I dont know what I'm doing, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Since my last post on this subreddit I've gotten so much worse. I'm almost 100% sure that I had a seizure at some point due to overdoses. I'm a young teenager and I've tried to kill myself 15 times. I'm so tired, my body is worn and my heart cannot take it anymore.

Please end my life universe. Why did you create me? I been depressed for 10-15 years. I have no friends, no partner and been stuck for years. Please end my life God

The first time was about a year and a bit ago were he went missing and we had to find him it was so traumatising but I thought we turned a corner and I got help,

This time however was so fuckinh horrible I walked in on him overdoing there was goodbye letters to me and my sisters he was so out his face on the drugs he was going crazy that’s not my dad there was a empty bottle of vodka and he dosnt even drink he planned it he woke up and was annoyed at us for saving his life he said that he was meant to die he still wants to die he’s in a unit right now but I am truly heartbroken I feel so numb and and weak I took a photo of the letter o keep reading every time I’m in silent or shut my eyes I replay the whole night and just imaging him sitting there writing the letters and how much pain he must be in I have two sisters I’m closer to one but they have there kids I sort of just life with my mum who isn’t with my dad I just feel truly shattered I feel like nothing is gonna help him I feel like I’ve came to terms with the fact I’m gonna lose my dad and I’m just waiting for it to happen.

Just like what the title says, I hope that once I stop breathing I will also stop existing. No more what few happiness and pleasure I could feel, but also no more pain, no more sadness, no more suffering, no more overthinking, no more stupid ideas.

A sentiment I heard spoken by someone in my family after we all lost someone close to us.

You can absolutely discuss the topic generally OR personally and mean it. There's no rule that says speaking about it before committing to it means youre lying..

How could you, as someone who has not been in rehab or therapy nearly as many times as that person, try to claim to know how they felt better than them?

How can you see their struggles, medications theyre on, addictions, self harm, self isolation, and still see their attempts to reach out for help as some sort of grab for attention?

Bye. Your an adult. They're dead. And youre still trying to push the notion that calling out for help before actually attempting means your fishing? Pick me stupid ass bitch.

I still think about that sometimes and can't fathom ever believing what she believes.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to mention it on this community, but I just wanna vent how exhausted I am.
I used to practice how to hang myself just so that I can make sure when the day comes, I’ll be dead.
I was determined this time after an argument with a family. I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t know where I belong or where to put myself. I wish I have the capability to do things I thought I would be doing by now. But I know to myself that I really tried to live. I tried to make excuses just so I wouldn’t have to hang myself again. Today I had a panic attack and took pills. I wanted to finally finish this pain and also so that I can stop being a burden. Besides, my dad doesn’t care if I live or die. I always feel invincible and hidden like a shadow. No one is curious about me.
I am stupid.
I almost died today actually but the rope slipped and I couldn’t pass out. I wish God would just take me. I’m begging for him to take me.

another night crying to myself and thinking about just ending my life. I hate in earth, I hate our society and I hate myself. Nothing ever better, it only gets worst.

So I had a failed suicide attempt recently. I tried overdosing on hydroxyzine. My partner called 911 and the worst fire department came to my house. I’m a young adult and the entire thing just feels humiliating and shameful.

My partner was so worried about me and stayed by my side the entire time. But the thing is, I still don’t have much motivation to live. During the time I was out of it, it felt like a warm hug, an embrace that I had been longing for my entire life. I was out of it and had time to just sit with my thoughts.

I didn’t feel regret unlike many other stories. The only thing I felt bad for wasn’t for me, it was for the people around me. My partner who has endured my fanatic behavior, my therapist suspect I have borderline personality. I’m unsure, I have adhd and autism diagnosis.

I attempted three days ago. My partner has not left my side since and has been restless. Im just unsure where to go from here. The hospital was not any help, I’ve had these feelings for as long as I can remember. I have no motivation to do anything.

As well as the chronic sickness/pain I live in without knowing the underlying problem isn’t helping. I’ve been eating so much sugar from just how down I feel. I’m so extremely lost in my life. How do I really get out of it?

I'm starting to realize the whole "gosh I had no idea they always seemed ok" is more about society unable to cope. Sure, there are plenty of people who seem happy before comitting suicide but for every one of those I wager there's 10 others who don't seem fine at all.

I've had plenty of people abandon me in my life. Even my own mother. It's basicically why I don't bother making any friends anymore. Not real ones. And so all those aquaintances may very well look back one day and say "gosh I never saw it coming" if and when they hear about me.

It's a viscious cycle. If you don't put on a mask, people will abandon you. They abandon you, you keep people at a distance. You keep them at a distance, and they don't know you. They don't know you, and they never saw it coming.

But more importantly it's for society as a whole. They get to grieve and pretend like they would have done something if only they had known; it's a much better version than abandoning someone because they couldnt deal with someone who was depressed.

usually I can look forward to things but lately no nothing like what good can happen anytime. everything just feels like it’s going down like there isn’t much hope with anything or anyone anymore. what the point of keep getting up doing the same thing over and over again? for what only to be let down again I don’t know I’m just overwhelmed I do all the things try to be grateful journal go for a walk get in nature but it just feels like why??? i usually see the brighter side of things but lately no.

Never had any human experiences that everyone should have. I hate my cowardice. I should end it. I sometimes drive into the direction of oncoming traffic to feel something.

I never in my life imagined I would be considering suicide as a way to solve my problems. In my mind, it's the only way that will work.

I never learned how to live. Everything has always felt overwhelming, so I hid from the world and ignored my growing problems, even though I knew where it would lead. I avoided people as much as I could, and I've even lost touch with my own family. Throughout my entire adult life, I've kept telling myself that I'd be able to change. I'm so tired of living like this.

I'm almost 40 now, and over the past year, I've lost what little hope I had left. Because I'm not doing anything at all, even the things I could barely manage before have become too much for me. Ignoring problems comes at a price. I have so many of them now that there's no point in even listing them.

I just don't have the strength anymore to keep simply "existing". I know I've lost.

Bro imma just be honest. Im a 28 year old black man in America. I've struggled with depression since I was 11 years old and have attempted suicide multiple times. Idk what set it off but this year (at the beginning) I told myself and declared that I would try my hardest to chase my dreams of being a YouTuber and Musician. I've really pushed myself to network and make new friends. Aside from that I've put myself back into the dating pool. I haven't dated in 10 years so I felt like it was time to take my chances again. Oh boy I was wrong. I feel like I never want to date anyone ever anymore with the way I get shot down. I do all the things, I'm courteous, I open doors, I text to make sure you get home safe, I genuinely just want a partner to share life with but our generation is so COOKED. To me it feels like women don't actually want a relationship let alone get married anymore. I say all this to say Im at my wits end. The last lady I was talking to made it apparent that all they wanted me for was for money and buying her drinks. I genuinely am so tired of being alive. Im broke and in debt. I feel like I'm not good enough. Im almost 30 and I don't have anything to show for it. Idk why I thought "oh ya you're ready to get back out there" I just wanna not exist anymore. Love is only for movies, books and anime that shit isn't real. Please prove me wrong. Pray for me that I don't kms. At the very least just know that you're loved and I care.

-Claudio

I was an over thinker, but never wrong. I overthink about school and worry about getting bullied. I overthink about people leaving me, I overthink about my parents. But I’m never wrong In what I think. The most I get is a notification from my settings. No one tells me goodnight anymore. I spend current few and final days listening to music, and thinking about what happened in my life. In heaven, everything is fine right?

This disorder really started when I was 11. It wasn't as violent as it is now, but it was enough to give me panic attacks and make me scream in fear throughout the house.

This disorder mainly prevented me from doing sports. So we found a way to get me exempted from PE.

From ages 11 to 21 it was rather stable, I managed to learn to live with it, but since last year and especially starting a few days ago it has taken another form, it's more violent. I can no longer drive, I can no longer do much of anything really. And there are lots of other even more bothersome things that I'd rather not go into, because talking about them makes me anxious. This thing is a real nightmare, it's the worst thing I've ever felt. It's destroying me from the inside. It went from a simple OCD to something that concretely affects my physical health.

It's not just an irrational obsessive thought like the others, it's an awareness of something that I should never have become aware of, and the anxiety pushed me to overanalyze the thing, which created connections with other things, which worsened the problem over time. I know this is incomprehensible to you, but I'm doing my best.

I associate this disorder with the Devil because it's powerful enough to paralyze you in every aspect of your life, while being impossible to make others understand, while being invisible.

If there are people going through the same thing, you can reach out, so I feel less alone even though I know this disorder is extremely rare.

I have struggled with depression since I was a child, but now that I have reached adulthood, it has hit me much harder. All I can think about is hurting myself and leaving this life behind. I truly have no one to turn to for help, and I have never had any friends. I hurt the only person who ever cared for me, and they told me they never wanted to see me again. I have been alone my entire life—I was bullied from a young age and excluded from everything. I have tried to seek help, but nothing seems to work. I am exhausted, and all I can think about is leaving this world. I can no longer sleep at night because I am constantly dwelling on the mistakes I have made. I would be grateful for any advice—anything that might help me to keep going.

I feel no satisfaction doing anything. I am late diagnost ADHD. I have no friends, no family, and no hope for a future. I was able to graduate but never hold down a steady jobs. Work place politics makes me want to pop out my eyeballs and swallow them. This makes my "attitude" the only relevant thing discussed. I broke my foot and have been in my room for 6 months. 1 person visited then moved away. After years and years of trying, I am now in my late 20s. After healing, I have no prospects in life whatsoever. When I can do things, I do them well. But then it stops....I am unable to accomplish any task and then I cannot get myself to do the simplest things. I cannot even get myself to turn on a video game. When I walk outside, it feels like hyenas are stalking me, waiting on me to slip up or die. My social interactions feel like hostage situations bc I have enough pattern recognition to recognize that I will mess up. I am in debt. People dont like to be around me bc i cannot navigate social situations correctly. I have no family that cares (my brother died of suicide and I see how little everyone treated him before and after too). There just doesnt seem to be any other way then to suffer in shame and then die now or later 💔

I decided a week ago when and how I was gonna do it. So I prepared alot of aspects in my life in order for the burden of my passing to not be so complicated for my family. House, dog, furniture etc.

Well that expiration date came and went and im still here. Im still depressed and ruminate alot but that overwhelming heaviness isnt as heavy anymore.

I cant really share this feeling with anyone in my life w.om them freaking out. But I just thought i'd share here. Im unmedicated and basically a NEET when I have tons of resources for income. Maybe I can get over feeling worthless and do something for myself.

I haven't given anything away, I'm not happier, maybe im displaying relief that I decided to end things. But I'm still here I guess.

I was taking 100mg for idk 2-3 years. Personally, my life is great so a few months ago I decided I wanted to ween off. I wanted to not be dependent on this drug. Over the course of 6-8 weeks I dropped my dose. I made it through the terrible sleep, the stomach issues, the brain zaps. But now, it’s anhedonia all the damn time.

I look around at this sick fucking world we’re stuck in and I don’t know how the hell im supposed to wake up every morning and carry on. I have a sweet old dog to take care of and a wonderful, supportive partner I want to be here for, so I’m not going out anytime soon. But I think about it all the time. How I don’t want to live in this world and how I can barely find any joy in the things that usually keep me going.(reading, writing, games, nature)

My passion is gone, my libido is buried. My soul feels poisoned. I’m doing the work outs. I’m writing. I’m hanging with friends. I’m doing the things that should help me feel alive. But it’s fucking hard to maintain and I want to be a light for the people in my life. Not this heavy burden that pulls them down.

Please, someone tell me there is a light at the end of this. I want to hear from people who have taken meds and come off of them. Have you managed to reclaim your brain and your emotions?

I’m in an awful 10 year “relationship” where my ex who I still live with cheated on me and struggles with alcoholism. Stuck in a lease for a year that I shouldn’t have even renewed, but it felt better than having to rent a room with a stranger. He wants to work on it and I’m beyond hurt and betrayed. I have no friends except one I’m really not close to anymore. My family has their own lives everyone is independent and doesn’t care to ask how others are doing. My work is a basic desk job but emotionally draining. I have extreme social anxiety and the only place I go to is the gym, and I haven’t been able to get myself to go in 2 weeks now. I’m so miserable. Grown enough to say no one is coming to save me but I wish someone would. To have someone truly there for me is all I have ever wanted.

It's this affliction. It's ruining my life and that's the problem. I don't want to die because I don't want to live. I want to die because living in this state is too much to bear. I want to die because I can't handle watching so much life go to waste anymore. I want to love life. And I can't. That's the problem.

Is the only way to deal with it all to just accept it? How do you accept it during the worst