Currently sitting at the hospital with my husband who has an aortic dissection. Currently waiting transfer for surgery. I want so bad for him to pull though because I can't live without him.

I am (31F) and my husband is (36m). He got diagnosed with this autoimmune disorder that causes blisters to open up and not heal correctly and causes tons of pain in his legs. Its been since May when he lost his job due to the medication he is taking. Ive been working and paying for everything. Ths causes me to work 50 hours a week minimum to make ends meat. Well I had a plan trip to New York since last christmas. I worked extra jobs and everything almost 70 to 80 hours a week. I wanted juat enough to get my nails and hair done. Well my hysband didnt calculate his part of the bills and now. Im about 200 short. Im starting to grow to resent him. He has all this free time while im working my ass off. We dont have sex and im so angry and depressed all the time. But how do you leave someone who is do dependent on you?n

I’m looking for some perspective because I feel like I’m losing my mind and constantly second-guessing my own reality.
My husband and I have been married for a few years. On paper, he handles functional household tasks—he cooks dinner, brews coffee, and pays bills. But emotionally and physically, he has completely withdrawn. We haven't had real intimacy, warmth, or emotional connection in a very long time. Whenever I try to talk to him about needing basic affection, compliments, or quality time, he turns it around on me, calling me "selfish" or "ungrateful" and saying that his acts of service are how he shows love, so I shouldn't ask for more.
He’s had some chronic digestive health issues for the last two years that cause him pain and fatigue, which I’ve tried to be understanding of. However, after endless hospital tests, doctors found non-fatal inflammation in his gut that is manageable with treatment. Despite this, he constantly insists he is "dying" and remains miserable, using it as a shield whenever I express unmet emotional needs.
The bigger issue right now is his temper and how he rationalizes it. I have a history of trauma/PTSD and cannot handle physical intimidation or violence. Recently, he's started breaking things when he gets frustrated:
A few days ago, he slammed our gate latch so hard out of frustration with our dog that he broke it.

Then over the weekend, my daughter told me she couldn't brush her teeth because "Daddy threw my toothbrush on the floor and broke it."

When I confronted him about taking our child's toothbrush and breaking it in anger, he didn't raise his voice or yell. Instead, in a completely calm, flat tone, he rationalized it: "She threw it in the sink, so I threw it to show her it's not okay."When I told him that breaking a child's item is unacceptable discipline, he literally scoffed and said, "You can look disappointed all you want, but I didn't do anything wrong."
He uses this flat, "logical" tone to mask explosive, destructive actions, which makes me feel like I'm the crazy or unreasonable one for being shocked and terrified by a grown man breaking things in frustration. When I try to set a boundary, he brushes me off or stonewalls me.
I am exhausted, isolated, and completely dysregulated. Am I overreacting for feeling like breaking objects in anger is a massive red flag, even if he stays "calm" while explaining it? How do I set unshakeable boundaries with a partner who rationalizes his anger and refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing?
Any advice or sanity checks would be appreciated.

Good evening everyone, after almost a year of being inpatient after a catastrophic hemorrhagic stroke, my wife 39(f) will be coming home.

I will not have much support, financially wise or nursing skilled wise. What are some hacks that can help or supplement medical equipment, where I don't need to empty the savings on.

Also what medical equipment do you think is a must have or a hidden gem. I have a minivan but I cannot afford the whole kit to be installed or 30k for a 12 year old van that is already outfitted with one.

***Wife will be total assist on all movements, doesn't talk, eat, drink, or currently use the bathroom when needed.**

One saving grace is she's 4'9 and 91lbs.

Sharing this here too (Reddit recommended I do and this is my first time seeking Reddit advice)

TW: suicidal thoughts

My (37f) husband (45m) doesn’t want to be in the world anymore. He has no friends, no job, and is dealing with severe health issues (mental and physical). He is a veteran, several tours and has seen combat to keep it short.
All of this including in general how the world is and how people are… he has tried to make friends in person and online and everyone ends up ghosting or turning out to be red flags. I feel the same way regarding friends but it’s easier for me to not be social as I’m 100% introvert.

His health has been deteriorating and the doctors have been no help. He has gotten medical PTSD from so many medical professionals gaslighting him. He pretty much refuses to go to any doctor now, except maybe a dentist or ophthalmologist. He rarely leaves the house because he’s in so much pain even on pain management medications.
Because of the consistent pain he has been very angry and explosive. He doesn’t yell because of me or necessarily at me, but he has broken things and our dogs are scared of him now which makes him even more upset.

I’m a very logical person (hey autism) and he is the love of my life. He has told me many times he is only still here for me. I don’t know what to do.
So Reddit… how am I supposed to deal with this situation?

TLDR; my husband is has many mental and physical health issues, is a combat vet, no friends, no job, and wants to leave this world BUT refuses to see doctors. How do I deal with this?

I, 35F, met my now husband, 53M, when I was nineteen. I persued him; he didn't have money, lived in his parents' garage, and was a single father to a son only a year younger than me. But it was like meeting my other half, so I gave up going into the military or college so I could be with him. The kicker? I knew going into it that he was born with heart problems, but I fell in love before I knew it. When I turned 21, we got married. At 23, I gave birth to our son (who was an oopsie). All the while, my entire world revolved around him, then it revolved around him and our son.

I remember telling myself that it was normal caring for our newborn alone because disrupting my husband's sleep would give him palpitations. So I did everything by myself. I was a SAHM/SAHW, thinking that saving money was important while we lived in my parents' basement. I didn't realize how much I was putting on the back burner to make sure my boys were taken care of. I didn't realize how isolated it could be. I lost my job to have our son, I lost friends because I was the only one with a kid. I told myself these things happen -I'm taking care of my family. I didn't realize I wasn't taking care of myself.

We just celebrated our fifteen year anniversary -if a peck on the cheek and a soda from the corner store is even a celebration. He's in heart failure now, on disability, spending the money I make from a grueling overnight job on things like pokemon cards for himself while he takes twenty different medications for his health issues that are fully covered by the state. I haven't had health insurance in two years or dental in almost ten. My body is falling apart, my teeth hurt, and I couldn't care less about what's making him cry today. I have no friends, no family close by and am drowning in debt that just seems to keep growing. Everything I've done has been for him, his comfort, his needs, and I don't want to do it anymore.

I've realized that I've been unhappy for a long time, lying to myself and him that I have been fine, but I'm at the point where I just don't feel anything. Trying to pour yourself into others from an empty cup for years can do that, I think. This was never the place I thought I'd be at this point in my life and I'm beginning to feel like I've wasted alot of it. There's no romance, no sex, no dates, and there's really no communication anymore. I love him and I always will, but I'm tired of everything and am aware I've already just... checked out mentally and emotionally.

This is where I'm conflicted. Telling him I don't want to be with him anymore would destroy him, but I also don't want him to try manipulating the situation for me to stay. And, to be completely honest, the stress could give him a heart attack (not joking). Not to mention he would walk away with everything and I'd be left with nothing.

I feel like I've already got a foot out the door, but I'm lost on how to navigate this situation and looking for advice.

I miss being pampered. Man that sounds whiny to the voice in my head. I used to get a massage about every 3 months or so but I haven’t done it in a year and a half. Trying to pinch pennies right now, but good lord could I use an hour rubdown. We were talking about it and she said she hadn’t had a massage since Covid and my jaw about dropped through the floor, and she quickly corrected herself and said “professional.” I give her at least 5 minutes every single day, and at least 30 2-3 times a week. More when she flares. She never reciprocates and I get it but it still sucks. I find myself thinking “what if” I had a partner who could take care of me in the way I wanted. What would that look like? Would she rub my shoulders after a long day at work followed by taking care of the kids/pet/house when I get home? Sigh, I miss my wife from before this fucking disease.

my spouse of over 20 years is recovering after 3 years of brutal treatment for stage 4 cancer (cancer is essentially gone). He was severely iron deficient throughout which wasn’t caught till after he finished chemo- the severity of which means his brain stopped making dopamine and serotonin, which will take 6 months to balance out (minimum). He also has CPTSD from an abusive childhood, which he had a lot of recovery from but has worsened again because of the trauma of the last few years.(he’s also adhd which is manageable but it’s worse from the iron deficiency and has always meant I carry more executive functioning and scheduling responsibilities in the house).

We’re soulmates. I adore him. He’s my person. I have my own ptsd from the last few years.

He’s recovering now and has a long way to go to feel his feet under him again. Routines help a lot, but it’s tough for him to keep them still. (Routines are easy for me). I’ve been in caregiver mode for so long that i default to running things, including his days (we both wfh and we are work partners).

He’s recently started saying that he feels like he’s never good enough for me and that has to do with me pushing him to do all these things that will help him recover. I absolutely admit that I have an engine under me about wanting him to get back to a state of health and balance- I want my partner back. But heartbroken to think that feels to him like he’s not good enough, just because he isn’t recovered yet. Healing is nonlinear and I know intellectually it’ll take time, but my heart and body just want him and our sense of partnership back and he feels that urgency even when I don’t say it out loud

There is no roadmap for coming back from something like this in a marriage. Has anyone else been thru this and successfully navigated it? How do I balance my own desire to have my partner back, my fear and trauma from almost losing him, with helping him feel supported and not pushed in recovery even when he’s not doing as much as I think would help? (The low dopamine from iron deficiency is a big part of it because that’s what motivates action - ive been subbing in for his dopamine for 3 years without knowing it before we discovered the iron deficiency)

I am F, 49 and my husband is very sick. I have let myself get out of control and I don't even care or can't convince myself to take care of myself. Is anyone else in the same boat that wants to connect and motivate each other? I feel like our situation (as well spouses) is different than just a typical "I need to get myself together and can totally focus on my own needs" which is why I posted on here instead of a weight loss board 😂🫠

I am done with what I call “empty compliments” adjacent to toxic positivity.
“It is such a blessing to be a caregiver for your loved one.”
“You’re an angel.”
“Be grateful that he/she is still with you.” Usually followed by an in-depth monologue about all they did for theirs, and that they’d give anything to have them back for a day.
“You are such an inspiration.”
“You’re so strong.”
“He/she is so lucky to have you.”

What makes me feel worse, and why I hate these sayings, is that I’m caring for my spouse. Two fucking decades. I have no life, nothing to look forward to, and I'm tired of watching someone who can make changes that would make transfers easier (for both of us) but refuses to do anything!

I miss life.

hi. i don’t really know where to start with this and it’s probably going to be rambly im just stressed out and i need someone to talk to. i’m 21, my partner is 23. we’re both ftm. my partner is disabled/chronically ill and also struggles with mental health. they have pots, heds , mcas, small fiber neuropathy, chronic migraines, and more.

they moved across the country to live with me about 2 years ago. before moving, they were doing somewhat well. but the move just took everything out of them, and it’s been downward since then. they haven’t been able to work since moving here. earlier this year, at the recommendation of their doctors and health insurance, they applied for SSI. got denied, so we tried again. they just got denied again and frankly i’m not sure what to do.

a handful of their diagnoses are new (last 6 months or so) so they weren’t in the original application. the appeal that we made had all of these new diagnoses and new doctors. and we’re pretty sure, according to the papers we received, that they didn’t take any of that into account in the review. we contacted their new doctors, and none of them were contacted with questions about it. and none of the new diagnoses were included in the paperwork.

i’m just kind of freaking out a little bit. we were pretty sure they were going to be approved, based off of reassurances from doctors and health insurance. i don’t want to say we were kind of relying on it, but close enough. it wasn’t even supposed to be a forever thing. we’re confident they’ll be able to work eventually. it’s just not a possibility for right now and most likely the next few years while they do PT and see specialists and such.

we live in our own 1bdm apartment. i work a full time job. we budget, we do what we need to. it just isn’t enough. which i know is a common theme these days, we aren’t special in that regard. i just don’t know what to do. i have my own physical and mental health problems and i am in pain 24/7 with just my one job. i make too much for state insurance, but not enough to afford other insurance so im going completely untreated. i’m rawdogging this shit. all i have is the free therapy and whatever extra meds my partner has (muscle relaxers, low grade pain killers etc.).

with this second denial, im contemplating getting a second job. i just don’t know how i can handle it, physically. i’m already in so much pain its a genuine struggle to get through my day at work.

idk there’s not really a point here. i just needed to get it out.

My wife and I have been together 8 years, married 4. She has bipolar I, PTSD, ADHD, depression, anxiety, and PMDD. She's on medication, was hospitalized for a while, and is now in a weekly program. We do couples therapy, and we each see our own therapist. I love her and I want this to work. But I'm at a point where I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

Money. We don't work as a team. Her debt kept piling up. We even took out a home equity loan to consolidate her debt and mine. I was carrying my debt because I thought I was shouldering everything while she worked through her money issues. Turns out that wasn't happening. She's also quit jobs when we were financially on the hook, and I picked up the slack.

Impulsive decisions. When she wants something, she does it. At one point we had 8 pets. We're down to 3 now after rehoming some, and she recently brought home another animal that we ended up giving back. We're also fostering a child, and even there I get overruled or she doesn't stick to what we planned. If I bring it up, I hear "I know what I'm doing."

Communication. When I try to plan things or talk through problems, I get dismissed. Sometimes she finally agrees, and within a week she backtracks. I've asked her how she wants me to communicate. When I do get an answer and follow it, it still doesn't work.

Where I'm at. Last year I mentally broke from feeling like my input doesn't matter and I'm not respected. I don't feel loved, and honestly it doesn't feel like I'm with a partner.

Why I feel stuck. If I leave, I'm afraid everything falls apart. We probably couldn't adopt the child we're fostering, she couldn't afford the house, and she struggles with suicidal thoughts at times. Leaving feels like ruin, but staying like this is breaking me.

For those who've been here:
How do you separate the illness from choices that are hurting the relationship?
Is there an angle I'm missing that I am not seeing on her side, or a boundary that actually worked for you?
How did you decide whether to keep going?
Appreciate y'all for real.

Should I go or not? Do I tell the spouse? It’s a plus-one event but I think it’s best to show up by myself and quietly leave after the dinner. Everyone else that I know will come with their spouse. Most people that I work with don’t know that my husband has Huntington’s disease, which is a rare genetic condition where he is currently dealing with chorea, tiredness, short-term memory issues, and cognitive decline. I wouldn’t even know what to say if someone asked why he didn’t attend the event.

I work for a Fortune 500 company and they surprised us today with a save-the-date email. It’s our first party since 2019 and the company is going all out at a country club on a Saturday night, which is an hour away from my house. Also adding that our team works from home and may see each other a few times a year at events. I’ve been working as a senior analyst in our finance department for over 10 years, and get along with everyone on our team.