Hello! I'm 20, he/him pre-everything. I know I want top surgery, but I'm only 98.5% sure I want testosterone. There's still this little part of me that thinks maybe I'm wrong or maybe I'll want my old voice back someday. I know I won't want my boobs back, I hate them. But still. I've been mulling over this for months.

And then all of a sudden just now I came to the realization that literally the only reason I do anything is to find a way for me to be a happy man.

I've started caring about hygiene again because I want to smell like a man, and I like the way my sandalwood body wash makes me feel.

I get new clothes because they make me look like the man I want to be- not necessarily the stereotypical college boy, but I get thick patterned sweaters and polo shirts and flannels that make me feel like the man I am inside.

I bind every day and speak deep into my chest and when I'm in male-dominated spaces and people accept me, I feel this weird feeling like I'm falling back into my body and people can finally see me. Like I'm not a ghost puppeting a woman's body anymore. Like I'm breaking through the surface to be seen as I am for just a moment.

I forget just how much effort I put into this to be seen the way I want to be seen, and I forget just how much joy it brings me because it happened so gradually I didn't realize how happy I was becoming.

I think I want to start testosterone this January.

I really hope I'm right about this.

How did you know? I’m super confused right now… I guess also a bit lost. I’m watching “Love in Disguise“ right now, where she is undercover as a man... I suddenly got very jealous and sad. Before, I knew that I’m jealous of thin people with androgynous faces but never of a specific term… one of the characters called her “hyung“ which is a term for “brother” between men in Korean. And I don’t know… it hit hard. But the thing is, I like dressing up as a girl… but it feels like a character which is fun to play. I don’t hate every feminine feature I have nor my long hair… so I am confused. But I did realise that I also get jealous of men dancing or dressing up feminine. Why do crave being addressed as a man even though I do love dressing feminine from time to time? I worried maybe it’s just internalised misogyn, that I feel more respected when they don’t see me as a woman. But I don’t know something tells me that’s not completely it.

This is absolutely stupid for me to even try because I'm unsure but I really need help rn im not feeling so happy, my parents know I'm trans and going on T but they aren't exactly happy with it because I am feminine like you and I've tried to explain to them that what I wear doesn't dictate my gender but they really don't understand and they don't get it that I wanna go on testosterone and sometimes still be feminine yet they just don't understand and I don't think they accept it well, they say do what makes me happy but they say other things that make me believe that they think I shouldn't, my mum thinks I haven't thought this through but I did research and been thinking this since I was 11. I'm unsure what to do now. I'm scared and worried. What exactly can I explain to them?

I just started using my new name yesterday. I told one of my teachers and she said she’ll tell the other staff, and then ease it onto my classmates. I am AuDHD and go to a special school so I understand why they want to take it slow.

The one problem I have is my dad. I told him about my new name and how i’m going to talk about it in therapy but all he’s interested in is me trying to fina a job even though i’m working on that as well (I just started a new volunteer job). My mom told me to not push it with him or it’ll make him even more stubborn but I want him to use my new name.

I also see my personal trainer tomorrow and since my dad has his number, I asked my dad if he could text him so he knows about it. My dad said there’s “no rush”, but I’d really like my trainer to know. I’m still going to tell him at therapy beginning of our session, but idk how to go about that since i’ve only known him for 2-3 weeks. I want to keep it casual and not make it some big announcement.

T works. Time works. Loving yourself works. And one day you can change from the Girl with the Pearl Earring, to the man that painted her.

For me it's the singer Kaya (he's a crossdresser!), he has that masc-leaned androgynous voice.

So in general I'm feeling very dysphoric I want bottom surgery but I label my self as butch I feel guilty and lost if I get bottom surgery I no longer will be accepted and lesbians won't date me or deserve the butch label since bottom surgery are known only for binary trans mans

I'm so lost :(

Has anyone found that it is common for trans girls can be super toxic to trans mascs online? Edit:(yes I know not all of them)

You can say the most mild shit in a trans space. You can back it up by saying you are a trans man.

Then someone trans fem will say the most horrible shit to you. They will literally call you transphobic slurs and say transphobic stuff that could have only been created in the bowls of 4chan. Then proceed to say you are transmisogynistic whenever you try to stand up for yourself or disagree with them.

I feel like transpobia from trans women online is almost worse then cis people sometimes. Cis people only threaten to beat me up, say I was going to hell, or call me some version of f*ggot. Edit:(yes I know I'm privileged because I haven't actually gotten beaten up or killed by cis people)

Like I know its not everybody and I know people lash out because they were hurt by transphobic people in the past.

I want to be positive, I want to work together with my trans sisters. But then one will call you the most transphobic crap you ever heard, then say you are transphobic for being upset.

It just seems to be a disturbing trend. I'm not one to pick fights or anything and it has happened quite a few times now.

Is there anyway we can try to combat it?

Is there any way to try to encourage more solidarity between the two communities?

I don't post to reddit often so if I should retag this to something else let me know. I don't wanna cause any problems.

i am having a lot of trouble lately.

i identified as transmasc from 8th grade to my sophomore year before it got too dangerous for me at home. i convinced myself over the years that it was just an exploratory period but i can’t stop thinking about it.

i find myself jealous? when my younger sister tells me about her friends transitioning.
i still get this weird homesick/disgusted sensation when i see or brush my chest.
i got married recently and spent hours looking for a dress just to land on one i felt like i was playing pretend in.
every time i look at a photo of myself from when i was presenting masc it doesn’t feel like a “oh haha blast from the past” thing it feels like i’m grieving a death.
my husband already knows that i use she/they pronouns but i keep feeling this like deep-rooted dread when i’m called a wife or his ‘girl’ (not his words. ew.)

should i be concerned about this? is this something that just happens?

i really like this girl and she said hugs are her favorite but i’m really uncomfortable with the idea of my chest being pressed like that so back hugs (from her) and side hugs are my only options currently

anyways i need to learn to front hug without my chest being squished, any tips?

I recently changed my name again (for the 3rd time), and started telling people today. My mom is supportive but wants to know if this is my “forever” name. She says it’s stressful and confusing for her and other people if I keep changing it. The name I chose has been a longtime favorite and I know I’ll love it, but the question still made me a little worried?

So how did you guys know that the name you chose is your “forever” name?

He knows I go by my more masculine name but still calls me his girlfriend and my deadname. I let him since I know he doesn't mean it in a derogatory way yknow?

first time posting here

Like title, my binder hasn't been helpful with my dysphoria recently and I've still got a two year waitlist before I can start T so I thought I'd give taping a go

This is my first time, unfortunately I was cursed with a wonderful female body so I know I'll never be 'flat' but any tips would help 🙏

I struggle with fine motor skills so I know I need to practise getting the tape less wrinkly

Plz let me do this I was a singular day late I really don’t want to wait until next week 😭

I’m in later high school and IK I don’t look like it

my name is Callum and I’m wondering what you guys think

I'm nonbinary Transmasc (not on hrt, but want top surgery) and Im still trying to navigate not necessarily being "butch" anymore. I dress way too "trans male" for someone to ID me as female butch lesbian anymore and I just have found it hard to feel seen.

I feel invisible in lesbian and sapphic spaces, reguardless of how welcoming the space is to NB/GNC/TRANS people the event is.

I feel like a lot of lesbians aren't attracted to me anymore and maybe there's some subconscious terfy sentiments behind it but I just wish someone liked me for me. I feel I'm not butch enough to be considered by lesbians, and I'm not a binary male enough to be looked at through a masculine lens where straight women would consider me.

That leaves the bi and pan folks, but I still feel like lately it all skews very femme for femme. Idk if the political climate in the US has influence, cuz it's "safer" to be with someone who can pass (my ex def had that sentiment and wished I was femmer than I presented). I'm also asian so looking Transmasc Asian NB person, I'm not the hottest one in the club compared to others, since there's a demasculinizing stereotype with Asian men (there needs to be more queer masc asian epresentation).

I just wanna feel desirable, and hot, and sexy and for people not to get scared if I don't wanna be seen as a female and yet not fully male either. Are there people out there that have advice on how to navigate this or how to find spaces where I feel wanted?

I know im probably overthinking and looking into the wrong answer to this but I can't help it but think about it.

So hours ago we were having snacks like always, and i said to her "she still loves you" referring to our dog that passed a month ago, today was the day pets return so I felt that I should say something, in response to this she immediately broke and i hugged her, we both miss her so much, but after some minutes she said "I had two daughters and now its over" and man, I know she probably referred just that she don't have that second daughter anymore but the way she phrased it hit me like a fucking truck, I just remained silent and held her hand.

Sometimes it's the little things that make me overthink, like when i mixed my words and said "we men something something haircut" apparently, i then corrected myself and said "no wait, men have it easier with the haircuts" but my mom stopped me and said "what did you just say???" with a shocked look

So yeah, definitely looking too much into things but this shit is more complicated than I thought