r/dadjokes • u/Historical-Buff777 • 4h ago
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
169
Upvotes
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter
r/dadjokes • u/ilikesidehugs • 1h ago
My wife looked out the window and asked, “How did you finally get our lawn to grow like that?” I said, “Every morning this week, I sprinkled my protein powder on the wet grass.”
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Upvotes
She nodded. “Ah… well that was whey over dew.”
r/dadjokes • u/IEnjoyDadJokes • 3h ago
Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer
101
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.
Thereisnospacebar.
r/dadjokes • u/BattledroidE • 8h ago
What's the worst series to make a Lego version of?
189
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One Piece
r/dadjokes • u/subsailor1968 • 10m ago
I crossed cheetah and crab DNA.
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Upvotes
It went sideways really fast.
r/dadjokes • u/Ok-Sandwich-5979 • 15h ago
What’s the difference between a foot and a yard
238
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You can’t shit on your neighbor’s foot in the middle of the night.
r/dadjokes • u/VoiceOverGaming900 • 18h ago
I just opened up a new archeological museum. What is it called?
317
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Remains to be seen...
r/dadjokes • u/andersonfmly • 14h ago
This weekend's forecast calls for rane, hale, gailz, drissle, thun-durr, litneen, hy-tydes, tawnaydoes, and frizzing colde...
110
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Looks like a really bad Spell of weather.
r/dadjokes • u/Vaquero-SASS • 9h ago
I was arrested for playing loud music in my garden.
43
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I was charged with disturbing the peas.
r/dadjokes • u/Left-Distribution-13 • 2h ago
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
10
Upvotes
A necktarine!
r/dadjokes • u/bigus-_-dickus • 15h ago
i asked my date to meet me at the gym but she ghosted me
112
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i don't think we're gonna work out
r/dadjokes • u/sproutarian • 10h ago
A guy hurt his back while at the computer.
42
Upvotes
He had a slipped disc.
r/dadjokes • u/Classic-Camp7513 • 22h ago
What do you call it when two monkeys get together and find out they're perfect for each other?
186
Upvotes
Prime mates.
r/dadjokes • u/Healthy_Ladder_6198 • 17h ago
MY FRIEND WAS SO EMBARRASSED when he passed gas around me! I told him that it’s REALLY ok, and that, well...
61
Upvotes
To air is human
r/dadjokes • u/sulldanivan • 1h ago
There’s a new white rapper coming out, he’s even whiter than Eminem.
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Upvotes
Calls himself SPF Fifty.
r/dadjokes • u/BRCnative • 11h ago
There is a small area at my local dog park where, without exception, every dog that walks there starts barking. I feel bad for them.
18
Upvotes
I think they're going through a ruff patch.
r/dadjokes • u/SufficientEar1682 • 38m ago
A male e-reader and a female e-reader went to couples therapy.
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Upvotes
In hopes to rekindle that relationship.
r/dadjokes • u/CommitteeOk1954 • 6h ago
What did the spices say when they were late for dinner?
6
Upvotes
I'm cumin!
r/dadjokes • u/IEnjoyDadJokes • 1d ago
I went to a Indian restaurant last night.
261
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After I had ordered, a little old lady came to me and said, "Aren't you polite. You have such lovely manners."
It was my complimentary nan
r/dadjokes • u/TheBigLebootski • 17h ago
My aviation teacher is very easy to understand.
38
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He always uses plane language.
r/dadjokes • u/barewear2267 • 21h ago
My half-brother and I got in trouble the other day
82
Upvotes
We're no longer allowed to play with the chainsaw