Beliefs that sound like "I am not good enough" or "I can't do this, this isn't meant for me" "I cannot achieve anything in life as I am doomed", "I deserve not to stay here since I only bring shame and disappointment" "I am a failure" "A big disappointment to my parents and mostly myself"

edit: journalling only helps me to an extent, self affirmations haven't worked out well for me, lol.

My boyfriend (29M) and I (26F) were together for about a year and a half. We were planning to get engaged, he’d bought a ring, and we’d talked extensively about marriage and children. He was my best friend.

I struggled with anxiety and what I’m now learning is severe pre-menstrual dysphoria (a mood disorder) and relationship OCD. I questioned his intentions and struggled to trust him, even though I loved him deeply. We had a few particularly difficult conflicts. In one of them, I accused him of planning to cheat based on something I found, and went to his place to confront him. I later found out it really hurt him.

We started couples therapy in July after that difficult fight, but I eventually canceled our planned engagement trip amid financial concerns (he had a lot of debt he hadn’t told me about) and mounting relationship stress a few weeks ago. I said some not nice things during that period of time, like assuming part of why he wanted to live with me was to benefit financially off my income, and that he wanted someone to provide for him. I’m honestly not proud of how I worded those doubts.

He became increasingly distant after that, despite telling me he wanted to reconcile. Then he broke up with me over the phone after a night out drinking with friends, just as I was beginning treatment. He said he’d been privately unhappy and lacking in confidence for a few months now in our relationship, and with the canceled trip and work stress, he just couldn’t handle it anymore. I tried explaining my diagnosis and the patterns I was uncovering through recent treatment/therapy, but by that point I don’t think he cared.

I’m devastated and physically feel sick with grief. I can’t imagine loving or wanting anyone else, and I’m consumed by guilt over how differently things might have gone if I’d gotten help sooner.

Has anyone experienced losing a relationship because of untreated mental health issues? How did you cope with the guilt and the possibility that things could have been different, and outside of obvious things like medication, how do you make sure it never happens again?

I will take any advice or tips I can get—thank you in advance.

I feel like I’ve completely lost myself over the past few years, both physically and mentally, and I genuinely don’t know how to turn things around. I’ve gained over 40 pounds, and it’s taken an enormous toll on my self-esteem and the way I see myself. I feel so incredibly ugly and unattractive, to the point where I dread seeing photos of myself and actively avoid having pictures taken. I barely recognize myself anymore, and it’s devastating to feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I don’t feel feminine, beautiful, or confident, and I feel like I’ve completely let myself go. I also have no real sense of personal style, don’t know how to dress my current body, and rarely feel put together. I desperately want to be someone who takes pride in her appearance, looks polished, and feels beautiful, but I feel so far removed from that person.
Beyond my appearance, I struggle tremendously with motivation, discipline, and executive dysfunction. I have so many goals and aspirations, but I cannot seem to translate my thoughts into actions. I procrastinate constantly, struggle with basic routines and self-care, and feel overwhelmed by things that should be simple. I also struggle with brain fog, word recall, and articulating my thoughts, which makes me feel even more insecure. I feel like I’ve lost my ambition, drive, intellectual curiosity, and general excitement about life.

I spend so much time researching self-improvement, planning routines, and imagining the person I want to become, but I rarely manage to follow through with any of it.

What’s especially frustrating is that, objectively, I have a good life. I’m educated, have a professional career, and have accomplished things I should be proud of, yet I feel deeply dissatisfied with myself. I constantly feel like I’m wasting my potential and falling short of the person I know I could be. I want to feel beautiful, feminine, intelligent, articulate, disciplined, organized, and confident. I want to wake up feeling excited about my life instead of disappointed in myself. I feel like I’m stuck in this endless cycle of wanting to change everything about myself but feeling completely incapable of actually doing it.

Has anyone else experienced something similar and genuinely managed to turn their life around? I’m particularly interested in hearing what helped you rebuild your self-esteem, develop discipline, improve your appearance, and regain your sense of identity. I feel like I’ve spent years waiting to become a better version of myself, and I’m terrified of continuing to waste my life feeling this way.

This question came up to me today when I was walking into a lab (I am a science major at university) 25 minutes early, and one of the lab TAs said, "God, no need to come in so early," with an attitude. It really pissed me off how someone would be so bitchy to a stranger for no reason. Later, I thought, no one actually likes someone like that, right?

She reminded me of the people who would bully me in high school. Does anyone actually like people like that? Do they respect their audacity and attitude or something? Why are they always so popular too? Are they just fake and trick everybody into thinking they're nice? Are people just too intimidated by them to speak out or stand up against them?

After we awaken, sensing the first quiet messages from within, we begin to understand every person, even those we do not know, is intimately connected.

With this understanding, we now realize it matters not if someone is family, different from us, or complete strangers. We are all one, related, brothers and sisters, alive to selflessly help everyone in their journey through life.

I want to work on my morning routine so bad. I want to compare others with my own to either keep myself realistic or so I know where I can improve!

6:30 Wakeup and start breakfast + Gilmore girls

7:00 finish breakfast. Start chores around the house. (Star laundry, dishes, general pickup)​

7:30 Brush teeth, do skincare. self maintenance and grooming

7:45 head out the door
I should wake up earlier, I use to workout in the morning and man my back thanked me, but I've found I like doing chores in the morning rather than after work. 😪

Have you ever felt like wanting to do something, like taking action to change things, but you are so mentally low that you cannot really take any action, even if you are willing to?
I am facing this same thing. I know I need to do things, I need to take action, but I just can’t. I can’t.
I am so disturbed that I just can’t think of anything positive. I don’t know if this is normal or not. Whatsoever. But I can’t think of a way out of this. I am not taking action, I am crying. I am just not trying to get myself into one. I don’t know what is happening.
I am just laying, thinking, not doing anything, when I know I should be doing things. I am not seeing anything with a positive side. I cry over every minute problem.
I am zoning out on every topic. No fun, nothing, nothing. My skin looks dehydrated. I have lost my spark.
And the worst part is, I know I need to take action towards my problems, and I even know the solutions, yet I am not. And my problem is I dont have any patience left to solve my problems in small steps.

24M , I suffer from severe General Anxiety Disorder.

I work in a public sector bank and The anxiety i have everyday from day to night is just killing me from inside.

My manager is beyond toxic and he pressurises us on every single thing . Then there is a pressure for the customer as well. Toxic and rude customers who come to branch to fight and argue.

Now you can say keep yourself busy but even while doing other activities, I keep thinking about those incidents. I just can't get it out of my head.

Now my problem is I overthinking to the point where I physically can't even do anything. I know it's now a good thing to do but it doesn't just go away after some time. It stays forever . Little minor argument and I keep thinking about it whole day , all the time while sleeping, eating , drinking. I can't sleep at night. I keep replaying the situation and Can't get it out of my head.

I get freeze at the moment and can't reply back , neither to my manager nor to any customer . In fact I get freezed up every time I there is a situation of confrontation. Then I can't get those things out of my head. In fact I tell you something , things which happened 3 months ago I still can't get out of my head.

Please Please give me practical solutions on how I can change myself. What should I do ?

I was thinking of learning martial arts , will it make me more courageous and confrontational ?

I don't know , please help me.

Question in title.

The longer I go on with my life, the more I realized how much I’ve changed and the further I’m pushing the people I love away from me. I want to change (I need to change), I just don’t know how.

I (18yo) was once described to be a joyful kid who always saw the good in everything. I can’t help but ask where that went. I assumed it was because of puberty and that this negative demeanor would pass, but I feel like it’s gotten worse. I’ve always been somewhat irritable, especially when I was really young. Back then (even now) I get super irritable at small repetitive noises, mostly humming and singing. Now I find that list has grown to tapping, chewing, humming, stomping, pen clicking, and more that I can’t think of now. Everytime I’m in class and I hear something like this, I can feel the warmth in my stomach getting hotter and my fists clenching that I shoot my hand up and ask to use the bathroom. I found that digging my finger nails into this rubber part of my pencil to be somewhat therapeutic, but it’s only temporary. I also get really irritated when I’m at church. A lot of families go to my church, so it’s not uncommon to see parents with really young children. I feel like such a horrible person to say that crying babies and hearing them bang toys around annoys the crap out of me to the point where I feel my face get hot.

This anger and irritation doesn’t stop at strangers. I find myself getting mad at friends, but never lashing out at them, I just sound super passive aggressive and then I profusely apologize after. My friends means the world to me, so pushing them away (especially in my senior year) is definitely not something I want to do.

The worst of my anger is when I’m at home. Despite being at home , I have no right to lash out at my family , yet I do , and I feel horrible for it. I yell at my mom when we have disagreements, I yell at my dad when he reminds me 100 times a day to get something done, I yell at my brother when he annoys me or does something I don’t like, like watch geometry dash video on tv at 90% volume. I love my family and I don’t want to lash out at them, but I do anyways, and I feel like I’m isolating myself. I recently got into a fight with my mom today about yelling at my brother, and she told, “you’re impossible to live with. You’re always so angry you’re never going to get along with anybody ever. If you’re scared of your brother hating you, you’re just a few steps there”. I love my family so much. As much as I hate getting into the same argument with my parents about my anger, they’re 100% right: I AM unbearable. I AM horrible to live with. But my argument of “I can’t control my anger” isn’t going to cut it. I don’t know when the day will be where another argument might result in me getting kicked out, so I need to get this under control.

Another thing my mom told me is how much she hates my negativity. I agree, I’m super negative, but it’s hard not to be. In the world we live it, we’re surrounded by negativity, so it’s hard not to go, “hey you heard what insert terrible person did recently? Super bad stuff”. My negatively is mainly consisted of complaining, which is another thing I do often. I find that 90% of convos I have is me complaining about something. I can always see how sick and tired people are when I tell them about something like this. I try to keep it to myself but I feel like it ends up manifesting and once someone asks what’s wrong I unload.

This anger also manifests into envy. I never used to feel so jealous of people, even friends. Anytime I catch myself feeling like this I can’t help but feel like a horrible person. Why can’t I just be happy for people I love to succeed? I don’t want them to fail, but why do I feel so jealous?? Also, why can I never mind my own business?? I found that I’m always caught up in what others do, that I halt my own work. I don’t want to care about what others do, but my brain decides to direct my thinking to them (this probably plays into my sensitively to noises but idk)

I tried to think of reasons on why I’m like this, and I feel like it’s because my emotions build up so much that I need to release them. But because I’m always so mad, it’s a never ending release. I can cry or scream for a long time, but never feel better, because there’s always something my brain cooks up to make me feel like shit again. My parents tell me I’m paranoid and to just “quit it”, but I simply cant just stop. I’m aware things like this take time. Anytime I try to improve I always fall back into my original mess.

I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to continue pushing the people I love most away from me just because of how i act. I don’t want to constantly feel a pit in my stomach from all these negative emotions. I can’t afford therapy and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone else about this, so I hope Reddit will help. Kinda bad to put my faith into Reddit, but I feel like I’m out of options. If you read my rant , I deeply thank you.

(Sorry if this sounds too repetitive at some points)

Ive all along had quite poor self esteem and confidence. Recent years, I started to be more confident but it all came from my achievements and it was quite temporary. Ive made friends and can see that they are just naturally confident, walk confident, speak confidently and project a very put together image.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can work towards having intrinsic confidence? I tried therapy for a while but I found I just wasnt ready to talk about some of my past relationships so I stopped.

Iin my mid 30's not doing so well.. been struggling most of my life, im not doing as well as my friends are. I dont have a place of my own because I cant afford it, dont have a license or a car ive been trying to get that but not much luck, im single and don't have a good job so I live with one of my parents..

I try not to compare myself to my friends but when they keep asking me the same questions over and over about when om going to achieve these things I dont really have an answer other then im trying or looking then it gets me depressed and frustrated

I feel exhausted and defeated

I feel like i lacked drive and fire since i was a kid even tho i went through many set back in life that would have drove anyone else to make a come back i just feel like i just plan and then do nothing the moment i get tired i stop or procrastinate i have no drive and I'm so undetermined how do i change that??

A series of bad decisions, a break up, and also lost my job. I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore.

Question in title

The whole concept of romanticizing life is something I think about a lot. I always seem to romanticize the past rather than the moment I’m actually in (if that makes sense?).

As a teen, I keep wondering how I can make lasting memories with my friends that I’ll be able to look back on fondly someday. I’m so tired of seeing life through such a bland lens!

What do you all do to “romanticize” life?

I’m a 33 year old guy & I recently decided to completely assassinate my old identity. I just started a strict one year mission to lock in my life. The rules: zero weed, zero alcohol, & zero women/dating for 365 days.

​The goals are set. I’m a high reach operator at a warehouse & I just secured a union pay bump to $24.88/hr. I’m aggressively tracking my macros to drop down to 200 lbs to protect my lower back, & I’m setting up a move to slash my rent & boost my free cash flow to $2,000 a month. This past Sunday I did everything right, I prepped all my high protein meals (ground chicken & sirloin beef) for the entire work week & got my environment ready.

​But today is Day 2 without weed, & the withdrawal is kicking my ass.

​To make it worse, yesterday I finally pulled the plug & blocked my ex after realizing I was the only one trying to keep the connection alive. So I am dealing with day two of chemical withdrawal & day one of acute heartbreak at the exact same time.

​My dopamine is completely destroyed. The anhedonia is real. I feel incredibly empty, agitated, & like I have absolutely nothing to look forward to. It hit me so hard today that I couldn't even push myself to go to work, I just called out so I could lay in bed & isolate from the world.

​I haven't broken any of my rules. I haven't smoked, I haven't unblocked her, & I have food ready to eat in the fridge. But the sheer agony & emptiness of these first couple of days is brutal.

​For anyone who has done a massive dopamine reset, quit multiple vices at once, or committed to a monk mode phase, how did you survive the first week when your brain is screaming at you & everything feels hollow ? Just looking for some proof that this exact feeling is part of the process.

What could be the cause of my swollen face? I consume plenty of potassium, I don’t add salt to my food, I have a low body fat percentage, and I don’t consume caffeine. As for bad habits, there’s masturbation, and perhaps a high intake of dairy products.

Anything to try help achieve a short term goal, improve motivation

Hi, I’m a 22M, working in corporate in a new job for 2 months. I’ve been battling with anxiety for a long time, and with the start of a corporate job, that becomes much harder.

I’ve weaned off of the anxiety/depression medication. But I’m struggling a lot with work, social anxiety and everything.

I was hit at work recently to my surprise. Where a coworker asked me if I wasn’t hit enough presumably as a child . While the physical strike didn’t hurt that much, it felt like that was the needle that broke the haystack.

Truthfully I feel like a failure, and I’m inches from quitting the job, but I realised that I don’t really have anything going for me. While I’m home, years of studying far abroad has made me a foreigner of two worlds. I’m out of touch with my community in the UK, and while born in Asia, I feel alienated as not many people understand nor acknowledge the presence of mental health in where I live.

I try to not let the words of others get to me, but being isolated doesn’t help. I feel like I’m turning into the failure that I’m bring described to be.

Any advice?

Apologies if this seems like a rant. It probably feels and looks like one.

So last year was really one of the worst years cuz I couldn't sit, walk properly and do anything and I even stopped studying for the last 5 months (I'm still 16) and I had surgery 3 months ago and finally I was recovering and starting to sit for longer and walk properly but the real problem arises here I have a really important exam in 6 months and i really need to study but the problem is 1. I make plans 2. Imagine myself completing the plan and relaxing after the exam 3(I've also thought about starting slow but even after i study for 30 to 40min I end up procrastinating and sacrificing the whole day). Not following the plans and at the end I feel bad that I didn't follow my schedule and I've been through this last for the 4 to 5 times and I want to get out of this. I really need your guys help so I can finally fix my life and live it to the fullest and one more thing i wanted to add is that i attempted self harm due to this . Thank y'all for reading this

The questions mainly in the title. I’ve noticed many people struggle with self esteem and seemingly compensate for it with a high ego.

I’ll keep it short started a job 2 years ago. Last year got bought out by private equity. Leadership gets laid off or quits every 6 months. Have had about 4 switches of leadership since I started. Nothing is working properly no room for growth since everyone is in survival mode and initiatives get changed every 6 months. So we are just left fixing/blamed for the last leaderships initiative.

Before this I never really struggled with work ethic or happiness outside of work. I would use my phone a normal amount at work. You know a break every 2 hours or so for a quick 5 minute Reddit session.

I would go to the gym 6 days a week. I would play video games a healthy amount 2-5 hours a week more maybe if I really got hooked on something. Would read a book or watch a tv show.

But ever since this work thing started around 6 months ago. I have lost all motivation at work and in my personal life. I spend almost all day at work listening to YouTube videos or browsing Reddit while working. I’m addicted to my phone now but it doesn’t bring joy. Now with video games I have this unhealthy addiction I try to play at least 1 hour a day but I don’t enjoy it I hop from game to game trying to find happiness.

If I’m at home cleaning or doing a chore that takes 5 minutes I need to spend 10-30 minutes finding a YouTube video to listen to. It’s like I’m trying to maximize my joy but I never actually feel joy anymore. I stopped going to the gym because I feel I need to spend more time playing video games or doing another hobby. I never really enjoyed the gym but I did used to push myself to go and always felt better after.

My life has not changed much all my hobbies are the same except I try to do them any chance I can to the extreme and I don’t feel joy. And the big change of no gym is this a deeper addiction or depression? Or all tied to work I’ve never felt like this and I hate it

Just before I start: This isn't a knock on anyone else who feels like self improvement has changed their life.

Over the last few months I've been putting effort into different forms of bettering myself. I've lost roughly 40 pounds over the course of the year, I've read books (Atomic Habits, Don't believe everything you think, the Let Them theory) and made improvements into my environment.

My apartment is clean. I no longer play video games for 10 hours a day when I am not at work. People like having me around and I've walked 42 miles in the last 7 days. I tried Journaling and affirmations.

But, my life doesn't feel any better. Not just from an external standpoint, I'm not worried about how other people perceive me, but inside I don't feel any different than when I was even more obese, a shut in with acquaintances but no friends.

People say the answers you seek are actually supposed to come from within, but nothing like that ever springs up. There is still no lust for life. I come to work and teach people how to set and work towards goals, teach them coping skills and therapeutic concepts... and then I simply cease to exist.

I've made even more attempts this week to find SOMETHING to want to do or care about, but nothing has felt like it sticks. I go to the gym before work? I just wish it was over the second I walk in. I visit a local book club for the first time? I am bored to near-napping. I go to the community College to see if I can one day find a job that would be enjoyable? They have me take a test and not one of the 19 options they had listed as matching me best felt like something worth doing. I even spent money on a hobby my friends have so I could join in, but putting together and painting these figures just feels like a chore I paid for, more than something that could be a mediation hobby.

I have built good habits. I've found ways to let go of the sadness that used to consume me. Despite all this, I just feel like I am an empty shell that cannot find a single goal to care about. I don't even think or care about the weightloss any more, it's just a byproduct of more movement and less eating so it keeps "getting better", but the external validation of my friends and coworkers means nothing to me.

If there is anyone reading who had this same experience in the past and found a way to find something, anything, to care about, I would love to hear your story.

I dont think I can fix it. I never really engaged in any kind of activity, I am 21 yo and I can not do workouts do to muscle atrophy, I spent years in bed watching videos. My brain has not developed from childhood, I have no talents and my memory is shit, also no relationships. What other people call vacations-f.e. walking a lot became a challenge for me. I am nothing but the time I wasted