It's just so frustrating. My two girls (10 and 7) are so, so good. They're stellar students, they get citizenship awards and kindness points and Beaming Bulldogs all the time. Up until last year, people I barely knew would walk up to me to say how great my kids were and say I must be a great mom. I felt so proud. I really thought I was a good mom.

My son (6, kindergarten) is actually so sweet. He loves his sisters, he has a big imagination, he loves hugs and snuggles and playing. He behaves well at home, aside from being pretty energetic. He doesn't even get, like, mad. He gets so excited and thinks it's so much fun to hit, kick, run away, and be really loud. In calm moments, he knows it's not okay, but when he gets excited, he thinks it's fun, for everyone, and he'll laugh and run around and refuse to stop. He refuses to do his work. He hits, kicks, and sometimes even bites his teachers, and he just laughs and laughs, not even menacingly. He tells me later he doesn't know why he did, he just thought everyone was having fun.

We have the star chart. We have a rewards system. We have coping mechanisms (he likes deep breathing, it works flawlessly at home but he won't do it for his teachers). It's all been put together with his IEP team. We keep our expectations very clear and simple, we enforce consistently, and we uphold the line between "This is unacceptable" and "sometimes kindergartners are a little clueless". We have talks about safety and people's feelings after school and he really seems to understand and feel bad. He says he won't do it again. We go over and over the ways to cope. Then, when school comes around again, it just starts over. Again, he doesn't know why he did it. Again I'm explaining and practicing and begging and trying not to just cry. I thought it was getting better last year in pre-K, but this year it's worse than ever.

I just don't know what to do anymore. When my girls had minor behavioral issues crop up, it was like I automatically just KNEW what to do, how to talk to them, how to teach them to cope, and things would resolve immediately and they would be that much better, forever.

I THOUGHT I knew exactly what to do for my son. Then, when it didn't work, I thought no big deal, I'll pivot and try the next thing. Okay... Next thing. Okay, um, yep, here's an idea. No? Crap, well...

Now I'm just SO EXHAUSTED. I'm not gonna lie, I was a lot like him as a kid, and now I'm like the most responsible and put-together person I know, but first, I flunked out of school. I want better for him. I just really, really thought I would be able to handle this. I miss being the "good mom" people asked for advice. I hate having to see the look in his teachers' eyes every day, like they want me to fix it and don't know why I don't.

Seriously what the literal hell do I do at this point??

I know Amazon is evil and everything and I shouldn't be using it, but between my own executive dysfunction (make list, go to store, forget to check list, buy a bunch of stuff I didn't come for, forget the things I came for), and an autistic kid that refuses to go to the store, I end up using Amazon for 90% of our family's non grocery related purchases.

Well apparently they've started notifying my husband when I make an order (supposedly so he can add stuff onto the order). I was never made aware of this change nor was I given the option to opt out.

I'm pissed off because I already had to stop using the credit card with the best rewards because it texts him whenever I make a purchase with it and he was complaining about all the amazon purchases. Now this. Like some women don't already get enough grief for "women be shopping" even though we are the primary purchasers for the entire household and if we weren't shopping we wouldnt have shit like toothpaste, soap, shampoo, detergent, clothes, etc etc.

Only a man would think this is a good idea.

*My husband is not financially abusive but it feels a little violating having Amazon tattle to him and I don't want to hear him griping about my purchases especially heading into Christmas .

I was pissed at my printer/scanner.. and I had screeched at him to come upstairs and help because he’s locked me out of his computer that happens to connect to the stupid scanner/printer.

Mind you, I work two corporate IT jobs while caring for our toddlers. In the process of trying to cash out my 30yo trust fund I received recently. Fought tooth and nail over this printer (ironic because I work IT) and I’ll be honest, I snapped about him not giving me his login to his PC (that I BULT FOR HIM!!). But he RAISED HIS FUCKING FIST at me?? Like… what??? Sheesh…

Just felt like complaining… I responded with “I wish you would.” He didn’t hit me. But if he did? Crap… it was such a long day at work because my main job has me taking a class, while expecting me to do my daily jobs and my secondary job is frustrating too. Just… FAK! It’s been a long day.

I know my value and I can piss off. But I love my girls. What a rough place to be in.

ETA: I’m well off as a single mom, thankfully. But I’m mad right now! I did make him leave the house tonight. I’m even more lucky my dad has an in with legal people in my US state. If he’s gonna raise a fist to me, I’ve got nothing better to do than cry to legal people about it.

Backstory:

I asked my mom for help surrounding my labor and delivery. I told her I needed help 7 months in advance and she said that she’d be there whenever for her daughter. I kept trying to get her to commit to timeframes and asking if she’d stay overnight with the other two kids. She’d always say “just say the word and I’ll be there whenever the time comes!” When I’d ask for specific dates, she’d talk in circles until it wasn’t a topic. She’d evade my calls until it was close to delivery date.

Then when I got fed up and yelled at her that I need the peace of mind knowing I had backup options for the kids, she said well when even are you due, I’m supposed to watch friends new puppy while she’s on vacation. (Like… what?!!?)

They thought my baby was in distress or dying and I called her to say it was an ER and she said “I just got out of the shower I can be there soon!”

I had a gut feeling and called my sister in law. She arrived within 12 minutes and I called my mom on our way to the hospital letting her know. Mom says “okay, I’ll probably be about 40 minutes as I just packed up the dog”

She brought the dog to my house. Loud puppy that woke up my daughters after bedtime after I got home exhausted from the hospital. I never said it was okay to bring the dog. She said though my brother was also watching the dog, “he works nights and she didn’t want to disturb is sleep” to take out a dog.

So she delayed coming to my house during a medical emergency to pack a dog.

Fast forward. My husband had surgery and we needed extra help. I only contact my mom when we are desperate as we don’t have anyone that can just step in that I don’t have to pay to be here. She made a fuss about rearranging her entire schedule to show up just for his surgery and as soon as we got home and the kids wanted to jump on us and play, she bolted. I asked if there was any way she could help out over the weekend and she said it was her only weekend to clean the garage.

After two days of nap refusals from my kids and late nights/early mornings, my husband contacted my mom on my behalf and she once again stated she needed to clean her garage.

I have been so hurt. I posted on social that I lacked a village and hope to manifest one. I also stated that my kids will never know how hard it’s been and I’d always make time for them.

My mom being a shame/fame responder immediately texts saying she is sorry she couldn’t be there and to let me know my availability in November.

Text I sent my mom today:

I don’t need anything in November that I know of. I needed support now.

I needed support when I was pregnant. I needed support in labor. I needed support postpartum. But I’m always at your lowest priority. Every thing and every one else is more important including Irene’s dog, your waxing needs, Michael’s sleep, your garage…I understand grandma. I understand your health. But you choose everything over me. Until I feel like a bitter ungrateful nag and I’m completely at my wit’s end begging for attention. And that’s not fair. That’s not me.

and I’m told to ask for support and ask and I do and I hate asking. I hate feeling like a burden. You hem and haw and tell me how much you would have to sacrifice to be here like it was the biggest deal.

I had to rely on complete strangers because I don’t have family support.

I love you and that will never change but I’m wildly sad and angry after my entire pregnancy postpartum and empty promises of time to me and the kids that never comes to fruition.

Every other person’s problems and issues become your own and maybe I just seem too damn strong and capable but I’m barely together and I just wanted my mom.

And you only jump in when I make a public post about something or I get so worked up and by that time I’ve already tried reaching out to you numbers of times you don’t hear me then.

I need time. But I think that’s too expensive of a wish.

Forgive the delivery, I’ve been wanting to talk to you in person for a long time, but we never see each other but in passing.

What she replied within the hour and has followed up with nothing else since:

That was extremely unkind and hurtful to say things

Manifest my village with me please. I don’t want these to be the only people in my circle and I want my kids to see what real support and kindness looks like and to see it reciprocated.

Thanks for reading.

I'm the youngest, but my older sister was such a hot mess in high school that I was left to my own devices. So by default, I became much more independent. I lived abroad, went far away for college, never moved back home. I still live in a different state, about an 8 hour drive or 1 hour flight.

I never asked them for money. I never needed to move back home. I forged my own path. I'm the one who sends the birthday cards. I'm the one who orders the anniversary and Mother's Day flowers. I'm the one who puts together the Hanukkah gift photo calendar. I call weekly. And text often. Send pictures. Ask for baking or gardening advice. My mom even tells me that I'm the level headed one....I hold things together. Cool. Bc I had to growing up.

My sister lives about 45 min away from them and sees them more often.

We have given them an open invitation to come stay with us any time. Sent them my son's sports schedule to come see a game. Bought a house with a guest room and bathroom so they can stay.

Yet I see them in person maybe twice a year. They're fully retired and living a full life. I don't begrudge then that AT ALL. But I'm hurt they can't be bothered to put effort into seeing us.

Is it bc I'm more independent? Do they think I don't need them? Am I just forgotten bc I don't have the constant ongoing crises that my sister does?

Today is my birthday. It's 9:52pm. Guess who hasn't called yet? They sent a present through Amazon, but IDGAF about a gift. They literally could have called at any point today.

Especially my son. It seems I’m possible to get him to eat. I make kid friendly food, I make regular quality food. I’m not a bad cook unless literally everyone in my life is lying to me. I would rather slam my head into the wall than feeding him at this point.

I am a Halloween person. I Love Halloween. My moms side of the family traces all the way back to Salem, MA. They were in the witch trials. Halloween is in my blood. So this week, I have a literal fuck ton to do. My sister and her 4 moppets are coming for Halloween. My daughter is 11 and loves Halloween. We got her costume all ready to go and shes excited. I have a TON of cleaning to do on top of appointments and meetings this week. I work a part time retail job and actually have a bunch of days off which is great. It really is. I wrote down all my plans this week so I dont forget what needs to be done. Its a little stressful but will all be worth it on Saturday. If we even make it to Halloween at this point....On SAturday we went to a small trunk or treat. My daughter was complaining to about her stomach hurting and whining a lot. I just thought it was her period. But that night she woke up in the middle of the night and threw up all over the bathroom. And now she is sick with a 100 degree and up fever. Shes been camping out in the living room for three days now watching Zack and Cody and not getting better. Shes ok because shes alert and eating normal. Lots of fluids too. I got my period on Monday. Im miserable, irritable and exhausted. My partner texts me yesterday that they are sick. WIth a 100 degree fever. And now today at work I felt like dog shit. I cant tell if its shitty period hormone crap or if the illness is creeping up on me too. I am just so so so tired of this shit happening constantly. Its never ending and exhausting. I have been trying to take care of them on top of myself and my period and keep up with the bare minimum but the living room is trashed now and no one is going to help me clean before Halloween because they are sick. It sucks. I have been taking EVERYTHING I can to ward this off. I can not get sick. I cant. Everything will go to hell in a handbasket and I am busy this week. What are your magic potions to get everyone better fast? Taking all advice! Im going to bed now. Thank you for listening.

Lengthy and depressing unloading here. My 4.5 yo daughter has been a living hell lately, and by lately I mean the last year and a half.

I can’t get her to listen to me at all. She only listens when I yell, and I hate yelling. But she does listen when I do. I am firm with consequences, but she doesn’t care until I am yelling. Can’t get this kid to put her shoes on unless Im threatening to leave without her.

I can’t handle her constantly needing to be in my space anymore. Always wanting to cuddle, she always wants to sleep with me, and she’s the most obnoxious sleeper. Sleeping on my back or side, crying when I don’t hold her, and throwing her arm over me in her sleep. All of that is AFTER I actually get her to sleep - because getting her to sleep is two fucking hours of torment every night. Constantly jumping all over the bed, chatting, she’s suddenly so fucking hungry and thirsty (this is after bath, dinner, story time too). Bedtime sucks.

She is ALWAYS in my face. Literally. I can’t lay or sit down without her being in my face. She’s always bouncing on any piece of furniture I am on. I discuss personal space and boundaries with her constantly. She never gets the picture. Do you know how hard it is to teach a 4yo the concept of respect!? She refuses to play alone. she is an only child, and I am her only parent. Playtime doesn't happen unless I’m sitting there watching her, she will come find me if i’m not. It pisses her baby sitters off, too. Playtime sucks.

She won’t eat anything by herself. You have to be a fucking body double. It’s always a negotiation; a stupid fucking game I have to make up with her to get her to eat breakfast. Meal time sucks.

I get an incident report DAILY from her preschool. Not out of malice, but she constantly kicks or headbutts her classmates out of excitement. She also doesn’t listen to her teachers for a fucking second. Doesnt want to transition between activities, doesn’t hold still. I can only imagine her body language is as agitating at school as it is at home - constantly throwing herself everywhere, like a puppet on a string. I’ve made a behavior chart for home, and I’ve made a little “access card” that has affirmations of good behavior that she wears to school. I’ve asked her what is going on with her when she acts like this, and she says she can’t keep up, or she doesn’t know, or her brain is too much. I have an evaluation scheduled for next month. School time sucks.

Gymnastics is good. Her coach is understanding and strong, and works well with her crappy attitude.

Potty trained happily since 3yrs old, but has a bowel movement in her underwear almost DAILY. This is only prevented by me personally taking her to the restroom constantly, like I am still potty trained. I don’t have time for this!

We go days with no television. I’ve cut out food dyes, I take her to many a play dates, we have lots of productive conversations that don’t improve her behavior at ALL.

Sometimes she is just SO sweet. Today, even the sweet moments made me angry. But, not always. I’m trying so hard to make her realize that we MUST function as a team to survive this together. Days I’m not totally depleted, I am able to keep in mind my goal of making a productive and functioning member of society, and enjoying the silly fun stuff along the way. Some days are so good with her that even at the end of the day, when she tells me I’ve ruined the whole day because it ended and she hates me, I am able to be level headed and emotionally supportive.

My mom is visiting for a bit, and takes everything this kid does personally. My daughter doesn’t clean up her toys? She doesn’t play by herself? My mom says when I was her age, I would happily play outside by myself all day and I cleaned up after myself. My mom asks why the fuck she even comes over. My mom nags me about reading parenting books. It’s so hard at this point to shake that the thought that my daughter is just bad. My daughter is this bad because Ive failed as a mom clearly(I do know this to not be true, my daughter is very different from me).

Everything around me is fucked, to the tiniest detail, trust me. I am being treated for my mental health, and seeking local talk therapy. I already feel like enough of a fucking failure because I just want to be left alone, always. When I am home, nothing feels like it will ever be okay. I want to lay in my bed and rot there, do anything to distract myself (my hobbies, doomscroll, sleep) disparaging and having zero energy. Darkness consumes me when I am home. When I’m at work or my hookup’s house, I feel like myself again. My head is finally comfortably above water for a few hours. But this time off gets destroyed the second I return home to my daughter. I never want to be around her anymore. My duty as a parent will always make me return, of course. She already only has me and I understand very deeply the sacrifice that is motherhood. But, this legitimately cannot go on in this manner. I am at my worthless wits end. I used to have such a good attitude about facing adversary...

We've been separated 3.5 years, not divorced because neither of us have the money yet. We've had our own custody schedule the whole time and coparent great. Hes a good dad compared to a lot. For the past 3 years I've not wanted to date, I've not had interest. He has been but other than a few short one night stand situations, no relationship.

He suddenly has a new girlfriend and is moving so fast. Its been 3 weeks. He has seen her every day, told her he loves her, and has seen our son twice in the past 2 weeks. He used to see him a few times a week. He keeps telling me our son is his first priority but as of right now I havent even heard from him in 3 days. Our son is 9 and on the spectrum. He's smart and social, just very innocent and attached to his parents. Ive told ex that he can't introduce our son to his new girlfriend for awhile and please communicate with me. Generally we communicate well but he has a tendency to wait too long to tell me the truth about something with the guise of not wanting to hurt my feelings. So I don't trust he will stick to this. From what I know, shes also a divorced mom, and very nice. 9 years younger than my ex.

How did you handle this transition? I know all i can do is my part with our son and be along for whatever his dad does. Im struggling how to handle the dynamic change after 3 years. I knew one of us would date eventually but I've been smacked with it full stop.

Hi! My husband and I are totally burned out on holidays and birthdays. Our boys are 3 and 5 and it’s nearly impossible to put together even a modest celebration - I’m talking simple dinner, a few presents - without our nerves being shot to hell as we try to handle life. I get it, our kids are tired but we do truly try to keep things calm, not overcommitted and still we feel like we are drowning when we attempt anything more than the basics of life.

I can’t do another birthday or holiday where I expend my limited energy and free time to try to make a special day all to have my kids start losing their shit by 6am. I just cannot do it.

So what can I do differently? Can anyone share alternative ideas for how to spend a “special” day? My nerves are truly so shot and my anxiety is through the roof. TIA

I've been looking into the Teachers subreddit so I could gain a little insight into what teachers expect from parents, because our teachers are so important.

But!

Why do I keep seeing posts from teachers complaining that "kids nowadays don't know anything!" And then it's a paragraph complaining that 2nd graders don't know their addresses or how to read or their phone numbers and how "parents don't teach their kids anything"

Like? I remember as a kid them sending home worksheets, having parent teacher conferences, and teachers informing parents on What and How to teach these basic life skills. My mom, bless her heart, did not teach me my address, my phone number or even how to fill out an envelope, Unprompted. Teachers have always had to tell parents What and How to teach lots of things that are basic skills. Right??

I'm sending my kid to school because I'm Not a teacher. I'm not gonna magically remember to teach my kid her address and honestly, I don't know the appropriate age to do that (really. Like 8 years old, maybe??). I also don't know How to teach these things in the most effective way. Now, will I try? Sure. But again, I'm not a teacher. My job is parenting, keeping my kid alive and well, nurturing and caring, and yeah modeling and teaching some things like emotional regulation and simple basic skills (numbers, letters, shapes, how to put on clothes, brush teeth, hair, etc)

But I remember my (overworked overtired) parents having to be guided on What and How to teach me. This has always been a thing. So why all of a sudden are parents expected to do these things at home??

Forgive me, I've had a couple of drinks but have been unsettled about it for a while. For context we're from a bigger city in southwestern Ontario, Canada. I think I'm jumping to conclusions, lmk what u think, it's probably nothing

So we (my 2 younger kids and I) would see these other 2 kids that walked the same path home from the same school, one of the kids was in my son's class. I remember being very endeared by this older boy, who fully accepted my medium support needs ASD kid and spoke/ interacted with him like a normal kid (as opposed to some kids that just act annoyed)

I was excited to have the kids have a play date and joked to his mom we should do it at their house because mine is a mess (one of the cats doesn't like the litter box and we have a lot of junk. Her reaction was friendly but dismissive. I wrote a note with my contact info on a card that I brought over, offering to host at my place since I realized their house is quite small. The same older son I referenced earlier, briefly came to the door and was moved out of the doorway where I was by his dad. The dad said thanks and closed the door.

I haven't seen the boys since and thought they moved. Then I saw both parents sitting outside the house one day several months later. Admittedly, their small front yard faces a busy street and I don't think the backyard is big. It's slightly visible from the street though and I've never seen a sign of them whenever I walked that path. The kids physical attributes do point to them being gamers/home bodies/not athletic so that could explain that

I'm sure they're just being home schooled and their parents are probably going through stuff and prefer to have them home

I keep thinking that there might be more to it. I myself am disabled due to mental health and I fully understand how hard raising younger kids is. I don't think I want the karma of placing a children's I'd call though since they're probably fine

Can someone offer opinions that might settle my mind? They were such good kids.

Should I try to get in touch again?

Sorry if this is dumb. Thanks for any advice

I used to go all out for my brother's 3 children at Christmas and for birthdays. I wanted to be the cool aunt who always gave the best presents, since I didn't have kids of my own. I was the one my brother and sister in-law would call when there was some must-have but hard to find item. I would get it no matter the cost.

Well, I had a son last year, and my brother did not come to his first birthday this year. I gave him 2 months notice and a week before he said he had to work, his wife had an after school thing with their son, and their eldest daughter was with a friend. I confess it hurt. After all the years of going to EVERY birthday and always making sure his children were set at the holidays, my brother couldn't be bothered to show up for my baby's first birthday??? The 'turning 1 year' party is a big deal in my family, always has been.

I had incorrectly assumed he'd give my sister their gift to bring with her. Nah, they never got him anything.

I am still mad. And as the holidays approach, I automatically get thoughts of "oh my niece would love that" etc etc. but I do not want to go all out this year. Why spoil my brother's kids when he won't even give mine the time of day? Fuck, he's lucky I'm not giving them what he gave my boy!

Still I don't want to punish the kids for my resentment towards their parents... I need to figure out gifts for them that aren't high effort but not crappy, either.

I posted on a gift idea sub asking for advice but found myself venting so I brought the vent part here. 😅

This neighbor lives behind me, and has once yelled at my dog to shut up when she was barking. They also installed a camera pointing only into my backyard, which I found out is actually illegal. These things gave me a bad feeling about him.

I just took my dog out in the backyard to potty, and they came out to their backyard with their toddler. He called her a fat fuck and a slob, and said all she does is eat. She said something about him drinking in his truck every hour at work, and how she’s more independent than him because he relies on his mom. He said that she holds him to standards that she doesn’t even follow herself.

He belittled her getting her degree from a “third world country,” and said he got the wrong degree. He said that she can move back to the Philippines, find someone else, and be rich.

Then he said they never even have sex anymore (I wonder why 🙄) and he’s ready to call it quits. He said she can’t hate him more than he hates himself, and that he doesn’t really love her anymore. And that he wants to blow his brains out every day.

I feel so sorry for her and her toddler.

My husband can be such a tool at bedtime with my baby and it actually makes me rage.

My son is 14 months old, we share a room (we dont have the space to not share a room).

Every night its something. Either Im just getting him to lie down and my husband busts in all like "whats up". "OH shit youre putting him down??" Like yes motherfucker and you just let in all the light and noise from out there and now hes sitting straight up in bed. Or ill be trying to get him down and its taking a while so my husband will come in to trade with me - which sure yeah thats nice. But then he will be in there for no word of a lie like three minutes and then he brings him into the living room and is like "hes not sleeping, maybe its a sleep regression". Like brother could you maybe try longer than 4 seconds???

So then hes wide awake. And then he will want to go to bed and he turns on our fucking TV. Then hes confused why its 9PM and the baby wont go to sleep? Hmm such a mystery. Couldn't possibly understand why.

If its not the TV, or him talking or banging around its him fucking eating the world's LOUDEST snacks in bed.

Then the baby is overtired and wants nothing to do with dad just wants me. So im the one who gets to deal with the hair pulling and the screaming and the kicking and tantruming from being way overtired.

I just dont know how to get him to clue the fuck in and realize our room is not just ours anymore. Its been 14 months, whats so hard to wrap your head around?? Like even when he does try with him he again lasts like max 5 minutes before he gives up. I dont want to be a raging bitch to him but im like omfg can you grow the hell up??

My toddler doesn't have milk a couple hours before bedtime because she will throw up in her sleep and she always wakes up in the middle of the night asking for milk and if she doesnt get it its a full on meltdown at 3am. I always tell her no. And tell her she throws up if she has milk at night time so she can have water instead..every single night. And every single night I wake up to it because my husband works 3rd shift. On the weekends when my husband doesnt work youd think one of those nights I would be able to get a full night sleep but no. I get a toddler meltdown and then a husband who is angry saying "why cant she just sleep.." like he deals with it every night, like he has to figure out a way to calm a meltdown toddler every night at 3am. I wont lie and say its all on my toddler and husband i did say "have a family itll be fun" in a mocking voice to which my husband said that if i wanted i could leave So im here typing my pity party, anger infused, sleep deprived, post at 430am. Because once again I get no sleep And then I will be asked why I'm grumpy when everyone wakes up in a few hours bright eyed and bushy tailed.

I’m going through a complicated divorce from my abusive ex husband. I filed a year ago but he hasn’t been cooperative, so the divorce isn’t final. I started seeing a man a few months ago and we were going to the zoo yesterday.

I have two kids with my ex husband and we split them between us on Sundays. I texted him to ask if I could take both kids to the zoo and he said no. So I dropped off our daughter and took our son to the zoo to meet my boyfriend and his family there.

My ex has never spontaneously taken the kids to the zoo in 8 years together, but he showed up unexpectedly yesterday and aggressively introduced himself to my new boyfriend. He kept popping up no matter where we went at the zoo, and he ended up introducing himself to my boyfriend’s entire family… including his mom who I was meeting for the first time. I wanted the earth to swallow me up.

I said very little and could barely look at my ex husband. I turned away from him and into my boyfriend at one point because I couldn’t handle the awkwardness. My ex was saying things like, “see?!? I’m not causing a scene or anything!” but the truth is, he has been kicked out of restaurants and other public spaces in the past for being too aggressive. I didn’t know what he was planning to do and I was scared. This is a man who once fired a gun in our house while the kids and I slept upstairs. He’s unhinged.

My boyfriend was supportive and calm. He said it seemed like my ex was being territorial. He held my hand the whole time and told me he loved me.

I’m mortified and I think I made a terrible first impression on my boyfriend’s mom. She hugged me and she was kind, but I can’t imagine this is what she wants for her son.

My ex has since texted me to claim he was just trying to be friendly. And it leaves me feeling like I’m the problem, that I overreacted. Even though I know how I felt.

I’m in therapy. My kids are in therapy. I just needed to vent and maybe hear from others who get it.

Thanks for listening.

After my husband YET AGAIN told me about how he’d rather enlist in the military, how he’s not cut out to be a dad, how he’s disappointed he’s worked so hard and now he has to spend all his money on me and his damn kid, how my 6 figure job as a specialist with a masters degree is like our dog having a job (all in front of our toddler mind you), I decided you know what, I’m done venting about him.

He’s been like this. This isn’t a surprise this is just his pattern.

So I decided not to react. I didn’t try to calm him down. I told him yeah maybe you’re not cut out to be a father. You should just go do what you want with your life because our child deserves two parents who are happy to parent him.

And then I took the dog and kid for a walk. And then when we came back he was all in love with being a parent again.

The thing is: I don’t forget this shit like he does. I fortunately came from a relatively healthy family where at least we would apologize. His family is so corrupt and lacks basic interpersonal skills like just talking and shit.

After the birthday brunch from hell with an overtired toddler at a too fancy restaurant that when they threw their water cup and it spilled they brought out like 5 team members to clean it up and I was stared at by all these moms with their kids who were older glued to iPads I just took our kid and wandered around outside for the remainder of dinner. My husband ended up yelling at his parents because he does every time and our toddler was pretending to take a nap on a bench lol.

I’m just done. I don’t feel right about my husband getting custody 50% of the time because he genuinely doesn’t have the grit to he a parent day in and day out. Our son doesn’t deserve such an asshole as a father.

Why did you choose him? Didn’t you see the red flags? Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Why did he lie to me about his wants and intentions in life? Why did he pretend that he wanted to be a father and husband? Why did he go to performative therapy? Why did he cry to me about the importance of family? Why?

Anyways fuck him. Cannot wait to divorce.

A whole bag of 'em.

My ADHD 9 year old was recently diagnosed with autism. His psychiatrist is pushing ABA pretty hard. I'm not even sure about it but am trying to get connected with some ABA clinics so I can learn more about how or if they can help.

But it's a fucking drag.

I go to a given website. See if they say whether they take my insurance and kids my son's age. Fill out intake with insurance info and such. Get email from the clinic asking for pictures of my insurance card even though I already uploaded them in the first intake. Get link to another,.more indepth intake. Which once more asks for my insurance info. And despite all this busy work I haven't heard back from anyone so I assume I have to call and bother them on top of everything else.

Today I attempted to knock out another intake for another clinic. This intake in particular had me in tears it is so long and so tedious.

It wants to know what services he's had both past and present, the phone number and address for each company, the exact dates of said service, a bunch of open ended follow up questions about things he's worked on and what kind of progress he made, etc forever. Bromos, I have been seeking help for this kid since he was two and started speech therapy after he had tubes put in. He's been in different OTs, different play therapies, various school services. I'm going to be filling this thing out forever and I don't even think the form saves until I submit the entire thing. God help us all if it loses my progress.

They also want to know the ages of all those baby milestones that I've completely forgotten (and I was shit at keeping a baby book) other than he wasn't behind in anything but speech.

And all that is just the tip of the ice burg. It just goes on and on. I don't understand why I'm being asked for all this information when we haven't had so much as an evaluation from them.

As someone who struggles with executive function themself, this is a fucking night mare. And for a service I'm on the fence about because I can't find out how many hours they would require or what they can do for an older child with "mild" ADHD.

Update: Aaaaand I lost the tab that had my form. FML.

Edit: I appreciate the concern but please stop assuming that I haven't done any research into this. This is part of my research after doing lots of reading and asking about it over the last year. I haven't made decisions either way (other than I'm not doing center based).

My kid is autistic. Loves to have long hair, hates braids and ponytails. Her hair is wavy and a little bit curly. We have a rule that in order to keep her hair long, she has to let me do a complete reset once a week, where we wash, condition, and get every tangle out. That's been the rule since she was quite little, I think she was 4 when she decided she wanted to grow her hair out and keep it long. She's in 5th grade now, starting to care more about how her peers perceive her. Her hair is ALWAYS a tangled mess, except on Sunday evenings after we wash it. I've tried a few different detangling sprays when she's been willing to cooperate, but some of them just make her hair sticky and it makes it worse??? and some don't work very well and don't prevent pulling when I'm trying to brush it out, and one worked beautifully and she couldn't tolerate the scent! I try to find information online, but you CANNOT find ANY information ANYWHERE except people trying to sell you things! I need advice about actual products that people have used and that have worked. Not heavily scented, doesn't cost $65 a bottle, and that actually does the thing it's meant to do. WHY IS THAT HARD? I just want my kid to be able to feel like her hair looks nice without having to endure the pain and suffering that comes with having all sensory input magnified times 10.

Happy to accept any and all advice, but mostly just needed to shout into the void about the ridiculous state of this late stage capitalist hellscape we live in now.

We’ve been together for a long time and for about 4 years we didn’t have sex. That was on my part because he had been emotionally abusive and I refused. Things have gotten better and for the last 6 months or so we will have sex from time to time.

But here’s the thing—I can only get off from oral with my husband. And he is not good at it, by any stretch.

Last night I was trying to give some tips. He usually just licks and licks at the same speed, with no variety. So I said he can try switching it up by gently sucking.

Well. He took that as a cue to pretend like her was a Hoover vacuum. Just non stop sucking. I told him to stop.

He can only go down on me for 5ish minutes before he quits and insists on penetration. But even with this, sometimes he loses his erection and gets frustrated at me for “taking so long.”

He’s so utterly unsatisfying and I don’t know what to do.

Many years ago we used a great free one that really helped Hubs "see" what needed to be done and what all I did. Unfortunately the devs stopped supporting it, and it got too buggy to use. Well now he's backslid and we need a chore app again.

We don't have iPhones. We prefer free to use, don't mind ads.

I've posted things in this sub, most recently a year ago. I posted about being fed up, but I posted out of anger because last year on Halloween, he told me he was leaving me. So I took my hurt feelings to this sub. He ended up staying but that was the first of 4 more times he's told me he's leaving me this year. I've begged him to stay (something I've never done before) because in reality, I love him so much. Like most people I tend to focus on things he hasn't done or his faults instead of all the good things about him. Now I think our marriage is over for real, he's checked out and I'm always overwhelmed with stuff going on within the house. Maybe I'm not doing enough, maybe I am the problem? Yes I could survive without him but I don't want to. I wonder if it's too late, are things ruined? Have any of you thought things were absolutely doomed/over only to be able to fix things? If so, how?