I've just read an article about "signs of controlling parents" and they matched so many of the descriptions on the website. My parents have done many things in my life that I am so grateful for, and they've provided me emotional support when I began to feel low and helpless. For example:

I'm alternative, and they let me wear what I want. They also encourage my creativity like drawing and painting.

My mom came and helped me clean up my apartment when I was going through my first breakup at 21. (I am still 21 lol and we're back together)

They believe in mental health and therapy "culture"

They allow me privacy in my personal relationships (but my mom has a history of trying to control my past platonic and romantic relationships)

Additionally, they're paying for my college and my housing using their job benefits, and I couldn't be more grateful, as my degree will be essentially free for me. They will give me money for groceries and personal expenses as long as I'm doing well in school. On the contrary:

They are extremely dismissive of my emotions and constantly belittle my emotions. My mom also has a habit of ignoring me on purpose.

My mom guilt trips me all the time

CONSTANT threats of abandonment, threatening to take away the housing/college money they provide me knowing that I have been trying to find a job for a year now- and recently, multiple threats to send me back to the states as we live outside of the U.S. right now.

They insist they're always right (emotionally) can never do any wrong. Everything is my fault or they say "I'm always the one to start arguments."

My mistakes are all "malicious and purposeful rebellion." They say I'm disrespectful and rebellious because I "want to be."

And every time I call them or talk to them it's always a lecture or criticism. "You need to meet more normal people," "You need to stop wearing all that black shit," "Get a haircut," "Your degree is useless get a business degree." etc.

My mom also tends to hold grudges and will give me the silent treatment occasionally, and won't listen to my attempts at an apology or explanation. She will explain to me how she feels about the situation based on assumption, and tell me my explanation doesn't matter.

I'm by no means perfect. I have a history of angry outbursts, irresponsibility, rebellion (due to the urge to be independent), and general underlying mental health issues. However, I was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 and a few other issues throughout my life, and have also been in therapy since I was 6 years old, and my parents know I have mental health issues. But regardless, I'm tired of feeling like I can't do anything right. I'm tired of the criticism, and I'm tired of them invalidating everything I feel.

I have so much anxiety because of all the arguments and miscommunication I've had with my parents over the years. I have low self-esteem. I'm always apologizing. I struggle maintaining boundaries with others and saying "no." I find it hard to make decisions on my own as they have taken over so many large decisions in my life. I'm so tired of feeling like a bad person and I'm tired of feeling like a constant failure. While there are issues on both sides, I want so badly to separate myself and minimize contact with them so I can give myself the space to just relax and heal mentally.

I can’t do this.. I’m at an age in my 20s where I should be on my own.. but my mom makes it so hard every fucking time… she had me in her teens. She was also not raised in the best environment..it’s like she lacks a maternal instinct sometimes.

I live in a part of the city where you can’t walk and you have to drive. I don’t have a car. So I have to uber. And it’s expensive as fuck. If I get a job I have to ask her to front me for uber. As far as the bus goes, it’s a 20 minute walk to the bus stop and the route that reaches my neighborhood comes at the buttcracknof dawn. That, plus I’m in school.. I can’t ALWAYS take the freaking bus. She makes me feel like I begger or as if I’m lesser than she is for asking for a ride ANYWHERE. Sometimes she will be like “you so inconsiderate of my own time” — when literally I say “hey if you’re able to, can you?” —I’m simply just asking… Or if she’s on her way to that part of town, I’ll ask for a ride, and she will still make me feel bad. Or on the way there, she will look at me and scoff and roll her eyes the entire freaking time..I could be dead silent scrolling on my phone..

It’s like, I can’t work to escape because I can’t get there. Or if I get a job, I have to beg for a ride there simply just to make a living .. and she wants me to move out. Well how??? If there no money?????

I also am starving. There’s food in the house but I get ridiculed for using some of the food. “You ate all my (frozen packaged food that’s been sitting in the freezer for months that she wasn’t even thinking about)”. She was kind enough to purchase me some lunch meat and bread to make sandwiches.. but she also brought herself lunch meat and she told me not to use it. Which is fine, but considering that in all the years I’ve known my mother, she rarely eats sandwiches. I think I’ve seen it MAYBE 3 times. She doesn’t buy herself lunch meat. So when I reached for one of the lunch meat packages, she made sure to let me know it wasn’t for me. Just the salami. And I like salami but that package won’t last me a week even. Very grateful to have it but I’m alrwady half way thru and I’m soooo hungry.

She asked me to cook the other day and I couldn’t because I had school obligations. The following day I told her I can cook and to pick a few things up. That night I cooked the meal and it was just on low & I asked her if she could watch it for like 10nminutes because I had to finish up some school work. Which was improtant because I had to take a week off because I had surgery. I was drowning in work.. and she made a fight out of That and was like “YOU wanted to cook today so watch ur food”— and I told her I did today because she asked me to the previous day in which I wasn’t able to. And she got angry that I brought that up.. I did it because she wanted me to cook.. and she suggested I do the entirety of the dishes that night as well. Usually the person who cooked doesn’t do dishes in our home. Usually. The dishes are rotated between me my mother and my sister. Cooking was the day before yesterday. She asked me to do them again. Why should I? She always excuses my sister for everything, and gives her more grace and she tells me I’m just jealous. Yes. I am just jealous of my sibling being given grace, constant words of encouragement and endless love. & now has perfect credit and is moving out soon. I didn’t get that the way that she did. Maybe it sounds petty but i think it makes a huge difference.

I have lost over 30npounds in the last few months because I haven’t been eating adequately . Just tidbits of what I could find. Borrow cash from friends to buy a. Few groceries

Anytime she gives me things it’s never genuine. She will always throw it in my face

Anytime I’m upset, my anger is never valid. Only hers. And she “didn’t do anything”.

I can’t go on this way. Even just now we got into a screaming match and I told her I wasn’t in the place to have the conversation and she kept provoking me to take the hinges off the door because I wanted space to myself for a few moments. All because I told her I was hungry. I am so fucking hungry all of the time.

I cant do this anymore and I have no way out without selling my body.

I posted it somewhere else and no one responded to, so I do here too.

So, Im 16 and my mom KEEPS searching on my phone (excessively) without my permission and I cannot say anything about that because she is "my mother" and I live under her home and her laws.

I cannot have a private life in my phone because she always searching inside and it is not just looking if I do talk with strangers or look at my conversations to see if im not in a danger.

It's literally a cops control. She always have and that need to analyze what I am talking about with everyone. And it really piss me off

Im not in a age that looking in might sound really strict while it is not, I had before friends that was 15-17y and they told me their moms do not search on their phones.

I cant talk about it to her because she'd heard "leave me tf alone i want to do everything I want in my phone without you beside my ass"

instead of

"mom look, I understand you as a mom you might be worried about what I am doing on my phone and you're only reassuring yourself, but i need you to understand me as a soon 17y and then almost 18y, I need my own private life without knowing someone would look in it, it doesn't mean i do stupid things but i need a private life like everyone needs one"

So now I always have to be strategic with how I use my phone. I just want a private life, at least in conversation. Talking about any topics, without a cops control.

Okay to start off I kinda just wanna hear people’s thoughts. And I always wanna get to hear other stories and how they feel about my situations. I guess I’ll start off talking about my mom.

My mom was born a preemie and grew up with learning disability’s. She always had boyfriends that I didn’t like and always didn’t listen to me. Now she was not a good mom. One time she got overwhelmed with me and put me in my room when I was under the age of 5 and I opened the door because I could hear her crying she she kicked it and it hit me in the nose so hard I bled. Then in her custody also when she would have the neighbors babysit me while she and her bf were at work, they would sit me down on the stairs of their apartment and throw rocks at me.

For a long time I thought I was crazy so I asked my mom like hey I keep thinking about this and like idk if it happened or not and she just looked at me and said yea it happened. Nothing about her pressing charges. She knew they were abusing her child and did nothing. Eventually my grandparents got kinship and I lived with them. My mom eventually got married but she started to cheat on my then step dad ( We’re going through the adoption process so he can be my father now) with a man in prison for 10 years. I was a minor at the time.

I found out that this man is a pedophile with three counts of touching a minor under 13 3rd degree, And a dropped 2nd degree kidnapping and a2nd degree touching a minor under 13. Now when I found out I was still a minor but she eventually moved in with him when he got out after 8 years and has given me back every child thing I have given her ( Stuffed animals, animated kids dvds, any letter I wrote to her as a child for Mother’s Day or events) because she couldent have kids things around. I eventually told her it’s me or him and she chose him and I haven’t spoken to her in a since.

When I got older I looked into his case more and started realizing that this wasn’t okay and I wanted to hear his story. They told me multiple different stories and I never believed it so I finally recently actually talked to his victim. Turns out he got really drunk and made her at 4 years old get him off. And I freaked out because she told me he used to be a really bad alcoholic and he’s been in jail for domestic violence. I called my mom right after and told her everything because after not speaking to her in forever I thought this would be my last chance to get through to her.

Unfortunately she told me that she didn’t believe me and she needed to hear it from the victim herself. And that I’m just mad because she’s finally happy in her life and I’m not. And my thing is she’s a fucking special education teacher???? Like how is that even legal. Anywho she said she has to think about things and she just wants to run off because she doesn’t know what to think. She blocked me but I look at her posts from a different account and she posts everyday about how great her husband is and how much she loves her kids. Like I’m not crazy to have cut contact right?

something about my mother she likes to threaten to kick me out, to call the police on me, and to basically ruin my life in any way she can conceive of. A few months ago I started applying to join the military and ever since then she has taken a liking to threatening to call my recruiter to say I beat her and have mental disorders.

Today was just like any other day with her, she bitched constantly for three hours this morning. She threw a fit when I wanted to go to the store to get some food because there's barely anything in the house at the moment. While at the store I need a moment on my phone before I went went in and asked for the keys so I could lock the door when I exited the car.

So I'm walking through the store looking for her, called her a few times but apparently she has me blocked so I texted her and I'm walking around looking for her while I'm waiting for a response. Well 5 to 7 minutes of that I finally get a call from her and she's very snippy and aggressive, saying she got everything and to get to the car.

I wasn't sure if she actually got everything so I called her a few times, of course I was blocked so I couldn't actually get through, then text her while I'm waiting for a response I get a few things I think she would've forgotten. So as I'm walking around waiting for a response from her she doesn't respond for about 10 minutes. At that point I go to the bathroom and find her coming at me while I'm walking there. She threatens me physically, threatens to leave me at the store, and then ambiguously threatens to screw me over if I don't handle the keys.

At that point I'm already walking into the bathroom so I say "OK well give me a a minute or two and I'll be out there with you".

When I get out there she decides to lock the doors and not let me in. So I'm knocking on the window in the door saying hey let me in unlock the doors and she starts driving off a little bit and then slamming on the brakes. Nothing new for her, it's pretty common behavior that happens for pretty much for no reason.

So as I am holding onto the door expecting her to unlock it at some point she decides to completely take off with me still on the car. I end up hitting my head and now I have a road rash from my thigh to my hips and across my stomach.

Someone called the police and they came up and just gave me some advice about if she does anything to call them again.

I'm not even getting into the next two hours of her offering to drive me and then making stipulations about how I have to walk to where she wants me to be and then not responding when I ask her "OK where should I go".

Right now I just need advice on a few things.

The key thing is what should I do if she actually does start lying to my recruiter saying I do terrible things?

What should I do if she does actually call the police?

What should I do if she actually does kick me out?

Unfortunately there's a few things that she did in my childhood and teenage years that's currently inhibiting me from shipping to Boot Camp at this moment so I can't just tell my recruiter to move up my shipdate.

I really just don't know what to do at this moment.

I am writing this from a throwaway account for safety reasons. I am an 17-year-old Male student living at home with my mother, sister, and father in India. I go to college to a different district and i stay at dorm there for the majority of the time of the year.

location: india, west bengal

For years, my household has dealt with severe ongoing emotional, mental, and financial abuse from my father:

- Financial & Basic Deprivation: He steals money, refuses to provide basic necessities, and frequently takes cash from us meant for daily food/groceries and disappears or returns empty-handed, leaving us without basic meals

.

- Medical Neglect: I am currently suffering from a severe, throbbing tooth issue needing urgent care. My father deliberately stalls and refuses to take me to the reputable government dental college hospital, deflecting to an unvetted local person while family feuds block referral access to the Certified proper Government dental college. Medical and basic health needs are routinely neglected or weaponized.

- Mother’s State: My parents' marriage was forced years ago. My mother has developed severe learned helplessness and emotional dissociation. She copes by emotionally checking out, joking about a "spiritual divorce," and refuses to take any legal step or complain to authorities because she is terrified and exhausted.

- Family Influence: My father’s side of the family has significant financial resources and local connections. My father frequently uses this dynamic knowing my mother won't retaliate.

- Severe Boundary Violation Tonight: Tonight, my father brought an unauthorized middle-aged man directly into my sister’s private room without knocking or warning when she was completely unprepared and inappropriately dressed. He has pulled similar boundary violations before with random people. This situation has happened a lot of times before

We managed to secure the room and wait until they left, but the environment feels volatile, unsafe, and unpredictable.

I need practical advice on two fronts:

1. Legal & Police Reality: Since my mother refuses to be a complainant or sign anything, what legal rights or protections do my sister and I have independently against domestic harassment, medical neglect, privacy violations, and intimidation? If the other side has local connections, how do people navigate this safely without escalating danger at home?

2. Survival & Exit Strategy: For those who have navigated dysfunctional Indian households with zero parental support, how did you survive the daily stress, secure your documents/finances, and successfully plan an exit?

Any objective guidance, legal references under Indian law (PWDVA, BNS), or survival advice would be deeply appreciated. Thank you.

I wanna start off with saying that my mother has some reasons to be the way she is. (I have a sister with disabilites and my mother gets really stressed). She's struggling with alcohol and her mental health right now and she's been struggling with these things since I could remember, I'm still a minor and I can't legally get out of this house since my parents are unfortunately still together. But I still want to cut her off somehow be as distant as possible. Right now I try to get away from home by going to school and volleyball practice, I have volleyball practice only on the weekends so it's not that great. I really need to get away from her.

Trasloco help

Salve sono una ragazza di 24 years e vivo con i miei nonostante i tantissimi conflitti passati io amò mia mamma e lei soffre molto la solitudine e la lontananza dei figli fino a piangere.. io quasi hai 25 anni mi sento fallita xchè non sto realizzando nulla nemmeno una mia abitazione da sola!! Sto al sud in una città natale che non mi e mai piaciuta dove non sono anche mai uscita di sera a causa del far west che c'è!! insomma non vivo la mia vita la mia giovinezza vorrei andare via ed essere felice ma abbandonare mia mamma il nostro rapporto finalmente sereno e il mio cane mi dà angoscia avvolte e paura allo stesso tempo di non farcela la fuori io ho già un mio lavoro ma si sa che non basta in Italia un lavoro.. consigli grazie

im 20 and about 7 months ago I left a long term relationship and began getting sober from alcohol. I got sober, still am, and I graduated with a two year college degree in May. I got a job at Walmart and i saved up over the summer for a car. I was doing well and I bought the car. During this time when I had just bought the car my dads girlfriend (whos been around since i was 7) accused me of drinking again and told me dad I was, but didn’t ask or confront me. It really hurt, as I truly had not broken sobriety and still havent. after working many 40 hour and 35 hour weeks I purchased the car, and my dads gf was quite upset. She expressed to my dad that I didn’t deserve help with any of my car expenses, which I wasn’t asking for to begin with. My dad and his girlfriend do not work under the IRS or work 9 to 5, they help my grandma take care of her rent houses and in return my dad is financially supported. With thst financial support, both of them choose to not work and help my grandma, which i understand she does need assistance. My dads girlfriend spent a while complaining to me after I bought my car that no one would buy her a car. She wanted her dad or my dad to buy her a car, she doesnt want to save money. So, my dad decided to pay to have his girlfriend insured on all the family cars, and since i refused to allow her on my car insurance, my dad decided that I would not be allowed or insured to drive any car they own. I agreed to this rule with no issue. It more so bothered me that Ashly complained about not having a new car of her own, when she could drive our family Subaru, Jeep, or Scion for free. I had around this point also tried to introduce my family to my bf i had recently started dating, and they expressed zero interest and acted as if they’d rather not meet him, so I made sure not to bother them with the presence of him or my friends. $500 of mine which I had kept safe and at home in my room went missing, and i only live w my parents, they rarely allow visitors. I dont know who took it to this day, and then my grandma fell and fractured her pelvis. My dad accused his girlfriend of stealing my grandmas pain meds cuz his girlfriend has abused pills over the years. my dad and his girlfriend dont Exactly have the healthiest dynamic. and on another note, after I graduated with honors with my two year college degree, i attempted to start my bachelors because my dad told me I needed to and he got upset anytime i expressed I was unready or unsure. To preface, I graduated highschool a year early and maintained a 4.0 GPA, and graduated with honors with my two year college degree. At this point, I tried to pursue a bachelors online because I was working. I couldnt keep up and truthfully I struggle with mental health. I tried to express this to my dad and it did not go well. I am now trying to get my hours raised back up fully to full time since I couldn’t keep up w the college classes. i feel so bad for failing my father and he let me know that maybe im just not smart enough or trying enough. In my free time Ive tried to help and see my grandma. My dad has recently told me im not doing enough or trying enough and that all my friends are bad influences. He says I must be home by midnight now even though i was just working overnight shifts in the summer. my dad had seen me get alcohol poisoning many times back when i was still drinking over seven months ago. he didn’t complain about my friends so much then because my grades were high. i recently told my parents how my doctor found a lump in my breast and I need an ultrasound. they have a lot going on so they didn’t say much. Finally, as of recently ive been trying to get my hours in full back but it takes time for the schedule to be changed. I told my dad two weeks ago I had $200 for him to pay for my car insurance for the month etc and my dad refused the money and said he didnt want my money. this confused me because its my car fees but i didnt fuss. now, my dad is asking for $200 and i do not have money in cash ready for him as he refused to accept money from me previously. im so confused and now my dad is saying im likely getting fired from my one of two jobs because all hours have been cut recemtly and he’s not happy i dont have the money yet. i did have it ready for him and he refused and I told him $500 of mine went missing from the house and none of that was ever addressed and instead I feel like a loser for not having the $200 for him in cash, I wish he could’ve told me sooner that he actually did want the money. im so nervous and scared for many things including my grandma, my parents, my health. I know things could be worse and I am accomplished to have my car now. I know in time I’ll be able to recover from the stolen money and grow myself and do better and stay out of my parents hair and respect their wishes.

I want someone to talk to, even if it's only temporary. Right now, I feel disgusted with myself. I'm worried if I'm a narcissist. I know that I'm very unhealthy for sure and I don't want to accept this about me. I'll share my struggles here, I was diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD, before I was diagnosed, I was desperate for help because I was really struggling. My mother don't want me to claim that I have ADHD, her reason was she doesn't want me to think that I'm abnormal and she thinks that I'm retarded. Because of that, for many years, I was undiagnosed, my life is full of failures, embarrassment, very humiliating. Not only about that, she would guilt trip me to get whatever she wants, doesn't hesitate to public shame me, keeps cursing me and often lash out. My body image, the way I looked at myself, I often think I'm worthless, useless and incapable. Since I was a child, she often point out my physical flaws about my appearance, not only about my physical appearance. This is why I have very low self-esteem. I have a desire to hide myself, to wear a face mask, avoid taking pictures and whenever wants to see what I look like or asking my picture, I often reason that I'm ugly and can't handle if someone saw my pics and that leads to either chaos or something unpleasant. Right now, I'm focusing on financial stability, if I was financially stable then I'll distance myself from my family especially my mother, until now, she controls me but not as obvious when I was a kid, I'm still her puppet. I'm worried because of these wounds of mine affects the people around me, I don't want to harm the people I love, it was never my intention to hurt someone, I don't want to deceive someone either but I was often misunderstood. I never think I'm a victim even these things or sufferings happened to me. I focus on reflection, admitting my wrongdoings, take accountability. Still, I feel like I wasn't good enough. This disgust feeling is still there, fears and wounds from my mother. I don't really mind the corporal/physical punishment from my parents when I was a kid but I wish my mother changed for the better. My mother before would often encourage me while discouraging me at the same time, saying things like "I'm doing this for you" but actually she's doing it for herself, she admitted once that my achievements in life is like her own achievement, too. I really want to achieve things, if not, I'm forever stuck with my mother and myself and forever feeling worthless. I don't think highly of myself, I never think I was better than others, I'm not envious with others, actually, I admire them. My mother thinks highly of herself, she thinks she's pretty and now I'm a young adult, whenever I said or express that I'm not pretty, she said that "have some confidence" did she lose her memory? because she's one of the reasons why I have self-hatred and why I'm having a hard time accepting myself. She would also compliment herself while bringing others down. This is one I almost copy about her because of her influence when I was young. Based on my observation, people like her won't change, she will having a hard time to reflect and see those sides. It's suffocating, I feel disgusted. I want to free myself.

my dad set up my bank account when i was 16 i am now 23. i knew he had access to my account and about a month ago i asked if he still did. he lied and said no and showed me ‘proof’ on his phone. i believed him stupidly but a few days ago he mentioned a purchase i had made in passing and i got the urge to ring the bank. they told me that his old phone has been logging into my bank app every single day. purely to check what id been buying. for reference i am financially independent and recieve no financial help from my parents. my mum had been looking at it with him and also lied. on top of a lot of other things this has made me temporarily walk awat from them and come live with my boyfriend.

i am seriously annoyed that he lied to me but it makes me uncomfortable to think they are sat there every morning checking where ive been and what ive spent money on.

I work as a substitute teacher. I don’t make much money and the money I do make I usually give to my percents. It sounds stupid but I saved up my money to buy my AirPods Pro so they are special to me because I worked for it. I realized it’s dumb.

Today, I left my AirPods the pockets of my pants. I do realize this is my fault, but my parents grabbed all the cloths they thought was dirty and put them in the wash.

The “dirty” pants have been sitting in my room for maybe 24 hours and I did have anxious thoughts that my parents would just come in my room, clean my clothes, and put my AirPods in the wash. I was just lazy and thought I’d take them out of the pockets and give my parents the pants the next day, but my anxious thoughts came true.

When I came home today the first thing I did was go to take my AirPods out of my pants pockets, but I couldn’t find my pants. I asked my father if he has seen it and he told me he didn’t know and then ignored me. Then I asked my mom and she said she might have put them in the wash. I was anxious and panicked as music is a medicine to me. It blocks out the world and helps me feel less alone, idk.

Surely enough, my pants were in the washer along with my AirPods in the pocket.

My father told me to calm down and when I told him to imagine if these were his he said, “This would never happen to me because I’d remove them from my pockets”. Then my mom told me to show emotional intelligence because they are just AirPods, and that they were being nice enough to clean my clothes and if I really cared I should just wash my clothes myself (which I will).

I felt as if they were being really inconsiderate and boarder-line rude, because they weren’t even trying to see the position I was in. The more upset I would get by their reactions the more they would just tell me to calm down and eventually just told me to go away.

Maybe it is pointless, because they are just AirPods, but I needed to rant. If you made it this far thanks for the read.
Am I overreacting?

So I cut my hair. I have curly hair. My parents are really toxic and don't already like how I use products to style my hair. They took my products away yet I sneaked them and for now they just know that I use "water".

The thing is my hair was so long and SO BEAUTIFUL, and I decided to do layers for myself. And I did. FIRSTLy, I CUT IT REALLY SHORT. Like it looks considerabaly shorter. That I can hide, because curly hair is not something people remember so well about its length.

What I can't hide is some really weird layers, like the front pieces of my hair I just cut them and now their half the length of my hair and it looks soooooo bad. I don't usually keep my hair down around my parents, which is a good thing.

BUT I don't usually plop my hair up in a towel when I dry it, and I don't want to do some fancy things on hair wash days to attract attention to my hair. Why I'm scared of wash days is that when I wash it and come out they might notice the hair layered wet. And even as it begins to dry.

I'm just stranded and I need a solution for hair wash days and just advice in general to stay safe about this until it grows.

Hi Everyone,

Reposting this again. I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

Throwaway for obvious reasons and apologies in advance for the long story. Thank you for taking the time to read

My mother and I have had a really long and difficult relationship. She has struggled to care for me for most of my life, worsened by a car accident that occurred when I was 10 years old that caused brain damage that made it impossible for her to properly care for herself and others. My sister and I had to be removed from the home because it was un-livable (no heat, molding dishes piling over the counters, nothing but rotting food in the fridge, etc.) and my relationship with my mother was never the same. She's never been able to take any kind of accountability for the trauma she caused my sister and I because in her mind, it wasn't her fault because of the car accident. I can recognize that it wasn't her fault how she struggled, but my other parent was begging for full custody for years and she was refusing all while letting us live in filth. She several times stole money from my piggy bank as a child, and did a lot of really hurtful, and emotionally immature things that made the relationship become more like I was the parent, she was the child, with my sister and I regularly taking on the burden of cleaning, cooking, etc. 

In my adult years I moved away from my hometown and went to university elsewhere. During that time, we called regularly and our relationship actually improved. It was still hardly as good as my relationship with my other parent who actually provides advice, support, etc. but it moved from a less bitter place to a more friendly one. I thought things we're going in the right direction but we had several setbacks, like in my third year of university I needed surgery and she said she wanted to come stay with me and look after me, but instead she played video games on my couch for a week, made a huge mess of my house, and ultimately I had to clean up for both of us and take care of myself all while recovering from joint surgery. I asked her to leave a week early and it was a hard time in our relationship. The next year she forgot to call me on my birthday, which led to a large emotional breakdown, a lot of hurt, and excuses again from her side. 

A year ago she decided to move across the world to Thailand. I told her that it was her life to do with what she wants, but ultimately that it would harm the work we had done to repair our relationship and hurt me that she's moving literally across the planet and we'd never see each other or be able to regularly connect. She told me it'd be like nothing would change. Well sure enough, she moved to Thailand and connecting became almost impossible with the 12 hour time difference and my job. It also began to feel like "what's the point? why should I keep you looped in on my life when you're so checked out of it literally on the other side of the earth?"

This summer she came back to Canada and stayed with me for two weeks and in those two weeks she told me she felt like I was holding her emotionally at arms length. I told her I wasn't the one who moved across the planet away from the relationship. It ended up being a really bad fight in which she couldn't take any accountability for any hurt she'd caused me, or for the ways she doesn't show up for me as a mom.

Well Saturday was my birthday, and she forgot again, the second time in 5 years it's come and gone with not even a text from her, let alone a phone call. Her birthday is exactly one week before mine, and I called her the previous Saturday to wish her a happy birthday, but she couldn't do the same for me one week later. She only has two kids, and this is the barest minimum a parent needs to do, yet she can't do it. it's 2 days later, and she still hasn't realized she's forgotten, I've heard nothing. 

The whole thing is making me realize that I don't know what this relationship is offering me anymore. Every time we talk I feel upset. Every time we see each other I feel drained and uncomfortable. I constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells waiting for the next disappointment to come, and i've already lowered my expectations of her as much as I thought I possibly could. I don't know how they can get lower. My other parent says I shouldn't go no contact because it won't solve my pain and it's not a realistic solution, but part of me just feels so exhausted by this relationship. I really need some outside perspective. Is going no contact reasonable? Is there other alternatives I should explore? 

TL;DR: My mother who suffers from a traumatic brain injury has left me with significant childhood trauma and a relationship where I often had to take care of her instead of the other way around. Despite years of trying to repair our relationship, she continues to let me down, refuses to acknowledge the hurt she's caused, and recently moved across the world, making maintaining a relationship even harder. This weekend she forgot my birthday for the second time in five years, despite me calling her for hers just one week earlier. I'm exhausted from constantly lowering my expectations and being disappointed anyway. Our relationship now brings me more hurt and stress than anything positive, and I'm wondering whether going no contact is reasonable or if there are other options I should consider.

I am a child sexual abuse survivor and during Covid I chose to report my abuser. My abuser was my uncle who married into the family. So he isn’t even blood. My very Mormon Asian parents told me to not report him because I have to think about what it would do to his family. I didn’t listen and reported him that started a case against him between him and the state of Maryland.

When things got serious and things started moving, he decided to flee and move back to the Philippines (where I’m from). I have suspicions that my parents was the one that told him to go because of what I was doing. Fast-forward to this summer. I found out from my cousins in the Philippines that not only did they not get the whole story, but people still act like he’s innocent.

My uncle from my dad’s side is a police sergeant in the city that my abuser lives in (my hometown). He knows that everything that has happened and it was what I have been doing here in the states to fight and get justice. But I found out from the Summer that my very toxic parents told my uncle to not take any action against my abuser… years of fighting and trying to figure out how all of his victims can get justice. But yet my parents said fuck you his family matters more. Unfortunately my uncle respects my parents too much (especially after losing my brother to suicide) and to respected their choices that could’ve been getting justice for the victims.

So fast-forward to now, I’m trying to get pregnant and realizing that I don’t want my parents to be around them if they choose to not even protect their own child. I need to protect my future and my future family from the toxicity of the culture that I once wanted in my life. so I want hto give my parents the ultimatum of it’s either they choose to protect my abuser or choose to be able to see their future grandchild.

Am I the toxic one now? Am I being dramatic?

sometimes i wish that my mom would hurt me physically when she gets mad at things that are out of my control and gets super sensitive about random things because then she would actually see how much she hurts me and would (hopefully) regret it because she (hopefully) loves me just like she always says she does. sometimes i feel like i should unalive myself just so that she misses me and regrets the way she treated me, but im too much of a coward to do it so i hope that she just hits me so she can visually see what she has caused. i just want her to hurt from seeing me in pain, because i can’t stand to see her hurt and the idea of her dying scares me because the fear of not being able to talk to her anymore scares me even tho i resent her.

My mom wants me to co-sign on loan for $4000. Im not doing that great financially myself but have great credit that I have worked really hard for. Ideally because of other circumstances I would like her to think I tried to help with the loan but cant because the bank said no. If I freeze my credit will that work? Any other suggestions?

Here's the skinny of my situation with my parents. I'm 35 years old, bi, married to a man.

Here's the situation. My parents gave me a good childhood, I grew up in a semi wealthy family in suburban chicago. Anything in terms of materialism that I wanted all throughout childhood from toys as a kid to camera and computer equipment in my teens they gave me. They have always supported me in what I want to do and in their own ways accepted me for marrying a man. Having said that, the sweet hasn't come without the sour. My dad was a workaholic, extremely selfish and an alcoholic who tried suppressing my confidence on any original thought or belief I had that went against his. My mother was overbearing and overprotective and as ive pieced together in my 30s, I feel she used me emotionally as a pawn against my father so she always looked like the victor and him the enemy. My father cheated on my mother a handful of times. They divorced for a year and got back together... years later in 2014 I caught dad cheating again and they separated then a year later they got back together and actually remarried again (they divorced in 2002). A year after that they tell me and my now husband they are leaving Chicago and moving to colorado. my husband and I helped them move and my husband fell in love with colorado which is why 4 months after they moved, we moved to Denver. I didnt want to leave Chicago but I did it for my husband because I love him and a coping thing I did was thinking "well ill be by mom and dad". In the 8 years ive lived here, regardless of when they were an hour from me, then 5min down the road in Denver, it was always a struggle to see them. they would say they are tired or busy, etc... now 2 years ago they moved to the other side of the state (about 6hrs by car) and are getting on my case I haven't visited them but one time. Here's part of that problem... Where they are living now I lived with them for a short stint in my childhood... we left suburban chicago to "start fresh" and in that time I was SA'd on a school camping trip at knifepoint by a fellow student and my dad was cheating and thats when my parents divorced. Ive explained this to my mother and all she has said in return is "we all go through things, you need to get over it". They never consulted me before making a big life change and how it would affect me, yet, My husband and I are thinking down the road of leaving Colorado and moving back to Chicago or giving Cali a try and suddenly "I dont want you away from me, etc etc"

I've always bent for them my entire life, even when I didnt want to. im talking about since adulthood. My mother tried scaring me into never coming out to my dad, only to come out to him and him accepting me faster than my mom did. I gave up my birthday weekend last year so a family member who grew up with my dad in Ohio could see him again, On my 30th birthday my parents couldn't be bothered standing in a fast food line for lunch and in turn handed me money from their car window letting me know what they wanted... then ditched me on my birthday dinner because "we dont want to drive at night back up the mountain". When they have showed up, its always on their terms and I feel like they think just because they showed up that vindicates them... but the constant years worth of tit for tat compounds into a serious problem for me.

My mother even was trying to direct my wedding and other people attending had to politely tell her to shut up and be there how my husband and I wanted her to be.....

I know I am leaving a lot out and I apologize, im just overwhelmed... so here is the current situation im facing....

The plan for the holidays was that my husband and I were going to go to their house for thanksgiving and we were trying to scrap up the means to fly them with us back to Chicago for Christmas. We've realized that we just cant do either, Thanksgiving because our animal sitter bailed on us and my husband travels 4+ days a week for his job and wants to relax at home which I dont blame him for and for Christmas, we dont have the ability to fly them out as we hoped. I let them know this a few days ago, all I got was a "ok" and now they have seemingly iced me out, yesterday was a big day for me as I celebrated 4 years sober from drinking, I text them about it, nothing... I tried calling both of them today and nothing.

Why when I try to live my own life with my own family now, because I cant include them exactly the way they want to be included, im the bad guy? Mind you, they are going out of town for themselves for 2 weeks at the beginning of the year and when I asked them if they could cover their plane tickets so we could be in Chicago for Christmas together they always bitch about how they dont have the means to do it. So they have the money for themselves but they cant figure out being with me on Christmas. The older they get it seems like the more they refuse to be inconvenienced. They also have different political, etc beliefs from me and most of the time they are always saying some mean or cruel thing about how so and so in the family or someone they knew with their life in Illinois is not holding their standards... its affectively had the world that I knew around them which was welcoming and supportive shut them out and now they are in a small town were any meaningful relationship they have had over the last 60 years except maybe 2 or 3 people with my dad have up'd and walked away and they are left with whomever they have befriended in their current town.

I know I have a lot of work a head of me finally drawing a line in the sand and saying, for once im going to put my wants and my husbands wants for the holiday ahead of what you want out of me and now it seems like the entire fabric of my relationship with them is on fire.

Sorry for the long post, but im coming to reddit because I needed a place to vent and feel like all the negativity and anxiety in me is not because im a bad son, its the conditioning that ive been apart of for over 30 years keeping hold of me.

Its really making me despise her,im really sick of my mother nitpicking each and everything I eat, she would literally give me a lecture over something I ate one month ago. I cant even eat something mildly unhealthy like a pasta salad for instance without her giving me a huge fuckin lecture on how much calories/carbs it has or how im not supposed to fuckin eat stuff for the millionth time while she literally stuffs her gullet with kfc/ice cream/etc right in front of me while actually being conscious about her weight unlike me who actually couldn't care less about her weight. But it's the end of the fuckin world when she sees me eat pasta and wants to on the same boring lecture on how im not supposed to eat carbs. It's like everyone can eat but as soon as I do it, all of the sudden everyone wants to act like committed a big crime in humanity and wants to become a nutrition expert all of the sudden. When im seeing my mother after a long time, the first thing she literally tries to fixate on is how much weight I've gained or lost its like all she sees is my weight, I dread seeing her then.

I never once complained to her about my weight or asked her for any advice so she is the one who should be actually watching her diet strictly since she is actually weight conscious and has complained to me about her weight multiple times, whenever I try to point her out on her eating something unhealthy just like she does with me, shes like "well you have more weight to lose weight than me" even though I never once fuckin asked her about any advice and like I said before, idgaf about losing weight or going on a diet. im tired of her trying to shove this down my throat. She would also shame me by comparing me to other fit woman my age or how woman my age are supposed to have hot bodies or not flat ass,all of that hasn't motivated me either. Like why does she feel the need to rub that in my face constantly. Like how would she feel if I started comparing her to woman her age with more attractive fitter bodies, im pretty sure she wouldnt like it either.

She has done this most of my life, and im fuckin sick of it. She would constantly pressure me with you need to lose this amount of weight before an x event which only makes me eat out of stress even more which she doesn't seem to get. Like if you are conscious about your body fine but why are you dragging me into this? She constantly nitcpicks each and everything i eat, if she doesn't lecture me about my food today, she will few days later, if not few days later, she can even do it a month later as she lierally has remembered what ate months back.I don't know when is she get this through her head that none of her techniques have ever worked and never will and I couldn't care less about diet or weight.

Recently, there is wedding coming up in 2 months, shes like we both should lose weight, every woman is doing it while I've still seen her eat junk food even during this time period as well, again when I point this out shes like "well you have more weight to lose". Like i never once complained about my weight, all I wanted you to do was to leave me the fuck alone all this time but all you've done is the opposite to the point i don't even want to work on my weight and diet anymore out of spite. Like you are the one who is constantly crying about her own weight so go ahead work on your diet, why are you projecting this on me? Like you dont see me commenting on your food or you cheating on your diet for the 10th time constantly since you and me are adults even though you are actually conscious about your weight unlike me so why the fuck do you feel the need to do it to me when I've told to back off multiple times. No amount of shame or pressure is going to make me want to lose weight anymore.

Like I cant even eat anything in front of her out of fear because I know ill get a huge fuckin lecture on how much calories/carbs i wasn't supposed to eat even though Idgaf and couldn't care less. Even during holidays, she will keep a huge track of what i ate throughout the trip while she stuffing her face with everything.One time, I was craving a chocolate bar like a normal human being so I went to the gas station to get it, she was like "see, you want to rebel against me" and again went on a huge lecture on my weight. Im really starting to resent my mother and dont like doing things with her anymore, like im a fuckin adult, when is she going to leave me the fuck alone?

I dont want to work on my weight/diet anymore just to spite her at this point. Im really tired of her over obsession with my weight, i just want to remain fat at this point just to spite her.She would literally check the trashcans to see the wrappers of anything I've eaten and give me a lecture over that as well, so i started hiding food wrappers in my room cupboards or drawers, she would check that as well when im not at home and then give me a lecture over that as well.from now on, i will start commenting on her eating something unhealthy obnoxiously just like she does to me and tell her since she actually cares about her weight and is constantly complains about her weight, why isn't she working on her diet. I dont care if she is concerned about my health either. No amount of insults, shaming, pressuring is going to work on me anymore.

My mother is a very narcissistic person. She is great at manipulating people and situations to make herself the victim of everything. She has been verbally and emotionally abusive most of my life.

I'm in my 40's, but due to major health issues, I can't afford to live on my own. My parents live mostly separated and I tend to stay mostly with my dad, helping him as he is disabled.

My mom's negativity about everything is what has caused them to be separated (my parents don't believe in divorce for religious reasons).

Since I was a young teen, my mom has blamed me for all of the problems in our family. I have 3 older siblings, my sister is almost 9 years older than me, then I have a brother that is 5 years older (severe ADHD), and one that is 3 years older (severe ADHD and high-functioning autism). Growing up, my sister was very independent, graduated high school early, and left home at 17. My brothers needed more attention, especially the one with autism (he could do no wrong).

Don't get me wrong, as a small child things where good. But as soon as I was in school (age 5) my mom decided she was going to go back to school and become a nurse. Any love and kindness my mom had for me evaporated. She still catered to my brother with autism and my sister, but she decided that I was worthless and useless, and my oldest brother was just a problem.

She puts on a caring show for people outside the family, so she can act the victim when things don't go her way.

Despite everything she has said and done to me in the past, I still tried to love her. But that is no longer the case. She destroys everything around her, and I've taken the blame for it. But I'm done with it. Sometimes I just wish she would die.

I can't go no contact with her, because my dad and I still stay at the main house when we have doctors appointments and family functions.

​

hii I'm (18) F,this is my first time using reddit so please don't pay attention to my grammar mistakes

my parents have acted religious since forever but they are hypocrites,they only use it for their benefit.

I have been getting abusive since I was little,they used to slap me when they found annoying,put chilli powder in my mouth when I talked too much,burn me with a candle and they abusive all my siblings when we all were little but they don't abuse them much anymore, they still abusive me.

I don't do much housework because why the fuck would do when all they do is abuse me,they are Muslim and act righteous in front of others but everyone can see the act,I hate them,I couldn't care less if they died.

they threaten to marry me off to a old man,I didn't even know about it my cousin sister is the one who told me about it,they isolated themselves and us into my dad's side of the family who are actually good people,I don't talk with them much because of them, I'm not allowed to go anywhere outside the house while I see my friends all hanging out together in social media,all I do is cry to myself.

they took my room's lock and they come in my room whenever they please,they forced me to wear the hijab and abaya.

I don't barely eat or talk,every time I try to vent to my sister,that bitch who is my mom eavesdrops from the door of my room and abuses me more.

I'm done with them,I feel like a dead body all the time and I don't know if I'll ever escape from them

I'm so done with my parents making children like animals, not thinking about what would be there for us. Especially me, the eldest one, who is supposed to make sacrifices and adjust myself for everyone because, who knows, I'm the eldest, 25 years old.

The gym is the only place I go to in the whole damn day. I used to go to the gym at 5 PM, pretty accurately, every day. Then my sister joined coaching. She takes away the scooty in the morning and stays late, later than my usual going time. So guess who has to adjust? Me! Going at a dead-late time, so much so that now I go at 9 PM so that the gym gets free from the crowd late at night.

And after so long, I found a partner I got ready to go to the gym with, and see, wow, the scooty isn't there. I got to know my younger brother took it away for some work and is out, won't pick up my call, and 30 minutes go by. I'm standing like a fool, roaming around the house with shoes on and standing at the roadside waiting.

Seven people per one fucking scooty! I can't even say anything to my brother because technically, it's him who bought the scooty with his own money.

Earlier, we had another scooty, which was sold because of a parking problem at home. I listed it on OLX. I was the one who left the comfort of home and tolerated contact phone calls ringing to make people see the scooty and give them test drives, and it was embarrassing to do that in a neighbourhood for me.

I was told that I could get the money for a down payment to buy a bike, but fucking who knows that money would be given to my younger brother. EVERYTHING. And I would be made a fool with the promise that they would give it soon.

That fucking moronic "soon" hasn't come to reality yet and has just been delayed by Dad and Mom when I asked them to buy me a bike or scooty.

Actually, I'm a moron for not buying the bike when I had a job and was going to buy one, because my so-angelic and caring and fair Mom heard me say I would take the bike on trips, and her caringness made her think I would die. (I wish I would die instead of living with them anymore.)

I, the moron, didn't buy the bike.

They have the habit of becoming so good and coming close to me so that my opinion changes when I'm earning. But it's been a year since I was trying to build a business, which failed. I lost almost all my savings and capital. Now, with 12 months gone by, I see the true faces of all. I don't have anyone for me.

I wish all the money, including the ₹50,000 I gave Dad in one go to transfer someone from my hard-earned salary so that he could keep his word, ₹8,000 in case the electricity connection was cut off and we had to buy a generator so that we could manage things at the electricity department, ₹20,000 for camera installation, and tens of thousands on the home car, which is only mine when it needs money to be spent on it, be it fuel, toll money, new cover, wash money, etc., and not at all mine when I take it out.

I could easily see disapproval on my Mom's face when taking it out, and back-to-back calls when I'm late out with the car: "Dad, where are you at? Where are you at!"

I thought this was my family, but fucking moron of me to think so. Men don't have a home. They are all leeches who suck through me.

I was promised advance rent money if I got a year-long vacant shop rented out for my coaching fee. I went out in the heat of June, and somehow, I was able to get it vacated. And long story short, coaching money GONE!

I was made a monster for asking for it.

I just fucking hate them so much, and I hate myself for perceiving them as good when they pretend to be good, when they have something to ask for or get from me.

I'm so done with them. I hate my family. I hate my Dad. I hate my Mom. I could fucking kill myself over all the anger they give me.

Okay, so my parents aren’t physically abusive or verbally abusive in an overt sense. They’re both Christian and my dad is a pastor. I love them both a lot, but it’s hard to bc they hurt me. I go to therapy and my therapist mentioned that my parents use religious and regular manipulation tactics to make me feel like I’m the problem. For example, if I start rly saying how I feel and answering back when they say something wrong, I get met with “honor ur father and ur mother” immediately. Any time I try and refute what my dad says, I’m being disrespectful or he starts shifting blame and changing the conversation. It hurts even more bc I know what he’s doing and ik he won’t stop. He loves to invalidate me and make me feel stupid when I say something he disagrees with. When I told him abt the problems that their poor parenting has caused in my life, he said, “that wasn’t our intention” “we tried our best” and “no parent is perfect.” He always redirects the conversation and never listens to that I say but just loves to repeat what he’s saying even when I already addressed it. Then he says I can come to him with anything. I also struggled with religious psychosis (undiagnosed) from until like the ages of 7 to 12 years old tho they never knew. With my mom, she a bomb when she gets upset. Super friendly and everything, but when u do something she doesn’t like, she starts yelling and crying and all that. It’s annoying bc how can I care when ur feelings r hurt when u hurt mine. Sometimes they can be rly nice but when I make them upset, they switch up. I don’t feel like I can express myself or anything around them. Like my smiles are calculated and served with enough niceness to pacify them.

In my regular life, I realize that I do that with my friends. They even pointed out that I laugh at things that I prob don’t find funny bc I said I do fake (I meant exaggerate) my laugh sometimes. I don’t mean to lie to them or anything, sometimes I just don’t feel like laughing but don’t want to make them feel bad so I laugh. I also notice that it’s hard for me to rly voice my opinion. I’m kind of a yes person (I’m trying to get better) bc I don’t want them to feel bad or cause conflict or smth. I’ve gotten better at expressing myself around them but it’s still rly hard. I also feel the need to prove myself to others to have worth.

I’m also the oldest child lol so that comes with its own problems. Anyway, I just want to understand this so I can grow and would love to hear anyone’s perspectives on this.