I joined a new store opening bc I was hoping a newly* hired team would be a fresh slate. But no, it's the same thing. It's immediate at orientation. I go up to introduce myself to someone and I won't get much of a response. I'll compliment them and ask the typical questions, what's your name? is your commute far? General small talk. If I ask how their day is so far, I'll get a 1 word response, but if someone else comes up and asks they'll go into detail about their entire day... mentioning pets, s/o's, hobbies. These are people who just met btw, but somehow they have way more rapport than I can manage to build. If I'm catching up with a coworker, someone else will join and shoulder me out of the conversation and I'm left excluded. They will huddle together and move a few steps away from me. I was soo hopeful bc a coworker asked me to join a group chat "just for the girlies" intended for outside hangouts, but she didn't. Later, another coworker invited me out for drinks. When I showed up, the girls faces immediately fell. They left by the time I got my drink. The girl that invited me apologized, said everyone had been there for a while already. She's been the only one nice to me, but I suspect the other girls gave her shit for inviting me. I know they probably just went somewhere else. I felt like I was set up for humiliation. I try to still be kind, helpful, and smile through it. It's hurtful that people don't want to get to know me. I'm wondering if I come off annoying, bitchy, insincere in some way. I am trying to reflect and be self aware as to which aspects of my personality suck but I can't see it. This happens at every place I have worked.

I am short on ideas as to how to initiate more/better conversation topics. How do I build up rapport? What are some activities appropriate to ask a coworker to do outside of work? What are some things that others do to make your workplace fun, time fly by, or brighten your day?

I envy people who can talk about a topic for hours and have so much to say and share their opinions Everything they say seems logical and convincing, while I can barely form a single sentence. If you ask me my opinion on something, I'll answer briefly without explaining why. It sucks that I don't know how to explain things in detail like the people I see online, whether on Reddit or social media, or in real life in general. It's truly frustrating because if I try to talk more, my mind wanders and I start rambling nonsense. I just wanted to vent and see if anyone else is experiencing the same thing, any advice would be appreciated.(I hope that made sense because even after rereading this whole thing, I’m not sure it does )

Lately I've been feeling really alone in my social circle and it hurts a lot.

I'd say I have 2 best friends, but what stings is that they're each other's best friends, like super close, inseparable. And I feel like I don't have that same bond with either of them. Deep down, I'd love to have my own best friend who considers me *her* best friend too. Someone who's that for me, and I'm that for her.

Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault. Maybe I don't open up enough, maybe I don't give people a real chance to get to know me. And there's one thing about myself I like less and less and really want to change:

I act differently depending on how socially at ease the other person is. I'm shy, so if the person is shyer than me, I open up pretty quickly. But if they're more outgoing or very extroverted, I hold back and put myself out there way less. I let them do most of the talking, let them be the one to confide. It frustrates me to admit it, but I feel like I do this completely unconsciously.

I don't know why I act like this, and I'd really like to stop, but I don't know how either. Any advice?

Question:
I'm already committed to events where I will see these people 2–3 times a year for the next two years. How can I fix my mistake? And is there a better way I could've handled the original situation?

What happened:
My ex was military and I used to work in an office of all men. After the divorce, my relationship with their wives deteriorated (and never recovered after I remarried). So I wasn't surprised when I wasn't invited to the wedding of one friend's daughter

We had a group Zoom to talk about an upcoming reunion we're all attending, and he closed with "see you all at the wedding this weekend." I guess he didn't know I wasn't invited and I asked for clarification. His wife, rather than answer the question, dropped off the call

One of the other guys like "it's in a public location so anybody can come" and I said that's not how weddings work. Finally one of the ladies piped up "I had to RSVP for the reception snd I wasn't allowed to add an additional person so I don't think you can just show up"

One of the other ladies recommended I come to the wedding anyway just to show my support. I told them "I'm not driving 5 hours each way to come to a wedding when I'm not invited to the reception"

During two of last year's trips, the ladies went off and did something without me. This year I skipped some trips because I felt excluded, and I briefly mentioned those two in an attempt to show that this is becoming a problem we need to address if we're gonna keep traveling together as a group (which were already committed to 2 events per year for the next two years). I think this group likes my husband, not me 😂

I also said I was not fishing for an invite and I wasn't offended that they didn't invite me (I figured there was limited space). I just didn't want to "not show up" if they were actually expecting me (which is what is implied by saying "see you all at the wedding next weekend")

But of course now the ladies are offended

Is there any way (other than backing out of the already planned events for the next two years) for me to smooth things over?

If you had been in the situation where you did not think you were invited but the bride's father said "see you at the wedding next weekend" would you have asked for clarification? How would you have handled it?

You know when you're sad or angry, and get thoughts that have strong emotional attachments to them, that want to encourage you to say more than you'd like, maybe something you'd regret? I get this way with bringing up memories that make me happy, even when have no relevance to the conversation. It's like I'm treating people as my own podcast.

I feel depressed and lonely most of the time, and my behaviour only perpetuates this cycle. I'll ask people questions out of genuine care, then in their responses, they'll trigger some memory I really want to talk about even if it's not relevant, because there's a lot of intense positive emotion tied to that memory and I want it, I want to feel happy, I want to be social, I want this person to know me. But I take it to an extreme, and monologue for several mins.

I try to satisfy happiness elsewhere but I want my social needs filled. I want to feel like I belong somewhere, anywhere, even for a moment. It's hard to find a replacement for that.

I've embarrassed myself many times with this behaviour, and it's affecting the image of the few people who do choose to associate with me. It's hard to find help online as "how to stop being annoying" is seen as a social anxiety manifestation, but it's not in my head, it's ruined established friend groups as well as potential friendships over the years. I'm in my early 30s.

​

I'm in a weird position at work where I'm isolated from everyone. When I do open up, some people have twisted things that Ive said, so I hardly talk to anyone because I can't trust anyone. But, I'm human and I can't just sit in a room all day and never speak to anyone...(I've tried with mixed success).

So there is a new person at work who I actually \*like\* but I'm so confused whether she is my friend or not. I don't know if I can trust her. I'm female by the way. So me and this new person worked in the same career field previously and have that in common. There's also some specific things we have in common that are kind of unique. Sometimes I go to talk to her about something work related and it will turn into a 20 minute conversation about personal things or work things when I only intended a short conversation about the initial point. We don't talk to each other everyday, so please don't think I'm just spending all my time at work talking to her! Lol. She did give me her phone number when I said I was going on a trip alone, so that was nice of her. I passed on a magazine because there was an interesting article that I thought she might enjoy.

Here is the kicker though - she is HR. I am on my guard talking to her, and I keep telling myself to NOT let a work related conversation turn into anything lengthy. But somehow it does. I am afraid to consider her a friend because maybe she is just telling me things because she is a talker? I don't want to call anyone a friend unless they are going to be in my life long term. There are some things that make me think maybe she is just tolerating me - It's always me who goes to talk to her about the work thing first.She doesn't come to talk to me, ever. But there are multiple times I've tried to end the conversation and am physically getting up from the chair but she continues it. And another thing is it's been three weeks and she hasn't mentioned the magazine article.

I guess to sum up, I think we both like each other as coworkers but can I actually consider her a friend? I don't know what to think. Sorry, I have trust issues and I really don't want to be thinking of her as a friend if I shouldn't. Please tell me what you think.

I'm 25M, and I genuinely feel like my social skills are cooked. I'm wondering if it's actually possible to change at this age or if some people are just naturally bad at socializing.

I can hold an okay conversation one on one, but it always feels robotic, almost like I'm interviewing the other person. I ask questions, they answer, and I struggle to come up with anything interesting to say. When it's my turn to talk, I usually only manage a few sentences before running out of things to say. Group settings are even worse. I've been trying to put myself out there and attend more events, but I always feel like the odd one out. Everyone else seems to naturally understand how to contribute to conversations, make jokes, and keep things interesting.

What really gets me is how effortlessly witty and funny some people are. They have this energy and personality that makes others want to interact with them. Meanwhile, I'm standing there trying to figure out what to say, and by the time I think of something, the conversation has already moved on. I also struggle with how I see myself. I am unattractive, boring, and like I don't have much of a personality. It's hard to imagine myself becoming someone charismatic when my brain just doesn't seem to work that way. I literally have to ask ChatGPT to help me with text messages because it takes me minutes to think about what to type to a simple question like "do you want to go to the movies?"

I know people say social skills improve with practice, but what does that actually mean? I've been putting myself in more social situations, but I don't feel like I'm improving. I just end up being the quiet, awkward person in the group. Has anyone genuinely gone from being socially awkward and boring to someone who's actually fun to be around? What specifically helped you improve your conversational skills, humour, and ability to contribute in groups?

TL;DR: I'm 25 and struggle to hold natural conversations, contribute in groups, or be witty and interesting. I've been trying to socialize more but don't feel like I'm improving. Can you actually develop these skills at my age, and if so, how?

Hi everyone,

I think I tend to overthink a lot, but recently I’ve been really worried that people find me annoying. I only have a few close friends and I always message them randomly. I’m noticing that I have a huge block of texts I’m sending which are barely getting replies. Am I being too much? Maybe I’m talking way to much about myself or what I’m doing and they find me annoying…

This school semester has been quite difficult so I also feel like I’ve been complaining a lot. Should I stop? If I annoyed them then how do I fix it?

I'm a 15 year old in high school. I'm an introvert and mostly keep to myself. I was admitted into a new school last year and we've got a single grade classroom with like, ten people (Where I live, students sit in their designated grade classrooms of different sections, like 10-A, 10-B, 10-C, for example, and teachers rotate between classrooms of different grades. Since this is a new school, we've only got one section for the tenth grade) I can't approach people. I usually address them with a greeting and then follow up with a mundane topic (how're your studies going on, etc.) and then I'm avoided the next day. Everyone hangs out in huge groups which makes it even harder. I suck at keeping conversations with a person because while I listen carefully, address their concerns, follow up with my own input, I can only hold it up as long as the other person is talking. Then my energy drains out and I stop involving myself at some point. I've people say that I'm too formal with my conversations, but I don't know how else to talk and break the ice. I've got no friends in my school, but I've got four friends in my apartment colony (which I'm thankful for). it's about to be two years in this school for me and I still sit in the corner and don't talk unless someone asks me for schoolwork or just help with something. What do I do? Can I even fix this?

Is it okay if I (A man) call you Ma'am? I have ran into some ladies that don't like to be called ma'am and I struggle to find another word that is respectful that I should call them when we are not on a name to name basis. Everytime their reasoning is because it makes them sound too old. Maybe Miss would replace it well? I am in Texas USA.

i’m sure i have the exact same situation as many on this sub, but there’s this constant loop of being chronically alone and then attempting to fix it by starting something romantic. i just got out of a 4 year long romantic endeavor where i cut off a lot of my close friends and sunk into myself, and the realization that i have the rest of my adult life ahead of me seems bleak and discouraging.

i don’t go out much aside from studying for my career specialty, going to the gym, and going to work. there are few interests i possess that enable me to engage with people my age (reading, embroidery, my career) and even my social interests (NBA, gaming, politics) are more enjoyable by myself. it’s especially discouraging being the youngest nurse on the floor while being surrounded by people twice my age that can’t relate to me. being picky about the company i keep doesn’t help my dwindling social circle either.

all this to say i feel stuck. i want to find people my age to engage with in a meaningful and platonic way. it’s especially disheartening to hear about my roommates vast social opportunities and not be invited to any events. i don’t really know how to find new friends nor make them last. being horribly depressed also doesn’t help my prospects, but good lord would i like to break out of it.

if you’re a socially awkward 20-something in the minneapolis area, say hi :)

She didn’t say anything it was the look she gave them and the outfit I was wearing before I headed out. I was actually not so sure about her in the beginning but after actually spending time with her had realized she seemed quite nice and have liked her just fine since. I know both pairs of shoes I have are looking old and that I should switch them out.

Soo I (19f) really wanted to plan something for Halloween night this year cause sitting alone watching movies has become kinda depressing over the years.

There was supposed to be a house party planned by a friend’s friendgroup which sounded good to me, as I am fine with those since you can just sit around and people watch if it gets too much (plus it’s much cheaper drinking-wise lol).
Well that plan failed and my friend and her friendgroup decided to go to a party hosted in a club and my friend convinced me to buy tickets as well. It sounded good for a second with the costumes and all, but with saturday coming up I look forward to it less and less each day.

I don’t have anything against drinking and smaller parties however I don’t know if I’ll really enjoy clubbing. The friend who invited me is your typical social butterfly who interacts with others smoothly and is never awkward, and she just enjoys herself without a worry.
I am nothing like this (alcohol helps a bit but obviously I won’t drink as much as I would at a smaller house party, where I know and trust every person) therefore I’m afraid I’ll just feel like a social burden on her shoulders all night.
Talking to strangers, guys especially can make me really awkward and probably off-putting (even though I am definitely not looking for anyone rn) and I’m afraid I’d just end up sitting by myself feeling like I don’t belong.

With all these cons should I just cancel or should I give it a try? I haven’t even put together a costume yet that could be motivating me to go lol

When I feel like someone is inconsiderate or being rude to me I don't overcompensate, confront or put on a fake smile, I just distance myself... but what do you do when it is someone you have to be in proximity to? (coworker, extended family, friend of a friend, etc. I'm not talking *close* relationships here) Being overly nice to "keep the peace" feels disingenuous to me or like a betrayal to myself... but often times I feel like people take deep offense to just stepping back and being neutral. This is a sort of challenging thing to explain, but it starts making me feel like I'm creating drama or adding fuel to the fire, which is not my intention, but rather an attempt to respect myself and my peace. How do you balance this sort of dynamic?

I'm in a position that is new and unfamiliar to me.

I spent most of my teens fumbling to make friends. Most attempts fell flat. I weirded people out due to my poor social skills, I was too clumsy, too desperate, etc. I know that rejection hurts.

Now I'm an adult with a very small circle of friends, but it works for me. I currently don't have the energy for a bigger circle due to some mental health stuff. The "problem" is that suddenly strangers want to be friends with me. I seem to attract very extroverted people that want to exchange numbers and/or hang out all the time after just one conversation. This is especially tricky for me to navigate with coworkers and other people that I will inevitably keep bumping into.

My social skills are still poor, so I don't know how to respond. I've been told that the best way to reject a friendship is to make excuses and do the "slow fade"; this allows the other person to keep their dignity, I was told, and is less embarrassing than flat-out rejection. But then I've also heard the opposite, that the slow fade is cruel and cowardly, and that the best option is to be polite but direct. So... which is it? Is there a right way to reject someone?

And is there a way to say "I don't have the energy to juggle more friends right now" without it sounding like a lie to someone that thinks you can never have too many friends? And how do I say it politely, am I supposed to apologize for not being able to match their energy? Do I grovel and belittle myself to emphasize that it's not them, it's me?

Thanks in advance.

I've been in a student club for two years now, and I haven't been able to make a connection with anyone yet. I thought it might be too late for me to do anything about it since my peers have already familiarized themselves with each other, but our new members have already made friends with people I've known for years.

I know that the issue is my subpar conversational skills. I don't know how to join a conversation that has already started. I find that I have nothing to say and I feel like my presence is unwelcome. If I do find something to say, it seems the conversation has already moved on to something else.

Another issue is that I tend to think a lot before replying or saying something, making my responses feel unnatural. If I try not to overthink it, I end up saying things that don't make sense, are awkward, and oftentimes ungrammatical (Half sentences, word order, etc.)

Perhaps I'm overthinking the aspect of intrusion, but that is how I feel when others insert themselves in interactions I have with others, and I worry others might think that way of me.

I don't have social anxiety (I don't think I do). I have no problems presenting in class or asking others about things. I avoid speaking with peers, friends, or professors if I can solely because of my conversational skills and the embarrassment that follows it.

In short, I want to learn how to join conversations, start conversations about something other than uni-related topics or the weather, and be able to articulate my thoughts clearly.

So far, I've tried forcing myself to be around my peers so I can get as many chances to make good conversation, scripting potential topics in my head so I wouldn't be completely empty-handed, and repeating to myself that I'm actually a good speaker as a sort of "fake it till you make it" thing. None of it helped. In fact, it led to many awkward interactions.

I want you all to think back to those days if it apply to you. if you did not like somebody, was there anything that they could do to change your mind? I know they say first impressions are last impressions, but by that logic if you come to a new community and you’re unpopular, does that mean you’re supposed to pack up and go live somewhere else? What if that happens all because of your child is hated by the neighborhood kids? Does that even make sense in the world of 2026? Parents only have so much influence on behaavior and back during my day, they did not care about the why if you came home with bruises or why they consistently got phone calls home or child keeps getting sent to iss.

I would say I’m an introverted extrovert. I was never the weird kid but I never quite fit in either..always skimming the popular crowds and finding myself alone on nights I’d really like to be out ..sometimes being the butt of the joke or ignored. To make friends I feel like I have to bend over backwards far more than others..I have to be the most fit, fashionable, bubbly and have a ton of things going on in my life for people to be interested enough to stick around for a bit.

I am now 30, I desired motherhood and to be a wife and yet, I was never wanted and have been in a few abusive relationships while my siblings are all married with kids of their own.Sometimes I’m praised for the way I look and other times I’m absolutely hated for it..getting mocked directly to my face. My desire is to be a kind, caring friend and do not understand the like of kindness or care coming my way. Feeling worthless inside and out.

I’m looking for questions that can help start meaningful, interesting, or even fun conversations with people. Something beyond the usual “How are you?” or “What do you do for work?”

What are some questions you like to ask when getting to know someone, making new friends, or trying to keep a conversation going?

I’d love to hear your suggestions!

I easily make friends with others and openly to talk but my any relationship with others doesn't last more than 1.5 years. I often find myself thinking and acting to not receive judgement from others. I get quite uncomfortable when I get attention. Also I always notice my actions of changing myself to please people. Example doing whole group project alone, extremely over politeness which all leads to one path low self esteem, self loving. This thing is already big issue since primary school. I might probably be weird kid but if so I will accept it. I lack "confidence" thingy a lot and I really don't know what is it. I am still in school, grad is coming just in couple of years. My guardian told that I get ignored and doesn't blend in because I under value myself and treat others superior and my other habits of communication. Example the dark dunning Kruger effect, over apologising and fearing what would others think, gossip and say about me. I am quarantine kid. I think that might be why my social skills didn't fully develop but that shouldn't be full reason. My guardian is strict sort of and I realised I sneak and hide thing. I am outcast of class(I thought they were avoiding me cuz of hygiene but it really wasn't) Idk but I do REALLY MAKE CHANGE in myself.

I have a joking personality and tend to make people laugh. Sometimes I’m very extroverted and talkative and other times I’m quiet and just want to be by myself. It depends on my mood, and I don’t always feel like joking around.

The problem is that when I’m not being my usual funny self and am just acting normal, people assume that I’m upset or that something is wrong with me. I feel like because they’re used to seeing me joke around, they expect me to be that way all the time.

I’m not upset in those moments. I’m just in a neutral or quiet state. But because people have mostly seen me as the funny one, the quiet version of me seems to read as a mood change.

Has anyone else experienced this?

How do you deal with it?

I'm not shy or anxious but in social situations but I never have anything to talk about.

My hobbies aren't good conversation starters, my taste in music isn't universal, and I couldn't care less about sports and politics. And nobody cares about work stories, or things that happens when you're at home.

I'm usually quiet because I have nothing to contribute, which means it's all small talk and getting them to talk instead of me. It takes alot to get me exited.

Over the past few years, I always looked around and hated the fact that everyone had someone to talk to while I just kept staring at people. I'd approach people and try to converse and I wouldn't feel them reciprocating the next day so I just gave up at one point.

Today, I do everything alone, as if someone who is totally independent. I eat my lunch alone not feeling like there are pitiful eyes watching me. I walk home alone from uni listening to music that I like. I sit by myself not hoping anyone will take the seat next to me just so I'd feel less lonely.

If this were me before, I'd cry myself to sleep for having no one to talk to. I have my loving parents always by my side, 2-3 of my oldest friends who let me know that I'm loved and that is really all you need in life. You can go partying alone, you can go to that new restaurant alone, you can travel to this place alone and it's all okay, invest in your favourite hobbies, watch your favourite shows, read your favourite books, talk to random people online because there are always doors open for you.

But don't limit yourself to human connections, the empty void in your chest will always be there, but it shouldn't define the way you live your life.

I really struggle with social interactions, I’ve basically spent years masking just to make others comfortable. One thing I’ve noticed recently is that I’ve gotten very attached to certain people who I feel I can “unmask” around.

My issue is that I feel that this attachment is making it difficult for me to develop any kind of friendship with these people. I’ll send a message and if they don’t reply, I’ll send a follow up and sometimes even a further follow up the next day.

Part of my wants to apologise for this because I’m totally aware I’m doing it but I don’t mean any harm or annoyance by it.

I just don’t know the best way to apologise.

Does anyone have any advise?

Im not introvert but im only extroverted when i want to. I dont do much outside of things that related to my goal or things that i enjoy(i only enjoy like 2 things outside of school and gym lol). I also prefer do everything myself. I occasionally have to deal with loneliness. I don’t attend social event as well. My life just seem boring but peaceful at the same time…. Older ppl say peaceful life is good but is it really? Im a college freshman.