I've been looking into the Teachers subreddit so I could gain a little insight into what teachers expect from parents, because our teachers are so important.

But!

Why do I keep seeing posts from teachers complaining that "kids nowadays don't know anything!" And then it's a paragraph complaining that 2nd graders don't know their addresses or how to read or their phone numbers and how "parents don't teach their kids anything"

Like? I remember as a kid them sending home worksheets, having parent teacher conferences, and teachers informing parents on What and How to teach these basic life skills. My mom, bless her heart, did not teach me my address, my phone number or even how to fill out an envelope, Unprompted. Teachers have always had to tell parents What and How to teach lots of things that are basic skills. Right??

I'm sending my kid to school because I'm Not a teacher. I'm not gonna magically remember to teach my kid her address and honestly, I don't know the appropriate age to do that (really. Like 8 years old, maybe??). I also don't know How to teach these things in the most effective way. Now, will I try? Sure. But again, I'm not a teacher. My job is parenting, keeping my kid alive and well, nurturing and caring, and yeah modeling and teaching some things like emotional regulation and simple basic skills (numbers, letters, shapes, how to put on clothes, brush teeth, hair, etc)

But I remember my (overworked overtired) parents having to be guided on What and How to teach me. This has always been a thing. So why all of a sudden are parents expected to do these things at home??

Forgive me, I've had a couple of drinks but have been unsettled about it for a while. For context we're from a bigger city in southwestern Ontario, Canada. I think I'm jumping to conclusions, lmk what u think, it's probably nothing

So we (my 2 younger kids and I) would see these other 2 kids that walked the same path home from the same school, one of the kids was in my son's class. I remember being very endeared by this older boy, who fully accepted my medium support needs ASD kid and spoke/ interacted with him like a normal kid (as opposed to some kids that just act annoyed)

I was excited to have the kids have a play date and joked to his mom we should do it at their house because mine is a mess (one of the cats doesn't like the litter box and we have a lot of junk. Her reaction was friendly but dismissive. I wrote a note with my contact info on a card that I brought over, offering to host at my place since I realized their house is quite small. The same older son I referenced earlier, briefly came to the door and was moved out of the doorway where I was by his dad. The dad said thanks and closed the door.

I haven't seen the boys since and thought they moved. Then I saw both parents sitting outside the house one day several months later. Admittedly, their small front yard faces a busy street and I don't think the backyard is big. It's slightly visible from the street though and I've never seen a sign of them whenever I walked that path. The kids physical attributes do point to them being gamers/home bodies/not athletic so that could explain that

I'm sure they're just being home schooled and their parents are probably going through stuff and prefer to have them home

I keep thinking that there might be more to it. I myself am disabled due to mental health and I fully understand how hard raising younger kids is. I don't think I want the karma of placing a children's I'd call though since they're probably fine

Can someone offer opinions that might settle my mind? They were such good kids.

Should I try to get in touch again?

Sorry if this is dumb. Thanks for any advice

I am a Halloween person. I Love Halloween. My moms side of the family traces all the way back to Salem, MA. They were in the witch trials. Halloween is in my blood. So this week, I have a literal fuck ton to do. My sister and her 4 moppets are coming for Halloween. My daughter is 11 and loves Halloween. We got her costume all ready to go and shes excited. I have a TON of cleaning to do on top of appointments and meetings this week. I work a part time retail job and actually have a bunch of days off which is great. It really is. I wrote down all my plans this week so I dont forget what needs to be done. Its a little stressful but will all be worth it on Saturday. If we even make it to Halloween at this point....On SAturday we went to a small trunk or treat. My daughter was complaining to about her stomach hurting and whining a lot. I just thought it was her period. But that night she woke up in the middle of the night and threw up all over the bathroom. And now she is sick with a 100 degree and up fever. Shes been camping out in the living room for three days now watching Zack and Cody and not getting better. Shes ok because shes alert and eating normal. Lots of fluids too. I got my period on Monday. Im miserable, irritable and exhausted. My partner texts me yesterday that they are sick. WIth a 100 degree fever. And now today at work I felt like dog shit. I cant tell if its shitty period hormone crap or if the illness is creeping up on me too. I am just so so so tired of this shit happening constantly. Its never ending and exhausting. I have been trying to take care of them on top of myself and my period and keep up with the bare minimum but the living room is trashed now and no one is going to help me clean before Halloween because they are sick. It sucks. I have been taking EVERYTHING I can to ward this off. I can not get sick. I cant. Everything will go to hell in a handbasket and I am busy this week. What are your magic potions to get everyone better fast? Taking all advice! Im going to bed now. Thank you for listening.

We've been separated 3.5 years, not divorced because neither of us have the money yet. We've had our own custody schedule the whole time and coparent great. Hes a good dad compared to a lot. For the past 3 years I've not wanted to date, I've not had interest. He has been but other than a few short one night stand situations, no relationship.

He suddenly has a new girlfriend and is moving so fast. Its been 3 weeks. He has seen her every day, told her he loves her, and has seen our son twice in the past 2 weeks. He used to see him a few times a week. He keeps telling me our son is his first priority but as of right now I havent even heard from him in 3 days. Our son is 9 and on the spectrum. He's smart and social, just very innocent and attached to his parents. Ive told ex that he can't introduce our son to his new girlfriend for awhile and please communicate with me. Generally we communicate well but he has a tendency to wait too long to tell me the truth about something with the guise of not wanting to hurt my feelings. So I don't trust he will stick to this. From what I know, shes also a divorced mom, and very nice. 9 years younger than my ex.

How did you handle this transition? I know all i can do is my part with our son and be along for whatever his dad does. Im struggling how to handle the dynamic change after 3 years. I knew one of us would date eventually but I've been smacked with it full stop.

It's just so frustrating. My two girls (10 and 7) are so, so good. They're stellar students, they get citizenship awards and kindness points and Beaming Bulldogs all the time. Up until last year, people I barely knew would walk up to me to say how great my kids were and say I must be a great mom. I felt so proud. I really thought I was a good mom.

My son (6, kindergarten) is actually so sweet. He loves his sisters, he has a big imagination, he loves hugs and snuggles and playing. He behaves well at home, aside from being pretty energetic. He doesn't even get, like, mad. He gets so excited and thinks it's so much fun to hit, kick, run away, and be really loud. In calm moments, he knows it's not okay, but when he gets excited, he thinks it's fun, for everyone, and he'll laugh and run around and refuse to stop. He refuses to do his work. He hits, kicks, and sometimes even bites his teachers, and he just laughs and laughs, not even menacingly. He tells me later he doesn't know why he did, he just thought everyone was having fun.

We have the star chart. We have a rewards system. We have coping mechanisms (he likes deep breathing, it works flawlessly at home but he won't do it for his teachers). It's all been put together with his IEP team. We keep our expectations very clear and simple, we enforce consistently, and we uphold the line between "This is unacceptable" and "sometimes kindergartners are a little clueless". We have talks about safety and people's feelings after school and he really seems to understand and feel bad. He says he won't do it again. We go over and over the ways to cope. Then, when school comes around again, it just starts over. Again, he doesn't know why he did it. Again I'm explaining and practicing and begging and trying not to just cry. I thought it was getting better last year in pre-K, but this year it's worse than ever.

I just don't know what to do anymore. When my girls had minor behavioral issues crop up, it was like I automatically just KNEW what to do, how to talk to them, how to teach them to cope, and things would resolve immediately and they would be that much better, forever.

I THOUGHT I knew exactly what to do for my son. Then, when it didn't work, I thought no big deal, I'll pivot and try the next thing. Okay... Next thing. Okay, um, yep, here's an idea. No? Crap, well...

Now I'm just SO EXHAUSTED. I'm not gonna lie, I was a lot like him as a kid, and now I'm like the most responsible and put-together person I know, but first, I flunked out of school. I want better for him. I just really, really thought I would be able to handle this. I miss being the "good mom" people asked for advice. I hate having to see the look in his teachers' eyes every day, like they want me to fix it and don't know why I don't.

Seriously what the literal hell do I do at this point??

I was pissed at my printer/scanner.. and I had screeched at him to come upstairs and help because he’s locked me out of his computer that happens to connect to the stupid scanner/printer.

Mind you, I work two corporate IT jobs while caring for our toddlers. In the process of trying to cash out my 30yo trust fund I received recently. Fought tooth and nail over this printer (ironic because I work IT) and I’ll be honest, I snapped about him not giving me his login to his PC (that I BULT FOR HIM!!). But he RAISED HIS FUCKING FIST at me?? Like… what??? Sheesh…

Just felt like complaining… I responded with “I wish you would.” He didn’t hit me. But if he did? Crap… it was such a long day at work because my main job has me taking a class, while expecting me to do my daily jobs and my secondary job is frustrating too. Just… FAK! It’s been a long day.

I know my value and I can piss off. But I love my girls. What a rough place to be in.

ETA: I’m well off as a single mom, thankfully. But I’m mad right now! I did make him leave the house tonight. I’m even more lucky my dad has an in with legal people in my US state. If he’s gonna raise a fist to me, I’ve got nothing better to do than cry to legal people about it.

Especially my son. It seems I’m possible to get him to eat. I make kid friendly food, I make regular quality food. I’m not a bad cook unless literally everyone in my life is lying to me. I would rather slam my head into the wall than feeding him at this point.

Backstory:

I asked my mom for help surrounding my labor and delivery. I told her I needed help 7 months in advance and she said that she’d be there whenever for her daughter. I kept trying to get her to commit to timeframes and asking if she’d stay overnight with the other two kids. She’d always say “just say the word and I’ll be there whenever the time comes!” When I’d ask for specific dates, she’d talk in circles until it wasn’t a topic. She’d evade my calls until it was close to delivery date.

Then when I got fed up and yelled at her that I need the peace of mind knowing I had backup options for the kids, she said well when even are you due, I’m supposed to watch friends new puppy while she’s on vacation. (Like… what?!!?)

They thought my baby was in distress or dying and I called her to say it was an ER and she said “I just got out of the shower I can be there soon!”

I had a gut feeling and called my sister in law. She arrived within 12 minutes and I called my mom on our way to the hospital letting her know. Mom says “okay, I’ll probably be about 40 minutes as I just packed up the dog”

She brought the dog to my house. Loud puppy that woke up my daughters after bedtime after I got home exhausted from the hospital. I never said it was okay to bring the dog. She said though my brother was also watching the dog, “he works nights and she didn’t want to disturb is sleep” to take out a dog.

So she delayed coming to my house during a medical emergency to pack a dog.

Fast forward. My husband had surgery and we needed extra help. I only contact my mom when we are desperate as we don’t have anyone that can just step in that I don’t have to pay to be here. She made a fuss about rearranging her entire schedule to show up just for his surgery and as soon as we got home and the kids wanted to jump on us and play, she bolted. I asked if there was any way she could help out over the weekend and she said it was her only weekend to clean the garage.

After two days of nap refusals from my kids and late nights/early mornings, my husband contacted my mom on my behalf and she once again stated she needed to clean her garage.

I have been so hurt. I posted on social that I lacked a village and hope to manifest one. I also stated that my kids will never know how hard it’s been and I’d always make time for them.

My mom being a shame/fame responder immediately texts saying she is sorry she couldn’t be there and to let me know my availability in November.

Text I sent my mom today:

I don’t need anything in November that I know of. I needed support now.

I needed support when I was pregnant. I needed support in labor. I needed support postpartum. But I’m always at your lowest priority. Every thing and every one else is more important including Irene’s dog, your waxing needs, Michael’s sleep, your garage…I understand grandma. I understand your health. But you choose everything over me. Until I feel like a bitter ungrateful nag and I’m completely at my wit’s end begging for attention. And that’s not fair. That’s not me.

and I’m told to ask for support and ask and I do and I hate asking. I hate feeling like a burden. You hem and haw and tell me how much you would have to sacrifice to be here like it was the biggest deal.

I had to rely on complete strangers because I don’t have family support.

I love you and that will never change but I’m wildly sad and angry after my entire pregnancy postpartum and empty promises of time to me and the kids that never comes to fruition.

Every other person’s problems and issues become your own and maybe I just seem too damn strong and capable but I’m barely together and I just wanted my mom.

And you only jump in when I make a public post about something or I get so worked up and by that time I’ve already tried reaching out to you numbers of times you don’t hear me then.

I need time. But I think that’s too expensive of a wish.

Forgive the delivery, I’ve been wanting to talk to you in person for a long time, but we never see each other but in passing.

What she replied within the hour and has followed up with nothing else since:

That was extremely unkind and hurtful to say things

Manifest my village with me please. I don’t want these to be the only people in my circle and I want my kids to see what real support and kindness looks like and to see it reciprocated.

Thanks for reading.

Hi! My husband and I are totally burned out on holidays and birthdays. Our boys are 3 and 5 and it’s nearly impossible to put together even a modest celebration - I’m talking simple dinner, a few presents - without our nerves being shot to hell as we try to handle life. I get it, our kids are tired but we do truly try to keep things calm, not overcommitted and still we feel like we are drowning when we attempt anything more than the basics of life.

I can’t do another birthday or holiday where I expend my limited energy and free time to try to make a special day all to have my kids start losing their shit by 6am. I just cannot do it.

So what can I do differently? Can anyone share alternative ideas for how to spend a “special” day? My nerves are truly so shot and my anxiety is through the roof. TIA

I'm the youngest, but my older sister was such a hot mess in high school that I was left to my own devices. So by default, I became much more independent. I lived abroad, went far away for college, never moved back home. I still live in a different state, about an 8 hour drive or 1 hour flight.

I never asked them for money. I never needed to move back home. I forged my own path. I'm the one who sends the birthday cards. I'm the one who orders the anniversary and Mother's Day flowers. I'm the one who puts together the Hanukkah gift photo calendar. I call weekly. And text often. Send pictures. Ask for baking or gardening advice. My mom even tells me that I'm the level headed one....I hold things together. Cool. Bc I had to growing up.

My sister lives about 45 min away from them and sees them more often.

We have given them an open invitation to come stay with us any time. Sent them my son's sports schedule to come see a game. Bought a house with a guest room and bathroom so they can stay.

Yet I see them in person maybe twice a year. They're fully retired and living a full life. I don't begrudge then that AT ALL. But I'm hurt they can't be bothered to put effort into seeing us.

Is it bc I'm more independent? Do they think I don't need them? Am I just forgotten bc I don't have the constant ongoing crises that my sister does?

Today is my birthday. It's 9:52pm. Guess who hasn't called yet? They sent a present through Amazon, but IDGAF about a gift. They literally could have called at any point today.

Lengthy and depressing unloading here. My 4.5 yo daughter has been a living hell lately, and by lately I mean the last year and a half.

I can’t get her to listen to me at all. She only listens when I yell, and I hate yelling. But she does listen when I do. I am firm with consequences, but she doesn’t care until I am yelling. Can’t get this kid to put her shoes on unless Im threatening to leave without her.

I can’t handle her constantly needing to be in my space anymore. Always wanting to cuddle, she always wants to sleep with me, and she’s the most obnoxious sleeper. Sleeping on my back or side, crying when I don’t hold her, and throwing her arm over me in her sleep. All of that is AFTER I actually get her to sleep - because getting her to sleep is two fucking hours of torment every night. Constantly jumping all over the bed, chatting, she’s suddenly so fucking hungry and thirsty (this is after bath, dinner, story time too). Bedtime sucks.

She is ALWAYS in my face. Literally. I can’t lay or sit down without her being in my face. She’s always bouncing on any piece of furniture I am on. I discuss personal space and boundaries with her constantly. She never gets the picture. Do you know how hard it is to teach a 4yo the concept of respect!? She refuses to play alone. she is an only child, and I am her only parent. Playtime doesn't happen unless I’m sitting there watching her, she will come find me if i’m not. It pisses her baby sitters off, too. Playtime sucks.

She won’t eat anything by herself. You have to be a fucking body double. It’s always a negotiation; a stupid fucking game I have to make up with her to get her to eat breakfast. Meal time sucks.

I get an incident report DAILY from her preschool. Not out of malice, but she constantly kicks or headbutts her classmates out of excitement. She also doesn’t listen to her teachers for a fucking second. Doesnt want to transition between activities, doesn’t hold still. I can only imagine her body language is as agitating at school as it is at home - constantly throwing herself everywhere, like a puppet on a string. I’ve made a behavior chart for home, and I’ve made a little “access card” that has affirmations of good behavior that she wears to school. I’ve asked her what is going on with her when she acts like this, and she says she can’t keep up, or she doesn’t know, or her brain is too much. I have an evaluation scheduled for next month. School time sucks.

Gymnastics is good. Her coach is understanding and strong, and works well with her crappy attitude.

Potty trained happily since 3yrs old, but has a bowel movement in her underwear almost DAILY. This is only prevented by me personally taking her to the restroom constantly, like I am still potty trained. I don’t have time for this!

We go days with no television. I’ve cut out food dyes, I take her to many a play dates, we have lots of productive conversations that don’t improve her behavior at ALL.

Sometimes she is just SO sweet. Today, even the sweet moments made me angry. But, not always. I’m trying so hard to make her realize that we MUST function as a team to survive this together. Days I’m not totally depleted, I am able to keep in mind my goal of making a productive and functioning member of society, and enjoying the silly fun stuff along the way. Some days are so good with her that even at the end of the day, when she tells me I’ve ruined the whole day because it ended and she hates me, I am able to be level headed and emotionally supportive.

My mom is visiting for a bit, and takes everything this kid does personally. My daughter doesn’t clean up her toys? She doesn’t play by herself? My mom says when I was her age, I would happily play outside by myself all day and I cleaned up after myself. My mom asks why the fuck she even comes over. My mom nags me about reading parenting books. It’s so hard at this point to shake that the thought that my daughter is just bad. My daughter is this bad because Ive failed as a mom clearly(I do know this to not be true, my daughter is very different from me).

Everything around me is fucked, to the tiniest detail, trust me. I am being treated for my mental health, and seeking local talk therapy. I already feel like enough of a fucking failure because I just want to be left alone, always. When I am home, nothing feels like it will ever be okay. I want to lay in my bed and rot there, do anything to distract myself (my hobbies, doomscroll, sleep) disparaging and having zero energy. Darkness consumes me when I am home. When I’m at work or my hookup’s house, I feel like myself again. My head is finally comfortably above water for a few hours. But this time off gets destroyed the second I return home to my daughter. I never want to be around her anymore. My duty as a parent will always make me return, of course. She already only has me and I understand very deeply the sacrifice that is motherhood. But, this legitimately cannot go on in this manner. I am at my worthless wits end. I used to have such a good attitude about facing adversary...