Hi, I need some advice. I won't share too many details because I'm afraid he might come across this post. I'm 21F. Throughout my teenage years, I never had any stable, healthy friendships, and I don't know why. I come from a normal, loving family, I've always dressed fashionably, and I'm polite and open to talking whenever someone approaches me. Maybe I'm just not very attractive? Looks matter to people, even in friendships. I can't honestly judge my own appearance because I have very low self-esteem. The few people I had a decent time with moved to other cities for university, and we didn't stay in touch for very long. I just want someone to go on walks with, talk about all kinds of things, and buy gifts for. There's one person I used to hang out with briefly, but our friendship is currently on pause (at my initiative). He's pretty weird, our opinions differ on a lot of things, and some of his views on the world and other people are quite strange. They're not harmful or anything, just misguided when it comes to certain things and certain people. I suspect he spent way too much time on the internet, and some of those ideas have become deeply ingrained in his mind.
He doesn't know how to interact with people his own age. We're the same age, but he thinks like a teenager. I also suspect he might have a sexual addiction?... Whenever we go for walks, a lot of people seem to notice us, and people often snicker at us. Yes, he looks a little unkempt. He wants to have an alternative style, but he doesn't take care of himself and chooses clothes that don't suit him because he has no sense of style. He doesn't even think brushing his teeth before leaving the house is important. However, that's not the biggest issue (we live in a small, c0nservat1ve town where standing out from the crowd can be dangerous, especially if you're a guy). I don't feel safe around him. I'm constantly worried that some bullies might approach us and start trouble. He doesn't seem to realize that his appearance attracts attention, and on top of that, he likes to draw attention to himself by being loud. He often loudly says inappropriate things in public that should be discussed in private, and he behaves obnoxiously loudly in stores. This kind of behavior is not what you'd expect from a 21-year-old man... (One time, some guys who were physically stronger than us actually approached us and started harassing us with questions because HE decided to randomly laugh loudly in their direction, as if he were making fun of them. I still don't understand why he did that.)
He doesn't always ask me about myself or my interests, either. In a healthy relationship, you don't necessarily have to wait for someone to finish speaking before sharing something of your own. I genuinely enjoy listening to him and learning new things, but he never shows any interest in me. He only talks about himself.
He's not a bad person. He's actually quite kind and harmless, and in some ways, very naive. I'm just afraid I won't make any friends anytime soon. At this point, it feels like I'll never make any at all, and I feel like I should hold on to whatever I have.
I'm genuinely so lonely.... Please give me some advice.