I have struggled to make friends my whole life. I graduated highschool last spring. I only had a few friends during highschool and even less now.

I am trying hard to make more, and it has been going somewhat well.

But I feel I always get trapped in this cycle. I do somthing that upsets, frustrates, annoys, weirds out one of my friends.

I think ask if everything is alright because I can tell something is off. They say everything is fine, but then they distances themselves or start to act strange.

I have no idea why this happens. I ask people what I did wrong but they never tell me.

I have two decent examples for it.

I lost touch with a friend in my senior year of highschool, because she just wouldn’t talk to me. She would cancel every other time we planed to hang out to “take a nap”.

We reconnected after one of my friends committed suicide. We talked for a month and after graduation I worked up the courage to ask her to hang out.

I thought we had a great time. I couldn’t sense anything off. But then afterwards she ghosted me. I asked her if I did somthing wrong and she just never responded.

This is a pretty large pattern where people distance themselves and I have no idea why

Another example

I have had this friend for a while now from early July to late August we had a romantic relationship. I feel like she led me on. Looking back it was clear she wasn’t sure she wanted the relationship, but she presued and initiated a lot of stuff.

Anyway randomly late and night she just texted me she wanted to break it off. We went back to being friends but she has been becoming more and more distant.

She says “she’s just busy”. But she would constantly leave me on read and just give low effort replies.

After a few times of asking what was wrong. She finally admitted that i was stressing her out talking to her so much.

She also was lying about having a new boyfriend to me. I was certain she has one but would never admit it and get kinda upset if I brought it up.

TLDR

What can I do when people wont be honest about her feelings with me. I feel like I keep ruining relationships. And because I am never told what I did wrong it’s hard to fix

I have been doing a lot of self reflecting and I am trying to understand why and how I can be too much.

I’ve hung out with someone from school twice, once at a café and once thrifting, and I’d like to keep getting to know them.

I’m realizing café hangouts sometimes put me in my head. I can talk forever, but I start feeling like I’m reciting stories about myself and thinking of what to say next instead of actually being there with them. Like, we met specifically to talk, and now talking has to carry the whole hour. How much new stuff can we really bring to that every time?

I thought about activities too, but if it's something that makes me focus a lot like dancing or pottery painting, I'm going to end up focusing on the task and then it'll be that we barely interacted. Has anyone felt like this?

How do you find that middle ground? What kinds of hangouts help you get out of your head and actually enjoy being with a new friend? I'm open to you challenging my perspective, make me see it differently, or just like answeirng the question I posed as well.

I want to isolate myself from some of my friends at college. They’re really sweet people and I think I hurt them by being upset about something that was unreasonable about me to be upset. How can I make sure to avoid them all the time without making them feel bad?

18 and in college have struggles with Social anxiety all my life and think I've been doing better. Tonight I went with my friends and a few girls to a store I thought i was doing good and outta my shell I was talking and being myself people weren't really vibung with me like they were eachother tho.... like the girls were talking to my 2 friends alot more than me and everything I said they just ignored kinda except one. Even then I was fine like no big deal its ok then when I got back to my dorm I went up to my room then back down to get snacks and I heard the girl that drove us talking abt me she said hes so weird idek why he went I barley know him... and that crushed me I qas invited by my friends and one of the girls if she had a problem with me going she could have said something honestly dont know abt this anymore.

Got me questing my whole vibe

I've always been selective about the people I keep in my circle and it made me an introvert,I dont find the need to talk to anyone if I dont feel like it so i dont really know how to create conversations from scratch,but sometimes I find myself interested in being friends with someone specific,im a guy and im mainly talking about girls here because i find it harder,how do I learn to do that

For this past year I had an up and down in my abilities to socialise but I feel like I finally got to a steady point. One helpful way was by getting a retail job in a very touristy area in my very touristy city. Now. Halloween is coming. and my friends either don't celebrate/ have other plans. I was thinking that if I have a shift finishing around 7 I can try and talk with strangers in bars and such (because if I go with a friend or coworker I will stick to them like glue because i know myself and don't socialise unless i have to. but if i know no one it will be probably easier (?))

I'm 21F and I have a resting avoidant face, avoidant posture and avoidant everything. Basically I'm a wall that is trying to break itself away. I do have a pretty smile tho😋
So far in my socialising, i've tried to implement some tricks like : ask questions as if the person speaking is the most awesome person in the world and you want to know more ; be too tired or too happy to be too much in your head; remember that you're interviewing them as much as they're interviewing you and such to get myself out of my comfort zone .... I just don't know what else .. especially because I want to be the one to cold call strangers . maybe there are some steps people have talked about before (in regards to the very first 2-5mins of a conversation with a stranger) I just haven't read yet. But na - what else should I implement to leave home happy ?

Also - I don't have THAT many fascinating stories about my life as I've been a very sheltered kid. I can hypothetically stretch a truth but we shall see... (in regards to befriending strangers though life stories)
I am very witty, which I think it's a positive , but then what if I aggravate the wrong crowd....

Anyway

No one told me that I stink and I am pretty sure I don't smell bad. I took social dance class to improve socially and in the class any girls I ask say yes to a dance

But whenever I go out to places alone like concerts or shows, people literally keep 6 feet distance from me. Like the entire show is full every seat is full and people stand in the back but the two seats next to mine are empty.

At a concert, everyone is mash together tightly in groups but where I am standing there is noone standing next to me (some people love to be in this scenario because they have extra leg room and like the space to dance and I try to use it to dance a bit and stretch out) but I don't understand why no one come up to fill the space?

Why is it that every time i go out with girls all we do is take pictures??????

Basically i went to a really fun event tonight, they had hay rides, and this giant bouncy thing, and a massive hill, trees, etc.

I get it I have ADHD and what not and maybe I’m a bit different from everybody else

But I wanted to run down the hill, and smash some of the old pumpkins, go on the hayride, jump on that big bouncy thing. All we ended up doing is taking pictures for like three hours.

Wtfffff,, what is wrong with me? Why do I not like it as much as they do?

Am I too childish?

How can i just chill and take pictures with all the other girls and not be so hyper all the time.

Ive been trying to get into stuff that others like but its actually very hard. I just need some sort of hack

I had the most awkward interaction with someone ever. It's a new person I met recently and we talked a bit over text but then we met and there were so many awkward silences that were so long and extended that I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was asking them a lot of questions and they were replying to me but then we both had nothing else to say and it was just silence, and they would break the silence by asking me a technical question.

I even tried to share something about myself, about my family, hint a bit towards my relationship with them etc, asking this person about their own friends and family. But it wasn't doing anything. I felt like I was basically trying to carry the conversation with my questions and information I gave them but obviously it wasn't enough.

In the end I feel like I really fucked up and I am so hard on myself for this and I don't know how not to be. How do I not be hard on myself over this? Thinking I'm a social failure is automatic for me when anything in a conversation goes wrong, especially when there are awkward silences that are so extended (could be 20 seconds). How do I even handle awkward silences next time? do I ask another question/bring up a different topic? what do I do?

Recently, my friends and I went on a night out, and one of my friends invited two girls, one of whom was my classmate. I was also interested in one of the girls, which probably made me even more self-conscious.

The entire trip, I barely talked to either of them. I felt awkward, didn't know what to say, and couldn't bring myself to join conversations naturally. I wanted to interact with them and enjoy the experience, but I just couldn't get out of my own head.

The thing is, this isn't limited to strangers or girls I'm interested in. I'm generally awkward around new people, and I sometimes feel awkward even around my own family. I overthink social interactions and don't always feel comfortable expressing myself freely.

I'm also shy about taking pictures in public. I feel awkward posing for photos and become too conscious of people watching me. Even something as simple as standing naturally in front of a camera can feel uncomfortable.

Honestly, I'm tired of feeling this way. I want to become more confident, charismatic, funny, and socially comfortable. I want to be able to talk to people without constantly worrying about what to say or how I'm coming across. I want to express myself freely, participate in conversations, make people laugh, and enjoy social situations instead of feeling like I'm holding myself back.

I'm not looking for some overnight transformation or tricks to impress people. I genuinely want to improve myself and become a more socially confident person.

For those of you who have overcome similar struggles:

• How did you stop feeling awkward around people, including your own family?
• How do you stop overthinking what others think of you?
• How can I become better at starting and maintaining conversations?
• How do you develop charisma, humor, and a more confident presence?
• How can I become comfortable taking pictures and posing in public?
• What practical habits or exercises can I practice daily to improve?

I'd appreciate honest advice, personal experiences, book recommendations, or anything that has genuinely helped you.

I don't want to keep avoiding situations or regretting missed opportunities. I want to start working on myself and become someone who feels comfortable being himself around others.

My university has a computer gaming lounge that I spent hours of time in when I’m out of classes (haven’t found much luck in them) but before I get picked up. I figured it could be a good place to meet new people, but I don’t think it’s been helping. My main issue is that guys will usually come in pairs, then they’ll play one of those FPS games. It seems like everyone is into that genre now and whatnot. I like RPG games, but those don’t have much representation. My uni doesn’t have a club for the genre like they do with shooters, either. It’s suffocating to go there sometimes when I see everyone having fun together. Should I just man up and try one of them?

Hello I am a 76 . From vietnam veteran here vietnam customs, ALL-American vietnam. I have been jumped out of a plane where i fell into enemy territoryndirect and met a lot of guys like John Mccain in pow as well as the Cong him self who was actually a nice guy, he changed me 😳. Ive never been the same since i had to have my injury bowel injury patched up with a makeshift diaper by the Viet and Cong. 😳. Welp, ive lived a happy life every since doing whatever i want on my leather couch (anything and everything) and just getting changed by some woman either mom or eventually my wife Phillipina our Girl In Blue who finally took off the blue uniform and got married to me and im now in my Marriage Shed. Now that im married i can finally make small talk and get along with other guys who will relate to me and also find me different and fascinating on account of my pooping disease and other Veteran and Battle War related cool things. I am only missing an ice breaker. My usual is to loudly disturb some one with my condition or another sense gets disturbed and crack an kind of smile that makes them think i need help then they check on me, usually the Worker or a Samaritan, and they talk. But i would like to lay it on some other way onto whatever person looks good to me and not just take whomever i can get usually the Worker. Ok please give me your tip now 😁

I keep missing important messages from some of my friends because others just keep sending me black photos or random pictures of their legs for message streaks 99% of the time. I would like to ask them to stop, but feel bad because they often pay actual money to restore the streaks when I forget to use my phone aside from alarms for two days or more (happens a few times a month). This is such a non-issue that it has spiraled into a huge issue lmao

I would like help on how phrase it without making it sound like I don't give a damn about them, but I don't really like them spamming me with empty photos either. Me saying stuff like "whoops I missed the streak again, I don't put that much importance on it" hasn't seemed to get thru to them. How should I be more clear on that? I feel like "hey please don't send me empty messages" out of the blue is somehow rude and I have a hard time putting it like that.

For context my own streak upkeep messages are often about what I've done that day or drama and stuff I wanna talk about because that's what I like getting from my friends too. I often just dismiss the notification beeps from that app because I'm basically expecting them to be empty messages. But then every once in a while it's a friend just wanting someone to talk to in that moment or another asking me to hang out and I end up replying like 20 hours later. I've told my friends that they can always call me, but obviously just texting me there is far more casual and natural feeling for most of them.

Thankies for any serious answers on this (´∇｀'' )ゞ

im a freshman in college and tomorrow is my presentation and i have very low self esteem. whenever i have to speak in front of a crowd even if it's just 50 people, i start stuttering. i wanted to ask what do u do to calm your nerves and is there anything that genuinely helped you become more confident when speaking in front of a crowd.

thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to share their experience.

I thought about posting this in a finance sub but I knew I would be ripped to shreds! I am trying to delete my people-pleasing tendencies. Please help

I am in physician assistant school (pretty intense) and I have met friends that I love. As you know, graduate students are generally poor. I'm actually fortunate to still have a job, but I only work about 24 hours per month and bring in no more than $400-500 per month(!) my lovely boyfriend supports me and I live off of student loans.

Whenever I have my friends over, I want to spoil them. I'll put their food orders on my phone, and I won't ask for them to pay for their food. One friend doesn't worry about it, another friend expresses gratitude and shock that I'm paying for their food, and another friend actually does pay me back a day or two later. It's not their fault. In the moment I *feel* great about it, and then I'm picking up shifts during an already busy school schedule to make up for my spending. Days or weeks later I look at my credit card statement like why the hell am I spending on other people who are in the same financial position as I am??

How do I set boundaries and protect my finances while still occasionally going out and spending money with my fellow graduate students? I don't want it to reach a breaking point where I tell people I can't go out anymore because I can't stop myself from paying for others.

Thank you <3

I know you will ask this but yes, I'm on the spectrum. Also doesn't help I've been isolated for most of my life, and I only recently became independent. After half a year trying to get my feet on the ground, I am finally doing my best to talk to people.

However, I don't know if I'm misinterpreting something, or if my expression is "off" but I always try to smile when talking to people, and first the conversation goes great but then I say something and then I see they look confused/scared, not sure how to describe it. It's like they notice there is something "off".

I have read a lot of books at this point on socialising, making an impression but I'm not sure if it's my face, tone of voice, my facial expression, eye contact, etc. I live abroad but I don't think it's a cultural issue since I have lived in multiple countries and experienced the same. I really want to stop making people uncomfortable but I don't know what exactly is wrong with me.

To what extent must I care abt my friends without seeming like I'm obsessed with them.

This usually happens to me and they get creeped out and distance themselves.

How to express love and affection while preventing this.

You start to wonder what you said to offend them? Even though you barely interacted with them, then you even have to stop yourself from getting worked up and asking what their problem is? Overthinking sucks lol

So there is this trend among a lot of people I have met in my life.

I am young and relatively attractive, especially for a guy. Got the whole androgynous pretty-boy act going for me.

However, something tends to happen where people will meet me, and I will be all interesting and cheerful. I will be myself, basically. I'll be happy and eager to talk and wanting to get to know them.

And they like talking to me, for a while. But after they meet me, they "settle in" so to speak."

"Well there's the hard part of getting this twink in my life, I can relax now."

What this practically means is there are people who will tell me how much they care about me, how much they want to keep talking to me, how much they want to hang out with me, and then just...don't.

I end up texting them or complimenting them and trying to make plans with them, but they only ever talk to me when they feel like being entertained by me.

I'm a toy, is what I am saying.

I've been a toy for years, realistically all my short life.

Once my novelty dries up, people (rightly) discard me and just put me on a shelf for their "I feel like talking to the pretty neuroD twink" days.

All that this does is make me even more insecure about being my actual, raw self. So I perform even more, I am more eager and praise them or do what they want me to do more. This just ends up in me being used even more.

I don't know what to do with myself. I want to talk to these people, I want to be friends with them, and nothing bad happened between us. It just seems like once they actually know me for ME, they don't want to actually know ME anymore.

Whenever I start a conversation with someone, I always ask, “how are you?” Nowadays, people don’t actually mean it and it just makes socializing harder. How do I change this and socialize better?

I wonder if maybe I'm a bit too honest at times and it makes me seem more boring. I don't do a lot, just work, TV/movies and working on some hobbies. When people ask me what Ive been up to, I usually just say "just working away as usual". I get that people don't want to hear my life's story, but I'm wondering how I could sound a bit less boring. I think maybe being a bit less forthcoming and more mysterious/vague could help, but I'm not sure and I also don't really know how to phrase things in a way which actually makes sense and isn't weird.

Ive always been a pretty quiet person, especially when I'm sitting in a group. I usually end up listening to others or just observing rather than actively participating in the conversation.

This happens even around people I know or consider friends, particularly when I'm not completely comfortable around them. Sometimes I want to say something or join the conversation, but my mind just goes blank. I can’t think of anything to say, even when I want to.

What makes it worse is when people point it out or comment on how quiet I am. It makes me more conscious of myself, and I end up feeling even more awkward.

I'm trying to improve my social life and become more comfortable participating in conversations, but I'm not really sure how to go about it. I dont necessarily want to become the most talkative person in the room, instead of sit still like an statue.

Has anyone else experienced this? If you used to be like this and managed to get better at socializing, what helped you? How do you deal with your mind going blank

In my mind, I'm just trying to make information accessible to everyone who doesn't know words discussed etc., and i also ask more questions about certain topics discussed but I feel like I'm making the conversation worse whenever I do that.

For example, if someone is discussing about recycling. They would talk about reusing of old plastics. So I would ask the people who know more about this about which plastics are easier to reuse. And for the other people who aren't very aware, I would explain that reusing plastic usually involves melting the plastic and forming new shapes but it does creates fumes that are hard to completely convert into safer fumes to release into the air. For some reason, it's not well received and makes others uncomfortable.

I don't understand how other people perceive 'educational' group conversations. It doesn't seem like anyone wants to discuss technicalities and it seems like talking about jargon without further explanation is easier.

For some context: I’m a 20 year-old, chronically online, not really fem-presenting maybe-girl with niche (in a bad way) interests and no social experience whatsoever. All my elementary school ‘friends’ were closer to playmates (we never hung out outside of school hours), I never made any friends in secondary school and that still hasn’t changed now with uni (1st semester), and I’m not close enough with anyone I speak to online to even know their names. I’m not particularly close with my family members since I’m incredibly self conscious and project the most sanitized and ‘appealing’ version of myself.

I think similar posts have been made, but I believe my circumstances are slightly different: I don’t ever feel sad or lonely or like I’m missing out by not having a group of friends to share meals or study with. My only motivation to try and learn to socialize is purely about being able to get a decent job in the future so I don’t end up spending 17 years in school for no good reason. From personal experience around students with worse social skills than me, I know it’s obvious when someone is awkward in social situations and I want to eliminate that awkwardness so I can pass as more normal.

To do that, I obviously have to place myself in social situations and practice with normal people. The problem arises when I start discovering that literally everyone seems so confident and at ease around groups of strangers, even in clubs where you’d expect the members to be a little bit shy or introverted. It genuinely feels like I’m a different species pretending at humanity whenever I open my mouth to speak manufactured words in a voice that doesn’t sound like mine.

I also always feel like I’m humiliating myself whenever I say anything to anyone, even though I know logically that my behaviour is normal and the other person doesn’t actually care at all. My brain is constantly replaying random things I said back when I was ten and I just can’t seem to shake it even though literally no one else remembers, and it’s done me nothing but bad.

How do I start socializing if I’m already a decade behind all my peers? How do I motivate myself to go out and get the practice if the only thing I really want out of it is a +1 on my skill tree? Does anyone else have experience in feeling this way?

(Posted something similar in a different sub a while back and it got deleted because everyone started trying to diagnose me. Hopefully that doesn’t happen here lol.)

Hello. I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit to post this question in (maybe more anxiety, perfectionism but I'm unsure). I thought I'd give this a go.

I've been trying to make some friends online recently on Discord in certain communities but with no success so far. Any time I don't really work well with someone and we aren't talking to each other anymore, I feel uneasy over the fact that there are now messages exchanged between us and a call history that cannot be erased. I have not done anything wrong, I have only tried to make friends, but I keep coming back to "oh, what if they share it with others/judge me for it, etc" even though it's not a big deal. I wouldn't say I'm great at talking to people, but I'm going out of my comfort zone to try and build that experience and confidence talking to new people going forward. I do have very strong perfectionistic tendencies, but I've been working on it. I can't seem to take my mind off this, though.

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, how did you get over it? Would you have any advice for someone in my position?

Thank you for any help provided. :)