One time at a party I ended up in conversation with a guy I didn't know. This happens to me occasionally but I'm autistic so small talk isn't really my strong suit. I asked the guy how old he was. He responded that he was 23. In an attempt to relate to him I said "Oh! I used to be 23!" As if that was some unique experience.

I was under the impression my boyfriend wasn't paying attention to me while we were talking and remembered a character in a book saying "and father consented to buy me an elephant" to call out someone not paying attention to her. So I suggested we buy an elephant. His response was "no, no dear, and here is how the recliner controls work." We went from elephants to recliners in one second flat!

I suppose he was actually paying attention to me though. (Also I ought to have paid more attention myself. I can't figure out how to put the footrest down, and I really need to pee! I guess I'll need to request assistance. Edit: apparently I just needed to physically push down. I feel very silly now).

i was leaving a shop earlier and someone was walking out just ahead of me. the door opened and i instinctively said "thank you!"

except the person hadn't held the door, the door was automatic!

the person turned around and looked at me and instead of just laughing it off, i pretended i was talking on the phone but i wasn't even holding my phone (gosh so embarrassed!)

but anyway, apparently i'm polite to doors now

I just came across a photo of Scarlett Johansson while scrolling and I said “RIP” to myself while feeling a little sad. And then I remembered that shes still alive and it’s her MCU character, Natasha Romanov, that’s dead. Not the first time it happened.

I was in the middle of working earlier today when a sudden heavy downpour started outside. The sound of the rain pounding against the metal roofs in our neighborhood was so loud that it completely interrupted my focus.

Instead of getting back to my laptop right away, I grabbed a cup of instant coffee and just stood near the window watching the water flood the street for a bit. The exact sound of heavy rain hitting tin roofs always takes me right back to lazy weekends when I was a kid, back when time felt like it moved a lot slower.

By the time I snapped out of it, my coffee was lukewarm and twenty minutes had passed. I didn't end up accomplishing much during that break, but it ended up being the quietest part of my day.

I don’t eat fast food for the most part, as I didn’t grow up eating it (dietary reasons for my health). Recently, my friend had been taking me to Chick-FiI-A a bunch to get food (keep this in mind for later).

I had just gotten finished with a workout at the gym when I got a call from my friend. He asked me to get him some Chipotle before we hung out (He paid me back, don’t worry). I agreed and went on my way to get his order. I took what I thought was the way to the local Chipotle, parked my car, and went inside. I walk up to the counter and try to place the order. The manager was there and he proceeded to say “That’s Chipotle, which is right down the street. “ I stared for a moment to realize the stupid mistake I had made (operant conditioning at its finest). I walked out of the restaurant and sat for a minute in my car laughing at the whole situation. I went about going to get his food (and ordering something for myself).

I work in a grocery store. I've been in the business for several years now, so I'll help out in any department that's thin.

So I load up a cart of fruit to put out on the sales floor. As I'm rotating the kiwis to put the newest, least ripe ones on the bottom of the stack, I see a bit of spider web clinging to the fruits.

I gently lift the kiwis and find the cutest jumping spider cowering there; fully exposed to the overhead lighting. He was a big one too, black and fuzzy with white markings on his body and legs. He had those big, beady eyes like Lucas.

He was awfully cute, but had he jumped onto me I don't know that I'd be able to control my primal fear response. I didn't want to hurt him, and he certainly posed no threat to anybody here.

So I named him Jeffery Jr and carefully piled kiwis back around him so he could hide in peace. When I looked again this morning, he was gone. Hopefully he found a more peaceful stack of fruit to spend his time in.

A few days ago I went grocery shopping and picked up some toothpaste because I was running low. When I got home, I was in a hurry and started putting everything away without really paying attention. Later that evening I went to brush my teeth and couldn't find the new toothpaste anywhere. I checked the bathroom, looked through the shopping bags, and started wondering if I'd somehow left it at the store. For the next three days I kept trying to figure out where it went. Then I opened the nightstand drawer next to my bed to grab something and there it was. My brand new tube of toothpaste, just sitting there like it belonged. Apparently I'd put it away with the rest of my groceries and somehow decided my nightstand was the perfect place for it. I still have absolutely no idea what my brain was doing that day lol.

I was walking home from work, and I came across some bongos on the curb to be trashed. I figured "why not?" and grabbed them. I made it to right across the street from the bus stop, and the bus was just pulling away. Depending on traffic and if the bus driver sees you, hope wasn't completely lost, so I booked it. I heard a stranger yell "you got this, bongos!"

Spoiler: I did not got this. It was too dark out to be seen by the driver, and weighed down with a backpack and the instrument, it was simply not happening. The next bus wasn't coming for another 15 minutes, so I just walked the 1.5 miles home. It was nice. Perfect evening weather for a walk, and I saved $3 (more if you count the free bongos lol).

i have very busy week probably the most I’ve been out because I work one day a week I just went to the dentist today i go to work tomorrow and I go again Thursday. talk about a week.

REALLY appreciate your jokes. I am feeling better now.. Orginal post : Every time I think about how my parents never really loved me, and how they still try to guilt-trip and control me under the guise of East Asian family values, I just want to cry.
I literally moved all the way to Canada to get away from them, and somehow they still manage to live rent-free in my head.
I cried again today. And I’m already in my 30s. LMAOOOO.
Anyway, does anyone have some absolutely unhinged, dark, messed-up jokes to share?
At this point, I’d rather laugh at something terrible than cry about my childhood again. 😂😭

A few weeks back, I was working from office. One evening, I started feeling hungry, but dinner was still about two hours later. So, I headed to the vending machine in our office and got myself a milkshake.

The carton was dispensed but got stuck against the bottom edge of the shelf. Like the carton just stood on an edge that was an mm or less thick. The payment was reversed, and the amount was refunded to me so issues there. However, I couldn't bear that my milkshake was right there and I couldn't have it, just a millimetre away from being mine. So, I selected the same thing again, but this time, the vending machine didn't dispense anything and displayed an error.

I am someone who repels human interaction but still I turned around to look for a staff member who could help, and I saw a man walking out of the pantry area. I went after him but by the time I got out I couldn't see him anywhere.

I thought of reporting the issue at the reception, but I decided against it because I wanted no human interaction, only milkshake. And I had gotten my money back both times so I had nothing to complain about except wanting the milkshake.

An hour later, I went to the pantry area to get some water post dinner and I saw my coworker using the vending machine. I didn't think much of it at the time. I was doing my thing. Then, I hear her walking over to her friend and happily exclaiming that she'd gotten a free milkshake and it was just laying there in the output tray. I lift my head to see her walking away with something that was almost mine</3

I think it was someone before her who must've made the milkshake actually fall in the tray but chose to not take it only to let me see what happens with the stuck milkshake carton that I chose to leave unreported :v

Some friends of mine were getting ready for their gender reveal party and had a big balloon filled with confetti. They were driving it home in their car when the thing suddenly popped. Blue confetti went absolutely everywhere. All over the seats, the floor, pretty much the entire car. Instead of having a nice little reveal at the party, they found out they were having a boy while sitting in a car full of blue confetti lol. They were pretty disappointed at first because the surprise was ruined, but now it's one of those stories we're probably going to remember for years. I'm pretty sure they'll still be finding little blue pieces in that car months from now

When I was in elementary school any time a student was rocking on the back legs of their chair, the teachers would pull out the same cautionary tale.

They’d tell us about a girl who went to that school and she was tipping her chair back when she lost her balance, fell, and gouged out her eye on the corner of the table.

It was a disconcerting story for 6, 7, 8 year olds. Did it stop us? No. Adults come up with things like that all the time to stop you from doing things.

One day my friend and I were playing in the sports court at lunch when two older girls came up to us. I don’t remember exactly how the interaction started.

But I remember that it ended with one of the girls showing us her prosthetic eye and telling us how she’d lost her eye tipping back on her chair.

My friend and I felt like we met a celebrity. No one has believed the story was actually true. The girl was really cool lol (not just because of her eye)! I hope she’s thriving.

I think about her every time I see someone with a prosthetic eye. Or tipping their chair back.

This was in 3rd grade. One of my best friends that would translate for other students that only spoke Spanish was absent, I was the only other English speaking Latino, except with a twist cuz I was solely English speaking, my mom never really spoke Spanish to me long enough for me to get a grasp on the language and less so after starting school since everyone only spoke English, so I didn’t care to learn it.

Bc my friend was absent I end up getting paired up with the girl who only speaks Spanish, and I had to translate whatever we were doing, I had no clue what to do so I just started talking in gibberish and we were both just staring at each other after every sound id make, they weren’t even words. Gosh I still remember the look on her face. I felt bad seeing it and so I tried to figure out what would make her feel better and then I remembered I had some paper with some Spanish on it and so I gave it to her, it was the lyrics of two songs ‘Jar of Hearts by Christina perri’ that my sister wrote down in Spanish and ‘darte un beso by Prince Royce’ I just figured she’d probably be happy to be able to have something in Spanish.

I think it cheered her up but I started running from her whenever she’d look at me or follow me around and I still feel really bad but also really embarrassed. I still feel so bad I would run away cuz I couldn’t face her, cuz it was just so cringey, ugh I’m cringing just thinking abt it. why would I do that. Ik she’s definitely forgotten abt it considering we were 8. But I can’t listen to those songs without the color draining from my face and turning into a shriveled grape cuz it always reminds me of the ridiculous notes I gave her. Sorry to Angelica, wherever you are, I did want to be your friend but I was too embarrassed to face you after that.

I regularly take a pail and a grabber and pick up trash in a forest that I live close to. One day a few years ago, a couple kids were messing around climbing trees as I walked by. One of them yelled down at me:

Kid: HEY! What are you doing?

Me: Picking up trash.

Kid: Why are you doing that??

Me: Why does anyone do anything?

The kid was silent for a moment before quietly saying, “I dunno,” and then continuing to ascend the tree. His friend just stared the whole time. I moved on. Sometimes I wonder what became of him, maybe I shaped the next Descartes.

I was at coffee in the parish hall after church and for some reason, my friend just reaches across the table and grabs my hand with both her hands and just doesn't let go. Minutes go by. I feel pretty chill. Then I hold the hand of the person to my left with my free hand. Literally had nothing to do with the conversation and we've never held hands like that before. I think the people to our right were talking about something that was a little angry? I was too focused, one pair of hands was really warm, the other, clammy. I'm living the life over here. That is all.

So here I was going out for a midnight stroll in the October breeze. My neighborhood is fairly well decorated for the holidays so of course I’m admiring them. My headphones die so I’m stuck there with the sound of wind and branches and shit for like twenty minutes. Next thing I know this seven foot Halloween motion activated animatronic lunges at me and starts hooting and hollering and yelling at me. I screamed like a baby and lost my footing and tripped. The most scared I’ve ever felt in my life.

Little did I know my neighbor was out working on his car in the garage. He saw EVERYTHING. I shouldn’t show my face on this street ever again. I may move.

This was in 2023 when it happened, so I was 19 at the time.

I was super exhausted and sore from the shift I worked at the hotel. When I woke up that morning, I chose to look at my emails and I see this email that said a subscription for McAfee was starting again for over $300. I freaked out because at the time, I had a lot of subscriptions and tend to forget I was even subscribed to something. And I genuinely believed at the time I was probably subscribed to McAfee too, but my mind was playing TRICKS on me because I was barely conscious.

There was a number in the email for support so I called it and some Indian guy picked up the phone. (I swear I'm not weird! It's relevant, IT'S RELEVANT TO THE STORY I SWEAR!!!! LOL)

It was unsuspecting at the time because I genuinely thought he was gonna help me because I told him I was calling to cancel that subscription, the email said it was the ONLY way to cancel it. I had to call that number.

So boom, he tells me to hop on my laptop and DOWNLOAD something. He gets straight access to my laptop and again! I thought that was normal because sometimes IT technicians do that to help you BUT I WAS CALLING TO CANCEL MY APPARENT SUBSCRIPTION TO MCAFEE!!! I was having the unfortunate hard time understanding him because his accent was pretty thick so I kept asking him to kindly repeat his words and he was starting to get slightly annoyed at me so I was just overly apologizing. And he was like "It's okay ma'am, just do as I tell you." Okay! Now I'm being given a Google form to fill out. You wouldn't believe what I saw that I STILL believed was unsuspecting.

"FULL NAME"

"EMAIL ADDRESS"

"HOME ADDRESS"

"PHONE ADDRESS"

"BANKING COMPANY"

I entered all that junk in the Google form while he had full access to my laptop. He kept constantly asking me if I've done everything, making sure I wouldn't go anywhere. Now that he has my personal information, he asks me to log into my bank account.

Yes, you read that correctly. He asks ME! The barely conscious DUMMY to LOG INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT WHILE HE HAS ACCESS TO MY LAPTOP. And I did it. I did exactly that, as he told me to.

So here I am, in the deep end, entering my friggen bank log in credentials. To this guy across the dang ocean, has my most personal information in a Google form, and now access to my bank account because I just logged in.

But here's the funny part of why I was saved, hence the title. I was broke, I was as broke as possible. I had about $10 in my bank account and this guy asked me.

"Is this all? You don't have any other bank accounts?" And I just said no. And he hung up on me.

And then it finally clicked that I almost got scammed. I'm cracking up so badly right now because every time I think about this, about how this guy was so disappointed and baffled by how broke I was, it genuinely makes me cry from laughter.

I called my bank and they told me fully and completely that it was straight up fraud and I NEEDED to go to the bank to close my account and make a new one. I finally understood the severity then when my bank told me to go NOW.

I am 22 now, I don't get scammed like that anymore. I promise. Instead a few months ago I got my entire PC and social media accounts compromised but that's another story you can find elsewhere on the discord help subreddit AHAHAHA

(I had to edit it because it had too many curse words. Sorry! Bot told me to watch my language.)

We got Bunny about 1.5 years ago from a rescue. She had been there for a year. She's a Pitt & Husky mix, we think about 3 years old. She is great! Very quiet, just the right amount of energy for our household, potty trained, very friendly. 100% happy with our Bunny girl.

We have a spot in the backyard that we named the 'Bunny Zone'. This is where we want her to go outside and do her business. We took her there frequently and gave her lots of encouragement when she did her business there. We installed a doggy door so she could go outside whenever she wanted. We kept up the training until she knew not to go anywhere else. She does consistently do her business while on walks. She gets at least 2 walks a day during the week and more on the weekends.

Now that the stage has been set...

We were having some friends over and Bunny came to me to say hi while I was at the dinner table. I played with her for a bit. She went to my partner, who played with her for a bit. Then she went to each of our friends, who did the same. She sat down. Then repeated the rounds again.

She's usually a very relaxed, chill dog. This behavior was a bit odd. I thought, 'Maybe she needs to go?' Even though the doggy door was there and she had easy access to the backyard and the bunny zone.

I took her outside and she jogged immediately to the Bunny Zone. She really, really, really had to go do #1.

I feel bad for not realizing the signals earlier! 😟

It seems dogs are very literal. We trained her to go to the Bunny Zone to do her business with us there. She will not go #1 or #2 unless we take her.

It's not a bad routine at all. I like walking on the grass barefoot.

More pointlessness: She's getting groomed today. I hope they give her a Halloween themed scarf after.

So there was this girl from my college and we both were friends. But i could tell she was not a good person like a bully and stuff but i was just with her cause in the starting i did not have any friends. But then later on i just became more casual friends cause i knew she was not someone to be stick around for long. But i did not judge her much cause i get it everyone is diff. And she had a long distance bf who from the start of there relationship was long distance. But 1 thing about her was she in the she never told anyone that she has a bf and would go out with guys saying they are friends. She she would tell her bf as well and for that reason we thought they were like timepass couples. Nkt serious. I had a long distance bf too and both our guys had the same name.

She even went to a diff state to surprise him. That was probably the first time they met after 2 years and it was really sweet. I was genuinely happy for her even though i did not like her. And then my guy turned out to be a cheater so mine ended. But i was still happy for the. And then he went to japan for a year he came back a few days back. And they have gone for a trip. And doing all the couple things together. Now i am happy for her but really really sad for myself for somereason.

And she was the type of girl like the moment she saw a couple holding hands in public she would actually take pic and post on her insta saying ewww hate couples.

And i am not crying about my cheater ex. But like i gave all my love and care like litterly all and i feel empty now (its been almost 2 years) and on the other hand she was going out with other guys ( not doing anything just like coffee and food). And still. 😔

I went to this halloween event (I was volunteering in a park) and there was this guy who came alone. He had a decent costume and I asked which school he came from. He lives 30 minutes away; we made eye contact many times before he joined my group, who were speaking about controversies in our schools.

I kept including him in the convos because I know what it is like to be on the outskirts of a group. Unfortunately, we got separated for half of the event, but I managed to see him at the end and walked him to the exit; this is where he gave me his contact information. I was pretty jubilant because earlier that day, I was complaining online about the lack of IRL attention I get from men. This brought me some hope, and proved that my self improvement is finally starting to pay off.

Me and my partner live across the street from a sizeable forest and we have a large squirrel population. The squirrels often traverse the power lines in front of the property. Every once in awhile one of them will step on the wrong spot. We know exactly when this happens because we’ll hear a big bang from outside followed by our power going out for an hour or two. If we go outside later, we’re guaranteed to find a lightly toasted squirrel laying in front of one of the utility poles. It’s common enough that if I hear a bang and the power goes out, I’ll automatically text my partner and say “another squirrel has decided to embrace the crispy existence,” and he will say “rip”.

So, this is kinda random but it’s been on my mind again lately.

About 5 or 6 years ago I worked as a barista at a small local coffee shop. My English was decent back then but not perfect, and southern accents in particular gave me a hard time lol.

There was this couple that came in all the time. She was blonde, southern, and he had long curly hair basically identical to mine, so they always joked that he was my long lost brother (including the fact that he was also latino -- better english perhaps). Honestly they were one of the cool regulars. Always friendly, always down for small talk, and I’d hook them up with free coffee every now and then because they were just good people.

Then one day she came in alone. She seemed normal at first so I started chatting with her like usual. But we were in the middle of a rush, and between the noise, her accent, and my English, I just couldn’t follow what she was saying. So, I did the thing where you smile and nod and hope for the best.

And then her face changed and she started crying.

till this day, I have no idea what she told me. I never saw her again after that, and I never saw him again either. They just stopped coming in.

I know it’s a small thing, but it sticks with me. I’d love to go back with the English I have now and actually hear her out, or at least give her one last coffee on the house and ask if she was ok.

what about you? Some random interaction with a stranger that you still replay years later?

Been in tech school for a year after leaving university four years ago without finishing a whole degree. Tech school has treated me well. I’ve had a one track mind about throwing my weight behind a good automotive program.

I established that context to say that I’ve been searching for reasons to walk away from social media since probably 2019, for sure by 2021. In the shortest way possible, doomscrolling is a menace to my psyche.

So after walking away from an old friendship last year, I was able to full send on curtailing the last little bit of my social media presence.

It’s been fine. Nothing I’ll try to oversell. I’ll at least say when I peek at some sites I still have old accounts, I’m less inclined to engage with people being brazenly offensive or obtuse. Feels good to pick my battles carefully, and sometimes that’s by walking away quietly. It’s given me a subtle push in creating a positive trajectory for discipline in general for starting and completing personal projects. Helps that my two roommates of five years keep me grounded with keeping the house standing and working together at being sociable.

So walking away from self imposed doomerism and rage is good. But there’s other things that help with moving forward.