Shortly after my(female) 5th birthday, my half sister (11yrs old), coerced me into sexual acts. At the time, I obviously didn’t understand it was wrong. I’m now 19 and she is 24. When this started to affect me around 13, I did 6 years of trauma therapy. I have never liked her, only ever tolerated her, because of what she did along with her personality in general. She has always bullied me since I was a child and before she SA’d me. Even to this day, she talks negatively about me.

Recently I found out that she had also been SA’d as a child by another family member. This is the main reason for me making a post. I feel such conflicting feelings like maybe I shouldn’t hate her. At the same time, I don’t want to give her excuses because at 11 years old I knew right from wrong. I also knew you should never touch family in that way, before I realized I was a victim.

Another reason I don’t want to give her the benefit of the doubt is because, even though I was SA’d, I never grew up and assaulted anyone just because it happened to me.

I know the way I feel is still valid, I’m just so conflicted on what this should mean now.

I'm fucking angry. I'm male and it was my older brother who did it. It's fucked me up so badly. I'm hypersexual. I love him. I hate him. My mind is messed up. PTSD, depression, anxiety. All because of him. And he gets to live a fucking perfect life. I hate it. I fucking hate it.

im f21. i remember when i was around 5, my female classmate used to touch me daily in the back of the schoolbus. i didnt want to but she pressured me, and showed me her parts and touched them infront of me. I think i remember she used to get half naked and start humping the seat and the chair infront of her. i clearly remember wanting to wear overalls everyday and not a skirt so she wouldnt be able to easily touch me secretly. I cant remember exactly whT happened but i remember then doing something similar with my cousin (the only thing i can clearly remember is kissing her belly) and we got caught, our aunty said shes gna tell our parents and i remembr being extremely scared, and nothing else. Since then i remember being an extremely frightened and anxious child arnd age 7. I also started looking at porn somehow at that age (i cant remember how this started) but by age 11 i was severely addicted and it became a cycle of watching lesbian porn and feeling guilty and crying after and hiding it from my parents. at this age i was "homeschooled" essentially they gave me a laptop and told me to study myself in a room with a list of stuff to do everyday but i ended up not studying and just watching porn 24/7 and crying and feeling suicidal after-> watch porn to feel better and the cycle continued. My family was deeply religious and my mother also going thru smtg at this time, made this alot worse by being overly angry at me and taking her issues out on me for small things. eventually i broke down and told my parents, they put me in a normal school and put restrictions on my phone, but my mom shamed me a few times for what happened as a punishment for when i misbehaved, and i think this made things worse. I was struggling with my sexuality at the time and wanted to kill myself and was also self harming. my mom still taking her issues out on me. eventually i got myself better because of my friends support, i emotionally distanced myself from my mother and i became a somewhat normal person. There were still times when i got stressed and depressed but i always managed to pull myself out of it until now. my mom also worked on her issues on her own and sincerely apologised to me and has since bren a good mothe. Some mildly stressful stuff has happened recently (like stuff that a normal person would just be sad for a few days and get over it) and suddenly i cant regulate my emotions. i cant eat, sleep or study, my mind is always very foggy. i drank abit at a social event and had a nervous breakdown infront of my friends where i dont even remember what i said ( i drank like 1 cup of alcohol which is way less than what i can usually tolerate) now my finals are in 2 weeks and even tho im studying and working 24/7 nothing is entering my head. im just reading and rereading and not actually revising anything and this goes on for hours and hours. I never really thought about that experience before but These memories when i was a kid is suddenly coming into my head and playing 10x and im feeling extremely guilty about it suddenly for some reason. IDK what is going on with me and what i should do. I hate that its starting to show outward and my friends are saying i look malnourished and being overly nice to me and i hate it its so embarrassing. Im failing to do basic stuff that im usually very good at. Idk what the fuck is happening to me rn. this thing that happened, i cant stop thinking that this is what made me lesbian, which is something that has caused me much suffering with my parents, my self esteem, and everything given having grown up in a very religious country in a very religious household. Im studying medicine now with insane finals coming up soon and i have alot of responsibilites which require me to be able to think and function normally.

I’m 24 now We we’re both 13 she was my cousin it was a sleepover and playing house and she told me parents do it I was laying on her bed I was feeling so cold all of sudden she pulled my pants and did it and I froze I started going for more after that and she was allowed to bath me her mom bathed us too since I’m disabled in one leg and limping but my cousin did it only one time
Experienced it that at 13 by a girl made me question my sexuality, my own body and if I was a bad Muslim since I grow up in religious household but not strict I keep daydreaming about it when I eat shower chat every time like flashbacks but I’m used it I guess I can’t blame her she probably don’t remember it’s me who can forget and I will never tell someone in my family or her trust me it’s better that way I was also exposed to explicit video at 11 and started self pleasuring which it’s not good and the fact I got sa again by a man got me shocked it’s my own karma but I’m trying to heal
(I’m sorry about my writing I have heavy dyslexia and English is not my first language )

We used to do play like touching each other’s genitials he was 12 and I was 7. We did this play about 7 times

He also tried to make his penis inside my body but he just tried.
One day, I felt kinda weird so I said I dont want to keep this play anymore lets stop doing this but he said this is normal because we are very close just like family.
And he said this is secret play so dont tell this to your mom
And he did that again. I was really frightened because he touched my body again and made me touch his thing even though I refused.
I’m just wondering if this count as cocsa or just common playing doctor experience.

My memory is foggy, so I can’t give the best details but, when I was 6, and my brother and his friend were a year older I remember memories of being on the floor, naked. My brother’s friend was troubled and was exposed to porn. They were touching me while they were fully clothed, and doing random experiments on my privates. I remember in particular them using art supplies like chalk on the area. All I can remember is laying there and spacing out, and multiple times hiding under the bed when my an adult walked by the room.

For now, I only have two memories of this happening, but this friend of my brothers came over the house many times. My memories come in flashes. I’m not sure if there’s worse I have blocked out.

One day when they were touching and experimenting, my oldest brother caught us and my mom yelled at us. I peed blood the next day and I was scolded. For the following years I was hyper-sexual with myself and often masturbated to the point of pain.

The memories only came back in the past few years when I had sex for the first time, and now I can barely have intimacy and have a very hard time in general with touch. It makes me nauseous and nervous and panic. Once I cried during sex because of flashbacks.

Ever since we stopped hanging out with that friend my brother has never made me feel uncomfortable and brought up the situation once.

I’m so conflicted because for one, I don’t remember resisting or being asked to do it. And two, I never was asked to touch them. They just touched me. I remembered being scared of being caught, and I don’t remember enjoying it, just feeling like it was weird and scared of being caught.

So this started when I was 8 and my brother was 13. We shared a room and were alone a lot. One day he exposed himself to me and told me to touch him. I did so willingly. This continued regularly over a few years. He never forced me. It was always consensual and nice.

It's fucked me up. Sometimes I consider it abuse, sometimes not.

when i was around 3-4 i remember me, my older sister, and two older brothers playing around in a room upstairs. my 2nd oldest brother brought me into the closet, and pulled his pants down. he didn’t tell me to do anything, i’m pretty sure he just pointed at his private. so i did the thing, my 1st oldest brother opened the door to the closet, but we were already done. my brothers were also young children (10-12), so i don’t wanna bring anything up but thinking about it makes me want to throw up.

When I was about 6 years old my brother (four years older than me) and his four friends coerced me to join them going to our treehouse. There they pinned me to the wall and my brother pulled down my pants and told the other guys to take a look. I don't remember anything more than that but it felt like I was there for forever. I remember my brother's pleased face so vividly and how disturbed his friends were. Iirc none of them ever talked to my brother again. I think I cried but I'm not sure, but I just wanted it to end.

My brother is still weird 15 years later. He hasn't done anything on the same scale since but I wouldn't be able to count all the times he's touched me in a way I didn't want him to. Or all the weird shit he has said about my body.

My relationships to my parents aren't ideal. And it doesn't help that I now know that they don't believe that this happened, because "he would never do anything like that".

I've been diagnosed with PTSD in the past and it's since been changed to adjustment disorder.
I'm tired boss. I wish I didn't have to see him ever again.

hi all, i was heavily bullied my entire school life, but especially when i was in primary school. the bullying was so bad that my parents went to the school multiple times to try and get the school to do something, but they never did. by the time my parents moved my brothers, i was in year 6 and they decided to keep me in the school because i was moving to secondary the next year. i am autistic, although i wasn’t diagnosed til last year at 28. the wonders of being afab!

when i was 9, i was invited to a girls birthday sleepover in my class.i remember being very excited, even though the girls had all been extremely cruel to my whole school life. my mum dropped me off at the sleepover, and it was all the girls in my class. we were all the same age, 9-10.

most of them ignored me the whole night. i remember it being dark, the parents had gone upstairs to bed, and everyone was playing games. suddenly, the birthday girl asked me to stand up on the couch and put a show on for them. i was excited to be included.

i don’t know how much detail i can put here so i will try to be as non-graphic as possible (if it’s too graphic, please do let me know and ill edit)

once id gotten up onto the couch, they told me to take my trousers off. i did. then they told me to take off my pants. i didn’t want to, and i made it clear; but all the girls started to make fun of me, and the birthday girl told me they’d all kick me out if I didn’t. so I did. they then told me start touching myself while standing up on the couch. i didn’t understand what they meant. all i knew was that it made me extremely uncomfortable and scared, but i did it because i didn’t know what else to do.

all in all it lasted… 5 minutes maybe? maybe a little shorter. i remember them all making fun of me for it. years later one of them spread a nasty rumor in my secondary school that id fingered myself at a 9 year olds party.

it still plays on my mind 20 years later. it’s really been messing with me lately, but I don’t know; was the cocsa? or was this just mean girls being mean and bullying me? it only happened the once, but it just feels. Really awful to think about whenever it crosses my head. i feel really stupid for asking this

This whole ordeal lasted for a year from 2007-2008; 18-19 years ago. We were both minors and this all happened behind closed doors inside my parent's home as well as his home. Still to this day no one in my family as far as I know, knew all of this took place.

This was a dark period in my life. My cousin would force me to have sex with him when I didn't want to. Whenever we engaged in the activity it was PAINFUL and there were times I would tell him to stop and he wouldn't.

It got to the point where I didn't want him coming over my house or me going over his house, because I knew that if the two of us were left alone unsupervised what was going to happen.

There were times I cried when we were doing this and he would try to keep me quiet.

The abuse just stopped suddenly one day in 2008 and we haven't discussed it since.

This was a traumatizing experience and it pops up into my memory frequently.

My cousin is now engaged to a woman and has 3 kids with her.

When I told my former therapist this, she told me it's possible that he could have been sexually abused himself and was repeating what was done to him to me.

I still see my cousin from time to time. He is the son of my mom's sister. I think about having a one on one conversation with him about this situation and getting some type of closure. I just want to ask him why did he do this? What made him do this? I also want to let him know how badly this hurt me and to just take some accountability.

What do you guys think?

Hi, I would really appreciate if someone commented what they think, Im 16F, I’ve tried to talk to my mom about this but she doesn’t really wanna seem like she wants to think about it, but I don’t remember much of my childhood and it feels like my brain is just blocking things out, I had a cousin who’s older than me, now 19M, who I used to hang out with a lot, we’d have sleepovers and do everything together but I don’t remember much of them, what I do remember is TW?: being in the car sitting next to him, this was awhile ago, I was atleast under 10, on a long trip, he was under the covers and I remember looking under to see what he was doing and he was playing with himself even as I watched, he would also have gta strip club on while I was in his room, and look at me to make sure I was watching, my mom told me that i often complained about my private part(vagina) hurting to the point that my auntie was concerned at took my to the doctors, but i was told it was just constipation, I grew up very into sexual stuff, I drew sex in my notebook as a kid, I watched porn from a young age, I had a problem where I would talk to older people online, and I have a struggle where I can’t put a tampon in, not even my finger, and sometimes it hurts to pee still, I just don’t know, I don’t remember, and I feel like my mom doesn’t wanna talk about anything. My family is sort of open in that sort of stuff, my dad kissed me on the lips up until I was about 12 which is when he moved out, walked around naked, my parents would have sex with me in the room, my papa is touchy, he would slap my butt and kiss my neck, I feel like I’m going crazy, I just really would like an outside opinion, I’ve never really told anyone this and I’ve grown up shy most of my life so I don’t really know what’s normal and what’s not.

hi, this is my first time posting here. I'm 20 ftm, and my sister, 24f, was my abuser.

it started when she was 13-14 and I was 10-11, and ended after we were put in foster care. I have avoided thinking about it in any significant way until earlier today, funnily enough.

it wasn't her fault. she was actively being raped by my father, her stepfather. I know she was going through something so harrowing and I will never be able to even conceptualize how difficult it was. I still hate her, right now.

I remember a few years ago I went through a faze of refusing to see her at all. I missed my childhood dog being put down because I was avoiding her so staunchly. I didn't remember why I hated her so much, but today everything came flooding back and I feel nauseous.

she introduced me to masturbation, oral sex, and engaging in oral with dogs. there are a few times I can remember being woken up by her using her mouth on me.

I have been struggling with my mental health for almost a decade now, and though it got better after I transitioned, I have still been struggling. it feels surreal to be able to finally trace back most of my responses to social interaction, casual touch, and proximity to her.

my childhood was rife with physical and verbal abuse, but I honestly thought I remembered most of the worst things that happened to me. I was wrong.

I am working on seeing a therapist, and im hoping it helps me more this time. in the past, I didn't make much progress. I didn't know, then.

hello, I am FTM(14), at the time was cis ofc as I was 6. the girl (u can call her alice for clarity, not her real name) was also 6. she was my friend. one day, she asked me if i wanted to play mommy and baby. I said yes because I didnt have many friends. she took me away from the teachers and everyone and layed me down in this tube on the playground, pulled down my clothes including my underwear, and I really cant remember what happened next. I was so embarrassed and I just froze and tried not to cry. again ive only recently remembered this expirence so I dont remember exactly how many times it happened but I know 98% sure it was more than once. I was terrified of her, dreaded seeing her, and to this day I cant play family with my little cousins without panicking.

when I was around 8 my school had the genius idea of putting toilets in the same bathroom and letting two of us go together as long as we were both boys or both girls. When that happened my only friend and I would go there and he would tell me about a "game" he played w someone I didn't knew, the game was mostly sexual stuff of course, we did a lot of things and I don't think any of us really knew what we were doing, when I think of this I think he probably was molested by and adult and was doing this with me because I was his friend, I don't know if that is sexual assault or anything really, I've been trying to ignore this for 18+ years but I can't it has affected my life for so long but I can't even put a name on what it is and I can't blame him for anything because he probably didn't knew either

(Trigger warning: I’m going to describe my assault) Hi, so i’m not sure exactly when it started but I experienced cocsa for years around the age of 6. She was my neighbor and close friend, and she is about 5-6 years older than me. It happened many times and it progressed in a way that’s super confusing. It started with her pretending to breastfeed me and do diaper changes( i was the baby and she was the mom in “house”), and it ended up in a couple years progressing to basically sex without penetration, thank god! I’m not sure if she was getting abused by someone but it was weird how she knew everything and dictated everything. Anyways, i’m 25 years old now and finally processing and dealing with it, and i kinda wish i could talk to her about it. I’m not mad at her because she was also a kid and something must have been going on with her, but i wish i could at least understand why. But she ended up getting a really rare disease where she had a stroke and it basically attacks your body until you die. Her brother already passed from it years ago and i went to the funeral and everything. I haven’t seen them since, because sometime after that i started to put together everything that i’ve been pushing away almost my entire life. Obviously, i am so upset with the life they have been dealt, but i wish we could talk about what happened,idk very weird and specific situation, idk if anyone can relate.

For many years it has felt like something is really wrong, like something bad happened in my early childhood but i can't remember. I think it could've been when i was less than 3 years old so ofc i'm not gonna remember. Then i have memories of me being hypersexual as a kid by myself and then also experimenting with other children. The memories are kind of fuzzy like i can't exactly say what happened in those moments with the other children but it disgusts me and makes me anxious when i think about it. I hate the fact that i'll probably never know why i was so hypersexual as a child but i have this really bad feeling like it's almost like i knew i was assaulted by someone but can't say for sure... I have people who are suspicious but idk why. One of them is my dad but he has been abusive in other ways which i remember so idk if that's why i have a bad feeling about him.

TW: INCEST, LONG

I posted about my story before here, which also has the link to my first post. In "short", I was abused by my older sister from at least the years of 11 to 13. She's 3 years older than me, so she would have been 14 to 16. It could have started earlier, but my memory is incredibly spotty and I don't remember exactly how it began. I still have an extremely hard time calling it abuse because at the time, we were just "playing pretend"- pretending to be fictional characters in various scenarios that always ended up sexual.

With the help of my therapist, I contacted my sister through email to ask her about our past. I emphasized that I understood we were both children and I was worried there was a possibility she had been molested. I told her I didnt want our relationship to change, and in the end I still don't. I know the abuse ended by the time I was in high school, and after that we've had a good relationship.

She responded to me. She wasn't angry or hurt. She told me she hadn't been molested, and she didn't remember how it started either. She said she understood now, but didn't then, that she was probably "some kind of neurodivergent" and asexual, that it felt like everyone else had been to some kind of "how to be a teenager" class that she'd missed. That she spent all her time pretending to be various characters because it was the only way she knew how to get by, that she felt like an alien pretending to be human. She had been really struggling and no one knew, but she was grateful I reached out and said nothing would ever change that I was her baby sister and she loved me.

At the time that response made a lot of sense to me. It explained why everything happened how it did. But time has passed, and I'm getting angrier and angrier. It's not that I don't understand and sympathize- I do. But there was no apology. Maybe it's because I didn't ask for one, and maybe "some kind of neurodivergent" means autism and she really doesn't have the empathy to realize it- but she used me. And I'm so fucked up because of it. I'm a special ed teacher, and I have intrusive thoughts about abusing my students. I'm having panic attacks and crying bouts and I can't tell anyone why- just "I'm having a rough time right now". My wife is the only one who knows (other than my therapist) and I don't want to overburden her, and the stress has already affected our marriage. My mother has already asked when we're going to come visit next and I don't know how long i can keep putting it off.

I want to get past this. I want to be able to forgive her. I still love her. And I want to forgive my parents for never noticing. And I know it means I have to reach out again. But I have to unwrap all this anger first.

If anyone made it to the end of this, thank you.

My (24FTM, thought I was F at the time) abuser just announced her (27F) pregnancy today and I’m feeling a lot of things.

I’ve been drafting a text to send her letting her know that what she did was not okay and that going forward I would be limiting contact as much as possible, ideally to nothing. I’ve been waiting to send it till I’ve told everyone I want to tell myself in case she starts trying to get ahead of it and turn people against me.

Now that I know she is having a baby, everything in me wants to reference it in the text. Telling her that if she thinks it’s okay what she did to me to imagine it happening to her own child and see how it makes her feel, that’s what she put my mom through. On top of that, I don’t think she would harm her child but she to this day is incredibly hyper sexual and makes sex jokes all the time even around family, part of me wants to mention that she needs to not do that around her because it can be scaring and even cause curiosity surrounding sex before it’s developmentally appropriate.

Of course, I won’t be saying any of that. It feels cruel to come out with something that will (if she has any of the empathy she claims to) make her feel awful and then tie it to what’s supposed to be the happiest time in her life.

Not only do I have all of those feelings, but I’m also incredibly sad. My whole life I’ve felt like something happened to me as a kid; I always remembered what she did, but she made me feel so much shame and responsibility for it, it didn’t click that it WAS the abuse I was so badly wanting to remember so I could understand why I had all of they signs of CSA until a few months ago. Before this, I was so excited for her to have a kid and be able to be around while it grew up. Now I don’t want that, but I do mourn it.

Idk, it’s all so hard. And I see my therapist on Saturdays, of course this announcement had to happen on a Sunday. 😭

I was abused by another girl back when I was maybe 7 years old or so, the details of my age and the timeline are pretty blurry. I remember I had a nightmare the same night it happened, but the next day, I can't quite recall how I went on. Sort of weird since I remember almost every detail that led up to the act itself, I remember what I wore, each step of the way I took before it happened.

I never even really told my mom at all, neither did I tell my dad. It's something I just carried with me because I either just didn't get what happened, or just didn't confide in my mom. She did always say I was really quiet and never told her about my feelings, so maybe looking back on it that had something to do with it.

Anyway, I'm not sure if that had any long lasting effects on me. Sometimes I feel like I imagined it all because of how surreal it felt, like I was watching it from a third person POV. And since I can't remember just when I became so withdrawn, I can't recall if the incident had anything to do with it or not. Or maybe I'm using it as an excuse for how much I still continue to bottle things up today. Either way, I do feel I kind of suffered from how little I was able to open up about it.

I recall telling a friend during lunch in middle school, but her reaction was less concerned and more confused. Then another friend the same year, but instead of expressing much concern she only wanted in-depth details of what exactly was done, and I remember getting uncomfortable and deciding to just switch topics instead. And I do understand it wasn't cool to just dump that on them either, but I just felt so alone in my experience that the only way I could air it out was by saying something, anything.

Looking at what others go through, I do feel I had it easier than most as I'm able to go on my day fairly normally, even if I usually feel like I'm on autopilot.

I just feel like there isn't much to be said about it, as much as I'd like to open up about it to someone, it seems so out of left field. It feels like something I'll just have to carry with me forever. It really doesn't help that the girl who did this to me was younger than me. Back then, everything had felt like a nightmarish, incomprehensible blur.

Now looking back on it, I only feel immense pity for the girl. I think of how she might've learned this, the fact she was surely being abused by someone who should've been taking care of her, looking after her, or the fact it could've been a complete stranger.

I don't feel tainted, but trying to imagine myself being intimate with someone feels like a faraway concept. Something I'm not sure I'll ever be able to attain or even tolerate not in theory, but in reality.

My brother and his friend touched me for a long period of time when I was a child. I told my mom, and her exact words are burned into my mind forever: “Oh my God, we cannot let your dad or anyone find out.” And that was the end of it. We never spoke about it again.
I always kept it tucked away in the back of my mind and went about life as if nothing had ever happened. My entire life, I’ve sat in the same room as both my brother and my mother during every holiday, carrying this weight on my chest. I suffered from chronic UTIs, and she never seemed to care enough to take me to the doctor.
At 21, I met my now-husband, who already had a six-year-old son. I got pregnant with a baby girl, and I struggled so much with letting my daughter bond with her brother. I had nightmares about them touching, along with unwanted thoughts that I couldn’t make go away. I was terrified by thoughts I never wanted to have, and I didn’t know how to deal with everything I was feeling.
Eventually, I went down the road of addiction. I found a little pill that made all those thoughts go away, even if only temporarily.
Fast-forward to my next pregnancy. I was pregnant with a sweet little baby boy, and man, did he save me. He became my reason to get clean. He gave me a reason to fight for myself and for the life I wanted my children to have.
Through all of this, my mother did nothing but talk about me to the people in my life. She damaged nearly every relationship we had in common by spreading things about me that simply weren’t true. No one knew what I was going through because no one thought to ask me. They just listened to what my mom had to say.
Today, I have three beautiful children: two boys and a little girl. I cut off contact with my mother last year, but the decision has affected me more deeply than I ever expected. I’m angry with her. I feel like she failed me from the very beginning.
She failed me when I was a child and needed her protection. She failed me when I was struggling through postpartum. She failed me when I was fighting to get sober. She failed me when I needed a mother the most.
My addiction never affected my family in the way people might expect because my dad and papa were always there to step in and help me. My mom would watch me struggle while they jumped in to save the day. They were the ones who showed up when I needed someone.
My entire life, all I ever wanted was a mother who cared. A mother who protected me. A mother who listened to me, stood up for me, and loved me through the hardest moments of my life.
Instead, I spent years carrying pain that never should have been mine to carry.
My mother has only met my youngest son twice. And that hurts in ways I can’t even explain, because my children deserve the love and support of family, too.
My mom had such an incredible support system growing up, especially through my grandparents. She knew what it felt like to have people who showed up for her, who helped her, and who were there when she needed them. I just wish she had chosen to give that same kind of love and support to her own children.
I can’t change what happened to me as a child. I can’t change the mother I was given or the ways she failed me. But I can choose to be different for my own children. I can protect them, listen to them, believe them, and make sure they never have to question whether their mother cares.
I spent my entire life wishing my mother would be the mother I needed. Now, I’m learning to grieve the mother I never really had while becoming the mother my children deserve.

I’m not sure exactly how old me or him were, probably around 5-7 age range. He’s only 2 months younger than me and my cousin. Every time i would go to my grandmas house we would somehow end up alone in a room together and he would make me do things. At first i didn’t want to cause i felt like it was wrong but after a while i started enjoying it. He would make me suck him or he would put his penis between my butt cheeks but never anything more. I forgot about it for the past 15 years (I’m 22 now) and only recently realised that cocsa is a thing.

The thing that’s been bothering me is the fact than I’ve been very hyper sexual since young age, could it be the reason? I’m not sure how to cope with it. I would love to get therapy (I’ve had it before but i didn’t remember that this happened at that time) and I’m not sure if it’s even worth trying to unpack since it happened so long ago. I can’t even tell if it’s still impacting me.

I don't really know how to title this, in general, I'm really confused. I've never really thought about considering my...experience as SA at all but the more I think about it the more I wonder so I've made this account to post this and just ask what others think.

For some backstory I guess, I'm currently 16 and female, though I identify differently but that's not part of our story, my friend was a year younger than me and also female, and this started around (my) 5th grade and went until the summer going into (my) 8th because she moved away for a year so we were about 9-13 through the majority of our relationship.

It all started one random day while I was in 5th grade and we were hanging out, she was getting bored of the games we were playing and decided on a new one where we were adults playing adult games, so she had me lay on this small pull out couch she had and she climbed on top of me and basically nothing happened but she kissed me 'cuz that's what adults do' and we played that game for a bit until she started getting bored of that and we started playing in her room. The first thing that changed about the game was that our shirts came off, then she taught me how adults kiss, and finally everything came off. By that point I was going into 6th grade so this happened over the course of our summer break, with us hanging out together nearly every day. And for the next year and a half, whenever we could hang out we would be normal for a bit before she got bored and we pretended to be older than we were. I know she knew what we were doing was wrong because she would tell me to tell her parents we were playing family, because we were, kind of.

Finally at the end of my 7th grade year she was moving away for a year, this made me incredibly sad at the time because she had become my closest friend but I know now that that time away from her saved me. During that summer I became incredibly detached from reality, having grown so attached to her and not having her with me. However, during the school year I got some real friends that I still have right now and am forever grateful for. Once she came back though I did slightly relapse (I use that word because I don't know how else to describe it) and hung out with her a few times before realizing just how much happier my current friends make me.

But now I have no clue how to feel, It's been 3 years since I've so much as had a real conversation with her but everytime I hear her voice I get sent back to all of my feelings and sometimes I wonder what it be like if she had never left and almost wish for it. I've mostly gotten over it though, I keep thinking that at least, but she's in one of my classes and it drives me up a wall sometimes.

TL;DR: I somehow got convinced to have a sexual relationship with one of my friends, I liked it and honestly would consider myself having been addicted, she left for a year and I somewhat got over her, fell back when she came back, am mostly over her now but still don't know how to feel and don't even know if I have any right to feel victimized by her.

I have struggled with hypersexuality since the ages of 8–10. What follows is the background as I remember it, the incidents that shaped me, and where I stand now at 32.

From ages 1 to 13 I slept in my parents’ room. They had sex in the same room while I was present. They believed I was asleep, but I was not. I heard the loud noises and felt the atmosphere even though my head was turned toward the wall. I do not know whether this happened daily, on alternate days, or weekly; I only know it occurred repeatedly over those years. The sex was not mutual. My mother would tell my father to stop; he would not. My father was an alcoholic.

When he hugged me after drinking, it felt uncomfortable, scary, and inappropriate. While holding me he would mutter words such as “motherfucker” and “bitch” in my ear, directed at my mother. On at least one occasion, after he had been drinking, he was doing something with me while we were alone in the room. When my mother entered she shouted at him and he left me and they way he used to touch me from legs to hand and hugging it made me very uncomfortable inappropriate and scared and while doing he used to carryout voices like Aah while doing it and I don't care about his intentions

So it means I was sexual abused by father ?

Even after I moved into my own room at 14, I continued to hear the same kinds of voices and shouting coming from my parents’ room on many occasions. I still cannot say precisely how many times these events occurred across the thirteen years I shared their space or the years that followed.

Kindly please let me know