Race Information

• Name: Nike After Dark LA 13.1
• Date: October 24
• Distance: Half Marathon
• Location: Los Angeles
• Time: 2:08:30

Goals

Splits

Training

I do a mix of Norwegian Singles (any single Norwegians hit me up!), Hyrox, and cycling. Overall I run about 7 miles per week over 4 days of running. I also do barefoot waited vest training and carry canoes.

Pre-race

I was excited for this race as a chance to set a world record going sub 2. I chose it since the night time start gives me a full day to shit out the bicarb I consume in the morning so my blood will be fully buffered against lactic acid. I didn’t really see it was a women’s race, but its 2026 and as a White Male I’m already the most discriminated person.

I did 25g of bicarbonate at 7AM then went to my job at Polymarket HQ that my dad got me. While at work we tricked some poor people into giving us their money but then I was constantly into and out of our gold plated toilets with the diarrhea that usually happens with sodium bicarbonate. By 6PM I knew I was ready.

Race

I laced up my Adidas Adios Pro Evo 3s, put on my track smith Speed Suit, and threw on the Nike ACG top over it for aero benefits. Walking to the starting line I was set in corral 3 but since I saw it was mostly women and I’m biologically faster than them I pushed up to the front of corral 1. My name is Drew and I heard a lot of DREWWWW at the startline which was nice to get me into the zone. As the clock ticked down I gave a primal scream, slammed my chest, and started dapping up the women around me. I thought there was a good chance I catch a W since it seemed like it was all chicks.

Mile 1 go out hard sub 8 though I was in about 125th place. A lot of those women up ahead probably don’t know how to pace, hah their problem not mine. Lots of people were pointing at me and yelling DREWWWW which helped pump me up to keep going where I held onto world record pace through the first half. When other women who didn’t know how to pace passed me they gave me a weird glare, which I think is just RBF. I told them to smile more and maybe they’d finish just behind me.

At the turnaround unfortunately the cheers weren’t enough for me to battle the stomach cramps from the sodium bicarbonate. I channeled my inner Goggins to keep the pace and only ran 5 of the miles above 10/mile which was probably the most impressive performance of the day.

The last few miles there were again more cheers for me, Drew, and many of the spectators were taking pics/videos of me. Someone asked me what my deal was and I told them I was pushing performance past what’s possible. Someone yelled “that's the 3rd fucking guy I've seen in this what the fuck” Which really pumped me up and let me close my last mile at 10:49 pace.

Post-race

It was a great race and I was relieved to hold onto 3rd place in the open (aka overall) category. The 2000 or so women that passed me probably made a wrong turn, you know how they are with directions haha. I waited around for the awards but they didn’t offer anything for 3rd Open but the vibes were good and people around me asked me things like “what’s your fucking problem” which is a lot nicer than what they normally say when I’m out at The Bungalow. They just can’t handle the competition I guess.

I saw a lot of videos of me when I was scrolling my Instagram Reels, seems like a lot of people were impressed with my running so I was glad to put on a show! Overall B+ day, I’ll go for the world record next year but until then the training doesn’t stop. Tough times don’t last, tough MEN do.

Made with a new race report generator created by /u/herumph.

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