Both met at 18 on Snap in the UK. Typical teenage love story lol. We talked for like a year over FaceTime and got really close. I spoke to his friends and everything, and even spoke to his mum on the phone and his sister-in-law multiple times.
Halfway through, he started revealing things, like how he did steroids. A LOT of them. Very aggressive stuff for someone his age, and it was my first time hearing about it, so I didn't know much. I just thought, lazy shit can't go to the gym and get jacked himself 😭 but he said it just speeds things up lol or whatever.
He also had no life ambitions whatsoever. Didn't study, had no idea where he wanted to be in life, and kept saying, "We'll get married, I'll figure it out," bla bla. And obviously, being stupid, I believed it lolllll.
I also ended up guessing that he smoked ouid, and he admitted it. He did it ALL the time, daily, sometimes 2–3 times a day, along with a bunch of other recreational shit like balloons and all that.
He was also a past slag and had been with LOADS of people, but the thing was, he told me about all of them and hid nothing, so I'll give him that. He didn't lie about anyone from his past. But the deeper we got, the more I understood his emotional side, especially with his family pushing him out and the toxic environment at home.
Me being stupid kept saying, "It's fine, idm, idm, it's fine, I'll support you," damn well knowing the chances were that my family were NOT going to accept him. My family are full of doctors, and I'm also pursuing medicine, so that part of me damn well knew he wasn't going to be able to provide for me the way I wanted. I'm not a gold digger, but I want someone who can comfortably look after me, especially considering the way I grew up with my father being a doctor. I want the same for my future family.
The lack of ambition bothered me too. He wasn't well-spoken, etc. All that. If you'd asked me about this in the moment, I wouldn't have said any of this because I was too love-blind, but now I can see everything wrong with it.
I kept saying we needed to end things because it was wrong and I didn't see it working out, but he kept convincing me to stay. It was ruining my relationships with my family at home to the point where I'd completely cut them off. Multiple times, he'd contact me on all sorts of platforms when he was high or whatever, saying he needed me and all that.
Anyways, six months later, im happier but still think about it.
OH, ANDDDD the first time I ended it, he came back saying he missed me. But while we were apart, he slept with a girl who looked EXACTLY like me. He initially said it was only once, but when I asked him again later, he said it was like three times. He described the exact night to me and then realised, shit, and was like, "Sorry, sorry, sorry," and all that.
He would talk about her horribly, saying he only wanted her for her body lol. Still don't know why that wasn't an automatic leave for me.
But to be fair, I know for a fact he loved me. The way he treated me, held me, and reassured me showed that. But it wasn't practical love. He bought me an engagement gold ring after I insisted he shouldn't, but he did it anyway, regardless of me telling him the chances were that it wouldn't work out.
I feel like I should add that I was GUILT-TRIPPED A LOT. I genuinely felt like I owed him something, and ngl, I did feel guilty. But now I'm SOOOOO much happier.Also, idk how to explain it, but I have a strong feeling he wouldn't talk about me negatively. I think he had respect for me, regardless of how much he lost his temper lol. Like, once, he didn't talk to me because I spent too long in the shower. Like bro 😭😭
He was very emotionally unstable, but that's also why I felt really guilty, ygm?
I miss the good bits sometimes and still have some things from then, i wanna let go but cant of the items. Since the beginning its been over 2 years and last point of contact was 6 months ago. I wanna know what hes doing how he is etc if he wants to msg me. so far ive ignored any thoughts but for how long, help xxx