Help. I agreed to driving 5 hours each way to join my son's dad's family for a beach trip this weekend. It already felt like a big emotional lift as its a long drive with a preschooler and I don't know his family well and don't feel comfortable around them, then I put together that my son's dad's new girlfriend will be there. I've never met her. They have ben long distance and I knew she was moving to our area soon, but did not know she would be in state during this trip let alone coming on the trip. I was not told any of the times we discussed who else was going on this trip. I would have been totally blindsided when my son and I got there if I hadn't started asking more questions. In all the texts and conversations my son's dad only referred to himself being there and things like he'd be getting a hotel for himself.

I'm upset about being blindsided, that I should have been told and if I'd had time to be emotionally prepared it might not be such a big deal.

I'm really not ready to spend a whole weekend with this person, I already feel like I'll be wearing a smiley facade most the weekend and it feels like making nice with her is just more emotional labor.

Is it reasonable to not go? I feel like I'm being unfair to the extended family, and I feel really obligated to go as I said I would be there but I don't think it is a good situation to put myself in. Any alternative ideas?

I need fair advice from mothers and fathers
I am the father
Our court order is through Virginia an
States that I have 3days a week 4hours maximum but other dates and times may be arranged between parents
For the better half of 6 months calendar documented I’ve been consistently getting him for 4 hours 3-4 days a week some days 8+hours since our order says other times and dates can be arranged.
Co parent agreed to overnights then those dates didn’t match so she denied saying I’m not reliable.
Middle of Sept we agreed that we’ll get him every other weekend 2weeks later beginning of Oct I ask if he can spend the night she denied earlier in the week and when I asked on Friday she agreed to let him stay on oct9 (my weekend) . Oct 9th he stayed no problems I sent updates. Oct 10 Saturday we had messaged back and forth about him staying the night she said she didn’t want him staying because I’ll be getting my teeth removed my argument was there was no reason for him to leave since I had child care already provided by my fiancée. She suggested 2pm I wanted more time with my son and we weren’t close to drop location. I told her @ 12pm Saturday drop off times of 8pm Saturday night or 8am Sunday morning for drop off . No response until I text at 7:12 pm Saturday night after my surgery. I fell asleep after sending text due to the medicine as my child was bathe , feed and already asleep. By 7:19 she finally responds saying “yes” after no indication over 7hours that 8pm was okay. proceeds to blow me up , call the police on me and then sent the threatening text messages next morning of how “I better be at drop off” when arrived she began to yell and bet-rate me in front of child (I said some unwanted things too in response I know I shouldn’t have) while saying if I want more time then change my visitation an that my fiancée shouldn’t be watching our child because she’s not on the order. (Our order dosent specifically say who can care for child) while threatening if I go to court I’ll have to pay her lawyer fees. Then come yesterday I get a piece of mail saying she filed contempt of court on the 19th for not returning our child on the 10th But not once did I with hold him from her especially when the time wasn’t specifically agreed on ahead of 8pm which is the time she wanted him back but never communicated that with me. As well I kept him another night after the 10th and told his grandma at drop off that I’ll be keeping him from 8am Friday - 8am Sunday she said okay . Few minutes later I get a text saying I’m breaking my visitation once again if I keep him again tonight from co parent while getting another text from grandma (con parents mom ) that I should reconsider dropping him off at 12pm instead of keeping him over night I kept him because I want my time with him as I updated her of his well being and she did not specifically say a meet up time nor denied him staying the time after the 10th (last weekend)

This is our first year navigating holidays with new partners and babies. What is everyone’s most efficient methods to keep the traditions going and the transitions smooth? And anything in particular to avoid?

If you’ve dealt with a coparent who is a pathological liar— who particularly lies about issues that directly affect coparenting— how have you dealt with it?

My co-parent and I have an 80/20 custody split with me having the 80%. He’s supposed to have every other weekend. One week during the summer. We are supposed to alternate fall break and spring break. This was by agreement. He did not want anything close to 50/50.

Anyway he has voluntarily forfeited a lot of his parenting time. I put the actual time each of us had the kids in the past year and they were with me 93% of the time and him only 7% of the time. This led to a lot of exhaustion, extra childcare expenses, and frustration for me. And the kids got anxious because they never could predict when they’d see him. His visits with them became random rather than routine. I’ve had to rearrange my schedule countless times to accommodate his giving up time.

A day or 2 before his weekend was supposed to start, I’d reach out to confirm that he was getting them and more often than not, I was told no he couldn’t get them, followed by some very important-sounding reason as to why. Even though I didn’t ask the reason. He claimed to have to work extra shifts, be traveling to a work conference, be visiting sick relatives, going to continuing education courses to keep his professional license, going to a friend’s out-of-state wedding, attending a military friend’s funeral out of state, and so many other things. Turns out NONE of the reasons he gave me were true. But rather he was in a year-long secret relationship with a coworker and he was sacrificing time with the kids to travel around with her. Not just a night here and there. But entire school breaks and most weekends.

Also, I cannot trust him to tell me the truth about pertinent information when he does actually exercise his parenting time. They are ages 6 and 8 years old. One is autistic and a flight risk. They report that he leaves them unattended in his vehicle while he goes into gas stations and stores. They say they’re scared. When I ask him about it and remind him not to do it because of the danger risks, he denies that any of it happens. He told me they had clothing, toothbrushes, and basic hygiene products at his house. They don’t. They have nothing. If I don’t pack a bag for them, they stay in the same clothes and don’t get bathed or get their teeth brushed. When I ask for his half of reimbursement on their expenses, he lies and claims he had outrageous bills and expenses come up then only pays when I say that I’ll have to ask the court to enforce it. Our 6 year old is allergic to peanuts and was exposed to them once on his time and had to get an EpiPen administered and he denied that she’d been exposed to peanuts at all but there’s absolutely no other possible way she could have had the reaction she did. He will also tell me that they went certain places and did certain fun things then when I ask the kids how they had fun doing X, they’ll act confused and say they never did it.

He also tells the kids they didn’t witness things that they actually do witness and it confuses them then they ask me why daddy is telling them things that didn’t happen. For example, he took them once to someone else’s house to spend the night. They slept in the basement with sleeping bags. He either left or went to a different floor in the house. They were scared all night. Then he told them that they never went where he took them and that they dreamed it. He also had his girlfriend over overnight and then told them she wasn’t there and that they didn’t see or talk to her when they did.

I’ll stress that none of this is coming from me interrogating him. It’s from him feeling the need to overly provide information for some reason and lying in the process. I just don’t feel like I can trust him if he says the sky is blue. It’s so exhausting having your reality questioned constantly.

All I’ve known to do is refrain from asking questions or for reasons so that I don’t give him more opportunity to lie. But he keeps lying. I’d much rather him just say he’s tired, has other plans, or just admit that he doesn’t want to be a parent than for him to make up important sounding reasons for giving up his parenting time. And I really don’t like the kids heads being messed with. He’s teaching them not to believe their own lived experiences.

Has anyone’s ex stopped following their court order time because they no longer have to financially contribute ?

I have always has a suspicion that op clung to their court order time to avoiding increasing cs.

And now that my income has increased high enough to pretty much put their obligations at zero they are very happy to cancel time, let child choose, and are now pretty much not turning up at all.

I’m not shocked but I’m disappointed for our child.
Even though my child seems ok and really doesn’t ask for the op and is enjoying being home more I just yeah am curious if anyone else has had this?

A parent who turned up out of money, who, image and then once that money output was stopped they dropped the kid all together?