r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 10h ago

Trump Says He Will End War In Iran Once He Has Finished Making Money From It

236 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 1h ago

Trump Planning To Start More Wars And Destroy More Historic Landmarks As Distractions From New Bombshell Epstein Report

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 9h ago

Mike Johnson Claims Proof That The Current US President Is Compromised Is National Security Reason To Suppress Epstein Files

42 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 26m ago

Baby Name Books Just Going To Go Ahead And Leave Out "Donald" And "Melania"

• Upvotes

"No one is going to saddle their child with a name like that," said Jan Burpkin, author of "A Whole Lotta Baby Names."

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 13h ago

Americans Urged To Protect Their Couches As Hurricane Vance Approaches.

67 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 10h ago

President Trump Signs Executive Order Renaming The Washington Monument To The Trump Tower.

30 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 18h ago

Trump Orders Everyone To Call Artificial Plants "Super Plants"

93 Upvotes

"I just had Natalie order some Super Flowers for my current wife," said the President. "Um... Melanie?"

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 7h ago

Trump Wanders Into Oval Office Wearing Nothing But A Strategically Placed Mechanical Sock

12 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Public_Steak_6933 • 6h ago

Breaking News: President Donalt Jezebell Chrump Has Announced Putin Is The New US Ambassador BFF

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Hot-Explanationista • 24m ago

At Election Rally In Ohio Trump Reminisces About Winning Oscar For The Lead Role In Home Alone 2

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 13h ago

Musk Promises Every Human A Condo On The Moon If Ken Paxton Wins

28 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/vault0dweller • 17h ago

Nicki Manaj Joins President Trump On Stage In Attempt To Break Guinness Record For Most Pedophiles In One Room

48 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 5m left

Fox News Jaw-Dropping Ratings Slump Attributed To MAGA Preferring To Be Lied To On Social Media

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 9h ago

President Trump Plans First Annual Super Intelligence Ball Where Only The Super Intelligent Are Invited

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BaileyOverJennifer • 1h ago

Trump Names Flávio Bolsonaro US Ambassador To Brasil.

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/SLneechski • 1h ago

Opinion: I Am The Eyelash Whose Turn It Is To Get Into Your Eye And Annoy The Everloving Fuck Out Of You

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 10h ago

Trump Blames Curds And Whey For Current State Of Iran War.

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Tryingtomoveon800 • 11h ago

Trump Blames Founding Fathers for Not Opening Strait of Hormuz

13 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 1d ago

Trump Signs An Executive Order Stating That All Women Who Accuse Him Of Rape, Pedophilia, And Sex Trafficking Are Liars

211 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Old_Timer_Unleashed • 9h ago

Trump Sues Obama For Past Rent For Living Inside His Head.

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 10h ago

Trump Struggling To Convince MAGA That Dumb Is Spelled With A “U”

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 7h ago

Republicans Claim Homosexuality Is Far More Exciting If You Pretend You’re Not

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/issr • 2m ago

Trump Sues Obama For Defamation Over "Cheesecake Factory" Joke, Claiming If He Were To Open A Restaurant It Would Be "Golden Corral" Instead.

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/LarryGlue • 18h ago

Breaking: World's Most Corrupt, Blood Thirsty, Leaders Pray Democratic Elections Will Keep Them In Power

26 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Desperate_Elk_7369 • 13h ago

Musk Warns: Others May Also Hack Election Machines

9 Upvotes

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

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Sidebar

Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.