Like I really don't want to take an SSRI. I don't.

I'm already feeling bad so starting this guessing game with SSRI's "maybe it will work, maybe it won't, remember that it gets worse in the beginning and you might get awful side effects wich might or might not fade during the time you are taking the medicine, it might take 2-12 weeks to show any signs of working, also if the lowest dosage doesn't work for you be prepared to experience starting symptoms all over again at the higher dosage..... Ah and also you want to quit taking it? Haha it's not that easy and you are going to get withdrawals which sucks but you know it is what it is".

Aaarrrgghhh!!!!!!

And how about benzos? Well, they WORK! Immediately. No side effects for me when I take them only when needed. But the downside is that I can't rely on them too often because even they are super super addictive.

When are we going to get anxiety medication which actually doesn't involve suffering when starting/quitting the medicine and actually works immediately for our symptoms?

I'm aware of propranolol, works great for heart palpations but that's it. Emotionally I'm still anxious mess while on it.

I (20f) have been pretty shy since I was like 11 and throughout my following school years I have developed social anxiety. Then from like 14-16 I tried to fight my social anxiety by putting myself out of my comfort zone and eventhough it didnt fix it obviously during that time I was the most expressive and happiest but then since I was 17 and now the last few months it became way worse. I am scared to look people in the face, I think about peoples facial expressions for weeks, I just feel off. I am in college right now and everyone seems like a full person and I am just there. I am so scared of being perceived by others. Its not even that I think I am ugly. I got a nice part time job recently after searching for a long time and it covered my rent perfectly and was a very nice and fun job and I tried so hard to act normal and extroverted but they fired me after a month (its a social job not retail or waitress job) because they think I look like I dont wanna be there and like I am in my own world and hate the job basically, which is not true. They even said out of all the student workers they had I was the least open etc. I dont know whats wrong with me, even when I try my hardest I am still the worst basically.

And sorry for my bad grammar, english is my third language but I am improving it.

I lost my job back in July and I was happy finally some relief! I was STRESSED and I mean it, burnt out and for some reason knowing that I had the time to decompress felt relieving. Feeling good for the first month in awhile how could anything feel wrong? Some background I was diagnosed with OCD years ago and usually my ocd would show up in forms of cleaning, cleanliness, organization. Over the years it stayed mostly in rumination or in my mind (I felt like I had it mostly under control). About me I am in my 30's, I eat healthy, don't smoke, drink socially, very active 4-5 times a week and I meditate.

We move on from there a month into being unemployed, I started to notice new allergies, my body was reacting to certain foods and finally it happened. The DREADED panic attacks when I would eat certain foods. I for SURE thought I was experiencing anaphylactic shock because again these panic attacks were not normal for me! I rarely got these. I ended up in the hospital multiple times, and ultimately got in to see an allergist. When I would describe these DOOM feeling panic attacks from allergies a couple hours later my allergist said " These are not typical Allergy symptoms". I genuinely felt insane and I mean it. I wasn't eating as much, I was really developing a lot of fear on top of the stress I was carrying from being unemployed, figuring out who I am, and now trying to figure out these new symptoms.

These panic attacks lasted over a month until finally I really pushed myself over the limit. It was done for me I lost my mind I felt like. The normal feeling of I am DYING doom like panic attacks were over because it developed into something even worse than I could have imagined. The new panic attacks turned into a deep deep buzzing depression feeling that lasted 10 minutes but then several hours later a migraine. It would happen on and off a couple of hours and I just couldn't put my finger on what I was experiencing. I was not well, I was in my mind, things would trigger me, I felt all the feelings, sadness, anger, irritation, extreme anxiety (paranoia at times which I know now is called hypervigilance) and even emotional breakdowns where I would be bawling my eyes out for no apparent reason. I also developed HARM ocd which was terrifying because I had no previous experience with that. You know that disgusting feeling in your chest when you think something horrible is going to happen? YEP I felt it all baby! I was really in a fucking loop. When these attacks would happen there was nothing no thought or feeling that could make me feel good because it just felt like "This is fucking it? This is how my life is now? I feel fucking horrible and everything around me is depressing?". I knew I wasn't depressed I had been depressed before and it wasn't like this. I knew it wasn't because when these attacks eventually would stop in moments I felt normal, happy, cheerful and I felt hope. I was OBSESSED with trying to figure out what was wrong with me, scouring google, youtube, reddit, asking friends and no one could help me in my reassurance loop.

But this is where the word reassurance loop becomes important, I needed REASSURANCE. And its something that never clicked for me that in itself is a compulsion.

I was fed up I needed to find more reassurance I went to a clinic they diagnosed me with OCD and Anxious Depression and gave me Sertraline. They said I needed to take this for a year and I felt like this was more complicated because it kind of came out of thin air. I didn't take the meds because I needed to understand these feelings I never experienced before so in the midst of the worst moments of my life I contacted my GP he said I had health anxiety. I asked him if this was normal and he said he had lots of patients with Health Anxiety and the only way to get out of the loop was to just live normally. He said meds help but eventually you will need to face whatever it is that got you to this moment and I felt some reassurance knowing that he had patients similar to me in times of stress their OCD was worse.

WELL again as someone with OCD this advice wasn't good enough for me and as someone being on meds prior for depression (which did work BTW and haven't needed to be on them in 4 years) I felt like I had to get to the bottom of all of this alone again. I spent another month trying to find reassurance and researching which led me into somatic therapy. I had previously done traditional therapy and it did not work for me. Mind you during the reassurance tap I was the most unwell I have ever been like bedridden. I did still take my GP's advice, still running and doing pilates, and listening to meditiation which actually did help. I tried to stay off doomscrolling and researching and I slowly noticed a difference. The panic attacks were slowly going away but I was still experiencing them ever 2 days instead of every 4 hours.

As I continued my search and had my first somatic therapy appointment I found out trauma and anxiety stores in your body not the actual event. When I was told this it clicked to me, all those moments I felt safe after work crawling into a ball and just sleeping was literally me in a freeze. My overthinking ran me into my worst fears, harm ocd, hypervigilence. My body was literally trying to protect me. I was literally showing all the signs of someone in flight or fight. Even though I was the most peaceful I had been in awhile my body was not used to it! It needed to let go all of that stress I was holding on for months and it was the perfect moment to do so.

I am writing this to say if you are going through something similar and need reassurance please stop looking for it. Stop googling. Spend a couple days alone being bored or just slowly adding activities like going for a walk.

You can heal and you will heal. I am finally overcoming all of this just in 2 MONTHS because I am finding out that I had run on baseline higher than most people and I pushed my stress, and pushed myself. I was that person that was always like its fine even when it wasn't. I pushed my own boundaries for others happiness.

My advice is to go to therapy and find the root of the stress, you need to let it out! Talk to close friends or family you need support, workout, KEEP LIVING, push yourself to go out even if you feel like you may have a panic attack. YOU NEED TO TRAIN YOUR BODY THAT YOU ARE SAFE!!!!!You need to rewire your brain and through neuroplasticity its possible! You need to accept those harm thoughts as passing clouds and maybe label them as "brain farts". The more you practice this the more it goes away I am living proof.

When a panic attack is about to come tell yourself you are safe and practice grounding techniques. Doctors get patients heartrates down by lifting their legs, do that against a wall, you can activate your parasympathetic system by just exhaling! Pilates/Yoga does help, affirmations do help! I used to think affirmations were mumbo jumbo, but to rewire your brain into positive thinking you need to do this.

But you need to put in the work. And it's not easy work. It's been 2 of the hardest months of my life! Medication is needed for some and will ease the process so never be scared of it, but it also can be done without if you have the time, and are willing to go through the emotions that you have been holding. Here to help if needed I hope this post reaches someone who is going through something similar.

So I've had my anxiety under control for 7 years, since I started taking lexapro. Earlier this year I had vertigo, was neglected by NHS so was struggling with vertigo for 3 weeks until it just completely messed up my mental health. I've been feeling insane from anxiety for months. I also got burnout. I had taken amitriptyline for months before that (for migraines), which made me super depressed and tired, so my nervous system had no chance.

Before lexapro, I took citalopram for 3 years but it didn't help as much. I also tried sertraline but I had a horrible reaction to it.

I tried to increase lexapro from 10mg to 15mg for two months this year, but idk I didn't feel any better so went back down to 10mg. I've had lorazepam for emergencies for years, I took that for 2 weeks to help give my nervous system a break, but it didn't really help and gave me acid reflux instead.

In July I tried to add venlafaxine in addition to lexapro for migraines but it gave me serotonin syndrome.

Psychiatrist has had me try the following since August:

- l-theanine: it gave me a panic attack
- gabapentin: it was good for about two weeks but it gave me full body aches
- phenibut (old eastern european medicine, suppsoed to work on GABA receptors): did nothing
- mirtazapine: gave me restless legs
- xanax: I felt unreal
- bupropion (bc the anxiety has made me depressed as well): was able to take it only 10 days before it made my whole body shake
- pregabalin: just tried this last week, got an allergic reaction but it did help me with sleep and internal tremor

So it doesnt help that I react weirdly to a lot of things as well.

Today he said he doesn't have any other anxiety meds to try. I asked about diazepam as I am feeling super tense, which he prescribed and I haven't tried yet but obv benzo is a temporary solution. He also suggested I try an ADHD medication, to maybe make my brain work better and think about other things... But I've never thought of myself as having ADHD?

Changing lexapro to another antidepressant I imagine would be hard as I've been on it for years + sertraline and citalopram I've already tried anyway.

My symptoms are very body based: waking up with internal tremor, high heartrate, shaking, feeling weak, acid reflux and nausea, ibs, not being able to eat from how tight my throat is. I've lsot 15 kilos since March. I have autistic traits and apparently a bit of ADHD as well, anxiety obv, depression and health OCD.

What medications are you taking that helped you and what I may not have tried yet? I want to bring some ideas to my psych and ask him about them. I just find it weird that there's apparently nothing else??

Another psychiatrist suggested low dose olanzapine but idk that feels a bit too hardcore for anxiety.

Disclaimer: I am doing therapy and neurofeedback and TDCS, but I also need some support from medication to get out of this hole. Magnesium doesn't help and I am getting a B12 vitamin injection next week as it's on the lower side.

On Saturday evening around 8:00 pm I was just chilling with my fiancé and BAM! I had the worst panic attack (four to five back to back, to be specific) of my life. I was scared my fiancé and my family and I were all going to die. The attacks lasted from about 8:00 pm to 12:00 am when I finally fell asleep due to exhaustion.

Ever since then I have been crying on and off, my body has been shaking, my heart rate goes up down, I’m fatigued, etc. I genuinely feel like I’m going insane and I don’t know what to do anymore. My psychiatrist can’t see me for another two weeks and she also recommended I get an EKG (great, another thing to be worried about).

What am I supposed to do? I left work early today because I thought sleeping it off would help, but it’s not working. Nothing is working. Should I just go to the hospital at this point? Please help me.

Lately I’ve been struggling with really bad anxiety where I constantly feel like something catastrophic is about to happen, almost like the world is going to end.
My brain keeps taking completely normal things and turning them into possible signs of danger. For example, I’ll see multiple airplanes flying in the same direction, hear animals making unusual noises, or notice something weird on the news, and immediately start thinking something terrible is happening or being hidden.
Logically, I know these things have normal explanations, but I can’t shake that gut feeling that something is wrong. I end up constantly Googling things, checking the news, and looking for reassurance. It helps temporarily, but then my brain finds something else to worry about.
It’s exhausting because I feel like I’m constantly on high alert, waiting for something bad to happen.
Does anyone else experience this kind of impending doom or catastrophic thinking? How do you actually make it stop? I’d really appreciate advice from people who’ve dealt with this and found ways to manage it.

nausea induced anxiety is the worst. i have a brief moment where i think about my future so then my heart starts to beat faster and i start to physically feel sick. i feel nauseous everyday because of anxiety so im used to it by now. i’m on lexapro so i cannot take zofran for it unfortunately

ive bee suffering with slowly worsening anxiety for the last few years, in the last 2 of those it went as bad as me throwing up from anxiety, having weird body spasms and constantly having chest pains and stomach issues but it got better in the last while i didn’t throw up, none of the bad panic attacks came up for a while until i started working again, this happens in every job at some point i just get so exhausted and stressed for no reason at all that i get burned out fully, same thing happened here so i thought let’s try meds again maybe thats all i need, ive been on zoloft for almost 3 weeks and its gotten even worse, rn its a few hours before my shift and i wanna bawl my eyes out and craws under the covers, idk what to do but im suffering so much

Hi everyone! I’m a 37 year old mom of 3 who has had anxiety all her life. It’s come and gone and I’ve never been medicated for it. For the past year or so, I’ve been having what I believe are panic attacks (almost daily). My body shakes, I feel my heart pounding out of my chest, I get a feeling of doom, I can’t think straight. This mostly happens at work or in public but also today I woke up sweating shaking and heart rate was 120 bpm. I’ve seen a cardiologist in the past so I made an appt this morning to get an EKG just in case and it was normal just showed Sinus Tachycardia (104 bpm) it doesn’t help that I have white coat syndrome as well. I’ve had my heart checked, had an echo, EKG, holter monitor and blood work and all came back normal.

Deep inside I know this is anxiety but I can’t help to think what if there is in fact something wrong with my heart. My HR sits high for a good amount during the day. What if I’m causing damage? My Dr prescribed me propranolol to try and take to see if that alleviates the symptoms. It’s the worse right before my period and a few days after. I saw an endocrinologist and she said hormones aren’t causing this cause I’m still having a cycle? Idk

Has anyone been through this? I can’t live like this I need to be there for my kids and I’m just always stuck in my heart and head 😩

Today is my first day at a new IT job after being unemployed for about three months, and I’m having an absolutely miserable time with my anxiety.

I genuinely like the job so far. My coworkers are awesome, my boss seems really laid-back, and the work itself isn’t intimidating. But last night, despite going to bed around midnight, I couldn’t fall asleep until 4:30 AM. I had to wake up at 6:30, so I’m running on roughly two hours of sleep.

Ever since this morning, I’ve been experiencing waves of intense anxiety and panic. Shaking, adrenaline surges, cold hands and feet, stomach issues, and this uncomfortable off-balance sensation.

It’s especially bad when I’m walking around meeting people or getting familiar with the workplace. When I’m sitting at my desk doing familiar tasks, the symptoms seem to settle considerably.

I’ve experienced something similar when starting a previous job, and the anxiety eventually faded as I got comfortable with the routine. But right now, I’m exhausted, frustrated, and just want to go home and rest. I think the lack of sleep is making everything feel ten times worse.

Has anyone else experienced something similar when starting a new job? Did your anxiety eventually settle once you adjusted? I’d really appreciate hearing how others handled those first few days.

Hello everyone,

I’ve been dealing with GAD and Health Anxiety for somewhat more than a year now, although I’ve always had some underlying anxiety. I’m glad to announce that I’m doing a lot better, but my cardiophobia remains. Even while I know it’s a u realistic thought that I will get a heart attack at 26, I subconsciously keep feeling like it’s a very real threat. I keep scanning my body and however much exposure I give myself this fear just doesn’t go away. Some of the things I experience are:

- Heart Palpitations (flutters, skipped beats, feeling my heartbeat in throat, etc) and especially during exercise

- Dizziness

- Chronic hyperventilation

-Panic attacks

Is there anyone who overcame their cardiophobia? I’m just so tired of it and want to live my life normally again.

Hi all,

Has anyone ever had their anxiety flare up because your body is trying to tell you something is wrong?

Over the last 5 months my anxiety has gotten so bad I can no longer drive or attend work or leave the house cause I'm so scared of dying and the physical symptoms are bad, every little sensation I have makes me panic and think I’m dying. The last like week-ish I’ve had no appetite or will to drink or do anything other than just lay in bed. I feel like I’ve fallen into some sort of anxious depression episode. I honestly feel like this stems down to my relationship. I have absolutely zero libido, we haven’t had sex in months and every time he tries to initiate some sort of contact, I get irritated and push him away. He’s been FIFO for four years and I feel like I have this deep resentment for him because I have underlying abandonment issues from childhood trauma. And I feel like my patience with him always being away is just running out. I love him but at the same time the relationship isn’t what it used to be.

Anyway, without rambling on too much, have you ever had this sort of thing happen to you where your anxiety has gotten so bad because it’s your body trying to tell you that you need to change something in your life? Even if the anxiety is about dying?

Does anyone have any advice on dealing with anticipation anxiety? I've got chronic anxiety linked to emetophobia which has recently developed into severe fear of eating the 3 main meals of the day due to varying reasons linked to the emetophobia. Because of this I'm now getting terrible amounts of anticipation anxiety at least 2 hours before these meals to the point of where I'm a nervous wreck until I finish the last mouthful. I'm only able to relax more once the final meal of the day has been completed. Thankfully I'm able to enjoy the evenings despite having my worries at the back of my mind. However come bed time I'm never able to relax completely leading to me waking up at 3/4AM with my anxiety switching back on straightaway and being filled with worry and dread once again for the day ahead.

Does anyone have any suggestions to help/ relieve the anticipation anxiety and improve sleep? Because at the moment my body automatically puts me in such an anxious state it's impossible to calm down and not ruminate about the meals ahead which just increases the anxiety, especially during the early hours of the morning. I've contacted the DR to try and get some medication however he's only prescribed me with anti- depressants which will take a month to kick in. I've also changed my diet to incorporate safe foods but I now find with the anxiety being so high I can only eat the same meals every day. If anyone has some advice that would be greatly appreciated.

Lately ive getting what i can only explain as like an “adrenaline surge” type feeling in my arms, that i think is triggered by anxiety. Specifically, hangxiety after drinking. I have experienced it in other situations, but seems like it started this time after drinking. I also havent been sleeping great in general. Like it feels like almost an electrical feeling running through my veins. Not necessarily painful, not tingly or numb, almost like i cant sit still, but is mainly just in my arms/hands. It does go away when i am distracted which is why im pretty sure its anxiety. Has anyone experienced this?

Okay i KNOW this sounds silly and it can only happen with a very rare condition but its genuinely been keeping me up i guess its because ive been having unfamiliar eye sensations ive never had before…it all started when i was pulling and tugging both my upper and lower eyelids and i think that may have made them more stretchy/loose..? anyway i also been rubbing my eyes aggressively AND been squeezing my eyes shut tightly a lot not sure why and ever since then my eyes have felt like theyre sliding out and now im super scared….

My psychiatrist tried me on a starting dose of buspar 10mg twice/day for a month then switched it to oxcarbazine 150mg twice/day (in addition to my 150mg Zoloft). She basically said since Buspar didn’t make a difference, we needed to target different receptors in my brain with oxcarbazine. But when I look oxcarbazine up, the dosage is TINY compared to what’s normally given. Also, I’m wondering if my Buspar dosage was too small and that’s why it didn’t do anything. Idk.

Before I say anything I'd like to mention that I have never been diagnosed with Anxiety nor have I ever had any kind of therapy, but the reason why I'm here is because I simply can't find a better way to explain the way Ive been feeling.

Basically, I have always been an anxious person, whether socially or when facing a task but these past months have been the worst I've ever had, and these past weeks are unbearable. All I feel is stress and fear, and I stress over everything now, my college, my future, my social life, my job, my looks, my health, everything! My mind is spiralling 24/7 and at first I was in denial and assuming that I just deal with stress bad and everything else is normal and I just let myself fall into constant negativity, but now i just can't bear it anymore. It's too much, relentless. I have fallen behind on my college work yet again, I am losing friendships and I dread my job, but worst of all I feel every minute going by and it's torturing me. All this stress is paralysing me and every small tasks feels like an impossible challenge, everything has become too overwhelming.

I am sick of it and I want it to change because this has been ruining my life for way to long, it has made me nihilistic, turned every feeling of happiness and excitement into pain and fear, it's ruining my health and caused me to loose weight and sleep. I have managed to lock in and finally start one of my assignments, I cleared my room and made a bomb costume for Halloween so I could enjoy it with friends but this feeling is not going away. I still feel shivers and have this awful pit in my stomach, and I feel my heartbeat all the fucking time it's driving me mad. I'm tired of pitying myself but nothing is changing, all I want is to do good in college, enjoy Halloween and feel things like a normal person for once.

I have came to the conclusion that perhaps I do need that professional help but it's just so expensive and in my country public healthcare is garbage. I'm 20yrs old and I live with my parents who do care about me so they would help me fund it but in all honesty I have no idea how to ask for help. My mom already knows that I'm not doing well but she doesn't really understand the extent of this and she often tries to calm me down by saying she has the same feelings and I just have to get over it, which unfortunately isn't helping, but I have no idea how to talk to her (my dad is usless so I wont even try). None of my friends know about it and it's starting to cost our friendships as I'm no longer hanging out with anybody because its all just too exhausting, and I wish I could explain myself but it all sounds so stupid when I try to voice it.

If anyone has maybe any tips on how to deal with this at least for short term, but please don't recommend breathing excercise, counting or naming coloured objects, etc because I tried it all and nothing works. I'm currently taking over the counter herb calming pills and herb tea but it's doing dogshit. If anyone maybe has any hobbies that help or any activity that really helps to completely take your brain out of the thought spiral I would really appreciate it. Otherwise thank you for anyone who has taken the time to read this and I hope there is a better future for me and whoever may also be struggling with this.

im so tired of being anxious all day and every day. ive tried everything but nothing works. like i get things like meds arent supposed to make anxiety all go away, but itd be nice to have some breaks yk. most of the time i dont even know why or what im anxious about. like im only 19 but im already exhausted and dont know how im going to live like this for the rest of my life. it doesnt seem possible. like does it ever decrease as you get older?

all i want is a break. i always wake up anxious because my dreams are horrible, then i go throughout my day with severe social anxiety rooted in my selective mutism which ive had since i was four, then i go to bed still anxious because the day is ending and i know i have to repeat it tomorrow. im just so exhausted.

i know that most of my anxiety is triggered in school environments which are unavoidable until im done with school, but then i have to enter the work environment which just seems like the same thing. so it just feels like life will be endless anxiety 24/7 and i dont think im up to that. i know there are ways to probably work around these environments, but i still have dreams and goals that would be impossible to achieve if i avoid these situations.

i wish i was exagerating that my anxiety is a constant, but im not. and that just makes me sad. it makes me sad that past me and future me wont catch a break. it makes me sad that the one thing thats been holding me back and hurting my entire life is my anxiety.

for my entire life, ive always been called pessimistic because of all my worries. but id think im more optimistic. i dont think id be here today if i wasnt hopeful that the future would be better. but does it ever end? does anyone else feel this way?

anyways, thanks for letting me vent lol

I made the mistake of looking at an article someone posted about the 90 day emergency preparedness thing and now I can't stop worrying about it. My DH used to be a prepper and has since calmed down about it but now hearing about this he has ramped it up again. I hate talking about this kind of stuff. Yes we have lots of canned, boxed, bagged food and a huge freezer full, so we technically shouldn't be that worried. But I just go to a rabbit hole of chaos of the streets, people everywhere out savaging for food and water, and then worrying about fuel and no heat. Does anyone know some real info or anything about this to help ease my mind? Or is everyone loosing their mind about this too

sorry if this is against the rules (it doesn’t seem like it would be?? i don’t use reddit much sorry!) but i (19f) want to know if i talk to my primary care doctor about my anxiety issues or do i go straight to a psychiatrist? i don’t have a diagnosis but ive had (pretty bad) anxiety problems since i was about 11 and its recently started getting worse because of big life changes. i want to talk to my doctor before it gets worse but can a primary care doctor help with a diagnosis and possibly meds? if i did talk to me doc what would be the best thing to say? “i’ve been so anxious i can’t really sleep” sorry if i sound so clueless!! i don’t go to the doctor much because, well, i get so anxious. i do think my doctor might listen to me and not brush me off because my grandma has also struggled with anxiety so it’s probably a family thing.

ever since this new college semester started ive been feeling this kind of impending sense of doom on a daily level. its probably because im finishing college soon and my assignments keep getting more and more complicated and time consuming.

it has become impossible for me to sleep alone as well, doesnt matter if its night or daytime. i cant stop thinking about dying in my sleep or someone breaking in, ive has mulitple nightmares of a break in happening where i wasnt able to scream. ive never had problems with sleep before and this is really worrying me.

im currently not on any meds and i havent been seeing my therapist since i moved for college a few years ago. i was thinking of finding a new therapist here but im too scared to open up to a complete stranger. im also just trying to convince myself that its just a rough patch and that it will go away after all the stress is over but its becoming so hard to manage.

i guess what i need help with the most is just reclaiming my independence and being able to fucking sleep again ugh i cant go on like this.

18M

I don’t even know where to start with this. I don’t even know if this is the right subreddit for this. I just want to type random things until I run out of stuff to say, so sorry if this gets a little long-winded.

What am I NOT nervous/anxious about? I always feel some sense of worry or dread. Almost all day, every day, I feel like I am on the verge of tears or throwing up, but nothing ever happens. Is it all mental? If so, why do I feel it physically? There are some days where I literally have to keep myself from wailing out loud. I feel like I want to yell out in pain, anger, sadness, etc. constantly.

The very thought of having to talk to anyone scares the life out of me. I needed to talk to a secretary/receptionist today, and I paced outside for 10 minutes then called my mom complaining how I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It wasn’t anything embarrassing or scary, just asking where something was that I couldn’t find. My mom told me I give myself too much credit and that no one actually judges me constantly for the things I say or do. I understand that, mom, but that’s not helping as much as you think it is.

My stomach always hurts. Whether it’s from the severe mental anguish I put myself through, or some actual physical health problem (still not sure), I always feel like I could be sick. Whether I have just eaten, or whether I haven’t eaten for hours, my stomach hurts. Even if it’s a small meal, it makes me feel like I need to go bend over the toilet and rid myself of what honestly feels like an evil, writhing mass in my stomach. I never follow through with that, at least not yet.

My body aches a lot. I have been exercising a lot more recently, by virtue of starting college (which also provides a nonzero amount of stress), so things just hurt. Not just my legs though, my entire body will feel like it’s made of lead. Sometimes the only thing I want to do is lie down somewhere. I could go back to my dorm and take a nap, but I hate napping around my roommate who sometimes comes back in the middle of the day. I just want to lie down, sleep, and sometimes not even wake up.

It feels like something is eating me from the inside out, slowly chipping away until it feels like I will eventually die.

Whew, that was a LOT. Sorry about that. If you read all that, mad props to you; I would totally skip a post like this. If not, I understand; have a nice day elsewhere.

So I really struggle with going to work. My anxiety spikes the day before and I sit and spend hours trying to come up with an excuse to call out. I also struggle with the schedule being not what my anx wants. Next week for example I work 11-5 on a day that I don’t normally work 11-5 and it’s really causing me stress. If it helps I also have school things so that’s probably part of my problem. Any advice welcome