So my wedding is Friday and I'm just so fkn defeated. My wife (all pronouns) and I (she/they) eloped quickly after the election (we were already planning on getting engaged and didnt want to question whether we'd be able to marry) and started saving for a wedding that we knew would take a while to afford - almost 2yrs to be exact. We were both raised as Christian pastor's daughters and have both left the religion. I'm Pagan, my wife is agnostic, and we're doing a pagan ritual during the ceremony, so we figured we wouldnt have the biggest turnout.

My dad died 3yrs ago and literally was crying on his death bed that he was gonna miss my wedding and he was completely supportive of my sexuality, but I hadnt left Christianity yet, so thats already a grief of its own. My mom and I have never been close, but she and her fiance are coming as well as my sibling, an aunt, and a cousin. The entirety of my dad's side isnt coming for various reasons and some of the cousins on my mom's side that i was raised as siblings with rsvpd no over a year ago without ever sending a text or anything.

My wife's parents sat us down at a pizza place to tell us they refused to support a gay wedding (to my knowledge, they still dont even know about the pagan part) and that they think we should just be friends. whatever, fuck them. She has 2 (much older) siblings who both said they were going to try to come. We havent heard from the brother since April, so we're assuming hes not coming, but apparently hes been distancing himself from the family and theres drama there, so the sister reached out last month and said she wasnt going to come bc she didnt want to chance seeing the brother... completely insane to me. THEN this month, my wife's best man and cousin said he couldnt afford to come (after missing our bachelorette without explanation). Cut to today and we've officially gotten a no from every single one of their family members. My wife will have absolutely no family at our wedding

We invited 150 people, we are now looking at about 30 guests including ourselves. I'm so beyond heartbroken that its hard to even be excited for the wedding and we're a REALLY good match, like theres zero stress about committing to each other but to watch our support dwindle over the last 2yrs has slowly eaten away at both of us. There's not much to say about it bc theres nothing we can do anymore. Idk I guess I'm just posting this for maybe some support from strangers at least. Either way, this has been completely horrific and we're both feeling incredibly lonely

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My mom has been very clear that she believes being gay is a sin, she is not happy that I am engaged and does not support my marriage. Since that conversation, her behavior has been so confusing and I dont know how to respond to her latest text.

Some background: She and most of my family, immediate and extended, are generally very bigoted. When I came out (to them) as gay and non-binary, it was pretty much ignored. My mom and all but one sibling copped it up to my therapist brainwashing me, and me just wanting to make a political statement for attention. When my sister came out as transgender a year later, their claws came out and she was verbally abused until she cut them all off. For that, I no longer speak to most of them. My mom is still allowed to come around every so often because my kids get to choose if they want to see her or not. We live in a different state so it's not too often. I graywall her on most things and we barely talk.

For whatever reason, I felt I should tell my family when I got engaged to my partner last year, and dropped it in a group chat (my aforementioned sister was not in the chat, we are close and she's in the wedding). I received a couple "we love you"s and some weird gifs, and that was that. No congratulations, no questions, absolute crickets since.

I was caught off guard when, privately, my mom asked what to get us for an engagement gift. I asked why she was getting us a gift if she wasn't supportive and if she wouldn't even come to the wedding. She confirmed she did not support the marriage, but would come and be there if I asked her to. That's not good enough for me, so I kindly let her know that we only have the mental and emotional capacity to invite people who are truly happy for us. She said that was fine with her and changed the subject.

Since then, she's made more of an effort to bring up my partner in conversation positively, giving compliments, remarking how her eyes are so kind, sending her a gift for her birthday and a mother's day card addressed to both of us. She was in town a couple days ago and my partner wasn't feeling up to the visit, so my mom let me know she was disappointed because she really enjoys her company.

Not a single word has been spoken about the wedding between us for over a year. At this point, the wedding is less than a month away. As soon as my mom left town she sent a text saying she meant to ask me how planning was going and did we have a date set yet.

I dont even know how to respond to that. I do not want to tell her anything because it will turn into me handling her feelings. Even if she actually wanted to come now and was changing her mind about being supportive, it's too close to the day! I need space to process and I need receipts before I can actually believe her and there's no way I'm putting my sister through an event with her. And if that's not her goal, then what is the point of asking? I don't want to pretent everything is fine and chat wedding details when she's not even welcome to attend.

How do I handle this? I'm so exhausted from managing her feelings when we talk that my brain has shut down and it's been two days since she texted me.