I’m super confused and need to vent.

According to my tracking my last period was August 15th. Tested positive September 12th. I had my first ultrasound last week and unfortunately no heartbeat and measuring 7 weeks instead of 9. Hcg was high but dropped after two days. Suspected missed miscarriage. I knew the it was bad the second the tech asked if my periods were consistent. They absolutely are, 28 days on the dot.

I grieved, husband and I cried. A lot. This was our first pregnancy.

But today I had my follow up and guess what, there’s a faint heartbeat + flicker. Measuring 6 weeks not 7. Turns out there’s two yolk sacs, one with a pole attached and one without and last time they think they mismeasured the pole and sac thus dated me further along.

What the fuck

It still likely isn’t viable. My provider can only say 50/50 odds. I was so hoping today I would be able to schedule a d&c and just get this over with. Instead I’m in limbo and trying really hard not to get hopeful bc there’s just no way I’m wrong about the dates.

Schrodingers baby and I wont know either way until next week.

It’s been almost 5 months since my second loss. I was okay-ish today, generally functional. Worked a ton as that’s how I cope a lot right now and working captures my whole focus so I feel some peace. And then I was standing in my kitchen making dinner and it was like being hit by a freight train of grief tonight. I was wailing as I put mustard and mayo in the bread, I know my neighbors in the apt above can hear me. It was so intense it too my breath away for a few minutes. Now I’m sitting in bed, sobbing, with absolutely no appetite to eat my fucking grief sandwiches.

It’s up and down all the time. A few days of being okay, almost like I forget or have moments where it’s not at the front of my mind. Then nights like this. I know time is supposed to help, and it has some, but I think I’m realizing that 4-5 months out from one loss and 13 months out from another is not as much as time as I thought. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this, I know I’ll never stop missing or loving my babies.

I just had to share somewhere, I don’t know where to go with my grief other than my therapist. I don’t have a supportive or caring mom, my friends don’t get it or have pulled away because they don’t know what to say. I’m so tired, this is so isolating. It feels like punishment to lose babies and then seemingly lose loved ones who can’t show up for you.

How am I supposed to make it through to my due date in late Jan? Time is flying but also so slow since the loss

Just experienced my first miscarriage for my first pregnancy. This is crazy to say but I literally stopped feeling pregnant a few days ago, before I actively miscarried/starting cramping/bleeding/clotting. Before I would feel like I was always with someone or someone was always with me, I never felt alone, that sounds cheesy but even like running errands and stuff. I always felt the spirit of my baby with me. Then it randomly went away. Did this happen to anyone else who miscarried?

It didn't happen.

So it wasn't meant to be? I wasn't meant to be a Mother? But my best friend is?

I don't understand

I couldn‘t believe I was finally pregnant after a year of trying and finding out I have PCOS. Trying to conceive after months of negatives can make you feel like it will never happen. Seeing my first positive was the best feeling. Sadly, I am also experiencing my first loss. I started heavy bleeding at 5 weeks. My hcg levels are decreasing. It’s been days of bleeding, intense cramping and pain. The physical part of this is horrible, but mentally it is worse. I feel like my hope is gone. I am so afraid of going through this again. My due date would’ve been June 23, 2027.

I wanted to make this post for anyone else that’s going through this. I feel so alone right now. I know there’s many women out there who have gone through this and many who currently are.
I hope we all get our rainbow baby 🤍🌈

Please don’t let this scare you, but I found myself entirely out of my depth expecting this process to be like a “heavy period” as shared by every medical professional who spoke with me yesterday. I don’t know if a natural “wait and see” route would’ve been easier, but this is my experience with a medication assisted termination after miscarriage.

Found out yesterday morning at 9 weeks baby has no heartbeat. Started the process of a medical termination because I couldn’t handle still feeling pregnant knowing it was going to end sooner rather than later. Took the first pill yesterday morning with my OB, dissolved the 4 pills in my cheek for 30 minutes this morning at 7:30. By 8:15 I was in a lot of crampy pain, more severe than my worst period. It lasted about 25 minutes and then went into a lull where I was able to rest on the couch with medium discomfort. By around 10:15am I began bleeding and I was experiencing what I would consider the worst pain of my life. Severe, sharp cramping in my uterus and my back, unlike any period I’ve experienced. I can only describe this as something like an unmedicated labor. There was no physical relief for around one hour. Movement didn’t help, sitting still didn’t help. The pain was sharp, intense, and burning. I vomited multiple times, broke into a cold sweat, and was shaking uncontrollably, feeling like I was going to pass out. The only thing I can say if you’re experiencing something like this, bearing down on the toilet like you’re “pushing” was the only thing to even touch the discomfort. During this time, I was quite literally groaning and screaming in agony. My poor husband shared that it was like an exorcism. After about an hour, it was down to more of a “bad period” type of pain and I was able to rest on the couch. When I woke up, my baby and multiple clots passed at 12:30 and the symptoms nearly immediately went away. It’s 3:30 now, and I’m experiencing only moderate, intermittent cramping, but continuing to pass some tissue.

This was the worst experience of my life, and I’m absolutely devastated and I hate to say it, but traumatized. I knew this wouldn’t be easy, and that every body is different, but the multiple reassurances of “bad period” was such an understatement.

What ways have you guys memorialized your MC? For some reason planting flowers doesn’t feel right but neither does doing something temporary like throwing flowers into the river…

Does anyone have things they’ve done to memorialize that have felt right to them?

My husband and I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 5 weeks. We weren’t trying to get pregnant and we weren’t sure if we wanted kids.

We only knew I was pregnant for 6 days before I started to miscarry.

I don’t know what I can feel. The panic of that week of being pregnant was traumatic and then my body going through the miscarriage was/is traumatic.

I feel like I don’t have a right or a place to grieve because we weren’t trying to have a kid and there was a sense of relief in the loss. I know how many women want kids and aren’t able to have them. I just don’t think I feel like I can grieve it.

And it only being 5 weeks and we only just found out so nothing was solid yet in plans. But I know the date of what the first prenatal would’ve been. And I know what the due date would’ve been. And I got disposable cameras to track my pregnancy and now they’re just on the floor.

I just keep crying and crying but I’m so confused because I thought I didn’t want a kid yet.

Me and my husband were having marital activities and after when I went to wash off an embryo came out it was about the size a paperclip. At first I thought it was something else like cum clumped together, until we turned it on its back and stomach and you could see its arms and legs and even where its tail looking thing attaches to the head. There was this weird liquid that was almost gritty but it felt weird not sticky it was just some random fluid. I’m spotting now and I guess I just don’t know what to do or how to feel. It happened last night, I feel disturbed and shook. I didn’t take pictures because in the moment I wasn’t thinking about pictures I was thinking about holy —-I was pregnant. My boobs were getting bigger and I have mdd so I’m usually too depressed to clean much but I was cleaning the hell out of everything and I was more hungry and even got skinnier my waist got smaller and my skin was looking better on top of it me and my mom got into some HUGE arguments a few days before but for 4 days straight we were fighting. Anyway, does anyone know how I should feel or what i should do?? Is this even considered a miscarriage??? I feel shame using that word as it wasn’t as bad as I know most people’s miscarriages.

I really need some advice please. I had a missed misscarriage at 9 weeks and decided to go ahead with a manual vacuum aspiration.
2,5 weeks later I had my first ovulation confirmed with ovulation strips and a negative pregnancy test, and my period came 1,5 weeks later.
My period was a little heavier but other than that all was good.
I'm thinking of TTC again with my next ovulation but 2 different doctors have said I must wait 3 months before doing so because the endometrium must heal otherwise the risk for misscarriage is high. What should I do, there is so much conflicting information online. I'm also 35 years and my first pregnancy ended with a live baby.

Thank you!

Just trying to vent to anyone who understands. It’s been a month to the day since my miscarriage. Some days I’m okay, others I dissociate, others I just cry, some days I’m so angry. Really hoping my emotions level out soon. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I want my baby back so much. Today was supposed to be my first ultrasound…we would’ve heard the baby’s heartbeat. Baby would be the size of a grape this week.

I’m so angry at my body for failing me, all I’ve ever wanted to be is a mom and I loved my little baby so, so much.

I want to get pregnant again right away but haven’t gotten my period yet (and my fiancé is not ready to try again, and I have to respect his grief too). My boobs are sore again, I’m bloated and my sense of smell is off the charts. I had no idea how traumatizing it would be to have these PMS symptoms for the first time again. I keep thinking that the last time my body was like this, I still had my baby inside me, growing and safe.

Doesn’t help that I work with young children either, I probably should’ve called out today. But at least I get to love other people’s kids. My two year olds at work get all the love and care my own baby would have had every day. They have been so sweet today giving me hugs. Surprisingly I’ve been able to hold it together so they aren’t worried why their teacher is acting sad. I will always do my best for them. I just wish I had my own baby back to love on, to care for, to protect, and to teach.

I’m sending so much love to the rest of you going through this too. I hope we heal ❤️‍🩹

Who here has had a second trimester miscarriage? How far along were you and did you have symptoms or was it missed/silent?

First, the positive(?) news: my consultation for my uterine septum removal is tomorrow. They’re hoping with the removal, I’ll have a better chance at having a pregnancy that sticks. I’m excited that it’s finally appointment time, annoyed that I have to get another procedure done that requires me to rest before trying again, but it’s whatever.

Now the vent part: my mother seems to have a special talent of sensing when I’m upset and making it worse. She messaged me two days ago asking if I’m upset at her, I told her I wasn’t. “I’m just depressed over losing my baby”. She then proceeded to send me two huge paragraphs about how I need to change my way of thinking and cant drown in my grief, and “I know you don’t believe but God has his reasons for ending the pregnancy!” I’ve been an atheist since I was ten…I won’t go into my feelings on God in this post, but her saying that felt like a slap in the face. All I said in response was “it’s only been 2 months, I think I’m still allowed to be actively sad”.

I didn’t need either of those paragraphs. All it does is make me feel angry. Now I’m actually upset at her- like I’m sorry I’m not moving on from my grief fast enough for you, mother 🙄 just leave me alone.

Is anyone else just so angry?

I’m mad at my body.
I’m mad at the doctors that don’t seem to give a fuck.
I’m mad at my family members and friends for not understanding.
I’m mad that I’m not pregnant anymore.
I’m mad that life is always so fucking hard.

I want to punish my body. I don’t want to nourish it with food. I want to do a killer workout and sweat till I’m exhausted. I want to punish the body that failed my baby.

I don’t want to see people. People seem to expect I should be moving on already when I am still currently going through my miscarriage. Stop asking me to dinner.

I promise I am eating still and taking care of myself. This is just a vent to help deal with some of the anger

Now I am going to my basement to blare a rage playlist and scream at the world.

Thank you for listening and I am sorry you are in this group too. I’m angry for you as well.

Hi everyone,

Sadly got the news today that my pregnancy is not viable based on hcg testing. I did not expect to feel so intensely emotional.

I haven’t seen my exact situation posted and I am hoping someone might have some experience to share. Or, if someone is in my boat in the future you can learn from my experience.

I found out I was pregnant at 4 ish weeks (according to the Flo app). My husband and I were trying and very excited. My tests were very faint at first. About 3 days later, when I was 5 weeks, I went to the ER with right sided lower abdominal pain and light bleeding (dark brown spotting). My U/S showed basically no findings. My hcg was 160. I was told it could be an early pregnancy vs miscarriage vs ectopic pregnancy.

I continued to have occasional spotting but the pain didn’t return over the next few days. I did have occasional cramping and acheing. I started to feel some pregnancy related symptoms like mild nausea, insomnia, sore breasts. I repeated an hcg 3 days later that was 238 so we were hopeful that it was a viable pregnancy. I was told spotting and cramping might be normal.

Then today, after another 3 days, my hcg is 179. OB said it’s a non viable pregnancy but that the levels are too low for us to know if it’s an ectopic on U/S and based on my recent normal scan everything looked okay. She said to repeat labs in a week to make sure it goes to less than 10.

My biggest concern — what’s about to happen to me? I’m still spotting but am not getting any red blood, it’s mostly dark brown and light, enough for a liner. I’m estimated to be 6 weeks today ( if that’s even correct ). U/S showed no intrauterine findings…. So is there any tissue to pass?
I am nervous about some stories I’m reading about the pain, cramping and heavy bleeding associated with a miscarriage.

Has anyone been in my shoes? Did you go through a lot of pain? Or has this happened to anyone that ended up having an ectopic pregnancy?

To make things slightly worse, it’s the middle of the work week. I went home early today (couldn’t stop crying). But am planning to go in the rest of the week. I’m just worried about what’s to come.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

It’s been 3 weeks. Had an ultrasound and everything is clear. I have the most amazing husband in the world but I just cannot fathom having sex. The days are getting better and less emotional. I still cry daily but I feel better. I just cannot fathom the idea of sex. I love my partner and he’s so sweet and supportive I just don’t know when I’m going to want to have sex again let alone try. The doctor said we can try once I get my period once but I don’t want to try ever again. The fear of this happening again is so unbelievable real.

So found out 1 week ago that my baby stopped growing 1.5 weeks prior.
Baby stopped growing at 6w6days and I should have been 11 weeks today. I started spotting the day after my US (Wednesday), picked up to actual blood Saturday. Went to my dr yesterday(monday) with plans to schedule d&c for Wednesday (tomorrow).This morning I woke up at 3 am and had labor like pains from 3-5:30. I only saw blood this while time. no clotting that I can see. Pain is def tapering off for now. I’m not sure if that was it or if I can expect more?? So I guess im interested to hear other experiences. My dr and husband were very “what ever you want to do” which doesn’t help my decision making.

Should I just cancel the d&c and trend hcg now?

Should I continue with plan for d&c tomorrow in case that wasn’t the end of it??

I had a miscarriage ten months ago. This baby was my very much awaited miracle.
But when it happened, I felt nothing. Now, ten months later, I cry every day and I cannot sleep without her little pyjama.

Weirdly enough, this kinda started because of Christmas songs. When I realized that I was supposed to have a baby this Christmas but that I wouldn’t, it crushed me. Then, a friend of mine had an abortion. Which triggered me a lot too (I DID NOT tell my friend that of course don’t worry).

Am I crazy? Why am I grieving now almost a year later?
I can barely fonctionne.

I also feel extremely guilty because I did not at all have a funeral for my baby I literally just disposed of her.
I feel like I’m a horrible person for doing that and looking back I wish I would’ve done things completely differently.

I want to talk about my beautiful baby to everyone but I’m scared to make the discussion awkward or too heavy.

Did this ever happened to you ?? Please help me

Hi everyone,

My partner and I recently experienced a miscarriage during our first pregnancy, and we're taking some time to process everything.

We were fortunate to conceive naturally within a few cycles of trying, and we were very excited about starting our family. Unfortunately, our ultrasounds showed that the pregnancy was no longer developing as expected, and our specialist confirmed the loss. My partner has since had a D&C and is recovering well.

After speaking with both our GP and obstetrician, we've been advised that there isn't much we need to do differently before trying again. They believe it was most likely a common case of chromosomal abnormalities, which can unfortunately happen even when both parents are healthy.

We understand that these things are often beyond our control, but it's still difficult to process, and we want to do what we reasonably can to prepare for a healthy pregnancy in the future.

For those who feel comfortable sharing, we'd be grateful to hear about your experiences: - Did you go on to have a healthy pregnancy after your first miscarriage? - Did you seek any further investigations before trying again? - Was there anything you found helpful in preparing physically or emotionally for another pregnancy?

We understand that everyone's journey is different, and we don't expect anyone to have all the answers. We're simply hoping to learn from others who have been through something similar and find a little reassurance along the way.

Thank you for reading, and sending love and kindness to anyone navigating pregnancy loss ❤️‍🩹