r/ParentingADHD • u/dfphd • Apr 07 '25
(I hope I can make this a good enough post to get it pinned, as this issue pops up very often and understandably, most parents don't know what the process should look like)
You are the parent to a kid with ADHD, and your kid starts having issues in school. It could be that they are getting so distracted they are falling behind academically, but it might also be that their impulse control is getting the best of them and they're having huge meltdowns and tantrums. Whatever it is - they are problems related to your kid's ADHD, and they are impeding their ability to be at school.
Before I dive into how things are supposed to work, let me start with what your mantra should be:
Resolving behavioral issues that are happening at school can only be accomplished by the people in the school AND they are legally obligated to do so
This is a core concept in behavioral psychology, this is also just common sense - the triggers, conditions, consequences, etc. that are going to happen at school can only make sense at school.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't work with your kid at home to strengthen certain behavioral "muscles", but generally speaking, especially with very young kids, you're not going to fix their meltdowns at school by just implementing things at home. The school needs to do things at school.
Also, note one really important here in everything I'm about to say: none of it mentions medication or therapy. And that is because neither of them should impact your kid receiving services from the school. Even if your kid has a diagnosis, your kid does not have to be prescribed medication (or choose to take it) for the school to provide support. Whether your kid should or shouldn't take meds is a completely different issue, but I just want to point this out to put people who are not ready to medicate their kids at ease: getting them diagnosed and having the school do an eval does not mean your will need to medicate your kid.
Ok, here is how it's supposed to work:
Diagnosis: Your kid needs an ADHD diagnosis, which can be as simple as you and your kid's teacher filling out a questionnaire (referred commonly as "the Vanderbilt" or VADRS). This questionnaire has questions that try to identify consistent symptoms of ADHD (inattention, hyperactivity, impulsivity) as well as other conditions that are normally of relevance for ADHD people (ODD, anxiety, depression). You can ask your pediatrician, or if you're working with a neurologist you can ask them as well.
School identifies issue: Your kid's teacher notices that your kid is having struggles. You talk and you tell them that your kid has an ADHD diagnosis. Your teacher then discusses with their principal who would connect with you about your options. They would want to discuss two key things:
504 acommodations: which refer to Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. This is a federal anti-discrimination act which basically says that your kid deserves whatever acommodations the school can make to help your kid. The nice thing about 504 acommodations is that the barrier of entry is easy - you just need a diagnosis and then your school can set this up. The downside is that 504 acommodations do not include any additional instruction - i.e., it doesn't include adding resources (people) to the equation. But considering some schools might have counselors that can help, and some school districts might have their own staff that they can leverage for a 504 plan.
IEP: An Individualized Education Plan is a more serious step. This is covered by IDEA - the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. This is a much more fleshed out piece of legistlation as it relates to education because it's not just a subset of a large piece focused on non-discrimination (like 504 acommodations). This is an entire at focused specifically on the rights of individuals with disabilities as it relates to education.
Now, an IEP is more involved for a couple of reasons, but this is what you need to know:
So thatis how it's all supposed to work. Here are the issues you might face at each stage, and what to do about it.
Diagnosis Issues:
Issue: "My pediatrician dismisses mny concerns about my kid having ADHD and doesn't even suggest doing the Vanderbilt"
Solution: Get a new pediatrician.
Issue: "I am not satisfied with how well versed in ADHD my pediatrician is, but they are helpful and supportive"
Solution: Go see a neurologist, specifically one that specializes in children (and many specialize in ADHD-type stuff).
Issue: "I think my kid might have more going on than just ADHD, what do I do?"
Solution: Two options - you can either have the school do the full evaluation (for free), or if you're impatient and/or want a second opinion and/or just want to, you can pay out of pocket (probably like $2K) to do a full blown psych eval on your kid, and that would evaluate a lot more things than just ADHD.
Issues with the School:
The most prevalent issue I see with the school is just an overall "not my problem" mentality. That is, your kid has behavioral issues at school, and they call you in to chatise you for it. And at no point in time does anyone at the school acknowledge that they are not only legally required to intervene, but that they are also the people who have the information, expertise, resources to address this AND the advantage of being in the setting where the behaviors happen. Also, for emphasis, AND THE LEGAL REQUIREMENT TO DO SO.
Why do I know this is common - anecdotally, a lot of people on this sub have gone/are going through this. Objectively the Office of Civil Rights published an entire guide to let schools know what they're responsible for because they were getting sued too much
Over the past five fiscal years (2011-2015), the Department’s Office for Civil Rights (OCR) has received more than 16,000 complaints alleging discrimination on the basis of disability in elementary and secondary education programs. Approximately 2,000, or one in nine, of these complaints involved allegations of discrimination against a student with ADHD
So it is very likely that as your kid's behaviors pop up, you will be made to feel as if it is your responsibility to fix your kid at home and bring them a kid with no issues. It's probably helpful if you show up prepared enough for those first conversations so that they know you are not to be triffled with.
An extension of that issue that I see a lot is principals or other admin staff trying to gently nudge you away from the direction of a 504 plan, and definitely away from an IEP. They might tell you things like "oh, we know how to handle these things, we're already doing everything we can!", or "oh, I know that if I send your kid's case to the school psychologist they are just going to reject it immediately".
All of that is bullshit, and you will notice there is a high tendency of them saying this, but not putting it in writing. If you start feeling that pushback, the "no, we don't need an IEP", you can just bulldoze straight through that by saying - even politely - "I understand, but I'd like to request an evaluation and we'll let them figure out what makes sense".
I'd also recommend getting all these things in writing. Again, a lot of these people are smart enough not to put this stuff in writing, so any in-person meeting that you have, I recommend taking notes and then sending an email recap with all the stuff you were told.
Now, another school issue - and this one is trickier - that I see often: overworked teachers who have been conditioned to think that parents are the bad guys for demanding acommodations when in reality it's the entire political and school system's fault for not funding education appropriately.
I understand they're overworked, and as a result of that it's tough to deal with a kid who is having behavioral issues. They have 20 kids to deal with, and having to pay attention to the one kid who will lose his mind if he can't draw a dog correctly (real story), I'm sure is infuriating.
Which is why teachers, of all people, should be demanding that their administrators put kids on an IEP so that they can advocate for additional resources
But that's a much bigger, more complicated issue. Just know that you might run into a teacher who is trying, but they're burnt out.
My recommendation: make sure that if you're going to pester someone, that it's the administators. And that if you're going to point the finger and complain about things not going well, that you continue to focus the administration as much as possible. Again, even though sometimes I wish my kid's teacher would do... better, I at least understand her job is already hard and she's not getting a ton of help.
Issues with 504 acommodations:
Even before you get to an IEP, your school might sign off on 504 acommodations, which means you will meet with your kids teacher and the 504 coordinator (someone in admin) to talk about what are some things the school could do to help your kid.
The biggest issue I see here is that the people doing this sometimes have 0 background in behavioral psychology, and so this is the blind leading the blind. I was lucky enough that my wife is a former BCBA, so we were able to walk into that meeting and tell them what to do, but that should not be expected of you.
For example, in our first meeting one of the acommodations was "positive reinforcement". That's it. Not only is that not an acommodation (you'd expect all kids to receive positive reinforcement), but it's so vaguely defined that no one would know what that means.
This is an entire topic in and of itself, but you can do a google search for "how to write 504 acommodations" and there are some great examples out there. In general, they should be written so that anyone at the school can read them and understand exactly what they need to do, when, and how.
My biggest advice here is to ask them point blank "is there someone from the district that we can bring into this meeting to help set the acommodations". If they say no, contact the school district and ask them the same questions.
Issues with IEPs:
The main issues are:
Your kid not being given an IEP. That is, the eval results in a denial of services.
Your kid is given an IEP, but the school is not following it
In both cases, you're now in much more regulated territory. There are going to be formal processes to address both, and you're going to need to read into that because that's beyond the scope of what one reddit post can cover.
Having said that, here is where considering an education advocate could very much be worth it. These are people who specialize in helping families deal with IEPs. Alternatively, you can look for a Parent Training Center in your area.
One last comment: school vs. district.
If you are having issues with your school, consider reaching out to your school district's special ed department. Odds are there is someone assigned to your school/area.
Here's why: school admins and district special ed departments have very different concerns. School admins get evaluated on academic achievement and budgets. Districts also care about budgets, but they also very much care about being in compliance with federal laws. And special ed departments specifically seem to care a lot more about... special ed. If anything, special ed departments are going to care about accurately capturing just how many kids legitimately should be receiving services, because that likely means they can justify higher budgets for special ed resources.
We had extremely good results escalating to our special ed Director when our principal was being a hinderance. Extremely good results. So consider that - the district special ed department might be a good resource if the school is being difficult.
r/ParentingADHD • u/AutoModerator • 4d ago
Often, we post here because we're struggling and need support, and we don't see all of the amazing things that are happening.
This thread is a chance to brag about your kid, yourself, and/or your family. What's been going well? Has your kid done something awesome? Doesn't matter if it's "got accepted to college" or "tried a new brand of chicken nuggets," we're here to celebrate with you!
r/ParentingADHD • u/meganc00 • 8h ago
Hello!
Our daughter is 8.5 and has ADHD. I’m trying to start implementing some visual and motivational charts to help her with executive functioning. Can anyone recommend any? I saw some on ETSY that I can print and laminate but thought I would ask first. Thanks!
r/ParentingADHD • u/Vegetable_Fee2036 • 3h ago
Is there anyway to get medication without a diagnosis from a neurologist?
My 7 year old son no doubt has ADHD. When we went to go get evaluated the nurse practitioner saw it herself. But because his teachers questionnaire was the total opposite from mine, he could not be diagnosed since it’s not effecting him in 2 place settings. He masks it very well in school. But everywhere else it is clearly there.
They suggested behavioral therapy. I know my son. He is very intelligent. He just needs something to calm him down. I’ve tried magnesium. Really doesn’t do anything for him. I fear him losing friends and having a rough time socially because he gets too much sometimes . I see the other kids maturing and looking at him like why is he always so loud and hyper? Help!!
r/ParentingADHD • u/No_Creme_9122 • 10h ago
Hi, friends.
My son is 7, 2nd grade, diagnosed ASD level 1 since age 5 and severe combined type ADHD since age 4. He’s been on Intuniv 2mg for about a year now. We have tried stimulants at the tail end of 5, into 6 but he got super rage-y on them so that’s when we switched to Intuniv.
He’s currently in a self contained classroom of 6 kids total, a counselor who spends half the day with the students, two paras and one special education teacher. The school has been extremely supportive and communicative with our family, but we are at a loss on what else to do. He does have a BIP. More often than not, they’re able to manage his meltdowns and redirect him to get through the day but sometimes nothing works and he just gets extremely aggressive and impossible to redirect.
He’s been sent home a few times in the past, but today takes the cake. He’s been suspended for two days for threatening to kill students and staff, hitting students and staff, tearing posters off the walls and opening and throwing water bottles. He also threatened to kill the principals kids. I am HORRIFIED.
His anger goes from 0-100. When regulated, he is extremely sweet and helpful. When he gets mad, it’s like a switch flips and he cannot control himself. He has so many tools to help regulate himself but he just cannot do it in the moment, which I understand is common with ADHD kiddos. My concern is the threats and how aggressive he’s been getting because he’s getting older and won’t be able to have as many chances if it doesn’t stop. He knows this but again, it goes out the window in the moment.
I made an urgent appointment with his doctor tomorrow to discuss wtf to do. His teacher was telling me that a former student of hers ended up having a mood disorder and after finding the right medication it helped a lot. Now I’m thinking maybe that’s true for him. Honestly I’m just embarrassed and upset and worried my child is going to end up in jail in a few years. Anyone pleaseeee help!!!
r/ParentingADHD • u/waging_warrior • 5h ago
My six-year-old son was put on this medication for ADHD. It does not seem to be helpful and he is an emotional wreck in the evenings. I know that medication is trial and error, but I am ready to move onto something different.
r/ParentingADHD • u/inbiggerside • 12h ago
TL;DR: My 15-year-old son struggles with depression, severe social anxiety, and possible ADHD/autism. He has no friends at school, has become increasingly isolated since his older brother left for college, and has lost interest in activities he once enjoyed. Academic struggles and a severe reaction to Lexapro led to a psychiatric hospitalization earlier this year. He now refuses therapy and medication, and getting him to open up is nearly impossible. I’m considering a traditional boarding school with smaller classes, strong mental health support, and a close-knit community—not a troubled teen program. I’m terrified of sending him away but equally terrified of watching him become more withdrawn. Has anyone been through something similar, and did a change of environment help?
I’m a mom to a 15-year-old boy struggling with depression, severe social anxiety, and possible ADHD/autism. I’m at a loss for how to help him and have recently started considering boarding school—not a troubled teen or behavioral program, but a traditional school with smaller classes, strong mental health support, and a close-knit community.
My son is incredibly kind, intelligent, artistic, and great with technology, but he’s become increasingly withdrawn and isolated. He attends a competitive vocational high school that was difficult to get into, but he absolutely hates it. He has no friends there, dislikes his teachers, and seems completely disconnected. He was also bullied in middle school, which I suspect still affects him.
Last year, he was failing English, and his mental health deteriorated significantly. A severe reaction to Lexapro resulted in suicidal thoughts and a plan, ultimately leading to psychiatric hospitalization. He completed summer school and passed English, but his emotional struggles haven’t improved. He’s been in therapy for months but now refuses to continue, and after his medication experience, he doesn’t want to try anything else.
We’re pursuing a comprehensive neuropsychological evaluation for possible ADHD and autism. He has significant difficulty expressing emotions, is very flat and monotone in conversations, has sensory sensitivities, and rarely opens up about what’s bothering him. Trying to get more than a one-word answer is like pulling teeth.
He’s also lost interest in things he previously enjoyed, including animation classes and ukulele lessons, and refuses to try new activities. I’ve tried tutoring, encouraging friendships, finding activities related to his interests, and spending one-on-one time with him, but nothing seems to help.
His older brother, whom he’s very close with, recently moved away to attend university and only comes home some weekends. Most of my son’s friendships are through his brother’s friends and online gaming, so he’s become even more isolated since his brother left. He spends nearly all his free time alone in his bedroom.
I’m wondering whether a complete change of environment could help. His current school has around 1,400 students, and I feel like he’s gotten lost in the crowd. Maybe a smaller boarding school with supportive teachers, accessible counseling, and a built-in community could help him develop friendships, confidence, and some independence.
The thought of sending him away absolutely breaks my heart, and I’m terrified he might interpret it as me giving up on him. I’m also worried it could make his mental health worse. I know boarding school isn’t a replacement for treatment, and I don’t expect it to magically fix everything.
Has anyone had experience with traditional boarding schools for teenagers struggling with depression, social anxiety, ADHD, or autism? Did the change of environment help or make things worse? Are there particular schools you’d recommend?
I’m exhausted from trying everything I can think of and watching my son become increasingly disconnected. I don’t care if he’s popular or academically exceptional. I just want him to be happy, have friends, and enjoy being a teenager. I’m hoping to hear from parents who’ve been through something similar.
r/ParentingADHD • u/wdchkc • 7h ago
My daughter is 5.5 and started Kindergarten this year. She hasn't yet been diagnosed but they are treating for ADHD with Clonidine right now (started 2 weeks ago) because of the issues she has been having since 4, we finally got them to realize that it is likely ADHD. She is on .05 mg clonidine right now. I have seen an improvement in her reactions, not getting as upset over things, and she is actually able to take breaths and use the tools that she is learning in OT.
I have gotten multiple calls from the school, and had to pick her up 4 or 5 times in the last month. Today I had to go because she kept trying to go out the classroom door that leads to the outside. Apparently she wasn't upset this time, at all, they had someone posted by the door but they wanted me to come because its obviously a safety concern. So I came and when she saw me she lost it, she then melted down and went into fight or flight unable to calm because we had to leave, there was only a half hour of her day left and I would have stayed with her but the parking situation is such that I would have been trapped in during pickup. So I tried to calm her, explain she wasn't in trouble, that we just needed to go.
We then got into her trying to elope and me having to leave her backpack and things at the school. We go to the pediatrician regarding meds tomorrow, I am curious if an increase in clonidine will help her, if adding a stimulant will help her at all. If anyone has experience with this, does it get better? I basically am in fight or flight everyday myself having to work from home with my phone on never knowing if I am going to get a call. Any advice, or tips welcomed. (she is in OT and on a waiting list for psych and ADHD eval).
r/ParentingADHD • u/gvlmom • 12h ago
We have our first medication management appointment tomorrow. My 10 year old daughter has mild ADHD, combined type. She has a hard time with emotional regulation and executive function. She isn’t hyperactive at all. Both parents have ADHD/ADD. I was always hyperactive, and I take Adderall XR every weekday, since age 19. Dad has ADD, which back in the day was the non hyper version of ADHD. Dad takes Adderall once in the morning and that seems to be enough for him. I am wanting to put her on a low dose of Adderall so she won’t have to struggle as much as I did as an undiagnosed girl with ADHD, but is it more common to start with Concerta? She has a lack of dopamine for sure, and this drives most of her behaviors. She does very well in school because she’s gifted, but her grades are starting to slip from simple mistakes where she’s just not paying attention. She’s in weekly ADHD coaching but that is more for emotional regulation. So, I don’t know if Concerta would do enough for her. What have been your experiences with these two meds for children with similar profiles?
r/ParentingADHD • u/Few-Departure-2965 • 9h ago
Hi there I just left an appointment with my 7 year old son who has just been diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor seemed quick. Gave me a prescription for Biophentin, listed side effects and that it! No other discussion. She said it’s long lasting. And I’m concerned. I figured we would start with a shorter acting 5-6 hours as he only needs it for school. Can anyone who has taken this give me your opinion. I’m hesitant to give it to him.
r/ParentingADHD • u/speedyejectorairtime • 10h ago
I'm not sure where I can post this, it doesn't seem to fit into any of the ADHD subs. I am the mom of two ADHD kiddos (expect the third one is too but he's still young), and it runs in our family. So, I am very familiar with it. I am writing regarding my youngest (23F) sister (adhd-c medicated but with non-stimulants). Definitely anxiety going on as well.
I believe her behavior is shifting into verbal/emotional abuse territory at this point and I'd like some advice on how to deal with her as my mom has come to me crying and asking for advice. She definitely struggles with emotional regulation and what appears to be her seeking some kind of dopamine rush/stimulation. And she does so by instigating arguments and cornering my parents until they yell at her to leave them alone. Not physically, but verbally. She will walk into a room and start asking one of them questions that are in a "gotcha" form about any random thing. Then start to talk down to or berate them for not answering the question the way she wants her to, keep poking and poking until they yell at her, then yell back and declare they are evil or abusive for yelling and scream that "she's doing nothing wrong and they are trying to make her the bad guy". If they walk away instead of even engaging, she follows them and declares they are terrible for not answering her. Or she will blow up at the most random of things, yell and storm out of the room.
My parents constantly walk on eggshells in their own home. It is to the point where they are trying to craft their answers to her to avoid her blowing up. They are retirement age and tired. Our dad has had health issues this past year and doesn't need this stress. They are good people. They charge her no rent. They still buy groceries for the household and not just themselves. They've supported her free choices. They were never abusive and supported her getting mental health help when it became obvious. She was not always like this, it definitely got worse around when COVID hit and they kept thinking it was teen behavior back then and she'd eventually stop. But it's gotten worse.
Logically, I know she internally hates herself and this fact exacerbates things. A lot of it is RSD, low stimulation, and emotional regulation issues. But I also look at her and think that at 23, those excuses are over with and it's not my parents or anyone else's job to tolerate. I am thinking I need to have a sit down with our brother and let my parents know that we have their back, but they need to give her a 30-day notice to move out and let her sink or swim on her own. As long as everyone keeps helping and propping her up, she blames everyone else for her outbursts, for how she feels, and says they are her problem.
I'm open to any advice, opinions, solidarity. She is not my child, but we have a large age gap, and I've definitely had a hand in her upbringing for this reason. And overall I want my parents to not have to deal with this anymore.
r/ParentingADHD • u/msvwrx • 10h ago
My husband and I were both diagnosed with ADHD in our thirties, well after finishing all of our schooling. We have a daughter, 2.5, who is… whew. Highly distract-able, fights and struggles to sleep even when exhausted, and super intense. Has anyone else with ADHD had an ADHD kid? With an ADHD spouse? Does it get easier?
I worry about her so much, she’s more intense than either of our mothers remember us being. And I find it so hard to be the stable, emotionally regulated adult when she’s losing her shit for the tenth time that day. I always felt that there was something inherently wrong or broken with me, I don’t ever want her to feel that way.
r/ParentingADHD • u/ErynCuz • 10h ago
Has anyone’s pediatrician recommended or prescribed an appetite stimulant for your medicated child? We’ve tried so hard to feed high calorie foods during breakfast and bedtime snack (when he’s hungriest) but he isn’t quite gaining the weight like his doctor would like. He has a checkup next week and I’m going to assume she will add an appetite stimulant to his routine (she’s already put it off once so we could try to get his weight up naturally). I don’t want to lower the Concerta dose at this time-his schoolwork/behavior would absolutely suffer.
r/ParentingADHD • u/jkdobbinsnotaborted • 13h ago
Hello fellow parents!
My daughter is in 2nd grade and a frequent flier at the nurse’s office.
Some important context:
\-Her mom and dad (I’m her stepdad and we have a great relationship) split a few years ago and it seems as though she is still struggling with living in 2 homes. We’ve done a lot of schedule finagling to ensure she’s seeing her dad and siblings on his side as much as his work schedule allows but in a structured way (set schedule)
Last year, she was diagnosed with ADHD (attention and hyperactivity)
\-Since kindergarten we have dealt with her not wanting to be in class or do her school work. Last year she started telling her teacher “no” or “I don’t want to do this anymore” during class work time. We had a conversation with her and worked out a plan with her teacher to send home any work she doesn’t finish in class, so we can have her finish it at home.
\-This year, I believe in a similar effort to get out of classwork, she has been going to the nurse every other day with a “stomach ache.” We started changing up her breakfast meals to avoid “stomach aches” (pancakes to more bland oatmeal/toast)
\-The school nurse called today and mentioned how frequently this is happening and wanted to share her concerns. She believes the nurses office is a “safe place” for her. The nurse shared that she will work to make the visits short before sending her back to class
\-She asked to see the school counselor which she started this week
\-She was in therapy during kindergarten but her dad’s insurance changed and we just haven’t gotten her back into it since (though that is our next step)
Have any other parents experienced this? Other than therapy, have you found anything that has helped?
We want to make sure she understands that even if classwork is boring, she has to participate and can’t just use the nurse as an excuse. However, I don’t ever want to tell her she can’t go to the nurse if she is truly feeling sick. It also feels yucky to take that safe space away from her if that’s what she’s needing. Like I said, therapy is the next step. But asking advice here too if there are any parents who navigated through similar things. Thanks!
r/ParentingADHD • u/Weird_Necessary7474 • 1d ago
I am so tired. We just got back from my 5yr olds neuro appointment. To preface this, last year he was evaluated for autism. The neurologist said that while he does have some traits, he doesn't show enough to be formally diagnosed. We left that appointment with a diagnosis of sensory processing disorder and an "I'm pretty sure he has adhd but we can't formally diagnose until 5". So we went back today for his ADHD eval. Honestly we left with more questions than answers. Again no "formal" ADHD diagnosis because he is not yet in school (late birthday). I understand needing to see symptoms in 2 areas but I figured that his symptoms showing up in his extracurricular activities AND home would be enough. Apparently it is not. I am 99.99% sure he has ADHD because me and his father both have it. So today we left with a diagnosis of ODD. When I research ODD it says it can concurrent with ADHD or essentially lack of parenting/consequences. I cannot stop feeling like we are the cause of this. He has always been very headstrong, quick tempered, and easily frustrated. He was a rough baby and didn't sleep through a full night until he was 18 months old and even now will wake up in the middle of the night, wouldn't let us put him down etc. But I don't know if I am failing as his mother amd truly am the cause of his ODD or if his brain just works differently. He is such a smart kid and so sweet when he wants to be. When he's upset the whole neighborhood knows. He screams, hits, throws things, bites etc. And then it's like a switch flips and he's completely fine. I am so lost on how to parent him in a way that is going to be effective and help him learn regulation. The neurologist said he needs to go to daycare but honestly I don't think that will do much. He gets tons of socialization (when he can emotionally handle it because of the SPD he gets overwhelmed quickly some days) I work with him at home and he's already reading paragraphs and full books. But I don't know how to help him with his behavior/emotions. He gets plenty of movement throughout the day, eats pretty well, and takes Omega 3s, a multivitamin, and magnesium. I don't even know what I need, I'm rambling.
r/ParentingADHD • u/YesICanNTA • 1d ago
We have a 16 year old son who has ADHD. He struggles academically but is very smart. He fails to turn in assignments and does poorly especially in Math. My concern is he doesn’t believe anyone especially adults knows anything he doesn’t not. He refuses medication and counseling. I have tried to explain to how his poor performance is related to executive functioning. I have been trying to work with him instead of giving consequences. Any suggestions
r/ParentingADHD • u/Organic-Worker-3733 • 1d ago
My daughter turns 3 next month and out of those three years I don’t know if I have had more than 5 nights where we have been able to sleep through the night. Every time I bring it up with a doctor it’s a “sleep regression.” There’s no way it’s been a nonstop sleep regression. I think my daughter has ADHD, she talks non-stop, is always seeking sensory input, and seems to have endless energy. She gets up like clockwork at 7 am ready to go every day and the only way to get her to nap is to drive her in a car. The naps have gotten shorter and shorter and sometimes she refuses to nap at all. If she naps, she doesn’t fall asleep until 10-11 pm but if she doesn’t we can usually get her down by 7-8 pm. We have a consistent ritual of bath, teeth brushing, and stories, but it’s still an hour or longer struggle after that to get her to bed. Once she’s asleep she is usually out for at least an hour or two, but then she’s up all the time. Sometimes it’s multiple little wake ups, but other times she’ll be up and wired for HOURS. I can’t remember the last time I got a full night of sleep. I am so tired and depleted. We started giving her magnesium and l-theanine supplements but I haven’t seen much of a difference. She gets plenty of activity throughout the day and eats balanced meals. She’s been potty trained for 7 months and talks amazing (people always ask if she’s 3 or 4). Since she’s advanced in so many ways, the sleep aspect can be so frustrating. She’s our only child and I want to make sure she continues to develop healthily by getting enough sleep. And I want to be the best mom I can be by getting enough sleep. I am open to any and all advice.
r/ParentingADHD • u/WonderfulWestie • 1d ago
Has anyone’s kid developed anxiety after starting methylphenidate? Did it turn out to be because the dose was too high?
Did it go away after you stopped or lowered the dose?
r/ParentingADHD • u/Crazy-Computer-1006 • 1d ago
I'm 32F, remote worker, stepmom of a 8yo ADHD child, screens are already the hardest part of our day. We have limits, we have timers, and we still have the same conversation most afternoons.
Paper routine charts haven't worked for him, he ignores them within a week. A friend suggested a wall display he taps through instead, and I can see why it might hold his attention better than paper but I'm hesitant. Am I solving one problem by adding another screen for him to fixate on? I'd really like to hear from parent who tried it. Did the screen fights get better, worse or stay the same?
r/ParentingADHD • u/Excellent_Bet_8237 • 1d ago
Hello everyone! I’m hoping to hear from other parents who have been through something similar with their children.
I recently met with the psychologist and behavioral analyst who completed a private evaluation for my 5-year-old daughter. Autism was ruled out, and ADHD is still being considered. We were given a provisional diagnosis of unspecified mood disorder because of some of the emotional challenges she has been experiencing at school, particularly intense meltdowns when she becomes overwhelmed or has difficulty with transitions.
She is also having a hard time connecting with other children in her class.
I worry that some of her classmates are becoming hesitant to play with her because of these episodes, and that breaks my heart as a parent. She started occupational therapy about a month ago to work on emotional regulation, transitions, and fine motor skills, including her pencil grip. The psychologist also recommended play therapy and plans to complete the ADHD evaluation while we explore which interventions would be most helpful for her.
My daughter attends a private school, and thankfully, the school has been working with us. We have a meeting tomorrow to discuss a plan to better support her.
I’m trying to stay hopeful and focus on getting her the help she needs, but honestly, I’m feeling scared and anxious about what this might mean for her future. She is such a happy, bright, playful little girl, and it’s difficult to see her struggling in this way.
For parents who have experienced something similar, especially those whose children are now older: What helped your child the most? How did things change as they got older? Did therapy, school accommodations, or other interventions make a difference in their emotional regulation and friendships with a unspecified mood disorder?
I would really appreciate hearing your experiences, especially some positive stories from parents who have been where I am now. I know every child is different, but right now, I could really use some reassurance and hope.
r/ParentingADHD • u/Kindly-Drive-5140 • 1d ago
Hi
I am posting here hoping to get some advice . my son is 8 and he is having trouble staying attentive at class or following teacher instructions, being organized etc . We got a call from his teacher today . All his teachers over the last three years have same feedback . He is smart otherwise and intelligent than most of his age group but ADHD is preventing him from reaching his potential. Few years ago doc suggested meds for ADHD but we were scared of the long terms effects . Currently i don’t see any other option. At home also we struggle to have him listen to us and have to tell everything many times. Same feedback from his RSM teacher .Any other parents in this boat what did you do ? what worked ? pls share experiences.. ty
r/ParentingADHD • u/pianoteacher552 • 1d ago
My son has been talking about Halloween parties for weeks. He's almost 4. He knew what costume he wanted to wear and was so excited for trunk or treat/fall festival. We went to one Saturday night and he fairly calm. There wasn't much waiting at the games to get candy or inflatables. We got him to jump first to get some energy out. There was a little of the usual pulling and fussing but not enough that we needed to leave.
Last night we tried another. The same size as the one the night before. Lots of friends and people he knew. His cousins showed up and I thought it would help to have fun with him. They are older and he generally loves being around them. We tried letting him jump first but they had everyone wait in line to jump and he got very upset about it and was still upset when he finished jumping. He just wanted to run off, we couldn't get him to wait a single turn for anything without pulling, throwing himself on the ground, kicking, fussing, etc. He wouldn't stay with us. Couldn't distract him from things he couldn't mess with. Even his favorite snacks didn't distract him. We had to leave. I could not calm him. They had a trunk or treat a little later we tried with the cousins but we were already in the candy line and it was easier to go through the line to get to our car then get out of the like to leave. He was so excited to have his bucket and candy. He sometimes would refuse to walk to the next car, then cry and kick that I was holding him and not letting him walk. He kept trying to pull away from me to run off, pushing, trying to whack his bucket into his cousins so I had to take it. Not acknowledging his friends talking to him. It was all people he knew at the cars and he would ignore them completely when talking to him and try pulling his hand out of mine to run away or swing his bucket around and push again. I was exausted by the time I got home. He really wanted to go back through the line again but I knew he wasnt going to do it and he got upset about that.
Is there any point in trying another one? His grandparents neighberhood is having one and we go every year. I just don't know if I have the energy to do that again or get there and have to just turn around and leave after a few minutes.
He's in OT but I don't think it's helping and I don't know how to help him. They had no advice for me about helping calm these behaviors and help him be less overstimulated in groups. Any advice for larger events would be great. I'd like to try another event but at this point not sure if it's worth it until I can help him be less overstimulated.
r/ParentingADHD • u/Street_Spare_4998 • 1d ago
Our 4 yo boy/girl twins were recently diagnosed with ADHD combined type + ODD. We are still awaiting my son's autism evaluation results. Things in our home right now have never been worse, and I'm doing everything within my power to stay sane and do the best I can for my kids. But I need help.
We are working with clinicians to figure out medication (non-stimulant for now) and behavioral strategies, but I also want to also pursue parent coaching. I have read that parent coaching is an effective strategy in managing ADHD in the home, esp in conjunction with tackling it on other fronts (behavioral interventions, medication, etc). We've done two sessions with two different "coaches" through our behavioral health provider. One was a clinician with 30-something years of experience and another was a parent of ADHD children trained as a coach. Both experiences were unhelpful at best. Our insurance covered the first of these appointments but it is $150 for each subsequent session, and if we are going to pay anyway, I want the coach to actually be well-versed in ADHD behavioral strategies AND coaching parents, if possible.
My question: Anyone have a good experience with a parenting ADHD children coach? And if yes, who were they/how did you find them? I've seen "programs" offered by random people but I don't have the bandwidth right now to trial and error them, but am open to programs offered by individuals if they have been vetted or recommended.
I literally created my reddit account to ask this question and seek help about this, so I am feeling desperate. Things feel so hard and so out of control in my household--preschool-age ADHD twins feels absolutely impossible right now. Any help sincerely appreciated!
r/ParentingADHD • u/jb0261a • 2d ago
UPDATE: Yes, we've tried melatonin. He was on 10mg XR and it made no change to his night wakings. He does take it to help him fall asleep faster, but it doesn't keep him asleep.
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I’m turning to Reddit because we have been trying to solve my 5-year-old son’s sleep for years and feel like we have exhausted most of the obvious suggestions.
Background
He has ADHD, social communication disorder, and low muscle tone. He has been a poor sleeper since infancy, but our biggest issue now is prolonged night wakings.
He falls asleep without much difficulty (thanks to melatonin) but wakes fully during the night and can remain awake for 1.5-3 hours, sometimes longer. This happens several nights a week.
These are very calm wakings. He isn't distressed, scared, asking to play, or looking for attention. He lies in a dark room genuinely trying to go back to sleep, but simply seems completely awake. Sometimes he quietly talks or sings to himself, moves around, asks to use the bathroom, etc., but otherwise he is just lying there awake.
On particularly bad nights he ends up with only 6–7 hours of sleep and may then fall asleep on the school bus.
Things We’ve Tried
What We’re Doing Now
One strange caveat: he slept MUCH better while traveling
This summer we spent almost two months in the US and UK (we're based in Asia, but originally from the US/UK), and for a period of time he suddenly started sleeping through the night consistently.
There were several variables, so I don't know what mattered. He was using extended-release melatonin, but he was also getting more daylight and outdoor time, sunset was much later than it is where we live near the equator where sunset doesn't fluctuate with seasons, his bedtime was later, and he wasn't on a school schedule.
As soon as we returned home, the prolonged wakings came back.
This is the part that makes me wonder whether there could be a circadian component that we are missing. Or perhaps allergies?
If anyone has a child who had these long, calm, fully awake “split nights” where they were awake for 2–3 hours despite genuinely trying to sleep, did you ever solve this? If so, how?!
Was it circadian? Medication related? Sleep apnea or restless sleep? Something about bedtime timing or total sleep opportunity? Did a sleep study uncover anything? Was there a particular intervention that actually stopped the extended wakings?
I'm particularly interested in hearing from parents whose children already had good sleep hygiene and still had this problem. We have been working on his sleep for almost six years, so I'm hoping there is something we haven't thought of yet.
r/ParentingADHD • u/CCskincarelover • 1d ago
My son has been on Focalin XR for 5 years now. Was on 10mg for years and increased to 15mg last year. It seems like since moving to middle school, his grades are struggling again and he is frequently playing with fridgets, singing (his stim he does a lot when not on medication), day dreaming, doodling etc instead of paying attention in class. He also really struggles to remember anything hes told in school. Needs VERY frequent reminders.
Focalin DOES still help control his physical activeness and impulsivity. He makes better choices on Focalin still but just isn't focusing in class.
He doesn't and hasnt ever had aggression or anything of that sort, but will get emotional and cry and breakdown when given tasks he deems as too large.
I have an appointment with his dr this morning and I know she will ask me if I want to try a new med - does anyone have any suggestions that worked for their kid when a medication stops working as well over time? its important to note that an increase in dose isn't totally off the table but he DOES struggle with appetite and weight and is already on cyproheptadine to help with appetite.