Question for you all.

I'm an INFJ and expecting a child with my INTJ bf. Due quite shortly.

I'm at the same time very independent and this is the thing my INTJ admires about me the most, buuutttt I'm also the velcro type at the same time. Want to cuddle, kiss, hug. Not constantly, but at least once per day/two days.

Given how private you guys and girls are, what would you say, do you enjoy more clingy types or no? My INTJ is a "secret", kind of covert romantic type, writing me a letters but jokes about marriage, for example. 😅 I guess this romance stuff gives him the ick, but does it when it feels alright for him.

Otherwise we are a great pair, but we probs couldn't make it if we weren't mature, that similar in lifestyles and life values. From the beggining we had some clashes, I didn't express my emotinal needs and was annoying, and he didn't have a clue what do I want and was overwhelmed. Over the time we both learnt to be more patient and trusting to eachother.

I have met a very toxic intj and we talked for a month and it was HELL for me, he was very immature and those traits include (controlling, disrespect, no boundaries, manipulation, overly secretive)

However, the only other INTJ guy I have met was at work, and we have mutual respect and love for each other (platonically), even though the interactions are a bit awkward and not very deep.

I think my question is, I have seen many successful INTJ - INFP couples, what makes it work ? Weaknesses? Cause i don't wanna define a whole group based on one bad experience, hoping to turn this into a positive outcome for me.

And if so, which type(s)?

Everyone now not only knows you’re in love with someone and that you experienced romantic feelings, but you’re also the center of attention for it. I would feel so exposed, I hate it. The thought alone makes my skin crawl.

I really hate receiving calls specially unimportant calls from relatives or friends... I've an anxiety to call someone. I really don't like it... But I've to call to maintain good relationship. The thing is people do enjoy talking to me so they wanna talk more . Any cure of this ??? Somebody save meeeeeeeee

The signs are there… a couple leads up and quit (no biggie, sometimes people find better opportunities…) then a restructuring of teams, increase in contractor hiring, a couple executives let go, a few leaders shifted around or promoted… then suddenly projects are haulted. Plans are increasingly more vague or incoherent. Morale is slowly declining. Work is drying up … our next couple sprints are looking totally empty, and yet we keep being told “business as usual! This is a top performing team! There’s no ‘other shoe’. We just have to see it through.”

Some people are excited for the “upcoming opportunities” yet there has nothing been announced yet. I attempted to bring it up with a couple coworkers but they all seem to think nothing’s going to happen, and repeat the bit about our team as top performers. Feels like I’m delusional. I don’t understand how no one else sees this as a big package of red flags.

I keep thinking “if it looks like a duck and quacks like a as duck…”

I know there’s not much I can do about it anyways except wait and see (or look for a new job)…

Thoughts? Anyone else experienced anything like this?

Any advice or tips or tricks you guys have?

I have read a few threads and worked my way through and have been able to scrutinize a lot.

I think one thing I definitely noticed is this ingrained feeling that some characters here have that life is a game of criticism and blight.

But then they reject the accusatory or well created justifications to even be that way. And rather, I am proposing that this is possibly because of lacking purpose.

Be it a job that does not fulfill your mind, a relational struggle, or an inability to get a grip over your own mind that you let stray too long.

I think the ultimatum is Purpose.

Now I find this a rather interesting subject for INTJ because INTJ as you would think in this subreddit, do not lack any drive when discussing everyone else, right? And think that the purpose of this sub is to uphold themselves to a standard.. ? INTJ?

So the label INTJ has a purpose, yet people wander through here like they have no purpose outside of it, and the label now supports that missing part.

Not going to bother over analyzing more; I will leave this for others to ponder.

So u can say what u want.

Crossposting here for any trolling. 😉

I'm a software engineer, which is one of the top recommended careers for INTJs. Overall, I think it's just okay. I like the amount of learning that is involved (getting paid to learn), and the high-level architectural decisions with many tradeoffs. However, I don't like the nitty gritty, detail-oriented act of actually writing the code, fixing bugs, etc.

If pay were the same, I think I'd prefer being an author, an urban planner, or something like a military strategist instead.

Then again, this may just be grass is greener syndrome, as I can guarantee that I like this profession more than 95% of the other choices out there. I'd much rather do this than be a police officer, doctor, lawyer, or any role that deals with the general public on a daily basis.

Interested to hear from others here on their takes.

I took a test and found out I’m an INTJ

I thought the description of it was pretty cool but when I looked up this subreddit to meet my fellow INTJs

I find out it’s a cesspool for egomaniacs whose entire personalities revolves around being an INTJ.

Seriously. I saw a post that said smth like “can an intj ever get along with an infp”

Most of the INTJs here are most likely low IQ, lacking self awareness, and not nearly as remarkable as they picture themselves in their head

I don’t want to be an INTJ anymore

Fellow intp asking for your advice.

Like many of you, I am a very observant person. Do I see negative things about people? Sure, but I never say them, and I'm actually more likely to see the good in people- the positive observations. Now, my question is? When you all get your intuitive insights about people, if it's positive, do you say anything?

I'm blunt, intuitive, and DON'T care; when I see something I like about a person, whether it be physically or personality-wise, I say something. I am equal opportunity; I compliment men and women, and I haven't upset anybody yet; it's all about how you say it. Does anybody else not care that they have a big mouth that can put people off when giving their observations?

i really enjoy how different types articulate themselves.

me personally, i'm extremely detailed, voluble, and can be very long-winded at times. i speak in a relatively flat tone with minimal intonation. i'll always look up and away to tap into the stream of thought and I LOVE when other people do this, too. i enjoy receiving a well-thought response. giving and receiving truthful and thought-provoking responses is of utmost value to me. i typically use words that other people have never heard before because i am concerned with being as accurate as possible.

tell me all about the way you speak. the more detail the better.

They can be random, big or small things that have improved your life or made it easier

I had this insight just now.

I have this soft spot for shy, quiet people, those soft spoken folks that have lot to say but struggle to find the place to people to connect. I would think it’s because I relate to them, which partly I do, but when I realize how I behave in a group… I’m not shy. I might be quiet, but I speak my mind when I want to, I might be too blunt or too harsh sometimes, I have this matter-of-fact tone that I don’t like. And that creates some kind of invisible barrier between me and the people I mentioned first.

I’m realizing stuff as a write, lol, but the thing is that I’ve tried befriending that sort of people all my life. I think most of them were/are INFP. And usually I get this sense of respect from them, they make positive comments about how I am, some even have told me that they’d also like to befriend me, but I can’t shake this feeling of unbalance? Like they look up to me, while I see them with some kind of tenderness that, even if I don’t want to, might come off as condescending. It’s not condescension, not at all, I’m just struggling to find the right word.

I compare that to my actual friends, those who have been constant in my life for at least ten years. And they’re all intense in their own ways, the kind of people who have shown up in local news for doing something unhinged or bold, eccentric artists, people who enjoy the spotlight. Then I think of the kind of feedback about my personality I sometimes get, and it’s in between “you’re so cool” and “you’re so intimidating”, while I’m here, being neither, just feeling like a quiet shy weirdo in a corner, until… I engage with the real world and notice I can’t stay in the corner doing nothing. The Te is strong 😭

Hello INTJs,

I had this experience which I thought wasa very funny example of Se inferior and probably Ni at work.

Every morning for the past couple years I make my children’s lunch for school. They both have a similar lunch kit, different colours, but the inner bento style insert that creates the compartments is almost identical - but it’s not.

For the longest time I knew which insert went to which lunchbox purely on what I would now consider “vibes”. Eventually one day I realized I was doing this and decided to try and figure out what the actual difference was. Was it colour? I swear the one that goes with the pink lunch box had a slight pinkish hue to the clear plastic. I compared them directly and no, there’s no colour difference. Then I realized they had a slightly different shape. One has rounded corners and one has square corners. DOH! Insert Homer Simpson picture here.

I have always known that one fits into one and one fits into the other and they don’t fit into each other, so in hindsight the logical deduction would be that there’s a different shape. Yet somehow I went a whole year blind to this obvious fact, but still functional.

I’m willing to bet someone with better Se/Si would have seen and acknowledged that difference immediately. I’m going to test this theory later by asking my S type family members how they know the difference between the two inserts.

(I’m not sure how I manage to be quite smart abs functional and also very very dumb at the same time 😂)

Join. Now.

I am an INTJ teen and I’ve noticed quite recently that I work at a slower pace than my peers.

An example would be completing an assignment: I would work on it for a good 7 hours vs the 3 hours others might put in for the same assignment. I’ve also noticed in time-conditioned exams I also work at a slower pace than others. They might be on their 3rd paragraph of their essay, I would be in the middle of my 1st.

During an experiment the other day, our class was peeling eggshells. I was 1/8 of the way done, carefully removing the eggshell without ripping out the membrane. My friend was so much faster than I was having like 3/4 done, and she didn’t even rip out the membrane.

Is this because of the planning? Te is supposed to be for efficiency, so does Te believe planning and working slowly and methodically to be the most efficient, even if it means not getting something done as quick? Or is it just a skill issue…

Do you guys work at slower paces? Or is this purely a me thing.

I am an estp woman and I met this intj man through pdb and we have been talking to each other for 7 months. Since the beginning we both expressed our attraction to each other however i ended up catching feelings. I like him bc he is so sweet and so smart. I love that he is responsible with everything specially with money. He has this effect on me that no other man has had on me. He makes me feel more confident and less aggressive. I am always on the defensive waiting for people to attack me but with him i don’t feel like that. I just feel like i am a better person because of his influence.

The problem is that I live in Florida and he lives in Utah. He is studying accounting and I am working on going back to school to finish my degree. At some point I confessed myself and he said that he didn’t feel the same. I felt confused because he treats me like he does have feelings. I then later confronted him and he said that he does have feelings but that he thinks that I wouldn’t work out so in his head he thinks of me as his friend. Like he turned off his feelings for me.

I am very hurt by all this but my intuition tells me that he does. I think he does because at first he was very closed off and now he tells me about his day without me even texting him. He sends me pictures of when he is taking a class or of whatever he is doing and i never ask for this stuff. Like he is letting me into his life slowly. Plus whenever I have a problem he helps me out fix it without me even asking him.

We kept talking and we planned for him to come visit me and we booked a hotel. We had such a great time. We went to hhn and went out to eat. During his stay we ended up being intimate with each other. I cried in front of him and confessed how much i wanted him. He also cried which is surprising, because he felt like he didnt know how to feel but the way that his body reacts to me says otherwise. He even cried when he was on his way to the airport. I ended up telling him that i wanted to cut contact with him. That lasted two days because i needed his help and i just couldnt go through it. He told me how distraught he felt and that he wanted to text me. That after that he realized that he has feelings. He just seems so confused.

I want him and in my head i have decided that he is mine and that i will get him at some point. I like that he is cautious bc i am very impulsive with relationships and he forces me to think about things long term but i am already making a strategy on how to get him and make our lives work. I even think about how would i make it work with kids and marriage. The fact that he is being cautious about everything pushes me to plan on ways on how make this work and the more time passes the confident i feel in it working. Its like a weird way my brain works. In my head he is already my future husband. The only thing i have to do is take my time and little by little guide him to me. It sounds aggressive and crazy but i cant let it go bc i think we would be great together. I know i can make him happy and i love how he makes me into a better person.

I am sorry for the long story but i really need help with this. There are so many other details but this captures most of it. If anybody is interested please ask any questions.

You may know the type...

they smile to your face and unload meaningless drama on you as if to vent while you collect the data- only to realize later that others they're constantly around them start treating you like dirt for no apparent reason.

Hmmm. Something I said analyzing what you unloaded on me? Move on again!

No wonder we're isolated creatures.

also, how do you guys feel about bottling up emotions? let’s say little things bother you but you don’t think it’s rational to bring up—do you bring it up or no?

What are your reasons for your choice? If you selected both or neither, please explain why.

Edit:

It's honestly shocking to read all those comments. 97% of them say they won't choose to have kids or adopt. But if they had to choose, they'd prefer adoption. Only a single commenter wants to experience pregnancy and childbirth, while two or three mentioned they would adopt. I think this is one of the reasons INTJs are fairly rare!

Because I don't. My general demeanor is stoic but I'm irritated by a lot of things and I get mad easily. I don't yell or express it physically yet it shows on my face and choice of words. I'm a worrying person too and my tests show a threat of hyperprolactinemia because of the too much cortisol. I'm definitely not chill either. I'm rushy and I rush people sometimes. I get invested in things and start moving fast and talking a lot. I'm not the quiet type that sits at the corner, I'm either absent from a setting (70% of the time) or remarkably present (30%) My body language is not calm. When I'm around friends I'm joking a lot and my laughs get embarrassingly high 😂 I really was never the "quiet kid." I know that I'm an INTJ but I wonder if this "calm" stereotype derives from most of you actually relating to it?