Open to any insights! Birth time is exact.
After years of drifting (low-pay dead-end job, aimless travel, never applying for any better opportunities), I’ve figured out I’m best suited to careers involving forensic psychology and want to start pursuing this asap. My habits are slowly improving, but I still neglect my main goal.
Some background: I was a high achieving student with minimal effort, and a friend once said I’d be amazing at anything if I actually tried. I feel luck is waiting for me deep down, but I also feel undeserving of it. I excel in a crisis and block out trauma while others get emotional. My needs have always come second, naturally as the eldest sister, and my single mother called me “selfish” whenever I put myself first. My goals are finally clear now, but I just feel stuck in place, unable to act. Relationships tend to start right when I’m on the verge of a great transformation, and I lose myself in them. I’d say I’m an avoidant. I also isolate for long periods, especially when I feel I’m not doing great, though my happiest times have been in communities (usually with people I lived with). When I was younger I was independent but also felt disconnected from myself and others, like I wasn’t a whole person if that makes sense. Time gives me a stronger sense of who I am and with that I get more confidence, but I never feel fully sure of myself.
My questions:
1. Why do I underestimate myself and avoid real effort? Maybe it’s the Saturn-Jupiter conjunction?
2. Why do I keep putting my needs second, even when I know it’s not necessary?
3. Why do relationships keep arriving at my turning points and derailing me?
4. What kind of approach should I adopt for work opportunities (since I neglect what I know I should be doing to help myself)?
5. What strengths and weaknesses stand out, and how should I best prepare for my Saturn return?
Thanks in advance! :)