I am in recovery about 2.5 years, my recovery journey has been far from standard, I went to a community drug project for a little while, had a case manager, attended a group briefly then my mental health declined really quickly and I nearly died after an attempt. I was very much in denial about my addiction and always blamed my mental health, then a switch kind of flipped towards the end I realised I had no control over this and since I spent most of my time in hospital because of my mental health I had very little access to drugs, and I became really disgusted by drugs. After that I never really went back apart from a few slips here and there.

I was in about 10k of debt at the time and needed to repay it asap, I applied for a million jobs and eventually ended up being offered a job in a homeless shelter. I ended up falling in love with the work and I really think it saved me. I got kind of swept up in it and now 2 years later I just got offered a much more senior job than my experience really matches.

I feel so proud to have come this far, but I’ve also been having a bit of an existential crisis because I feel like I am going to lose it all. I started getting cravings again, it’s like the first time since I first got sober and they have been getting more intense. I am around drugs and addiction all day everyday and it never bothered me before. I haven’t told work about my history because I am already the youngest on the team by decades, and I feel like being 25 and in recovery would raise eye brows.

I think I just never expected to be in the position I am in now, especially not this quickly. I really love my job, but I guess I just don’t know how to navigate it alongside my history. I feel like I am in so far above my head and I just don’t know how to balance a job I really love with these cravings that are getting harder and harder to manage.

I was hoping some people might give me a little insight on mine and my ex's(?) situation.

Do many rehabs usually allow phone privileges after a certain point?

I ask because i suspect my boyfriend was sent to rehab by his parents but they have never communicated with me. He has been sent there before numerous times and it was to my understanding that it would be a no phone access thing for a month or so.

Things were going well for us but suddenly he disappeared (we are long distance, the plan was him geting on his feet and coming to me as we have a child together that I'd really like him to be in their life)

I haven't heard from him in a month, and in no way could i seem to get into contact with him, but for a couple weeks I have seen activity on his reddit account, making comments but not answering me in any capacity.

Maybe I'm a little delusional asking this but does that sound like something you would be allowed to do while in rehab? Has anyone been in rehab and been restricted from talking to people but still have phone privileges for close family or ? Or am I really just being ghosted

I’ve been in and out of NA for 3 years now. Had a big relapse starting in December of last year where I started smoking meth. Before that I struggled with alcohol and prescription stimulants like adderall. I started using meth daily and heavily for a month before I went to another NA meeting again with a friend I have from NA.

I tried to get clean again and did okay for a few months before I started drinking again and smoking weed again. I decided maybe total abstinence wasn’t for me or just wasn’t something I could reach or that I wasn’t ready but I didn’t want to fall back into using meth or stimulants again so I kept going to meetings occasionally but didn’t work the program. I didn’t tell anyone I wasn’t actually clean again except for my close friend from NA until last night when I told people.

It’s been 9 months now since I quit using meth, when I first quit and until pretty recently I had zero desire to ever use meth again. But now I’m having using dreams and thoughts of using. I even caught myself trying to work out how i could theoretically get some and use it without my husband finding out (he’s also in recovery so I feel very bad for thinking about that because I don’t want to jeopardize his recovery).

I’ve just been so stressed recently and I hate that my brain is presenting that as a solution because I know it isn’t but I’m scared I’ll end up convincing myself and go back to it. I just don’t know what to do about it because I don’t know that I’m ready to quit drinking and commit myself to the NA program again. I’m tired of trying and failing every time