

I know he eventually became exhausted and that’s why he left. I keep wishing everyday I could go back and relax. I was too much. I asked for too much. I know if I didn’t act this way, he would still be here.

Anyways, I’m wondering if anyone has lost the person they knew was the love of their life because of your part also.

26 F (me)
26 M (him)

I've been seeing a man since July. We've been on 3 dates after spending several months getting to know one another and we are extremely compatible in most areas. Here's the kicker, hes a terrible kisser and extremely inexperienced with sex and sexual intimacy. We've had extensive discussions about it in which he seems very open to working towards doing better and learning about me and what I like physically. He seems to get over excited and just handles me too hard like leaves bruises on my arms and legs. We have attempted to have sex and it was so awkward I just stopped it and said I wasnt feeling it at all. I don't want to hurt him but in my experience if im not attracted I just am not. Im older (48) and have my own very real insecurities so sex not going well has really set me back too. Any advice from you all?

About a month ago I (m) match with a woman. She’s insanely beautiful and sweet. We’re both goofy and joking, good energy and banter. We make a plan for a few days later. We’re texting and she brings sex and being a freak up, entirely unprompted, and I’m like hell ya me too. Not much escalation after that.

We keep texting the whole week, standard banter and joking, a little flirty stuff. The actual date comes and it is without a doubt the best first date of my life. I feel like we are in sync. Similar background, outlook, etc. We are both making comments about how great a date it is and how we’re vibing. She brings up a little sexual history again. I got a little nervous and didn’t really have too much to say. She follows me on insta mid date. The night flies by. We walk back to her place and kiss a little. She says a soft sexy goodnight and asks me to text her when I’m home. I get home and we text for another hour before I assume she fell asleep.

The next day she texts saying she isn’t interested. I say ok that’s fine, I’m confused though because that’s not the vibe I was picking up on. She said she just didn’t feel a spark and wanted to be friends. I said ok and (unrelated I was already having a terrible day from like five different angles) make a cringy slightly sexual joke (was embarrassed and tried to walk it back the last time I texted). Then nothing. I text a few days later asking in a neutral way if she wanted to hang out as friends. Nothing. Completely ghosted after by far the best date of my life.

Now it’s a month later. Obviously I haven’t said anything else or escalated and I have no plans to. Definitely just leaving her alone. she still follows me on insta which is weird imo. And I can’t help but occasionally have this situation pop in my head and I spiral about it and can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve been on other dates after this and they’ve been mid at best. (Actually another was almost as good and she also said she’s not interested. So fuck man I don’t know what my problem is!!!!) A good connection feels like it was totally trashed for no real reason. I feel like I could’ve made a real friend here. And I know nobody actually means we should be friends when they say that but then WHY SAY IT. It’s so annoying. It gets to late at night and I just stew about it and can’t fall asleep. How do I completely forget this ever happened and stop thinking about it so often

I (22f) have been seeing 24m for a month now. We met at a bar and went on a date the next day and have been going out once or twice a week since.

I did some internet digging recently and found his ex girlfriend's social media from his sisters instagram. I know, not the best look for me but I was curious and a photo of the two of them was still up.

Her Instagram and particularly TikTok (which he doesn't have) have SEVERAL posts talking about her ex bf in a rather manic manner. There's several posts from weeks before we met where she says she texted him and he responded, then a day later says I ruined it, then screenshots of their recent texts where he's kind of glazing her saying she's the most ambitious women he's ever met and several others.

One that stood out was about a week and half after we'd met and been on 3 dates, was her saying I'm going to dinner with my ex tonight. That same night he texted me saying "a work dinner came up can we reschedule for tomorrow?" I said yes and we went out the next day where he stayed at my place the whole weekend talking.

I'm not naive and he's told me his last relationship ended 6 months ago and from other details I know she's the one. He also has recently told me when I asked if he was hung up on any exes that no he's not and that some people really take forever to move on but he's never been one of those people.

There's a lot of other TikToks following the one she posted the day I was supposed to see him, she's kinda crashing out about him saying she's done and then posts GRWMs about her going out with new guys.

In the last week, he's asked me to be his date to his cousin's out of state wedding where I'd stay in Florida with him for a weekend and meet a lot of his family. He's also made some comments alluding to me becoming his girlfriend (said no one is going to believe he's got a ballerina politician girlfriend.) the politician part is more of an inside joke but you get the picture.

It seems from her socials they stopped seeing each other after that date and he's since been seeing me more and more and all has been going really well till I saw this today.

I'm unsure how to proceed and if I do bring it up, how I would, and if I even have any right to bring it up considering we'd only just started dating and are still in early stages.

Really in need of some advice as I'm really torn on whether to stop seeing him or if I should talk to him about it?

Hi, I'm actually a single woman looking for a server where I can make friends and possibly more. I don't know maybe like a dating server that you guys know on Discord please recommend..

Dating apps are just not working :/

Ive always thought about sex being something great. Suppose to feel amazing all that. But then my first time it didn’t feel as good as i imagined it would be. Maybe because of the person but throughout my experience about 10 girls ish… all felt the same. The initial moment of the sex feels amazing like i wanna hump everything. But the sex itself to me felt meh. Dont know whether there’s something wrong with me or people exaggerated how sex feels. I do have depression(medically diagnosed) but sex is something i usually search and yea i get horny. Oh and cumming is hard. I dont even know if i can brag about being able to last long because eventually ill get tired, the girl gets tired. She came and i cant… she feels bad so i need to explain whats wrong with me.

Is it just me?

I’m 29F, finding dating in Australia unbelievably difficult. Ghosting is normalised, constant flaking, pen pals, time wasters… I understand this goes both ways for genders. But I have a few friends who were aussies in London that have all said dating in UK was hard, but Australia is x100 times worse.

I’m just wondering what people’s experiences are?

I’ve been dating a man for 8 months, it’s always been clear from the start that he’s moving in March of next year, so it was for fun & unserious. Its been a 10/10 dating experience for me and I was always honest abt my feelings to him and real with myself that I liked him a lil more BUT AND it was nice to have a good dating experience [literally … dating is SO bad] so that always out weighed the cons. Then a month or two ago, the double edge sword was starting to become more evident and I was like damn I know this is coming to an end in my heart (which i’m 100% fine with).

THEN 3 weeks ago …. not to be dramatic but I met my husband. (or at least someone who wants to date me and who I want to date & be in a relationship!!!!) we’ve been dating so intentionally … etc etc. Anywho, I haven’t seen or thought abt the aforementioned man in the last 3 weeks except for … how do I gracefully end it.

Any advice? Going to have a conversation with him tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to it bcz our conversations are always mature. & honestly I feel like he knows it’s coming (we typically saw each other 1x/month, light texting maybe once a week). & it won’t be too much of a surprise bcz i’ve always wanted a relationship.

howeverrrr Im teeter tottering between being FULLY honest “I met someone and am taking it seriously so ty so much for the memories” or more obscure “this has been a great experience (there’s got to be a smoother way to say that??) but i gotta choose myself now!! ty”

I only have one friend to consult on this and would really benefit from more takes. thank you!

Hi 20m here I recently went to a metal festival took some cool photos put them on my dating profile I matched with this cool lady 22f im gonna call her roxy. She super cute I like her shes alt and likes the same stuff I like. We chatted for a day when she gave me her insta now here's the issue I have messaged her but I dont want to seem desperate she reads my text every now and then and I cant tell if she down to be in a relationship or just short term. I personally want to date her like seriously and not just get in her pants please any advice if any can be given 🙏 im begging.

Obviously only way to know for sure is to ask him but... I want to gauge my odds of success if I were to shoot my shot. Guys, how likely are you to make Halloween plans (Costco run, pumpkin patch, and movie) with a girl that you ARE NOT romantically interested in? Especially when you were invited to a party by a friend of yours? Am I jumping to conclusions by assuming this is a date ORRRR...

EDIT: wanted to add that I didn't meet him on a dating app or anything like that, we met at work (nothing corporate, a shitty restaurant job that he's leaving next week so no don't shit where u eat comments its not applicable pls) and started hanging out socially a few weeks ago

Hi everyone, this is my genuinely first time really posting. I’m a 21 year old male, and the girl I’m talking to is a 19 year old female. We are both in school, I go to a community college and am planning to transfer to a university next year and she goes to the university near me. She is very busy with work, classes, exams, and just doing social stuff. We met on hinge, and have not been talking for not very long, but the other day she asked me to hangout late at night, she was with friends and wanted to hangout after, she had been drinking and we were only going to hangout and talk, and maybe grab some food, but when i was driving over she stopped responding and turns out she fell asleep! I went home, but we rescheduled and studied together yesterday, the problem is after that, when i said something about definitely seeing each other again she said “yes yes I agree” but since the evening last night she’s barely been texting me, she didnt respond to something last night, and she wakes up early but still didnt text me i to the late morning, so i sent a follow up text telling her about something we talked about when we met yesterday and she sent a few messages and responded to what i said last night, but then didnt respond again until the evening, and now still hasnt responded. The thing is, she seems like maybe not a great texter, but her texts don’t exactly come off as not being interested or disliking me. It’s just she tend/ to send short messages, still with personality but just short and today, drastically spaced apart. I’ve asked her if she’d like to go out on a date or just hangout since we did plan to meet casually and she told me she wanted a date too, but that was the other day. Now, i want to ask her to go on a genuine date and not just studying together, but she’s not really texting me much, and I’m just unsure what to do. I’m trying not to double text, or bother her too much cause I know she tends to be up to stuff, but she still usually responds well. I’m just looking to get some feedback on what it may mean, or if im just being paranoid, I dont really know what to and to not do when it comes to this stuff, so If anyone wants I can share some screenshots of our texts to get some feedback.

I’m curious about men’s natural texting habits when you’re getting to know someone, particularly after a first date where you’ve both expressed an interest in seeing each other again.

I appreciate everyone has different personalities, communication styles and preferences, and there’s no right or wrong way to do things. I’m just curious about other people’s experiences and how men generally approach this.

Do you tend to message someone every day, have the odd conversation here and there, or mainly text when there’s something to arrange?

If you’re not naturally a big texter, can you be genuinely interested in someone but not feel the need to message much between dates? Or do you tend to want more contact when you’re excited about someone?

I’m interested in whether the amount you text tends to reflect how interested you are, or whether it’s more about your usual communication style and how you prefer to get to know someone.

Would appreciate hearing different perspectives, particularly from men who aren’t big texters themselves!

Dating apps suck. I hate the lack of customization and how they're all basically the same, worn-out, algorithmic engineering designed to keep you on the app. I haven't been on the dating apps in a while (bad breakup) and I wanted to try something completely different. Ideally I'm only going to try this on hinge. A video voice over of me going over well-edited slides, transitions, etc, of what I'm looking for, why I'm doing this, and maybe clips of my hobbies such as gaming as a filler in between. (I reluctant to just making a google doc because to me that's too basic to me. Not personal enough.)

Before I commit to making one, I have to ask. Is it too much? Cringe? Is it a breath of fresh air that shows confidence and effort?

I have never encountred this issue before so I need an advice how to deal with it and how to tell, let’s call her Anna, that she has a noticeable odour…

But first a bit of a backstory.

Anna was brought to my friend group by another friend. She is attractive, fun and easygoing. She studied singing, but her ambition is to become an actress and lately she has even won an audition for a low budget movie.

Initially, I didn’t think about dating her, as I am caustious when it comes to dating. But I noticed that after a while she started to like me and told me that I am the fist man she has met after a long time who didn’t want to just sleep with her and use her. That I am a gentleman and that she finds it attractive and asked me if I wanted to go on a date with her.

I found her attractive too and I liked her personality, so I told myself why not? But then there came the issue with the smell…

I had first noticed it maybe two times before the date. It’s not always present, but when it is, It just kills any attraction I may have towards her. It’s a stale, lingering, sour and musty sweat like odour. It seems as if it comes from her cloths - she often wears a fluffy, fleecy jacket and I suspect that it comes mainly from that particular wear. She wore the jacket the last time we met, and as soon she took it off, the smell slapped me hard.

I might be a bit sensitive to body odour, because I have an issue with excessive sweating and I am quite obssessive with hygiene, but one of my friends noticed that Anna has a “distinct smell” too.

She wants to meet again and spend time together and I don’t know what to do. How should I approach it? How should I bring it up to her a don’t hurt her feelings? Any ideas?

19f never had a boyfriend and not even my first kiss and i really really want it to happen. i feel so behind and i’ve heard all of that “you’re on your own timeline” advice and “it’s not even worth it” but that frustrates me because i am such a romantic and my big dream is to find love. and it’s one thing if i has already experienced it before, but i haven’t and the anticipation is killing me. i just wanna know what it’s like. i’ve done everything i can think of- i’ve put myself out there and gone to events, i’ve asked guys out, confessed to my crushes, been on dating apps, etc etc. no guys seem to even look my way. i’m pretty and an amazing girl. i just don’t understand why no one else sees that: i feel hopeless that ill ever get lucky in love. i also feel like there’s no guys who would like the type of girl i am- i want a relationship not something casual, i’m introverted and i dont smoke or drink. what do i do?