My partner of 8 years has told me he doesn’t know if he’s 100% in the relationship anymore, and I feel completely blindsided.
We’ve had a really difficult year, including couples therapy, a miscarriage and the stress of trying to find a house, only for things to fall through. It’s been a lot, but I genuinely thought we’d come out the other side.

Over the last couple of months, things have been so much better. We’ve felt happy and content, been planning nice things together and even booked a staycation for our 8-year anniversary. I genuinely thought we were in a good place.

Then tonight, completely out of the blue, he told me he’s unsure about the relationship. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to break up, but he seems genuinely confused about what he wants.
I’m struggling with the thought of being left in limbo, waiting for him to decide whether he wants to be with me. Part of me feels like I should end things myself because I can’t bear the thought of waiting for him to decide he doesn’t want me. But I also don’t want to throw away eight years and a relationship I thought we were rebuilding.

Even if he decided he wanted to stay, I worry I’d always be questioning whether he was truly happy or whether he’d want to leave again. I feel like I deserve someone who knows they want to be with me, but I also understand that he might genuinely be struggling with his feelings.

What makes it harder is that we moved to this area to build our future together. My family lives far away, and I don’t have many friends nearby, so the thought of losing the relationship and the future we planned leaves me feeling incredibly alone.
I feel heartbroken and helpless. Just recently, I was looking forward to our future, and now I don’t know what to do or where to turn.

Has anyone been through something similar? Can a relationship come back from this kind of uncertainty, or is it usually the beginning of the end? How do you handle being in limbo without losing yourself in the process?

I am 30F, in a 10-year relationship with a 33M. Our relationship ended last June, because I asked him a question that he got no answer at all.

Since 2022 when I got a job in the city, and he decided to follow me here, he did not made any effort to look for a job. So the following years, it was all me. And honestly, it’s tiring. 2024 when I first asked him what his plans are (if he will look for a job) and he said, that he will because I told him with all the finances, it will be easier if the both of us are working. So I believed him. Comes 2026, I felt that I am burned out already. I asked the same question. What I know is that he don’t want to be an employee, he wanted a business. So that’s what he told me. I asked him where will we get the capital since my salary is just enough for the daily expenses. And he said the if I will, he will get the capital from me. I even told him to just look for work, save, and probably do that business he wanted. But he did not like that.

I told him how about us.. what’s his plans. He told me that he thought I don’t like marriage or kids. And that struck me. I realized that i only tell people that it’s because I know it’s not possible- coz he is not doing anything. He got no goal for us. He got no job, everything is on me. So instead of explaining that to people around us who asks when will we settle, I just answer them, “I don’t think of it yet”.

I broke up with him. I started to ask myself, “Is this the future I want for myself?” I don’t want to be a soldier all my life.

So my question is:
1. Did I do the right thing? Because people around me says that I should have stick with him, maybe he needs time.
2. Am I a bad person for leaving ?

We've been together 5 years and living together for the last year. He has a lot of wisdom and has completely changed my life. Our values are totally aligned and we've been a great team together. I'm by far the rational/thinking half of the relationship, while he's the emotional half (having ADHD and high sensitivity), so I've been learning from him to get in touch with my feelings more. He has great instincts but very low impulse control or discipline, and can't work in a team (besides with me) which is why he is self-employed. I once told him he'd fail the Gom Jabbar test from Dune immediately. I do worry this his quality of life and by extension mine will be kneecapped by these factors.

He puts me on a pedestal, and often doubts himself whenever we have a mere difference in opinion. He shame spirals a lot, and often lashes out in anger, sometimes over a perceived inadequacy or imagined rejection from me, which almost always turn out to be a misunderstanding or something blown out of proportion. After I talk him down from the ledge, he's crying and apologizing and promising to work on his emotions, but by then a perfectly nice evening is ruined again. He's doing therapy but I haven't seen any change - his answer is that I'm just not seeing how worse things can get if he isn't putting in the work.

We'd never gone to bed angry in our first 4 years together, instead choosing to hash things out late into the night. But now that rule had been broken 6 times in the last 8 months (first by him when he's too emotionally exhausted to argue further, but lately by me when I feel compelled to punish him). I know it's destructive, but it's hard not to despair when the grace I've extended countless times before seem to have done nothing to prevent all these needless blow-ups. Part of it is my delusion that maybe holding up a mirror will shock him out of any entitled habits. My previous optimism that our fighting will lead to better understanding, trust and less fighting in the future has now given way to a feeling that I'm merely discovering the ever-increasing number of landmines that actually exist in this relationship might exceed a level I can live with. Which is why any unjustified escalation from him, however small, is now much harder to accept.

One evening after another of his blow-ups, when I came back from walking the dog, he had the place candle lit with an apology dessert freshly baked, but I went to bed instead and refused to hug him when he was crying and begging for one. There are an increasing number of occasions like this when he would try to patch things up with acts of service, but I can't accept it without reassurances that he knew where he went wrong and what not to repeat. A month ago I said I'll break up with him if he ever yelled at me again (not a real threat), so when it happened again weeks later, he was tearfully bracing for the break-up and I "relented" while claiming to be too angry to go to thanksgiving dinner that evening with his extended family (again not true), until he was sufficiently distressed and about to call his mom.

I foresaw the obvious limits to this, and have to decide soon whether to break up for real next time (or earlier), or commit to loving this person without stooping to destructive but cathartic behaviors, which I am more than capable of doing if i know we have a future together. My fear is that it might not be worth the effort in the end if he truly can't control himself enough for us to have a good life..

Hi there, My partner M39 is having a vent, as he had helped my sister move a few times and her being her hadn't shouted him a beer or nothing. I agreed and acknowledged his point of view that she was being stingy. How ever he continued venting his feelings of annoyance to me. Those feelings now felt more of a dig at me. I told him how I was feeling about his feeling towards my sister and he blew up at me saying that I should be on his side and that hes shocked that iam not. Now he turns around and says "well I not keen on your family and im sure they ain't keen on me".

My family has never said anything about him to me ever.

Now Im really feeling confused on how to take this. We have 3 kids together and my family is a big part of the kids and my life.

I'm 37M and have been with my partner for 12 years. We have two young children, a home together, and a family life that means absolutely everything to me.

I'm now facing a situation I never imagined I'd be in: seriously questioning whether I can stay in our relationship because of our sexual incompatibility.

And the thought of leaving absolutely devastates me.

My partner is a good person, and I love her. We have built a life together, and the thought of not seeing my children every day, missing ordinary family moments, and breaking up our home is almost unbearable.

But there's another loss I've been struggling with for years.

Our sexual preferences have always been very different. She enjoys sex, and we do have it. Sometimes she initiates, and we can have somewhat enjoyable experiences together.

However, she's extremely sexually reserved. She doesn't enjoy oral sex, sexting, discussing fantasies, trying new things, or expressing desire verbally. She has no interest in things like sexy lingerie or playful sexual teasing.

These might seem like relatively small things, but to me they represent an entire dimension of romantic intimacy.

I want to feel sexually desired. I want flirting, anticipation, playfulness, openness, and a partner who sometimes takes the initiative to make things exciting.

I've missed these things throughout our relationship, except during her second pregnancy where she was less inhibited.

Recently, we had a conversation in which she made it clear that she doesn't want these things and doesn't see a reason to keep discussing our sex life.

I respect that. I understand that I cannot expect her to want things she doesn't want.

But I've started thinking about what staying together actually means.

If I stay, I may never again experience oral sex, sexting, a partner spontaneously expressing sexual desire, or the kind of playful, adventurous sexuality I long for.

If I leave, I lose the family life we've built. I lose everyday life with my children under one roof, my partner, our shared future, and so many things that make my life meaningful.

And of course, leaving doesn't guarantee finding a sexually compatible partner.

People sometimes suggest learning to accept sexual differences. But I've had 12 years to accept these differences, and I haven't managed to. If anything, the sadness has grown.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life resentful. But I also don't want to look back and realize I sacrificed my family for the possibility of a different sex life.

I dont know what to do. I dont even know how to begin deciding what is right.