stressed

[u/apearl1981]

hi. i don’t really know where to start with this and it’s probably going to be rambly im just stressed out and i need someone to talk to. i’m 21, my partner is 23. we’re both ftm. my partner is disabled/chronically ill and also struggles with mental health. they have pots, heds , mcas, small fiber neuropathy, chronic migraines, and more.

they moved across the country to live with me about 2 years ago. before moving, they were doing somewhat well. but the move just took everything out of them, and it’s been downward since then. they haven’t been able to work since moving here. earlier this year, at the recommendation of their doctors and health insurance, they applied for SSI. got denied, so we tried again. they just got denied again and frankly i’m not sure what to do.

a handful of their diagnoses are new (last 6 months or so) so they weren’t in the original application. the appeal that we made had all of these new diagnoses and new doctors. and we’re pretty sure, according to the papers we received, that they didn’t take any of that into account in the review. we contacted their new doctors, and none of them were contacted with questions about it. and none of the new diagnoses were included in the paperwork.

i’m just kind of freaking out a little bit. we were pretty sure they were going to be approved, based off of reassurances from doctors and health insurance. i don’t want to say we were kind of relying on it, but close enough. it wasn’t even supposed to be a forever thing. we’re confident they’ll be able to work eventually. it’s just not a possibility for right now and most likely the next few years while they do PT and see specialists and such.

we live in our own 1bdm apartment. i work a full time job. we budget, we do what we need to. it just isn’t enough. which i know is a common theme these days, we aren’t special in that regard. i just don’t know what to do. i have my own physical and mental health problems and i am in pain 24/7 with just my one job. i make too much for state insurance, but not enough to afford other insurance so im going completely untreated. i’m rawdogging this shit. all i have is the free therapy and whatever extra meds my partner has (muscle relaxers, low grade pain killers etc.).

with this second denial, im contemplating getting a second job. i just don’t know how i can handle it, physically. i’m already in so much pain its a genuine struggle to get through my day at work.

idk there’s not really a point here. i just needed to get it out.

[u/SheRaFish]

I have heard everyone is denied 3 times, which is totally bs. After we were denied 2x we went through Allsup and they helped us get approval. They don’t take a payment up front but a bit after you are approved. It was worth it for us.
I’m sorry this is all so hard. They make it hard on purpose and it’s awful.

[u/sc0veney]

disability can take years to get based on where you are. my mom's husband has almost no use of one entire side of his body due to cerebral palsy and was rejected for a full decade. they told him shit like, no joke, "you can work with the other half". this was in the state of Georgia, so definitely one of the worst for it, but there are varying levels of terrible from state to state. my fiance only has it because he has a degenerative brain condition that emerged during childhood and that's one of the few things they'll just go ahead and give it to you for(and he still has to prove every year that uh, the degenerative brain condition is still degenerative).

keep trying, if possible seek out one of those companies that does SSI advocacy work. they take a chunk for themselves out of a certain amount of payments, but I hear they get the job done.

[u/ThrowawayPublicCourt]

If your partner has enough work history, I strongly recommend using a law firm that specializes in SSD. They get paid once the application is approved; the payment comes out of the initial SSD check, which is usually a retroactive lump sum. They handle all follow-up calls to SS and know how to ensure the application meets SS requirements.
As for your health, can you switch to a job that offers insurance? I know everything going on may make that feel overwhelming right now. A remote job with benefits may be a better fit.
🫂 It’s so much; my heart goes out to you.

ETA: I used an attorney for my SSD case. My application was denied the first time, then the SS office laid off a lot of people, so my appeal was in limbo, and my attorney couldn't reach anyone. I wrote to my senators and congressman. It was then flagged as a “Congressional Inquiry” and approved seemingly overnight.

[u/Hunniwhm77]

Don't lose hope. Let me tell you a bit about myself.
First I was born with Congenital Heart Disease. Over time I developed other Major Heart and Lung issues. I've had quit a few of Major Surgeries, been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. I can't tell you how many times I was told "Your gonna die, we have no idea why your still alive",or even worst my families been told "You should come now to say your last goodbyes."
And I proved them all wrong.

Then I've been married twice and both times I was lefted because they couldn't handle me be sick or them making the only income.
I would try to work I get sick be put in the hospital with pneumonia, be out of work for a month or so go back to work and within two months I'd be back in the hospital.
Now when I was 18 I tried to get SSD. I applied off and on until I for yrs even with all of those problems I was still working in between that.
So, my last job I was a CNA. Which is what I called the grunt work in health care. I work as a Hospice as a Certified Nurses Assistant. I was lifting a patient with no help and I basically broke my back. Even with that I was stilled denied.
I want you to know I even hire a SS Attorney. I lost the case and this guy wouldn't even appeal the decision. He didn't get paid unless we won. So, he was like this case will take too long and so he dropped me.

Now this is where I can help you and I really hope this works for you.

My Aunt had MS (Multiple Sclerosis)
and was denied multiple times as well. My mom got a job working for the state and one of her friends told her to do this.
Write a letter to your congressman and attach a copy of your Social Security Application and any medical documents you have.
She did that within 6months she had my aunt approved.

Then my mom was like you need to do the same thing. And let me tell you after my 5th denial letter. I was done. I was like I can't work and can't get any help. I need life saving medication I can't afford.
But my mom wouldn't hear any of that. She was like what's one more time.(Me, I'm thinking my sanity.)
But she wore me down and I reapplied and wrote the Congressman.
You're not gonna believe this a few months later I got a letter from Social Security and they needed a bit more information. I called them and was like after all the other times what changed? You never asked for this before. She said "You never had a Congressman's Seal and letter before."
Then later on I when I spoke to a person at the Congressman office, and I asked about why was I denied so many times.
This lady tells me they have a system in place that:
1st - time you apply your automatically denied.
2nd - time it's the same unless your military
3rd - time if you don't have all the medical records your denied
4th - time is when they will really start to look at you case. But if you don't have everything the way they want it or you happen to get someone having a bad day you can be denied.
I finally was approved and I always wondered had I done this earlier would the outcome been different.
I honestly think yes.

I really hope this helps you. Take Care and if there's anything you think I could do to help you please reach out.