Its the only way to build a suspension bridge!

Pissception.

Imma bayou!

Not because they're controversial, mind you, but because I tend to post in places that don't get a lot of views.

It's believed to be the first historical occurence of someone eating a bag of dicks.

I was born deaf.

I’m wearing a dress with built in shorts and no booty hole.

Existence is futile.

I live in a herd in many fields.

Make Emo Cool Again, MECA.

I just did, and I won't be allowed on this airline again.

"Son, when a man and two and a half pounds of rubber love each other very much..."

He's four-aged!

Would you please stop calling my new phone...

Because I've fought enough fights like this in real life and can't revive!

Unexpectedly, my car exploded.

I just wish he'd talk dirty like that to ME, instead of the tomato.

Finally alone, I turned to my wife and, as calmly as I could, told her, "I know they're your favorite, but you have got to stop ordering from 9-1-1 Pizza."

But that's when it all went south.

Yulie bought the bolts and Yuliq the nuts.

But the carbonation burnt my nose

When I look in the mirror without mine on, I barely recognise myself.

Arrived 15 minutes late to the doctor and in front of the receptionist and everyone waiting my darn phone announced, “your destination is on the left in half mile.” When the patient after me told the receptionist he had trouble getting there because of his GPS, I commiserated, “There’s a lot of that going around!”