r/rape • u/anna8860 • 2d ago
I remember
I remember the seats of his car, old and dusty. I remember him on top of me. He panted heavily. I remember how it felt. How badly it hurt. I remember the things he said he'll do to me if anyone found out. I remember the tree at the side of the road it happened. How badly I cried. I told him to stop. I remember how quiet my usually cheerful voice went. I can still feel it, his weight, I tried to push him off with all my strength. He was way bigger and heavier than I am. I could still hear the buckles of his belt, the next kid he had to pick up from the same school as mine. My uniform felt like knives rubbing against my skin. I can hear his grunting and the words he called me. I can feel how he folded me in half in his backseat and ruined my life. I can taste the saltiness of his hand that was over my mouth. The tissues he used to wipe himself afterwards. His final threat. I will kill you if you tell anyone. I could still feel my hands shakily button up my uniform shirt and pulling down my skirt in shame. He left me there. At the side of the road to walk the rest of the way. I can still feel the pain between my legs as I limped my way to my after school tutoring. It was so painful. I remember the shop I stopped by because my legs were shaking too badly to walk. My school friend meeting me there and I pretended to be normal. I went to the bathroom to see the blood between my legs. I can feel the content of my stomach emptying in that bathroom. My friend asking me why was a limping on our way to the tutoring. I hurt my knee. I couldnt focus anymore. I was scared. I was shaking. I had a panic attack in the bathroom at the tutoring. I never went back. Failed all my classes. Now I cant get into or afford college. He, my taxi driver. ruined my life and I just want it to end. I want to end my life because I remember.
2
u/Odd-Drummer7657 2d ago
Things will get better, I know it probably hurts, and some people out there will tell you otherwise but you'll get better.
Life is complicated... you aren't alone in this experience but that dosen't make your pain any less.
But move on, tell what happened to the people who you know won't leave. A person always threatens because he knows that if he gets caught then it's game over for him.
you still have power, thats the truth and I want you to do what you think is the best choice to move on forward.
And please don't hurt yourself. Some people go through extremely tough times and they end up in a happier place later on in life. Every choice is your to make, follow your dreams and passions. Find people who will understand you (not now if it hurts to do it).
Of course all I can do right now for you is to send you this one comment, I'll disappear and probably won't come back for a long time because I don't like using social media. But I figured I'd tell you the truth.
It was not your fault; it will never be your fault. You will move on from there (^~^) I believe in you. Try to believe in yourself as well friend.
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