Hey I’m kinda new & figuring out where i belong in this spectrum, and a big problem I’ve always had is crushes. I’ve noticed I most commonly get a crush the second I think there’s even a possibility someone else has one on me(and ofc I find them attractive as well), this includes glances, frequent proximity to eachother and even some flirtation, I find it thrilling and enjoyable. I do try my best to keep myself from showing any indication that I reciprocate feelings & set boundaries, but occasionally I slip up & it has become a problem in the past(especially before I realized I was aro). It usually ends in me feeling crippling guilt because as soon as the other person makes any advances whatsoever, like going on a date or even just hanging out more than friends would, I do a full 180 and become kinda disgusted by the entire idea of it. I absolutely do not like the idea of being in a committed relationship with anyone or any romantic relationship whatsoever. I used to occasionally enjoy(?) sex but I feel like my autistic tendencies have been getting stronger & I’ve realized I have pretty bad intimacy issues, so I don’t even want to do that either. Idk what I’m looking for here, maybe just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this? Sometimes I feel like I’m just hoping im aro & just have messed up commitment issues or something is wrong with me.

TLDR: I get crushes & enjoy slight flirtation but my inability to deal with intimacy beyond that has caused conflict, has anyone experienced this and has any advice?

First of all, I tend to develop feelings for people very easily, even people I barely know or have never interacted with at all. They stay on my mind for a while, almost to the point where I can’t stop thinking about them, but eventually, those feelings gradually fade away. I don’t know if this has something to do with childhood trauma or simply a lack of social interaction and companionship.

I’m a very introverted person, so I didn’t really make any friends until around ninth grade. Because of that, I think I value friendships a lot. Meanwhile, people around me have already started getting into dating and having crushes on others, but even now, I still can’t wrap my head around how two people actually go from knowing each other to being in a romantic relationship.

People are always talking about dating and marriage as if life would somehow be incomplete without romance. Whenever my friends complain about their partners or exes, I honestly don’t understand it, and I even feel a sense of disgust. Watching my friends constantly talk about these things also leaves me feeling a little sad. Am I somehow not enough for them? Spending time with my friends already makes me feel fulfilled. Besides, I’m someone who genuinely enjoys being alone, so I really can’t imagine myself dating anyone.

That said, I do enjoy physical affection, especially hugs and other forms of physical touch.

I’ve always told myself that maybe I’ll be able to date someone once I’m more emotionally mature and financially stable. But then there’s another voice in my head asking, Why should I wait for someone who may or may not ever come along? My life isn’t incomplete without a romantic partner.

I love my friends. I want to tell them that I love them, give them flowers, and be more thoughtful and affectionate toward them. But I’m pretty sure these gestures would be interpreted as romantic, which is frustrating.

At the same time, I absolutely LOVE shipping fictional couples, and I enjoy watching other people fall in love, whether they’re real people or fictional characters. Yet I still don’t understand what makes romance so appealing to people in the first place.

The only situation in which I’ve ever imagined myself getting married is if, someday, I have an EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY close friend and we decide to get legally married as a joke, or simply because we think marriage is a ridiculous concept and want to do it ironically. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind that at all.

16M, Hi, so tbh I don’t really know how to explain what I’m feeling or how to describe my experience. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but I’m not particularly sure about all the meanings and shades Aro and Ace could have, so I’m not sure whether I could be one or the other, or even both. I’d simply like to know if what I’m experiencing has a name and if there r other people who relate to what I’m felling. If I had to guess I think I’m leaning more towards Aro than Ace, but as I said I’m not sure.

So one thing that immediately comes to my mind is that I have absolutely NO interest in dating, nor trying to have any interaction with people with the intention of trying to flirt in the slightest way, it doesn’t repulse me at all, it’s just something that, to me, I find pointless. I have been receiving countless criticis from literally everyone I know about this, yet I just don’t understand them. In my idea a relationship should make your life better, so it has to be something improves your life, but if that something is something u don’t want, how can it ever make it better? Like it’s just something my brain cannot conceive. I just want friends, lots of real friends, I don’t care about dating, kissing or all suff like that, I just want people to feel happy with, to hang around with, and to joke and laugh together, and I don’t see why everyone keeps telling me that I should find this person in a partner, why can’t it just be a friend, which is what I want.
I’ve only had ONE crush in my entire life, and even then it was pretty wierd. My crush was not about the fact that I could get together with that person, that we could kiss or hold hands and stuff like that, it was a feeling I can describe as “I want that person to be my best BEST friend”, I tend to imagine a LOT of things (I mean trying to think about how future events that regard my life could go, prolly caused by my OCD), and I obviously did it to with her, and not one single time I ever imagined something even close to a relationship, but always a close and deep friendship. Anyways after a while my crush died out cause she started ghosting me, cause in the meanwhile she got a bf and I didn’t know😭😭, even then I stopped before knowing she had gotten a bf, because I realized she just didn’t wanna talk to me and I wasn’t gonna force her, but the strange thing is that even though this crush lasted like 9 months, when it ended I felt, not emotionless, but just indifferent, like “oh ok, she doesn’t like me back”, which I find wierd considering how big my crush was and how long it lasted. Also I wanna point out that I’m still friends with this girl, and I even helped one of my best friends get together with her, just to say I have absolutely no hard feelings.
This was a year and a half ago, and as of right now I’m planning to stay single for at least until 25, when I’ll be done with university, and hopefully I’ll have achieved my dream of being a voice actor, but even then, I think I’ll still wanna be single even after. I’ve told people about this, and I do understand why they can find it wierd, but find it THIS MUCH
wired?? I think it’s not wierd at all. I’m not saying it to cope cause I can’t flirt or get in a relationship, it’s just something I simply don’t want at all, reason why I felt so wierd about having a crush the first time

Now about the part that makes me think I could be Ace. I wanna point out that I don’t think I understand completely the Ace spec, so I might just be referring to things unrelated, anyways it’s simply a lack of information, I apologize preemptively.

First of all, I’m bi, which already I believe is the BIGGEST contradiction to being Ace, right? The thing that makes me think that there’s something different is how I approach at physical sexual activities.
First of all, the idea of having sex doesn’t disgust me in any way (once again I apologize if this is just a stereotype, I’m not well informed), it’s just that I’m completely indifferent, I’m not trying to get to do anything remotely sexual with people, I just think that if someone were to ask me, like a sort of “fuckbuddy” I’d definitely agree, if the opportunity presented itself then yeah, but if it were to be like this it absolutely had to be with no feelings for each other (more a problem for the other person, not for me), but I just don’t care, it just doesn’t make any difference for me, I’m completely fine both with and without it.
Another thing I find wierd is how low my libido is, now I don’t know if it’s just a matter of hormones. I di masurbate, and once again I don’t hate it at all, it’s just so less frequently that all other boys my age, like I hear every day how friends of mine come 3 times a day every day, while I’m on like twice a week, which from what I understand is super low.
And lastly attraction, it happens that I see a girl or a boy I find cute, but once again it’s different from what I see of people my age, who , when they see someone they like, they’re usually like “how much I wanna…” yeah, no need to continue, right (unfortunately us of the male gender were blessed with a third of girls’s braincells, in the most cases, such as this one), which not only I find SUPER DISRESPECTFUL, but also completely different from my experience. When I see someone I like, it’s more like when I see a cute dog, in my head I’m like “OMG, he/she is soooo cuuuute” and it ends there.
Also I have never experienced any form of sexual attraction towards anyone, which once again I find kinda wierd cause isn’t masturbating or even the fuckbuddy thing from earlier exactly that? I’ve never experienced it towards someone I know (not even my crush from earlier), but if I were to, it had ti be without fellings? I don’t know how to explain in an understandable way it to be honest.

Sorry to anyone who decided to read all this, and thanks a lot🫶🏻🫶🏻

Hi all. Apologies if this type of post is frowned upon here, but I looked at the rules and there was nothing against these types of posts.

I’m in 9th grade and I’d say I’ve only really had two major crushes, one in fifth/sixth grade which I developed on a friend and lasted for about a year and a half, ending after I had been going to a new school for about three months. At this new school, I did end up developing a crush on this girl and it kind of consumed me. I thought about her almost all the time, and I often desired kissing her or cuddling or whatever. (omg can’t believe I’m saying this)

Anyway, I switched schools again 💀 And I did end up developing two different crushes over the span of half a year (after taking damn long to get over my previous crush), although looking back, I feel it was just a coping strategy and a search for excitement in the middle of my pretty lonely and sad life (not to get all gloom and doom or anything). When I look back on who I truly liked, only the first two girls I mentioned seem to have stolen my heart. I still think about the second girl to this day and I hate it.

Obviously I feel romantic feelings pretty deeply and constantly hope for a romantic partner someday, I would never get tired of loving them. But to find someone I truly feel romantic feelings towards is very challenging. Am I grayromantic?

Bonjour,

Je viens sur ce reddit en ésperant avoir potentiellement une réponse.

Si je me permet de vouloir savoir si cette personne est aromantique c’est car la personne et moi entretenont une vraie relation forte, on pourrait croire que l’on est en couple mais on ne veut pas de serieux actuellement.

Il m’a bien spécifié que il n’a pas de sentiment pour moi et ne veut pas de serieux de sur pour l’instant.

Alors certe c’est difficile a entendre mais j’étais prévenue. Ce qui me pousse alors a vous demander c’est car il dit que c’est pas forcément moi mais que justement il a ça avec les autres. Alors que il passe du bon temps, il aime le moment avec la personne sauf de loin il a du mal.

Sachant que la définition google de l’aromantisme est : L'aromantisme est une orientation romantique qui consiste à peu ou ne pas éprouver d'attirance romantique, quel que soit le sexe ou le genre de la personne.

C’est l’attirance romantique qui n’est pas aimé, est-ce les sentiments ? Peuvent-ils entretenir une relation équivalent a un couple sans vouloir le serieux et en ressentant des sentiments ou c’est une autre chose plus complexe qui le touche ?

Si quelqu’un saurait m’éclairer je serais ravi, car j’aime moi cette personne et j’aimerai la comprendre car cela ne me dérangerai absolument pas.

Bonne soirée où journée a tous et a toute !

Merci d’avance :)