she is the dumper

i have this feeling that woman never ever come bac ( even for just a small message )

I have been no contact with my ex boyfriend (4 year relationship) for just over 3 months - our last messages were 20th July and we saw each other that morning.

I knew when I drove home from his house I would never see him again. I knew that after we exchanged our messages, I would never hear from him again and I would not reach out to him either.

I feel confused, mostly, because his last messages to me were

“I do love you. You went this morning and I smelt the pillow you laid on”

Then

“Don’t worry, I have prepared a letter for you that I’ll send you in due time”

I never received this letter. I broke up with him because there was a severe lack of commitment on his side, I was never a priority, and for the last two years he seemed to take pleasure in showing me just how little of a priority I was to him.

I feel like a part of me is missing, it’s so hard to be in no contact even though I know this is the right thing for my life and future. I know that despite how much I love him, he isn’t going to change and even if he does love me, it isn’t enough.

I’m so angry at how this has turned out and I’m angry at myself for staying as long as I did. Is it wrong that I wish he’d reach out to me?

I’m feeling very heartbroken as it would have been our anniversary this Friday (30th October). And I’m thinking back to the first couple of years when that day meant something. Two years ago, we weren’t on the best of terms for our anniversary but he still sent me two bouquets of flowers, a card, and messaged me. I know that will never happen again.

I feel like somewhere along the way he truly stopped loving me and trying and I just feel so confused and upset that this is where I am in life right now.

My ex reached out to me yesterday after many years of no contact we dated for five years during 2017-2022 on and off in 2022 and after one year on 2023 august when i reached out again he said he is with someone else, i didnt believe it he showed me their picture i said you look good together he said we are happy together after that i left reaching out to him, and then again on 2024 jan he texted me saying he didnt give me proper closure so wants to meet me i said no need for that i dont wanna meet he said i respect your decision some things are better left unsaid i said true then again the same year he texted me happy bday i said thanks and then in 2026 jan he sent me a connection request on linkedin i got angry that he is not blocked anywhere so why linkedin to reach out so i blocked him on ilnkedin and yesterday night he texted me on insta like this....

I didnt get it why he kept asking about my relationship status again and again and why the hell he is behaving so friendly and casually like am a frnd he vroke up with me and i cut him off from everywhere and i didnt bother him after knowing he has someone else so why somebody please tell me what his true intentions are ??

I’m going through a break up at the moment . But I go through it in a very different way .
I feel like I still have the control of my life .

1. I couldn’t properly concentrate on my office work or studies since the break up. I have no rush commitments for both . So maybe that’s a reason too.
   
2. Phone is the biggest distraction. Keep the phone away and staying for 30 minutes without doing is the hardest . It makes me think of all the beautiful memories and I cry like crazy.
   
3. I feel like Every song I listen to represents something in our relationship. Some reminds me of our beautiful time together. Some makes me feel so guilty and makes me feel like I’m the bad guy.
   
4. I could delete social media. But when I was there last time I saw he has deleted all the pictures related to me . But I still have profile pictures he took and I still have pictures of him . I’m not looking at them because they make me cry but I have no guts to delete them either .
   
5. I constantly feel like I’m the bad guy. But he was in a so bad financial situation that I couldn’t tolerate anymore and I hated him for that . Because I felt like he didn’t even try to fix it for two years . But I feel guilty when I think like I was too hard on him.

Hi, my girlfriend and I were together for over two years, we lived together, we talked marriage and kids. We work for the same company and even bought donor sperm to hopefully bank embryos for future kids. We had small issues here and there but honestly she was not amazing at communicating her feelings, wants or needs clearly. So there were things I had no idea were bothering her or that she wanted more of bc she never said anything until after the break up. We showered together and were still in our towels when she broke up with me, I was absolutely devastated. This was the 4th of July, I felt blindsided. We lived together and I wanted to try and work on these things and communicate more now that it was something I knew but she didn’t want too. She was avoidant, spend all day after work and most of the night out to avoid coming home. She eventually moved back in with her parents and wanted to do no contact. It wasn’t a bad break up in the sense that we both were helpful and supportive with things until she moved out. We didn’t argue, I gave her space and try my best to respect the decision. We were only a week or week and a half into no contact when my dog got super sick and someone told her bc she loved the dog too. (She’s taken care of him for years that we lived together)

Since then, she has been coming over to check on him after work. It started off being very awkward and she would remind me that we are just friends, nothing more and that if this is too hard for me then to let her know and she would stop coming. I of course want to see her so I allow her to come. Slowly that turns into going to dinner, her looking at my car, laying together on the couch, napping together, having coffee together, going to vet appointments together ect.

I miss her so much and really want to be able to start fresh and move slowly into a relationship again but I have no idea what she’s really feeling. I also don’t want to spook her and she doesn’t want to come back over anymore. I would be okay with dating slower than we did before, I would be fine living alone/separately, I’d be fine with less time together than the 24/7 we were before. (Looking back, that wasn’t healthy) But I don’t know where she stands and I am scared to risk asking her. I just truly do think we are meant for eachother and I know I am willing to put in the work, I don’t expect relationships to be easy all of the time.

She told me before she left to move out that if she wants to be with me, she wouldn’t be able to stay away. (Bc I asked her to tell me if she ever changes her mind, bc I still love her) And now that she’s here nearly daily, I keep thinking of that quote. I think maybe she is embarrassed bc everyone knows we broke up? Family and coworkers..

Also she was married before me. That was the only person she was ever with before me, they started dating when she was 14, so ten years. I’m not sure if she ever processed that and the divorce. Idk if it’s all happening now for her? She also was the one to bring up kids and marriage and couldn’t wait and then now all of a sudden she doesn’t even know if she wants any of those things ever?

Sorry it’s so long and messy, I just don’t even know what to think. I love her and am willing to be so patient. But I also don’t want to wait for something and it never happen.

Exactly 30 days ago, my relationship of almost 2 years (19 months) ended. I had an outburst because I was completely exhausted by our dynamic, the deep incompatibility of values, and a lack of reciprocity that was draining me. I offered to fix things and work it out, but she didn't want to anymore. The absolute truth is that I never wanted to lose her; I just didn't want the relationship dynamic we were having.

I can't honestly say that I am "getting better." It still hurts like hell. The pain hasn't magically disappeared; the emotions are just changing into different shapes every day.
Since Day 1, I decided I was going to process this grief without any anesthesia. I shut down all of my brain's emergency exits. Here is the raw reality of what happens when you refuse to numb yourself, and the 8 things I've learned so far:

1. Therapy is the ultimate anchor. I cannot stress this enough. Going to therapy and working with a psychologist has been the only way to keep my head straight. It’s not just about venting; it’s about getting actual clinical tools to disarm your own anxiety and understand your brain. If you are going through a breakup, get professional help. It completely changes the game.

2. Absolute digital exile is required. I deleted Instagram, X, Facebook, and TikTok. WhatsApp is strictly for work. No checking her profile, no looking for validation through likes. Zero.

3. Avoid cheap dopamine at all costs. No dating apps, no casual sex, and absolutely no alcohol. I realized that using another woman to fill the void or drowning in alcohol is just burying the grief 6 feet under, only for it to come back and kick your ass later.

4. The withdrawals are a physical, neurological hell. I won't lie, it physically feels like having a fever or body aches. I’ve had massive anxiety spikes out of nowhere. I recently had to deal with a logistical payment issue with her, and she treated me with a transactional coldness that completely broke me. I've had to physically exhaust myself (playing instruments, working out) just to force my nervous system to regulate.

5. Channel the cortisol aggressively. All that anxiety and raw pain? I am throwing it into the gym at 7:00 AM. If my nervous system is going to be fried, I might as well use that energy to build the physique I want.

6. Missing the structure vs. Missing the person. Therapy helped me realize that a lot of my anxiety wasn't just about missing her, but missing the certainty. I miss the routine, the budget we had for fun, knowing who to text when I arrived somewhere. Your brain mourns the loss of its dopamine safety net just as much as the person. Knowing how to separate the two takes a huge weight off your shoulders.

7. Don't make a movie out of a single fact. I saw a profile picture change and my brain immediately spiraled into catastrophic scenarios. My therapist gave me the best rule: a picture is just a picture. We cannot write an entire movie script based on a single isolated piece of data.

8. Fear vs. Desire. I realized that I compromised my boundaries and swallowed my own pain many times simply out of the fear of being alone, not out of a genuine desire to be in that specific dynamic.

It's Day 30. It feels empty, weird, and the social hibernation gets heavy. But I know I am cleaning the wound from the root.
To those just starting: it hurts immensely. Your instinct will scream at you to text them, to get drunk, or to download a dating app. Don't do it. Sit with the discomfort. Transmute that anger into leveling up yourself. We got this

Venting out and seeking support

Its been a while i went NC with him, things were very toxic and he had started being abusive, controlling.

I am aware very well as to why i went NC and why he was Unhealthy for me

Today when i have made slight progress in my life on my own (well with others help, but not his) i miss him SO MUCH, my heart wants to tell him , look what i archived with. I know if i tell him that i have achived 5 things he would say how proud he is to achive 100 things and that too with someone else (his partner). and the moment he will share those things with me, my heart will break into pieces knowing that those experiences were with someone else.

And yet silly heart is craving to share my small wins with him.. sharing my achievements with friends don't give satisfaction as much as it is to share those with him..

Edit: I could not control those feelings and read his unread messages, they are all about HIS feelings, HIS thoughts, HIS pain ,once again it hurt. How can one be so self focused. Self obsessed, full of Self Respect/Ego.

After a week of no contact, I responded. He tried to reach out all of those days but I stayed strong. Until I heard him call my mother and heard him sob on the phone with her. Hearing that he threw up because of the stress of not talking to me. I called him.

Now I’m confused. I don’t know if I’m disappointed in myself, or if I feel relief. The reason for the breakup was bc of talking to girls online. Which has happened multiple times in our relationship.

I wonder if this major reaction of his means that he realized he needed to change? Or is this just panic because I left and e desperate attempt to get me back? What do I do? I’ve been in contact with him the past two days and I haven’t taken him back, but God knows I just want our old life back

we broke up 4 months ago for the second time and 2 months ago we last texted. I texted her saying I gelt miserable and she said I need to work on that on my own but she still wishes me the best.

Last week she blocked me and i did the same, but it broke me.

I just want to text her so bad even if she doesnt see it. But im scared she will unblock me and see ive texted her

What should I do , I have decided this time that I will never go back he cheated on me but I also want him to come at least for once and explain why he did this to me, we were having so real connection, he check on me, he have unblocked me and check on me , last time he came back to me telling me he is not able to live without me, not even able to focus on his work but it's been 2 months , I know he is not doing good, he is continuously checking on me too. I miss him so much

What is the point of not blocking someone but at the same time refusing to reply to them when they message you? I know most people would say they want to leave a door open in case they want to reach out later but the messages I have sent her since the breakup include.....

-"You have a lot of your stuff at my house. Do you want it back? If so let me know when. If you don't want to talk to me or see me I can give it to (her best friend) and she can give it to you. Just let me know."

-"Is there any way we can resolve this or is our relationship done for good?"

-"Are you ever going to speak to me again?"

Her read receipts are on so I can see she is reading these she just leaves me on read and doesn't reply. If I was sending her long messages about how much I love her and miss her or how bad I am hurting, or certainly if I was sending her mean or angry texts, ok I would completely understand not responding to messages like that. But not responding to the messages above at all makes zero sense to me.

To me, even if you feel the other person is 100% completely in the wrong and the cause of the breakup, that person still deserves basic communication about whether things are repairable or not, whether you intend on ever speaking to them again, and logistics like retrieving your belongings. To me this just feel incredibly immature and even cruel. She knows I don't want the breakup and am hurting and just looking for clarification on where she stands. The only reason I can think of to intentionally not give that to me is either sheer punishment or pure ego. Maybe both. It's just really messed up. At what point, if any, do they feel you've been punished enough?

My ex gf texted me during my best friend's birthday party, in which I was given the choice of seeing her or not. 

I refused, not out of spite, which is what she seems to think, but only to preserve myself. This was a very difficult decision to make as deep inside of me, I yearn for a healthy reconciliation as a couple. 

I write this the day after and havent opened her message yet, meaning i only have the start of it which goes like this :

Hey !

I understand that the breakup and the actual situation arent easy to handle for you. However, i find it unfortunate that our mutual friends have to end up choosing between us, even more so as, to me, there are no reasons for us to hate each other or for our relationship to be conflictual. Anyway, to me, there is no remorse, and I take this opportunity to tell you i sincerely hope you're doing well... 

That's the start of the message. Upon receiving it, many things go through my mind :

I want to vent about how hurt the breakup got me. To her, there isnt remorse, but I was the one who got broken up with over text, I was the one who suffered from her emotional checkout and got ghosted, but its neither the time nor the person to be vulnerable with, and bringing up these issues will only put me at emotional risk and push her further away.

I just cant do a friendship especially given how she treated me around the breakup, things are just way too sensitive. For example, seeing her profile picture in my friend's Instagram makes my stomach drop even to this day.

I also said to myself that I will not go back to her before receiving excuses for how she treated me. Im starting to think i just should not respond despite how much FOMO this will create.

That or I say that this wasnt done out of spite, that i do hope shes doing well too (which is true despite everything) and see what happens from there, leaving the heavier discussions for later.

I guess it could be the Seasonal Affective Disorder kicking in. But I can’t sleep because I miss him. I just wonder if he misses me too and I ruminate on it and wish he were here. I have a lot of sadness about it right now. I still think I’ll hear his key in the lock. It’s been a year and a half. Thanks.

I think it's best if I just leave you alone.

I've been trying to reintroduce the fun, but ever since Thursday, things seem distance.

Honestly, I think either that ship has sailed, or its now anchored elsewhere. Which is fine, but I rather you be honest.

I am worried about you but I think I'm coming across needy and I'm pretty sure it's irritating you. I'm not falling out with you, just giving you space

I know when I went no contact I wished I had done so a lot sooner. It released a lot of control the relationships had on me. It's not easy going no contact with family and although you instantly feel your peace restored, you will also wonder if you made things worst when going no contact. It's uncomfortable in the beginning but you can get through it and as time passes you will be ok with not having those narcissistic relationships and be glad you went no contact.

so i’m gonna travel outside the country soon i’m moving out
and i’m thinking of texting my ex and brake no contact
we haven’t speak to eachother for about a year and a half
i’m not planning to see them or bring anything back
but i just wanna see their reaction and say goodbye one last time
what should i do? is it worth it?

I (21F) met this guy (19) on Discord almost two months ago, and things seemed to be going really well at first. We played games together, called each other, talked about all sorts of things, and gradually became comfortable with each other. I genuinely enjoyed talking to him, and I thought we had a good connection.

Over time, though, I noticed that he started taking longer to reply to my messages. Sometimes I would ask how he was doing or if he wanted to play, and he wouldn’t respond even though I could see him online and playing his usual games. I tried not to overthink it because I know people have their own lives and aren’t obligated to be available all the time.

Then one day, he actually asked me if I was free to play later. I said yes, and I waited until nighttime, thinking we’d play together. But I never heard from him. I eventually sent him another message asking what was up, and he didn’t respond to that either.
It’s now been around 10 days since we’ve had any communication. Both of my messages are still sitting there unanswered, but I’ve seen him active on Discord and playing games like he normally does.

What made me even more confused was that I recently discovered he had unfriended me on a a game we used to play together. However, he still has me added on Discord.

I honestly don’t know what to make of this. Did he lose interest? Is he intentionally ghosting me? Or is there another explanation I’m not considering?

For context, he told me early on that he was only looking for friends and wasn’t interested in commitment. I accepted that because I wasn’t necessarily expecting a relationship from him. I just enjoyed our connection and wanted to keep getting to know him.

We also talked about the possibility of meeting in person someday, so I think I became more attached than I initially expected.

I’m not going to message him again because I’ve already reached out, and I don’t want to keep chasing someone who isn’t responding. But I can’t help wondering why he would ask me to play, leave me waiting, ignore my messages, and then unfriend me on a game without saying anything.

Would you take this as a sign that he’s no longer interested in maintaining the connection, or would you wait and see if he eventually reaches out?

Hi, I (m/25) broke up with my ex-girlfriend (f/25) in May. We were together for three years and lived together for two and a half of them. I ended it because of certain circumstances that had become unbearable. A few weeks later my ex started clinging to me again, and I gave her another chance. For the next few months, though, she lived with her parents. In those three months we only argued once, and then we talked it through calmly and resolved it like two adults. A big plus compared to before. In August she cut off contact, saying she "missed me too much during the week and never wanted to go home on Mondays" (by then we were only together from Friday to Monday).
Over the following weeks I kept trying to talk to her, and her reasons got harsher and harsher. On September 11 she called me at night and wanted one last night together. We had talked earlier that same day. After that there were 27 days of silence.
After 27 days of silence she called me out of the blue, asked how I was doing, and told me the breakup was getting harder for her, but that she still thinks it was the right decision. Over the next two weeks she texted me a few times about practical things. Last Thursday, out of nowhere, she sent a snap of our cats (before that there had been nothing except practical stuff), and we exchanged a few messages about the cats. Two or three hours later she wrote something personal, for the first time since that phone call. No accusations, nothing like that. Just a small, open conversation. The next day she removed me on Snapchat.
I asked her why she had removed me. She said she actually doesn't want any contact, but that she misses me. Before I could even reply, she added that she hopes I'll be happy, but sadly not with her anymore.
After that we met the same day, at my request, to hand over some things. We set a new date for the last exchange next Saturday.
Yesterday, in a weak moment, I texted her too. Again she replied warmly and offered to let me stay on her streaming accounts for a small fee of €8 a month.
I don't know how to make sense of all this. I really wish we'd get back together. I may have ended the relationship in May, but afterwards we had a really healthy, beautiful relationship, which she then ended.
I don't want to let go, but it looks like I have to. Do you think there's still a chance? She seems very ambivalent to me.

I know people probably ask this all the time and if this isn’t the place it’s supposed to be posted lmk, but idk what to do.

I broke things off 3 months ago, and the main thing was we weren’t sure if we should date in college, and I just cut it off before we got too close to school. Anyway, we’re both still single and she still stalks my socials. I don’t want to be ashamed, but the main thing is that she is acquainted with my Best friend’s gf and I don’t want to receive a bunch of shit for texting her and I would just want to keep it quiet for abit but idk. I’m just in here to see what others would do
-thanks

For context, we’ve been on a break for over a month now as she told me she needed space until December, but she didn’t fully break up with me. I reached out three times after our last conversation and we would always end up calling and having awesome conversations. Then I realized I wasn’t respecting she space she had asked for. So I went no-contact and within a month she reached out.

She simply texted me “how are you doing?”

I gave a very simple response that I’m doing good and gave her a super short medical update, and then asked her how she was doing.

But she never responded. All I had hoped was for her to reach out to me and say something, anything. I figured she’d either fully end things or try and reconcile if she reached out before. I did not expect to be ghosted and I am honestly feeling very hurt.

It’s been seven months, and he hasn’t contacted me once.
I still remember the ordinary things: sitting behind him on his scooter with my arms around him, talking while we went somewhere, smelling his hoodie, holding his hand during a movie, and getting little messages throughout the day. He used to be the person I told everything to.
The relationship had problems, and I know I made mistakes. I reacted badly when I was hurt, yelled, and said things I regret. After the breakup, I struggled to accept that it was over. I repeatedly tried to contact him and went near his home even after he asked me to stop. He made his boundary clear, and I understand that I have to respect it.
He has a new girlfriend now. He seems to be continuing with his life, while I feel as though mine has stalled. My college attendance has fallen apart, I’m behind on assignments, and I don’t really have a close social circle anymore.
I think I kept hoping that if I could just explain how much pain I was in, he would understand and reach out. But seven months have passed, and I can’t keep making my recovery dependent on that possibility.
I don’t want to break no contact. I want to stop feeling as though my life is on hold until he notices I’m gone.
How did you get through the stage where you knew you couldn’t contact your ex anymore, but emotionally still wanted them to be the person who comforted you? How did you rebuild your own life when so much of your routine and identity had revolved around the relationship?

... when you go no contact with somebody, and when you don't have somebody in your life anymore, you're going to go through a withdrawal. that's what makes the breakup so tough. you have this person every day and now you don't. that's why you want so badly to talk to them, to text them, to hear from them, because it soothes the anxiety and the disconnect, and it gives you more dopamine. because you're still keeping it alive. you really want to move on from this person. stop looking how long it's been since you spoken with them and start looking at how long you have been accepting their low level bullshit that doesn't work for you and how much better you fucking deserve.