Im in hs and my attendance has been absolutely horrible recently. I'm not failing any of my classes (yet probably) but I have mostly D' and C's.

I just dont really see a point in going to school. Esspecially recently I've just been extreamly deppresed. Attendance feels meaningless, and so do grades. My friends are good, but I just do have much energy anymore, and I hate having social anxiety on top of everything.

I used to have really bad attendance like this back in 7th grade when I had extreme social anxiety. Since then, it's lowered a lot, but it's still there. I now have horrible attendance because I gennuienly don't see how any of this means anything at all. I'm just going to end up tiring myself out trying to get perfect grades and attendance for what? what do I have in life to keep going for? nothing.

I deffinetly do not want a family, I don't think I want a partner, I don't want pets, I likely won't be able to get a job I enjoy if there even is one, I don't want to get in a deppresing cycle of working till I die once I get out of hs, and I have no family at all, litterally only one person and i might even lose him.

I don't like my dad or mom or either sides of their family. In fact I hate all of them. My little brother I'm not very close with. My older brother Is litterally the ONLY person in my family that I trust and seriously care about. But for personal reasons I won't be discussing, I'm worried about losing him.

Then what will I have? I will have nothing. I can cling onto things that make me happy in the mean time like art and stories, but just because those things make me happy doesn't mean they can be the only thing I live for. I just keep thinking about my future and see absolutely no point in any of it.

I'm already deppresed enough from family trauma (and I'm still dealing with more of that crap to this day) but then other things started adding to it like just all the extreamly deppresing real-world issues going on like enviornmentally, finacially, tr*mp, millionares hording all the wealth, i could go on. And the fact that we can't do shit about any of it. And speaking of that, how am I supposed to build a future even if I wanted to? college no longer seems to have a point in getting you a job, + finacially affording it is a lot for something not promised to get me anywhere. And even if i just decide to work, hiring in jobs is bs rn, gas is expensive, and I too probably wont be able to afford the bare minimum even if I work two jobs.

I tried to paint a smile on my face and join the masquerade.
The smile etched into my skin, hiding the despair within
The feeling of being an outcast
Not knowing how to feel or to belong
Happiness evading like a game of hide and seek
Where i could never win.

I’m currently in college, attending one that I did not want to go to, but it’s the only one that I could afford. I’m stuck in the state that I’ve lived in my entire life, and told myself so many times I would be leaving to go to school somewhere else. I’ve switched my career path more times then I can count, and I’m far enough into my degree where I have to choose SOMETHING or else I finish 4 years of undergraduate without a degree. I attempted during my freshman year, and I’m currently being tested for tumors and cancer, having been sick for the past 3 months and I can’t even go anywhere without nearly passing out. This is all combined with my anxiety.

Genuinely, everyone says that college will be the best 4 years of your life. It’s been 2, nearly 3, and I just want it to end. I hate it here. I hate what my life has become at this point, and I’m sick of dealing with anxiety and depression (which I’ve dealt with since I was 6). I’ve never been truly happy, and these past few years have cemented the fact that unless I escape where I currently am, then I will never find happiness.

Sorry for the rant, but I’m just so worn out and sick of everything. I’m envious of the people around me that just get to live a normal life instead of being scared to leave their apartment to go anywhere. The amount of jealousy I have for people that truly enjoy everything around them is more than I can put into words.

After a lot of thinking, I am writing this hoping to get some help because I am just so tired. I have completely lost hope and am dealing with a constant, stressful feeling of hopelessness. I am from a very underdeveloped area and am currently a junior at my local university. I am struggling with the constant expectations and comparisons I face from my immediate and extended family because of my high-achieving cousins who grew up in big cities.

While I grew up with practically no resources, my cousins had the privilege of living in major cities and attending elite schools around advisors.

Seeing this massive difference in our backgrounds and opportunities, it honestly feels like we were never even meant to be related. but we are, and I am forced to face this reality every day.

They are all tall and good looking, and one of them even secured admission for a BS at an Ivy League university and is doing really great. I am not jealous, but the constant comparison at family gatherings stresses me out completely. This constant comparison is forcing me to be jealous of them. There is no realistic way to compare myself with someone from an underdeveloped town with nothing to show yet, to an Ivy League student who grew up with every advantage, even if we entered university in the same year.

The difference isn't just about education it's a massive gap in class, geography, and privilege. To make it worse, I constantly get literal taunts disguised as "caring words." These constant "reminders" about my height (I am short) and my education make me feel like it is somehow my fault that no one ever told me how to get into an Ivy League school or build a reputable profile when I was younger. I literally didn't even know IVY exists until I finished High school.

I am depressed. It feels like I am in a race competing against the Flash, but everyone expects us to be equal. I haven't even been able to achieve anything at my own university due to this severe anxiety, and I can't even sleep properly anymore.

It is not like I didn't try. It just feels like there is no path forward for me. I tried thinking about doing an MS to go abroad (at least to shut them up) and then pursuing an elite PhD if possible. But that requires research experience, and guess what? There is literally zero research, and there aren't even any jobs or internships around my area. I even tried approaching professors and cold emailing but everything in vain.

Sometimes it feels like I am the one who shouldn't have been born here. I have been a patient of depression since a young age, to the point that I have even attempted suicide in the past (which came from a completely different childhood trauma). I took years of therapy and saw multiple psychiatrists.

If only the attempt I made two years ago had been successful, I wouldn't have to face this right now. I am still unable to find "my fault" in this.

I'm 21M. After getting a permanent problem( my tinnitus) . I started to feel something wrong in my mind. The plans I drew , the purpose I want to become faded away. I'm not interested in anything. The view I always see becomes dry and colourless.

Before I got this , I encountered myself every time. " You are nothing wrong in your body. Don't depress . Get up you can do it"

I can't explain what is happening to me. I want to release the paddle and float on the ocean without any direction. I'm really tired. I don't have the courage to take my life. I don't know what to do. Please show me the way

i genuinely don't see any reason to live anymore. i have been a disappointment to my family and i can't take the pressure anymore. i don't like the way i'm perceived and the way i look at myself. in school, it's always as if i'm trying to maintain this stupid facade of myself and every time i step in school, i can feel it slowly slipping away.

the turning point was during my 16th birthday earlier this year where i had an existential crisis and fell deep into nihilism. it still sticks with me until today. when i go on vacation, where i'm supposed to be happy, i just can't feel joy anymore. even if i do feel a tad bit happy or i laugh, that wave of sadness just hits me and i know deep down that i'm still fucking numb inside.

things that used to make me feel happy or excited doesn't make me feel that way anymore. i don't know why. i can't seem to find beauty in tiny little details like i used to anymore. my brain has been foggy and i can barely think clearly and it pisses me off aswell to the point where i beat myself up for it and i hate it.

i'm so used to being "Ms Little Perfect", "Beauty n Brains" type shi in people's mind that whenever ppl try to get close to me i just shut them out because i feel like a fraud and ik that i'm struggling. i no longer am her.

anxiety, regret, and all that sort of stuff eats me up every waking moment. it even follows me to my sleep which causes my insomnia. i also have to deal with severe stomach flu that wakes me up in the middle of my sleep with shortness of breath and this stabbing sensation in my stomach. my parents doesn't seem to care that much though as they are also financially struggling right now and healthcare in the country is bad.

i try my best to escape my mind. i think too much and it hurts me, but people just telling me to "just stop overthinking" doesn't help either. and i have no access to a therapist.

for years, i've constantly fought to be moved from my current school because i really had trouble in adapting to the school curriculum and it's rigid rules. my parents didn't bother. my mom gave me false hope about three times. i also have received a scholarship offer twice abroad, once in the country, but i had to turn them all down because my mom didn't take it seriously and my dad can't really give the financial commitment it takes (my parents are divorced).

on top of having to deal with school workload (i get given assignments and projects everyday non stop) while trying my best to balance them with my personal interests (sports, writing, etc.). but because of the intense workload, i start to lose sight of what i'm actually interested in and i feel so fucking burned out. my last straw is when i got in trouble at school because of something i wrote which i didn't intend to hurt/harm anyone, only fault was my choice of words. even the principal says so that it will give people AN ASSUMPTION. i've tried so hard keeping myself from trouble but then this shit just had to happen amidst all i'm going through. basically, what i wrote was threatening his ego. worst part is, my reputation amongst all staff and teachers are absolutely crushed because he painted me out to be this villain who doesn't appreciate the efforts school staff put into me. it was all just a misunderstanding but what was done is done and there's no way to change their thoughts on me.

i've come to the conclusion that i cannot be fixed or helped anymore. i have tried asking for help but i've been ignored countless of times. and i've been thinking lately to hang myself in my room. i know it's not going to be easy to go but i have done research in methods and hanging seems to be the only way i could do it.

i still miss who i was 6 months ago. she was so fucking happy and just had that warmth in her still. always cozed up in her bedroom. now i'm going to kms in my bedroom.

19m and stressed out to the gills. Like my hairline is getting worse. I don't actually care anymore tbh. I learned to accept it. But i just turned 19 not that long ago and I have been dealing with depression and anxiety and stress for a while. But recently with moving out of college, and dealing with people, family. Just about to get a warehouse job working early morning shift for 7 hours 4 days a week..i am good with waking up early but I'll wake up and go about my day and then a wave of exhaustion hits me. I wanna sleep all day and eat and be fat. I usually am really fit and eat really good. Now im just eating like shit. I don't wanna live in this house anymore. Idk what the hell to do. The job im startint will get me fit but ill be exhausted. I guess i gotta deal with it. I never in my life felt this level of exhaustion. To a point where i feel delayed. Does anyone else feel like that? Like when you eat something you feel your gonna just break? You feel fragile and frail even though you ate a good bit? I don't understand.

okay so usually in a week, i’d have at least one day of absence or a half-day. i genuinely can’t go a whole week without being absent, whether it’s because i get sick, have migraines or headaches, my iron deficiency, or i’m just too depressed and unmotivated to go. and there are a bunch of layers to why i feel that way. even when i manage to go to school the entire week, i’m still unhappy there. my friendships have been so exhausting lately, especially in my trio. there’s so much unspoken resentment between us, and i’m tired of dealing with the moodiness, irritation, and feeling like people are taking their problems out on me. i have my own problems, too, but i don’t take them out on other people. i still try to treat people with respect because that’s literally basic human decency, and it sucks when you don’t get the same treatment back.

and then there’s the whole situation with my ex. i’m still in the process of moving on, but honestly, i don’t even care about him like that anymore. what irritates me is how uncomfortable everything becomes whenever i join a big group of classmates just because my two friends are there. his friends become reluctant to talk to me, sometimes they barely acknowledge me, and i’ve noticed that my ex would leave whenever i joined the group. maybe he has his reasons, and i’m not saying he’s obligated to stay, but it’s still noticeable enough to make me uncomfortable. i end up thinking about whether everyone noticed him leaving and whether they’ll gossip about it afterward, especially since they seem more fond of him than me. so i just stopped joining those gatherings altogether. and it’s not even mainly about him anymore. it’s the feeling of being isolated in a place where i’m supposed to be making memories and enjoying my teenage years. i hate that i have to think twice before joining a group because i’m scared of feeling unwanted.

the thing is, whenever i’m absent, i feel guilty because i know i’m missing lessons and i can’t keep doing this forever. but at the same time, i feel relieved. i don’t have to deal with the tension, the awkwardness, the people, or the constant feeling that something is wrong. and then i feel guilty for being happy about it. it’s such a weird feeling because i WANT to go to school and actually enjoy being there, but i’m starting to dread it because of everything that comes with it. i don’t want my education to suffer, and i don’t want to keep avoiding school, but i’m genuinely so exhausted with how things have been lately. has anyone else ever felt guilty for being absent but secretly felt so much better being away from school? because i honestly don’t know how to deal with this anymore lmao.

32 years old, male. Living in Japan, Asia.
I was diagnosed with moderate depression in 2018. At that time, I needed to take medication every day to stabilize my emotions. Later, after I traveled abroad once, my depression improved, but I know it was never completely cured.
Now I feel that I’ve learned to coexist with depression. Occasionally, I still experience sudden emotional lows and physical symptoms, such as chest tightness, shortness of breath, acid reflux, burping, loss of appetite, and not wanting to eat anything. Sometimes I can only drink water, feel exhausted, and just want to lie down and rest.
Although I can now manage my daily life, I feel lonely whenever night falls. Because I’ve been single for a long time, my emotions can sometimes be unstable. I no longer get angry easily, but I still tend to feel disappointed, lonely, and sad.
I don’t know if there is anyone in a similar situation who would be willing to go through these difficulties together with me.
I’m not a scammer. I’m looking for a sincere relationship, one where we can understand and heal each other.
I hope everyone can gradually get better, too. I’m also trying hard to fight depression, but sometimes it’s really difficult and lonely…

Im severely depressed because i dont do aything and have little motivation. People always tell me to stay busy, but how tf do u do that, i know thats what helps me to but for instance when i have a free week of work like what do i do? Time goes by soo slow and theres noth!ing to do cause i like so many things so cant decide for instance what sport to play. Then i dont do anyting and just eat all day but everyday the cycle repeats each time im in the house but theres nothing to do and my depression just stays alive. There are sooo many hours in the day how do people stay busy??

I feel like I’m unlovable until my 40s because I’m currently 16 and I’m balding at 16. not even from my edges I wish it was from my edges it’s from my crown and it’s really noticeable and I feel like I can be loved until my 40s, because that’s when you start balding and it’s normal to have a bald spot there and when I reach my 20s people still has hair when I’m in my 30s people still have hair when I’m at my 40s maybe I find some and even if I’m alive for that long I hope.

Sorry about my grammar I was just ranting 😢

For context, I’m a college student. I have ADHD and depression/anxiety. I’ve kinda been struggling in school since junior year of high school, but I’ve been pushing through and trying to get by with C’s. I’ve sorta been in a loop where I have dips in my mental health that have gotten gradually worse each time. I’m now in my third year of college, but I’m still a sophomore by hours because I failed a lot of classes one semester and then took a lighter course load last semester (1 class). This was because my mental health hit rock bottom and I considered institutionalizing myself for a while. I decided to push through and join 4 classes this semester, and I’ve been working really hard since the semester started. I thought this time would be different since I was trying harder than I ever had before.
Back in August/September, I was on top of all of my classes, I was going to the library and studying every single day for hours at a time and getting so much done despite my struggles with ADHD, I joined organizations and started getting leadership roles (which I was good at) and participating in more projects, I spoke to internship recruiters who really liked me and said they’d mark me as pre-vetted if I applied and give me priority, and I was building great technical skills and setting myself up for a great career. All in all, things were going well, but things slowly kept piling up in my personal life.
I had my birthday towards the start of the semester but it was entirely ruined because everyone forgot about it and my family made it particularly miserable by coming into town under the guise of celebrating my birthday (they just wanted a vacation) and spending the entire time fighting in public with me in the center. I fell behind in my classes slightly and never caught up. Then right after my birthday, my dog almost died and I had to get her an emergency surgery, the financial strain of which caused issues with my family (who could easily afford the treatment, they were just being stingy), so I took out a large loan to cover it. I’m still dealing with the financial strain of that today. Then I had some rigorous post-op care to adhere to for my dog’s health in the weeks that followed, making it very difficult to catch up in school. Then my girlfriend (medium distance) almost broke up with me and that took a lot out of me. Despite it all, I was still trying to stay on top of my classes. Then, my roommates had some huge tension building up over the next 2 weeks, which led to a huge falling out. Now they’re both moving out and I’m not sure how I’m gonna find new roommates and keep the apartment. There’ve been other things here and there that also popped up that I can’t remember right now. I’ve had to drop one of my classes because of this and I haven’t been able to contribute in my orgs anymore. My grades are suffering and I’m not doing well at all anymore academically. It’s debilitating.
It’s all just been so much. I don’t know how to handle this. The one time I really started trying my hardest and trying to live a normal life, focusing on my education, my career, and my passion, everything bad that could’ve happened to me did happen. Now my motivation is dead. I’m depressed. Rotting in bed again. I feel like I’m doomed to always find myself back in the same hole. I’m not even sure if I should be upset with myself. I know all the things that happened to me are all crazy things that would make most people need a week or so to recover and reorient, and I try to communicate that with my professors and org leaders and whatnot, but there’s a point where I’m telling them that I have all these things going on every single week and it just seems like I don’t care. I absolutely do care about all of these things. I love my education and I love doing all the projects and extracurriculars I’m involved in. That just obviously doesn’t translate when I can’t produce results because of everything going on. I also don’t know if I’m just being too fragile. When bad things like this are the norm, should I just be able to suck it up and deal with it at this point? No one can feasibly give me grace when these things happen all the time. I also have no idea if I’m just horribly unlucky or if I just make bad decisions that lead me here somehow.
I just want to be happy. I tried to do things right this time and it didn’t work out. I feel like I’ve tried to do things right a lot of times and still end up back here. What do I do? I know there’s probably hope for me, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it. I’m tired of putting in all this effort and watching it go nowhere.

It's like, I'm alone and that hurts but I don't associate being with other people as something pleasant as I always feel like there's an invisible wall between me and others. Seeing them always in the end break any colleagueships (never friendships, i don't think i ever had a friend) hurt so much that I no longer can feel anything else than hatred for how I've always been treated. I don't want to but I don't see how I can't stop it. I'd rather be alone but I don't want to be.

I started working when I was 16 and my depression started around 18. it’s been 5 years and I’m just so sick of everything. I hate crying the whole night, waking up and going to work like nothing happened. I’m a teacher. Smiling at kids and parents, acting cheerful while having a breakdown is making me insane. The noise is giving me anxiety. Working over 10 hours a day isn’t helping either but I can’t just stop it or I won’t have enough money for the month. I have no friends and I became distant with most of my childhood friends since I was always busy. Some of them got mad at me for not giving time. It’s like I’m waking up everyday, simply to work, eat and sleep. Everyday is so repetitive and I didn’t notice how many years have passed. Is that just how it is? If life’s supposed to be like this, is it even worth living?

I'm tweaking out everyminor inconvinience like a bad dream or a bad coment from someone is making me so mad and angry I want to hurt myself I hate this I do so much I want to cry 😭😭🫩Please share advice I don't know anyone with tlp I actually just avoid everyone at all cost so I actually don't know many people anyway I would be greatfull if I get advice thank you

I want to end my life.
I’m a single mom to a six-year-old little girl, and I’m raising her all by myself. She recently met her dad for the first time, even though he never showed any interest in her before. Yes, she has me, and she has my family too. But I have no one. I’ve felt unwanted my entire life. Even before I was born, my own mother didn’t want me. She only kept me because it was too late to have an abortion.
Nobody takes me seriously. I can’t find someone to love me, someone to build a life with, and I’m turning 25 in a few days. I’m always dealing with everything on my own. I have no one to share my worries with, no one to lean on when things get hard. There’s no one waiting for me at the end of the day. No place where I truly feel wanted or like I belong.
And please, don’t tell me I’m playing the victim, because I’m not. This is genuinely how my life feels, and I’m tired of pretending otherwise.

Nobody hugs me and tells me it’s going to be okay. Nobody asks if I’m okay and actually wants to hear the answer.
I’ve overcome a serious gambling addiction, and I don’t even miss it anymore. I have a good job, I make good money, and I have an amazing, healthy daughter. I know I have things to be grateful for, and I truly am grateful for her. But despite everything I have, I still feel like something is missing. Something I can’t seem to find no matter how hard I try. For the past three years, I’ve felt nothing but emptiness. I have no real emotional support. And instead of lifting me up, my own parents sometimes tear me down and make me feel like I’m worth absolutely nothing.
I’m tired of having to handle everything on my own. I’m tired of always being the strong one. I’m tired of having nobody to turn to when I’m the one who needs help.
I don’t want money, success, or material things to fill this emptiness. I just want to feel loved. I want someone to care about me, to hold me when I’m not okay, to tell me that I’m going to be alright. I want someone who chooses me, who stays, and who makes me feel like I matter.
I’m so tired of feeling like I have to face this entire world on my own.

Graduated university with some bs BA in 2024, worked as a lifeguard for a bit. Left cause I was harassed out of my job in January 2026. Been job hunting ever since.

I’m neurodivergent, including (probably) mild autism.

I got hired and quit after my first shift (again, second time now) as I knew I would die at that job (mentally).

I live at home but parents are divorcing and the house could be sold any day now.

I’ve got a little bit saved up (around 22k), and try to not buy anything I don’t need.

I see a therapist twice a month, have seen them for a few years now. Been on meds for just as long, trying to ween off them now (emotional blunting, fuck it at this point).

I refuse to pay rent to someone else. I should be able to get a fucking decent job now at this point in my life, but no, here I am getting fucked over. I literally just quit after my first shift again today, and now im debating even applying for jobs anymore.

Idk, maybe if I had a job where I was alone, no one to tell me what to do, and earn enough to be financially comfortable, then I’d be better. Maybe. Probably not fully, but it’d be better than this shit. But obviously that’ll never happen.

My “friends” hardly speak to me despite me reaching out, I talk to no one all day, and don’t have any hopes or dreams anymore. I know they won’t happen.

I’ve fantasized about being a good artist, but idk it’s so hard so I just stop. I also write and would like to be a good writer, but I’m hardly ever in the headspace to write so things take literal years to develop.

I have thought and thought and thought and have never been able to think of a job/career that I’d even remotely like to do. The reason I stuck with lifeguarding for so long is you never have to do anything and no one talks to you really. Everything just seems shitty and I refuse to do it.

This has left me with no other choose than to start working towards my fun license so I can kms. What, I’m gonna spend the next 50 years doing this shit? lol.

I even have to censor myself at my therapist now in how serious I am about suicide so that I don’t end up in a mental “hospital” somewhere.

People will say “find your meaning/purpose”, but that’s bs. Fuck you all, idc. I literally don’t care about anyone besides my dogs and sometimes my mom. But I can’t let that dictate my decisions. I’m alive, and this is my life.

Ik there’s no god or anything, but I’m so terrified that I’d be reincarnated as some impoverished nobody on the other side of the planet or in the past or something where I have a much lower QOL and stuff. And never even realize how much better I had it before.

Ig I’d be considered well off financially living at home. I’ve never truly had to worry about money or anything.

But I don’t see how I could ever achieve the financial freedom I want without living to work with almost no time to do the stuff I want to do.

No. I refuse. Why don’t more people feel this way? Are they stupid? Are they just gaslighting themselves cause they’ll go insane if they don’t? Why isn’t everyone freaking out?

I have no one to talk to. I am so lonely. But it doesn’t even feel that way anymore; I can’t even cry about it anymore, I just feel nothing.

Therefore, the only thing I can do is to try and get a shotgun asap, cause that can take a long ass time (I live in Canada). I can, it’ll just take some time.

God man. Everything is so fucking bad. I literally have no idea how people ever become successful in art or have the time to do the creative stuff they want. It really is you have to a) win the lottery, b) be born into generational richness, or c) get lucky.

Idk what I’m expecting people to say here really. When I fail say something, I just give up. I prefer that then trying cause then I can say I’m better than it and prove everyone else wrong.

I like playing video games and watch YouTube but even that seems to be having less and less of an effect. I try to go to the gym 3-4 days a week but it’s hard.

Nothing I do seems to have any effect on anything so I’m just done.

i’m chronically depressed and have been for a decade +. recently married and feeling bad for my husband having had married me. i feel like my whole life i’ve been going through the motions: school, graduate, work, and recently marriage. but anyone that gets close to me i disappoint and ruin things for. I wish i could be a normal person. he tells me to get out of my head when i wish i could jump out of my own skin. im glad that he doesn’t understand how i feel but now that i have a spouse i really need to stop crying as not to irritate him. i want to become so jaded and continue living through the motions as to not disappoint him. i just wish i was normal

I think this is the worst depression I have ever felt and that’s saying something, because I've been depressed for the majority of the past 9 years since I was 18. This year has completely destroyed my soul. I spent 7 months with someone who essentially used me and blindsided me. Shortly after, I thought I got an extremely rare opportunity to pursue my childhood dream from a person I admired who told me I was talented, but it now seems like it's not going to materialize. Alongside all of that, I’m dealing with toxic coworkers and managers who are giving me extreme stress at work and destroying my self-esteem. I feel completely broken and angry at the world. I put so much effort in and I feel completely incapable of making progress no matter how hard I try. It's like the universe keeps slapping me in the face. I thought I finally got the things I wanted and then they were both taken away. I don’t even want to keep going anymore. Why should I keep trying when literally everything goes wrong for me? How do I even find a reason to go on?

I feel so bad and tired. I always do lately. If I could I just would like to lay down and play or read all day and do nothing else. Idk why I keep this going. I didn't get a moment rest since I graduated. I only want to be able to rest for once and not have to think about work. And it's not like I'm doing it for some real reason right now. Like, yeah, to get paid. But I don't really have any real goal right now. I don't know why did everyone I know get to take a gap year, and went in holidays, while I couldn't and found myself with less social contact than before. I don't understand. I involuted and worsened in so many ways in just 2 years. I'm so tired

I’ve have a long history with depression dating back to 2004, it was spectacularly bad and I came very close on a few occasions to killing myself, knowing the impact that would have on my mother stopped me.
Over the intervening years I have tried therapy with not much success until I was diagnosed with ptsd and was given emdr therapy, it was a life saver, that was over ten years ago and things got easier, but earlier this year I had a massive set back, triggering all of my past problems, then on top of that my mother died a month ago, I really don’t see things going for much longer.
Nothing much worth posting but it got it off my mind for now.

Hi. If you are feeling pretty down, try recording yourself and pretend to be in a conversation with someone. Tell them what's bothering you and why you are sad. After which, play the recording and act like you are answering to someone else's problems. Give them your advice, etc.

It works for me.

Últimamente me he sentido miserable. No tengo novia ni amigos. Me siento muy solo y anoche me cause daño a mi mismo.

Siento que no puedo conectar con las personas. Yo soy quien siempre tiene que tomar la iniciativa sino nadie me escribe.

Quisiera consejos sobre que hacer con mi vida. Realmente he perdido los deseos de seguir viviendo.

Hi everyone.

I’ve struggled with depression as soon as I got into high school. I attempted suicide when I was 14, a couple of days before my niece was born. I was constantly bullied growing up, a lot of it being put down to my looks and weight which resulted in me being anorexic (still suffering from it now)

Im now 22, and lately it’s been hitting me even worse. I have a constant fear of never being good enough or not being able to achieve my dreams as an actor. Sometimes I wish I died when I was 14. I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this now.

What is there to hold on to? Is there any hope? ☹️
I can’t stop crying, I have major anxiety over the smallest of things. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

At the moment, I do not have someone to hold close to me nor someone to comfort me.

I need to feel a hug, a cuddle or just warmth from someone, but that is not feasible so please drop your tips and tricks on how to feel human warmth alone and by myself, because honestly I have been thinking of letting go.

Please do not focus much on the leaving the world thing, I just need to how to be hugged again, alone and without anyone.

I’m sure you can guess the kind of predicament I am in, so do not say that ‘reach out to someone’ or ‘love yourself and stop hating the face in the mirror’. If that is all that you have to say, I would suggest you to use your valuable time elsewhere.