r/beyondthebump • u/Agreeable_Grape_8083 • Apr 04 '26
Mental Health I wasn’t prepared
I wasn’t prepared for how brain bending having a baby is. My baby was born? No sir, I was born.
I’m 36 and 9 weeks postpartum. As I unpacked a freezer meal I cooked at 38 weeks I stared at my writing detailing the meal and the date and thought to myself “who is this woman who wrote this?” To quote myself as to what I said to my husband tonight: “I feel transformed- like I have a completely different perspective on everything. Like I experience every moment differently . My reality has been turned upside down.” And he just stared at me.
How can I be 36 and reborn a new person with a new mind? I am completely transformed. When I see a news story on TV I think differently. When I walk on the street I think differently. When I’m in a moment of happiness I think differently. I grieve differently (my mum passed away). I love differently. I value things differently.
I went to a BBQ with friend on the weekend and here I was the shell of me on the outside but a brand new person on the inside. It was wild to me. I thought- can they notice? Maybe. But just like my friends who have birthed before me, I thought they were the same with just a baby in tow. How could I have been so naive ?
Nothing could have prepared me and unless you live this experience you just can’t comprehend.
Edit to add: Thank you everyone for all your input. Wow, we are all super women.
To the women who held a thoughtful discussion related to the way they don’t really feel the change in this way- your experience is real. Our brains are all so different and way too complex for science to understand, even in 2026. Just because your experience is different does not mean that it isn’t valid. Love and hugs to all mummas out there x
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u/letmeeatcakenow Apr 04 '26
1000000%
I hope it’s ok that I am still here 🥹🫣
I had my 1st son in 2016 and I was birthed through blood and fire into motherhood. Then two more kids. My last born in April of 2020 😖
It compounds. It changes you on such a deep and fundamental level it’s hard to comprehend. You actually can’t comprehend it until you cross the veil. It’s such bitter magic.
My kids are now 10, 8, 6. And there is so much beauty (and hardship at times tbh) to look forward to. You will grow and keep transforming alongside your baby. Keep stretching and allowing yourself the rebirth and transformation.
I love you guys. I hope you can get some sleep. I PROMISE. They will sleep better one day. I have to beg them to wake up some days. They make me dinner. We read novels and go on hikes. The possibilities are endless. It is breathtaking and beautiful and still so hard at times - but my god it’s the joy of my life.
Keep growing, keep going. Love yall.
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u/Legitimate-Phrase933 Apr 04 '26
This made me cry. I still feel like I’m in the trenches sometimes with my 20 month old. I mourn the little baby she used to be and at the same time I really really can’t wait for her to get older and more independent.
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u/letmeeatcakenow Apr 04 '26
I feel the same way about my 10 year old 😭😭😭 he was helping with yard work yesterday - then was laying on the couch. I started rubbing his feet and kissed his toes. He did the “eww gross mom don’t kiss my feet” and I was like “I MADE THESE TOES FROM SCRATCH” I remember when your pinkie toe was the size of a tic tack. At the same time I miss those days desperately and don’t miss them at all. I would do anything to go back for one day and kiss his sweaty baby head, and he and I are dreaming of going to Japan together when he graduates from high school. Bitter magic. 🪄
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u/tullik12 Apr 05 '26
I’ve been so nervous because my 5m just got his first tooth, is eating solids, showing preferences for activities and toys, and is so different from the tiny baby who came home with me from the hospital… everyone says that these are the best days, that they miss it so much, and I don’t want to miss out on any of it, but it all is just getting more and more fun as he grows. How are you supposed to ask someone if it just keeps getting better when they’re tellling you that you’re living the best it gets with a baby?
Thanks for the glimpse of just how great it can get from here!
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u/CompoteDifficult5010 Apr 05 '26
I spent 2 nights ago begging my 2nd baby who is 6 weeks to go to sleep. I don’t know who cried more, me or her. Thank you for this. This made me cry but in a good way.
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u/scritchygrippers128 Apr 04 '26
This is so specific, but before having our son I loved nothing more than sitting down and watching murder mysteries - Dateline, 20/20, documentaries, etc. It was my guilty pleasure. My family and friends all knew this about me. I haven’t watched a single show like that since.
I never made a conscious choice and I can’t even quite explain why. It’s like my brain shifted. Maybe it’s because I just think of the mothers who lost someone? And I couldn’t connect to it before. I’ve changed in so, so many ways, but that’s a concrete example that always comes to mind.
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u/Agreeable_Grape_8083 Apr 05 '26
I went from watching the news nightly to “turn it off- it’s so doom and gloom. I want to focus on the happiness here”
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u/Solid_Remove5039 Apr 04 '26
Any violent crime docs or body cams involving kids or babies being a victim makes me sick nowadays. Can’t watch it at all
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u/Airam07 Apr 04 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
I went from listening to true crime podcasts to actively avoiding anything violent. I’ll listen to podcasts about mysteries but I draw the line at cases with violence especially towards children. It literally puts a pit in my stomach and before I used to sleep listening to murder cases podcasts
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u/geryarn Apr 04 '26
I so entirely agree with this. I’m happy to have read your post. Honestly I find it a little unsettling that I didn’t realize how much I would change. It didn’t hit me right away postpartum either.
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u/Agreeable_Grape_8083 Apr 05 '26
Honestly so unsettling. Also unsettling that I never got to share with my mum that I now understand her. I now understand her anxiousness. Her over the top avalanche of love toward me. Her never ending proudness of everything I did. Her need to make me constantly feel special and protect me. I get it now. I so wish I could sit and talk to her and ask her about her rebirth as a mother. I see her now. But she isn’t here anymore.
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u/GasolineRainbow7868 Apr 04 '26
About to turn 8 months postpartum and yet to experience this :( feel just like I always did but with a baby now. What changes?
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u/Agreeable_Grape_8083 Apr 05 '26
Your experience is valid 💕 don’t worry about what changes. Our brains are different and that’s okay! Your motherhood experience is perfect ✨
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u/GemSirLuc19 Apr 04 '26
My oldest is 5 (my youngest is 2) and I have no idea what OP and other commenters are talking about. After having my first my life definitely changed because now I had a baby to care for. I've never felt like who I was changed though.
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u/GasolineRainbow7868 Apr 04 '26
Thank you for sharing, I found it very helpful 🤍 it was nice for read about OP's experience, I'm glad to read something relatable here as well though.
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u/Pylaenn Apr 05 '26
Same here! Almost 4 years postpartum, was still the same person, same interests. Only difference was sharper smell and hearing, and my anxiety around what other people were thinking about me COMPLETELY dropped. My heart and friendliness is much more on my sleeve 😂 So no giant, earth-moving feeling, just some super powers and a new bestie. Which is fine! Motherhood is a personal journey. I agree, I know I love my kiddo and I'm proud of them for just being here, so just quiet mellow feelings and thankfulness.
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u/evechalmers Apr 04 '26
This is called matrescense! Look it up, yes you are completely changed
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u/reebs___ Apr 04 '26
Came here to say this!!
Someone without kids said to me “some people make being a mom their whole personality” and I was like 😳
how do you explain this to someone who hasn’t experienced it?? I’m not the same person and I don’t want to be, it’s been a beautiful and difficult transition and wouldn’t trade it for anything
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u/Agreeable_Grape_8083 Apr 05 '26
Not me being like “when I have this baby I’m not going to be like THOSE mums who can’t even have a night to herself without feeling worried” 😂😂 I wish I could go back in time and glare at my old self
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u/hospitalbedside Apr 04 '26
I felt it was like hitting a second puberty. Where when you’re 13, suddenly have a different set of hormones running through you, bleeding out of your crotch but pretending everything is going as usual
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u/alsothebagel Apr 04 '26
That statement is always so baffling to me, because of course it’s my whole personality. I don’t have time for hobbies (at least not in the way I used to), and my entire day revolves around how another human eats and sleeps, even with a full time job. Like, how is it NOT supposed to become the core of who I am? I miss my old self and her personality too sometimes but it just is what it is babes.
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u/emotionallyratchet Apr 04 '26
Yeah, I lost a friend when I shared news of my pregnancy and her reply was, "As long as you don't make it your whole personality I'm sure we'll be fine."
Spoiler: Our friendship didn't even make it another week.
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u/lurkinglucy2 Apr 04 '26
Did you read the book Matrescence by Lucy Jones? It's soooo good
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u/black_lake Apr 04 '26
I was coming to recommend this book! I'm in the process of reading it and I've never felt more seen!
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u/conspiracie Apr 04 '26
I was also coming to recommend this book! It is an amazing read. Highly recommend to any new moms & their support people
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u/evechalmers Apr 04 '26
Yes!! That’s where I learned about it, I buy it for all my new mom friends.
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u/LactoActor Apr 04 '26
Yess I read the post and instantly headed over to the comment section to recommend the Matrescence ❤️
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u/missafine Apr 04 '26
Thank you for your post. I am 34 and 14 weeks pp. The way I've described it, is my experiences and emotions before had a floor. I thought I had experienced all of life's emotions. Great loves, great losses, career ups and downs, traveling, food, friends, community, etc.
When she was born it was like there was a secret trap door and the floor opened up. Into a vast ever expanding void of feelings. I found that my heart and soul was capable of more feeling, more empathy, more love, more fear, more guilt, and more understanding than I knew possible. I see other mothers in completely knew light. I ask everyone about their children and see their faces brighten.
I cry rocking her to sleep because I am in awe of the vastness of my emotions, of how I can love so deeply. It has been a great gift. One that if I never had children, would not have mattered. It's all very plato's allegory of the cave. Lol. I can't go back to shadows for I have seen the sun.
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u/Minimum-Amount-1894 Apr 04 '26
Your comment made me cry. Mine is 9 months in 3 days and im sitting here holding her and reading this and its so real.
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u/Airam07 Apr 04 '26
Ugh this is so beautiful and so accurate. There was me before and there’s me after she was born. Knowing I can love this deeply and that I might have never known what I would have missed out on had she not been born makes me cry. It especially makes me cry for women going through infertility because I did, too, and the wait was worth it. I wish every woman hoping to experience motherhood gets to.
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u/Sundogflower Apr 10 '26
I get really emotional for other mothers now too. I saw a comment a few days ago that just said something along the lines of how she didn't have much support and "I wish I could afford a night nurse" and I keep welling up thinking about her, alone and struggling on those night feeds and I wish I could help her. Brb going to sob again.
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u/sassy_soul_04 Apr 04 '26
the way you said "my baby was born no sir i was born" i have never felt more seen in my life this is the most accurate thng ever written
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u/napalmnacey Apr 05 '26
I was 34 when I gave birth for the first time. Ever since then, I’ve been a different person. I am more confident, more steadfast, more focused. I feel stronger than I ever did before birth.
I just gave birth to my third child in January. I thought the wonder of the moment of birth would be old hat but it wasn’t. I was crying tears of joy and awe as I was going through my contractions. I was super cognisant that a new life was starting, now. I was listening to the favourite song of my brother in law, (who died a year ago and I was very close to), as I gave birth. I felt like a spoke in a vast wheel. I felt both tiny and huge.
All the moments with my son are just as special as the first two. For me, it seems every time is new and wondrous.
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u/Agreeable_Grape_8083 Apr 05 '26
This is so beautiful thank you 💕 crazy to think it’s an incredible transformation every time around. Can I ask how old were you with your 3rd? Sometimes I feel anxious about having a second at 37/38 and whether I’ll be ‘too old’ to do this again
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u/napalmnacey Apr 05 '26
Girl I am 46. Surprise baby, natural conception. I chalk it up to having a man 6 years younger than I am and me having one of those hyper fertile moments during perimenopause. Perfect pregnancy, perfect birth, perfect child. Shit you not, it blew my mind. Yeah, more things can go wrong the later you get and it’s taking me extra time to recover down below. But I am getting there and it’s been worth it. ☺️ I really am able to enjoy every moment because I know the bad moments aren’t forever, and the good ones aren’t either and it’s a joy and a blessing to experience something I never thought I’d get to again.
My only advice to first timers: photograph everything. And when things get bad, hug the baby.
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u/KayEff-Cee Apr 04 '26
My daughter turns one next week, and I remember being newly postpartum out in public by myself and thinking “no one even knows how much my life has just changed.” No one knew what I was capable of - I had just birthed a child! I brought life into the world! Any time I see a mom in public, I have a soft spot for her. How special that we have all been changed in this way. ❤️
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u/sandwichwench Apr 04 '26
I once heard my husband tell a friend, “yeah, being a dad is awesome, but it didn’t change things as much as I thought. Like, fundamentally I’m still the same person.” And that’s when I realized that, regardless of how great of a husband and father he is, he’ll never understand. We are living entirely different realities. He got a fresh coat of paint and I got a complete gut job and foundation work.
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u/potsieharris Apr 04 '26
I'm really struggling with this dissonance. I've been on maternity leave while my husband works from home. The other morning he casually mentioned his plans for the day, which included errands, cooking projects, and cleaning. Nothing at all selfish or indulgent, but still... I wake up every single day and my sole plan for the day is childcare. And anything else is a bonus. Like maybe I can grab 30 minutes here or there to shower or cook or do an errand. But that will be based on my child's nursing schedule and will entail me asking him "can you take the baby please?"
And he always will, because he is a great dad. And since this conversation he has been super proactive about asking me if I want him to take her. But it blew my mind hearing how he basically sees his day as the same as before with a few hours of childcare added on here and there whereas I NEVER wake up and think of a day full of activities I want to do being an option.
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u/sandwichwench Apr 04 '26
My maternity leave with my second is ending and what you’ve said is one of the big reasons I would not do well as a SAHM. I NEED to do something outside of being mom.
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u/potsieharris Apr 04 '26
I think I'm finding I'm the same. The first couple months I wanted to do nothing else but baby, but now that thought of sitting in my office, working, with a coffee on my desk, sounds soooo relaxing.
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u/sandwichwench Apr 04 '26
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about feeling that way. I’m excited to get back to work, talk to adults, and not have anyone touch me for 8 hours. I’m a better mom when I have that.
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u/LavishnessSame9674 Apr 06 '26
I eventually had to talk to my husband and tell him how EVERYTHNG in my life has changed.. my job, my body, my friends, my free time etc… and it felt like nothing in his life changed but it should. He then became more aware of how he was still getting to freely do everything he wanted and cancelled all his plans that week and started checking in more and taking baby. It wasn’t the easiest to bring up but I’m glad we talked about it.
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u/Sparklemello Apr 04 '26
The focus changed from myself to him, but I still feel like myself and not a completely changed or transformed person. Life is just different, and I have a baby that I love with all my heart. It’s interesting how people feel experiences differently.
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u/splendid-cade Apr 04 '26
Yeah I am going to put my LO first for everything - "I feel cold is she warm enough let me check before I take care of my needs" kind of thing. I love her so much. I'm not mad that I can't go for a run easily anymore or that I don't get to cook for 3h for fun after work anymore because she's worth it, but I do feel slight disappointment about that. I know it'll come back.
But I'm very much still me. Just with someone very important to love and care about. I'd crush any adversary to know she was safe. But I'd have done that for my cat too. I can't even empathise with what others are describing I just I don't get it. How interesting!
Glad it's not just me!!
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u/potsieharris Apr 04 '26
While I was pregnant I was always quizzing my mom friends about how they changed. Some said they were basically a whole new person. Others not; one said "life is basically the same as before, just with more love."
I have a 3 month old and idk. I feel like I can't see the forest for the trees. I can't get a break long enough to reflect or zero out. Sometimes I'm in ecstasy and joy all day and others I'm exhausted and just getting through it. Sometimes I'm breastfeeding her and just staring at her in rapture, counting my blessings, and other times I'm just tuned out playing word games on my phone.
I'm just having faith and trusting the process and telling myself to just ride the waves, because if I think about it too hard it's overwhelming what I've signed up for.
What never fails to help is looking into her eyes. I am her world and she looks at me with such pure love and trust. It's an amazing feeling
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u/TheAdventuringOtter Apr 05 '26
I switch in and out between feeling changed and not at all. It's weird. When we were on our drive home, I felt like someone else. Like I felt so disconnected from me...maybe that's when the change happened?
I also felt like something was wrong with me for the longest time since I didn't feel like a transformed person. But I also had/have PPD.
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u/Sparklemello Apr 05 '26
Sorry to hear you experienced PPD. I can definitely see how it would make you feel different. I didn’t have PPD but have had depression in the past and certainly didn’t feel like myself.
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u/freerangehulahoop Apr 04 '26
I agree with this! I’ve changed but I still am a free and wild woman in my heart. I honestly thought when my baby was born that maybe I would not like going out anymore, to shows, burlesque, doing things in town with my friends. I’d be content to settle in at home with my baby.
To my dismay/ shock I found I still love going out lol and I just get to do it less. I am a slut at heart (burlesque dancer, love to dance and be seen on stage) and that didn’t change with motherhood. I’m about to have another baby in a few days (first one is 2 years old now) and going into town on a Friday night, dressed in red and red lipstick, by myself for a night out at a burlesque show was so Healing and Wonderful and just made me feel so ME. Some things change, some things don’t 😉
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u/ShadowlessKat Apr 04 '26
I also still feel like me. Motherhood was not a big change for me. I'm still me, I just have my daughter that I bring with me everywhere (except work). I would kill for her, but truthfully I felt like that about my pets before her. She's my baby and I love her and love having her in my life, but my life is fundamentally the same.
My house is messier and full of her stuff, but life is pretty similar to before she was born. We still stay in like we did. Still visit family like we did. Still travel and go to some events like we did before. I never had a crazy life before her, we lived the old married couple life so it was easy to add her to it. I still enjoy my hobbies and am getting to do a new one. I'm still involved in my church and have my workout group like before. I just bring her with me (my workout friends love her there).
I didn't experience any big hormonal emotional ups and downs when pregnant or freshly postpartum with her. She's been an easy baby and we do a lot of attachment parenting. But I still feel like the same person I was before I had her, and its been months.
I'm happy for most the moms in this thread but I can't really relate.
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u/thegirlfromsf Apr 04 '26
I don’t even know who I was before and I’m not upset about it. It’s been such a beautiful transformative experience.
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u/Inight-wishi Apr 04 '26
It's mind bending isn't it? It's all so beautiful but also simultaneously isolating. Theres no way to explain it to someone, and even if you do, there's no guarantee that they truly get it.
I want to shout it from the top of the mountains. Every day I feel like I will burst with profound emotions.
Maybe this sounds weird, but my birthing my daughter somehow showed me what it's like to be human and a very vulnerable level. No one thinks about how their face contorts or their lips quiver when they're about to cry. It just happens. But now I see my baby do it and realize I do the same.
It's like I took my humanness for granted, and now I'm learning every movement, every mannerism has a purpose.
My daughter will be 1 in 2 weeks and from the day she was born it was like I transcended. I see myself in her and I see her in me.
And everyone is correct, my emotions now have a bottomless pit.
It's hard to come to grips with this all the while taking care of new life and dealing with everything else.
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u/conservatoryofquirks Apr 04 '26
Yep! After my baby was born I lost the feeling of personally being at the “centre” of my experience. Now she is. 💕
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u/InterestingNarwhal82 Apr 04 '26
Absolutely. I remember when my first baby was maybe 3 days old; I carried her into the living room in the middle of the night and she stared up at the streetlights reflected on the ceiling and it was like I was seeing the world for the first time.
When she was maybe 15 months old, the daffodils bloomed and she pointed them out with such joy. I had never noticed them before.
To this day, each of them has changed me. I have three kids now, and each one changed me so deeply.
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u/FrnklyFrankie Apr 04 '26
Oh gosh this made me cry. The first night in the hospital (in my country husband can't stay with us overnight so it was just me and baby), my newborn opened his eyes and lay in my arms just silently looking around the room, at the blue light and shadows around our bed, and I had that same feeling - it was amazing to see him witness the world for the first time, and still is. I will also never forget the first time he gazed into my eyes a short while after birth.
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u/river_5826 Apr 04 '26 edited Apr 04 '26
I would close my eyes to fall asleep and almost feel my brain rewiring (that’s the best way I can describe it). I’d go through the birth, my daughter’s face, her first cry, her first smile, and it changed my way of thinking.
It was absolutely wild.
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u/lurkinglucy2 Apr 04 '26
Matrescence by Lucy Jones goes through this phenomenon. Highly recommend. I have three kids and it's happened three times for me.
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u/betatheta227 Apr 04 '26
I remember walking around Target two weeks postpartum and I just wanted to tell the world that everything had changed and wanted to ask if they knew that the world was different.
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u/Liz_linguist Apr 04 '26
I walk around stores with my baby and it's like everyone knows the world HAS changed. While before I'd just be in my own little world, now everyone looks and smiles at baby, talks to me about her. I find it profoundly weird to shop without her now, it's like I'm Superman with her and Clark Kent without her
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u/Flaky_McFlake Apr 04 '26
This is exactly how I feel. It's something I couldn't have imagined before actually having my daughter. It's so hard to conceptualize the change before you experienced it. Most decisions in life are an addition to your life as you are now. New job, new city, new husband. It's just the same old you with a new job and a new husband etc. But having a child is transformational. You make the decision to have children without fully knowing who you'll become on the other side.
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u/bagels-n-kegels Apr 04 '26
Absolutely. The odd thing is, I just had my second, and I feel like a part of my pre-mom self returned? For better in some ways and worse in others.
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u/WobbyBobby Apr 04 '26
The hand writing resonates so much with me! We’re 7 months post partum and my husband just unearthed a jar of pickles from the back of the fridge yesterday. I’d scribbled 9/5 on the lid to indicate when I’d opened them— must have been minutes before my water broke! I just stood there staring at it, holding my whole baby on my hip thinking “damn who was that person who wrote that”
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u/FrnklyFrankie Apr 04 '26
I felt like this about a to-do list my husband wrote and put on the fridge during pregnancy. A few days after getting back from hospital I noticed it and was reading through it and just felt like... Who was this young and naive couple who wrote this list? (We're not young, btw 😂)
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u/nall667 Apr 04 '26
This is so real. Everything changed. I changed. We changed. It’s a new becoming. Maiden to mother/matrescence is so real. I love this new beginning.
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u/meepsandpeeps Apr 04 '26
Your old self dies in childbirth is how I see it, and a new version of you is born.
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u/FrnklyFrankie Apr 04 '26
I think the old me died during the height of my contraction pain, after I'd been on oxytocin for 5 hours and just before my husband convinced me to get an epidural as I just couldn't go on in that pain any longer.
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u/hihelloyas Apr 04 '26
A few days after my baby was born I went outside for the first time and told my partner it’s weird how everything has changed, yet the surroundings are the same as they’ve always been. It truly felt like my world had changed.
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u/FrnklyFrankie Apr 04 '26
I don't think I feel this as strongly as some other mothers - I'm 9 weeks postpartum also. But the other day my husband told me he still can't believe sometimes that he's old enough to be a dad (he's 30), and occasionally on waking or when immersed in something he suddenly remembers our son exists. I can't relate to any of this, and I realised that for the first time in 14 years since I was 23, I actually feel my age.
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u/Hilaryspimple Apr 04 '26
Having a baby is such a seismic shift. For some people it’s less so, for some People it takes more time, but yeah. You’re wired differently now.
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u/Kuroi-Neko_ Apr 04 '26
The brain goes through fundamental physical changes when we have a baby. New neural pathways are formed in order to strengthen the bond w our baby and to make us more aware of our surroundings, possible danger, etc
Neuroanatomical changes observed over the course of a human pregnancy | Nature Neuroscience https://share.google/fFZSQhzmWo1vRF3m2
Pregnancy resculpts women's brains for at least 2 years | Science | AAAS https://share.google/1bdD0bND3Z9kXqSaI
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u/CutOffRiley Apr 04 '26
The level of respect I gained after giving birth for every mother before me 🫡 hot damn!!
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u/ScoodleMcdoo Apr 04 '26
This is exactly the post I needed to see I'm a FTM at 20. Am I happy? I'm incredibly happy! Do I feel fulfilled? Very much so! But who am I? Who is this "I" person and why does she feel so far away. The person I once was is a foggy distant memory of a girl I don't think I'll ever meet again. The way I think, the way I view even the smallest things, it's all different now. When I stand Infront of a mirror I see a strange, not just due to the body changes post partum, but also because the person staring back at me has a mind I'm only beginning to get to know. I gave my body and my mind to birth the body and mind of my baby, and it's such a strange feeling to have to get to know myself all over again while simultaneously having to get to know this new baby
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u/Turbulent-Reaction42 Apr 04 '26
Totally.
I’m still rebuilding myself 8 months later. I’m a totally different person. My marriage is completely different. Everything is different. Not bad just different!
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u/MrsMousetronaut Apr 04 '26
The way I felt while less than a week postpartum was that I was just a hollowed out cicada shell you occasionally find lying around; took me a while to feel like the new cicada
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u/Armadillocat42 Apr 05 '26
I am 11 days PP and I feel like that... Hollow is a pretty accurate word for it.
I feel like I changed more after losing my first baby than I have birthing a live one who is here in the room with me. It's so weird.
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u/SBSA91 Apr 04 '26
I swear i almost want to screen shot ur post anf put it in my insta stories....because WOW this is IT ! this is what i try explain to my childless friends... also the things i worried about before having a child...gosh they were stupid lol
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u/Accomplished-Plum-73 Apr 04 '26
This phenomenon is called Matrescence, and its fascinating. The brain actually rewires itself.
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u/TheRemarkableRhubarb Apr 04 '26
36 here and 16 weeks pp with my third! You couldn’t be more right!!! It’s divine! A Glorious becoming 🩵motherhood is so wild and fierce and to think we are all connected through time and generations of mothers stacked upon mothers ✨.. it’s just lovely 🥰
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u/CompoteDifficult5010 Apr 04 '26
The comment about seeing other mothers in a completely new light is also so real. Ever since becoming a mom I feel like I am part of this network of mothers who empathize and take care of each other. My mom friends are so important to me, but also the support of other random moms on the internet is a huge thing.
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u/alexplayzgamezz91 Apr 04 '26
I feel this completely! My priorities have flipping as well as my worries have tripled. The way I look at the world kind of feels like I’m Alice landing in Wonderland for the first time.
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u/not_a_muggle Apr 04 '26
The hits keep on coming as they age! I am a completely different woman now at 40 than I was when I had my first at 25. It feels like a different life. There was a shit ton of struggle to get here but goddamn is it awesome to finally be meeting myself for the first time lol
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u/nobark_allbite777 Apr 04 '26
i feel this so hard. it’s like my entire life before baby wasn’t even a life at all.
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u/RefrigeratorFew8189 Apr 04 '26
girl me too. and i’m 19! my life was just barely getting started ☠️. but that rebirth has caused me to go into a deep depression episode and my anxiety was on 100. i didn’t feel comfortable in my own body. it was quite literally the worst feeling ever
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u/omfglookawhale Apr 04 '26
There’s so much truth to this! There is a distinct before kids and after kids version of me.
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u/FewAioli5852 Apr 05 '26
Ditto. When I was pregnant I would picture who I was before birth as a mother, not who I became after. And I don’t even know what to make of that.
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u/sans_serif_size12 Apr 05 '26
I’m a week pp and feeing like I’m in emotion soup 24/7. This thread makes me feel incredibly seen and understood
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u/Wonderful-World1964 Apr 05 '26
I vividly remember walking out of the hospital, driving home, entering my house - everything looked different somehow, sharper? That was 28 years ago and I can still picture it.
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u/ProperAd9832 Apr 05 '26
I totally relate... bear in mind you went through something traumatic, birth is traumatic both physically and mentally, I personally feel like I will never feel the same, it's normal to feel "reborn", you need time to recover, I guess it takes long to reconnect with our old selves (I'm still not there)
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u/gwendolyn_trundlebed Apr 05 '26
Welcome to motherhood. I think we all go through this to some degree. I know I did. When you have a child, you're suddenly aware of how fragile and beautiful and valuable each life is, and how scary and evil the world is when you have something other than yourself to love and protect. Cliché, but suddenly your life has meaning.
I've seen this video a bunch of times on social media. Jerry Seinfeld on parenting:
"One of the nice things God does, is that he doesn't let people who don't have kids know what they're missing."
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u/me0w8 Apr 06 '26 edited Apr 06 '26
I feel this so hard. For me it was also a big accelerator for PPA. It felt so strange for the entire world around me to be new, and to be living in a shell of my former self. I remember staring at old post it notes I had written while pregnant and feeling like that person was a ghost.
I also remember feeling like it was similar to the timeframe after a funeral. When you first come home with your baby everyone is dying for details and sending gifts. Within a couple of weeks it’s just assumed that your life is back to “normal.” But for months I felt so palpably changed and nobody knew but me. I felt painfully nostalgic and full of emotion at all times.
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u/Useful_Power Apr 06 '26
I feel this, I’m 23 with a 10 month old. I had a friend that I didn’t talk to due to a silly argument for about two years (so while I was pregnant). We reconnected when my son was like 5 months old and it was like … can she tell I’m different? I didn’t realize that I was different until I hung out with her. It was so weird. Cant even explain it
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u/celestialspook Apr 07 '26
I'm 36 weeks pregnant with my first. I'm a postpartum doula, and in so many ways I feel more prepared than a lot of new moms... but i also know enough to know i have no idea. I'm excited and terrified. Most of my friends don't want kids but are really excited to have mine in their life, which I'm thankful for! But i wonder who I will be and what will change.
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u/conspiracie Apr 04 '26
I am almost six months PP. I describe it like partitioning my hard drive - there is now a part of my brain that is just dedicated to him and it is kind of independent of and parallel to everything else. I don’t know that I would say my son is the center of my world but I would say my immediate family is. Things like eating well so I have energy and communicating well with my partner/his other parent feel especially important. Work is like a means to an end now, both in making money and in letting my brain do something else for a while so it can come back refreshed to my family. I feel more centered and like everything I do has a purpose which helps me keep doing it even if I am tired.
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u/lilyofthevalley854 Apr 06 '26
I’m 3 months post partum and I feel so so different. I barely even recognize myself, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing just a part of my journey in life. I’m trying to learn the things I like now and grow as a person in motherhood. It’s a bittersweet experience.
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u/LavishnessSame9674 Apr 06 '26
Postpartum Im finding it the hardest to be in spaces I used to be prebaby. I don’t feel like who I was so doing things I used to enjoy and spending time with my friends I feel out of place. It’s harder to be present with family and friends when baby is around. I want to focus fully on baby but feel guilty for not socializing. If someone else holds him for me I feel empty and even less myself if he’s not with me.
It’s weird to feel so out of place around other people yet when I’m at home with baby and husband I’ve never been happier and absolutely love being his mom.
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u/Mama-Bear419 Apr 07 '26
You definitely mourn your old life. No one tells you it dies until you are living through it. My first was the hardest mentally because of this. I just remember crying all the time for four months.
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u/Lemonchicken207 Apr 07 '26
I don't feel that different at all but it was a huge adjustment at first.
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u/Suzcruze2021 Apr 09 '26
I felt this way too, but I “went back to normal” after I stopped breastfeeding. It’s pretty crazy how it takes over your psyche so you only think about the baby.
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u/greekfestivalenjoyer May 05 '26
I'm still pregnant with my first but this makes sense to me based on what my friend told me about childbirth. She said more than anything it's kind of like the most intense psychedelic trip ever. Those experiences shape you! How much more when you are bringing life into the world and the version of yourself you've known for decades dies! Pretty amazing.
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u/butterglitter Apr 04 '26
I definitely respect the choice for those that want to be child free, but like you I was changed at birth. Those people are missing out on truly a blessing, idk how else to explain it; a true reason to live for.
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u/ClothesVisible Apr 04 '26
This is so relatable, even to me now at 8 months pp. People always talk about it, yet it still took me by surprise. I saw a video that explained a little bit of the grieving of old self and said “I never even got to say goodbye to her”.
On a warmer note, a poem by Nikki McCahon called “My Son asks me what life was like before him” really resonated with me and I think it will with you too. It’s short, but the last couple lines are “Becoming a mother was like finding a secret room in my own house. Peeling back the wallpaper, his name written on every wall.”
It helped me reconcile the “old me” and “new me”. I was kind of there all along ❤️