I was hoping some people might give me a little insight on mine and my ex's(?) situation.

Do many rehabs usually allow phone privileges after a certain point?

I ask because i suspect my boyfriend was sent to rehab by his parents but they have never communicated with me. He has been sent there before numerous times and it was to my understanding that it would be a no phone access thing for a month or so.

Things were going well for us but suddenly he disappeared (we are long distance, the plan was him geting on his feet and coming to me as we have a child together that I'd really like him to be in their life)

I haven't heard from him in a month, and in no way could i seem to get into contact with him, but for a couple weeks I have seen activity on his reddit account, making comments but not answering me in any capacity.

Maybe I'm a little delusional asking this but does that sound like something you would be allowed to do while in rehab? Has anyone been in rehab and been restricted from talking to people but still have phone privileges for close family or ? Or am I really just being ghosted

I am in recovery about 2.5 years, my recovery journey has been far from standard, I went to a community drug project for a little while, had a case manager, attended a group briefly then my mental health declined really quickly and I nearly died after an attempt. I was very much in denial about my addiction and always blamed my mental health, then a switch kind of flipped towards the end I realised I had no control over this and since I spent most of my time in hospital because of my mental health I had very little access to drugs, and I became really disgusted by drugs. After that I never really went back apart from a few slips here and there.

I was in about 10k of debt at the time and needed to repay it asap, I applied for a million jobs and eventually ended up being offered a job in a homeless shelter. I ended up falling in love with the work and I really think it saved me. I got kind of swept up in it and now 2 years later I just got offered a much more senior job than my experience really matches.

I feel so proud to have come this far, but I’ve also been having a bit of an existential crisis because I feel like I am going to lose it all. I started getting cravings again, it’s like the first time since I first got sober and they have been getting more intense. I am around drugs and addiction all day everyday and it never bothered me before. I haven’t told work about my history because I am already the youngest on the team by decades, and I feel like being 25 and in recovery would raise eye brows.

I think I just never expected to be in the position I am in now, especially not this quickly. I really love my job, but I guess I just don’t know how to navigate it alongside my history. I feel like I am in so far above my head and I just don’t know how to balance a job I really love with these cravings that are getting harder and harder to manage.

I’ve been in and out of NA for 3 years now. Had a big relapse starting in December of last year where I started smoking meth. Before that I struggled with alcohol and prescription stimulants like adderall. I started using meth daily and heavily for a month before I went to another NA meeting again with a friend I have from NA.

I tried to get clean again and did okay for a few months before I started drinking again and smoking weed again. I decided maybe total abstinence wasn’t for me or just wasn’t something I could reach or that I wasn’t ready but I didn’t want to fall back into using meth or stimulants again so I kept going to meetings occasionally but didn’t work the program. I didn’t tell anyone I wasn’t actually clean again except for my close friend from NA until last night when I told people.

It’s been 9 months now since I quit using meth, when I first quit and until pretty recently I had zero desire to ever use meth again. But now I’m having using dreams and thoughts of using. I even caught myself trying to work out how i could theoretically get some and use it without my husband finding out (he’s also in recovery so I feel very bad for thinking about that because I don’t want to jeopardize his recovery).

I’ve just been so stressed recently and I hate that my brain is presenting that as a solution because I know it isn’t but I’m scared I’ll end up convincing myself and go back to it. I just don’t know what to do about it because I don’t know that I’m ready to quit drinking and commit myself to the NA program again. I’m tired of trying and failing every time

Looking to connect with someone in NA who understands the recovery journey. Someone I can talk to, share experiences with, and support each other through the good days and the tough ones.
I’m genuinely trying to make positive changes in my life and would appreciate having a good friend who understands what that takes.
Feel free to message me privately.

For the last 2 months, I’ve been dating someone that has been struggling with cocaine addiction and other substances for half a decade. Given that he disclosed this from the beginning, I didn’t think it would work out if things ever got serious: I wanted a short-term relationship and was open for a long one, while he was seeking a long-term relationship. So, after a couple of dates, I decided to give this a try and learn more about addiction and what he's been going through.

He has clear intentions of becoming clean. I personally witnessed how he’s tried to stay sober for a couple of weeks and then relapsed. It’s painful to see, and I know it destroys him every time it happens, but I try to be as supportive as possible and I never set expectations in that regard.

Every time we meet, I can see that emotions are growing on both sides, and plans are becoming more committed. He has a great personality, values, is super charismatic and treats me very well. We’re building a strong connection. But I’ve noticed that, unintentionally, I haven’t allowed myself to become too emotionally close to him because I know he doesn’t have the capability to be emotionally present most of the time. This is probably what is taking a toll on me the most at the moment , and I'm questioning whether I should leave the relationship or keep going.

My question is-- Is it possible to grow a romantic relationship while the other person is going through recovery but is intentional about building the relationship into a committed one? I would appreciated it if people that struggled with this issue (on any side of this situation) could share their story or any piece of advice. Thank you.

Long story short, I just gave in a few days ago to someone offering my doc for free. I've been talking to a guy for 8 months on Facebook and turns out he's a major cheating whore, he's had an irl girlfriend of 30+ years, me and another girl from Australia as online partners. I was so stupid that I never contacted people he mentioned to verify he was who he was. I just took him at his word even though I rarely trust men. I found out all this by messaging his sister when he blocked me on almost everything and she told me everything, according to her his irl relationship is stable lmao. I'm so god damn stupid, I thought about sending messages but I just never did. 8 months of just lie after lie after lie. He's a monster who picks vulnerable girls and does this shit. I've recently talked to the other online girl friend and he told her everything he told me word for word. Same Tiktoks, same Facebook Reels and the same love songs that he wanted to dance with me to. We spoke about having kids together, I was willing to do ivf.

Yesterday the fucker texted me, when I was on the phone with his other girlfriend. So he apparently had a motorcycle accident years ago and has a wound that'll never close properly. So he's prone to infections. He sent a pic from the hospital and hus leg is now gone. I checked if it was a stolen pic or ai but no results came back. I just said "lol" because of how mad I was. Then told him to tell his IRL girlfriend hi and that I was speaking to his other girlfriend too. He just said "bye" then blocked me completely on everything. I have messaged his irl girlfriend on Facebook, Instagram, also 3 of her sisters and a niece. That piece of shit doesn't deserve a family after all this. This has screwed me up a lot. I haven't really eaten or slept in days so I'm really on edge and not someone to fuck with.

Ive been coming down for over a year and am now at the end. How do I stop. I still feel some sort of wd. It comes in waves and in anxious as hell.

I need real advice on what to do after I stop.

Cant have a bath only have a shower

Have health issues so gym not my friend and am not working

Ive fallen into a silent relapse for a few months and no one's noticed. If they knew it would cause both legal and familial issues. Ive tried to silently stop but like I said its been months of "quitting" can someone please be some type of sobriety partner that will support me and be happy for the days I am sober? I can share my goals with you, etc. I am in substance abuse classes and they do test me but ive been avoiding testing for a while now. The classes help with the mindset and understanding addiction but I want to bring it into the physical

To make this short and to the point I’ve been sober over 3 months from 7oh had the worst withdrawal and finally went into detox I was on subs for only a week after and tapered down to nothing I ended up having insane PAWS and it was crippling so I asked my dr he put me back on subs and then the shot(brixadi) I only took 8mg weekly for 6 weeks since I was taking only 2mg a day for a week subs. Well it’s been a month since my last shot and I’m suffering. My paws are back and I feel like I did before subs and the shot. I have subs with me now but I’ve been hesitant to take one for relief and it’s the weekend so I can’t even call my dr I work a very high stress and physically demanding job and I’m suffering at work too. They gave me clonidine to help but it ain’t doing shit. What do I do ? I’m about to just take a sub until my next dr appt Wednesday this week and ask they put me back on the shot and stabilize me longer or ask for sublocade.

From cocaine alcohol and benzos. I'm focusing on working out, eating well and sleeping well which is quite hard to sustain with my chef schedule. Doing quite well tbh. My spare time is rough - I spend most of it on the phone (YouTube/porn) instead of dealing with how anxious tired and miserable I feel. Does it get any better?

Anyone willing to be an online accountability partner?

Im currently at a sober living place. I am starting to consider moving on from here --- I've lived in institutions since June 2025 (jail -- rehab -- halfway house -- recovery house-- sober living in that order).

If nothing else, this place offers me structure & community. Isolation is not a good thing for me, my history proves it.

However, I know this isn't a destination - its part of the journey.

I'd love having some redditors who are willing to be accountable to one another. I'm thinking online check ins, maybe a WhatsApp group ,etc. Open to ideas.

If anyone is interested pls DM. I am looking for some help but also want to help others. We're in this together 💪

I just went to the store and was asked to donated for halfway houses and recovery. They had a table outside the store. Are these real? I feel bad if they are because recovery saved me.
Thanks

So this is kind of a personal thing and I am sorry for sharing this with the internet.

I used street pharms and opiates from 2009-2015, then went to suboxone, subutex and eventually subuclade injections for about a decade after that. My last injection was last December or January. I took the injections for about 14 months, eventually lowering the dose and then spacing them out to every other month then every third month as I knew they could build up and test positive on a piss test for up to 6 months. So I have been completely off of ALL opiates and maintenance therapy for 10 months.

I didn't get really withdrawals until maybe 4-5 months after my last shot, and they were very short and fleeting, more like random chills, restless legs when sleeping sometimes and anxiety. I didn't really have bowel distress like when you're sick tho. (Spoilers if you don't want to read about it, it's not graphic but still)

BUT now I have to go probably 5-6+ times a day, when before it was at most once a day almost like clock work, and probably erring towards constipated more when using. Often times it will just be really violent gas, and I have become more gassy as well. It's not usually diarrhea, but... soft.

Now I know I am comparing this to 16 years of opiate use, so that was probably not a normal base line to begin with. But it can become stressful. I have tried changing fiber and water intake, don't really see much change as I drank a lot of water and ate a lot of fiber anyway. I've tried probiotics and all of the gut health supplements and diets as well, to some degree or another.

Is this related to PAWS? Does anyone have any anecdotal evidence? Most of my google searches are discussing like... gastro issues when withdrawing and not during the beginning of post-maintenance period.

I've been living a double life for 13 years, and I don't know how to stop

Hey everyone. I've been living a double life for half of my life, and I feel like I need to start talking about it somewhere. I'm hoping that putting all of this into words and hearing from people who might understand will help me figure out where to go from here.

For transparency, ChatGPT helped me write this post and suggested posting it in this community so I could reach people who might understand what I'm going through and get the most helpful advice and support possible. The experiences and feelings I'm describing are my own.

For context, I started experimenting with drugs when I was 14 and have been struggling with an active methamphetamine addiction since I was 17. I'm 30 now, in 2026, and I've never gone longer than six months without using since I started.

For a long time, I thought I was a pretty functional user. I was fit, had a successful career, a healthy social life, meaningful romantic relationships, and just about everything you'd think an average man would need to feel fulfilled and content with his life.

Except I had a crippling meth addiction through all of it, and I hid it from everyone I knew.

I was a daily user. At my worst, I was going through 12.5 grams every two weeks for several years. Somehow, nobody caught on. I became very good at keeping the two sides of my life separate. I could show up to work, maintain relationships, make money, and appear to have my life together while secretly being completely dependent on meth.

That illusion came crashing down in May 2024, when I had a massive psychotic breakdown. I lost my job, and my addiction was exposed to everyone around me. I felt blackballed by my industry, friends stopped reaching out, and my life as I knew it fell apart.

I was in psychosis for around three months before it was properly recognised. When things became acute, my dad did everything he could to help me regain my sanity. I ended up in psychiatric emergency care, rehab, and various recovery programmes. Staff were hired to help me manage day-to-day life, including household tasks and transportation. I was in and out of treatment for about six months.

That was the longest I'd gone without meth since I was 17.

My dad spent hundreds of thousands on my treatment and recovery. I feel an enormous amount of guilt about that. He invested so much money, time, and energy into helping me get better, and I genuinely wanted to believe that I was finally going to turn my life around.

During rehab, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD.

The thing is, the moment I was given some autonomy and freedom again, I went straight back to meth.

I found new dealers. I figured out how to generate income. I started planning excuses and figuring out how to hide everything again. It was as though I had never gone through treatment at all.

When I returned home, my independence came back very gradually. I didn't have a phone for months, and I was largely isolated from the outside world for up to a year. But as soon as I had the opportunity, I started using again.

At first, it was relatively small amounts, just a couple of grams to last the week. I also found ways to gamble using casino welcome bonuses and gradually made gambling another part of my life. Before I knew it, I was back to daily meth use, going through 12.5 grams over a couple of weeks.

I don't think I ever truly understood what recovery would require of me.

While I was in rehab, I planned an entirely new future for myself. I enrolled in a Master's in Counselling programme, and I'm now two semesters into it. I want to become a registered and licensed counsellor, potentially specialising in addiction. I wanted to get sober, build a meaningful career, and leave my double life behind.

But I don't think I fully considered what it meant to end a lifestyle I'd been living since my teenage years. For 13 years, meth has been part of how I function, how I spend my time, and how I escape whatever I'm feeling. I always thought I could quit whenever I wanted. Eventually, I had to confront the fact that I couldn't simply will myself out of it.

It's now been around two years since my breakdown, and from the outside, people think I'm recovering and moving forward with my life. Almost nobody knows that I've returned to the same behaviours. The only people who know about the ongoing situation are my psychiatrist and therapist.

I'm staying awake for days at a time, sleeping for only a few hours when I finally crash before using again. I'm taking risks that I never imagined I'd take. I've borrowed money from loan sharks, lost enormous amounts of money gambling, and accumulated high-six-figure gambling losses. I've also found myself engaging in impulsive romantic and sexual relationships with strangers online, particularly when I'm single.

I look at the life I'm building on paper and the life I'm actually living, and I don't know how to reconcile the two.

I'm studying counselling and thinking about how I might one day help other people through their struggles, while privately struggling to get control of my own. I feel like a fraud sometimes. I feel guilty about the money my dad spent trying to save me. I feel ashamed that I was given another chance and seem to be doing everything I can to sabotage it.

And the pattern that scares me most is how quickly I return to these behaviours whenever I regain a little independence. The moment I have some freedom, I find a way to exploit it so I can use again. I make plans, hide things, and manipulate situations to protect my addiction. Then I feel guilty, promise myself I'll stop, and eventually repeat the cycle.

I don't want to keep living like this.

I don't want to keep lying to the people I love. I don't want to keep risking my health, my finances, my education, and my future. I don't want to keep living two separate lives, constantly trying to make sure they never collide.

But I also don't understand why wanting to stop doesn't seem to be enough.

I'm ashamed to bring this up with people in my life. I carry most of the guilt on my own, and it's exhausting having nobody to speak to about the full reality of what's happening. Even writing this post feels uncomfortable, because I'm admitting things that I've spent years making sure nobody would find out.

How does one begin to break a pattern that had been part of their life for so long? How did you learn to live differently when you couldn't remember what life without your addiction even felt like?

How did you deal with the guilt, the secrecy, and the feeling that you'd let everyone down?

And how did you learn to trust yourself again when you'd repeatedly broken your own promises to stop?

I'm not expecting anyone here to fix me, and I know recovery is something I have to work towards. I think I'm just finally trying to admit that I can't keep doing this alone.

I want to stop living a double life. I just don't know where to begin.

I know a lot of people who do things they regret and hurt people while dealing with their addiction to harder substances. A question to anyone who’s experienced this, when you get past the addiction how do you apologize to the people you hurt? Do you register the things you did while not sober as actual actions you did as a whole (not like another person) and accept the consequences from them even if it means some people will never forgive you or see you the same as before? Did you try to force forgiveness or walk way leaving it broken? I’m curious how y’all processed what you did, and how it affected your relationships with family and friend afterwards or if you were able to recover the relationships.

i'm 30+ and seriously considering going to rehab for my drinking. i've tried quitting on my own so many times, and the longest i managed was almost six weeks before i started drinking again. i'm tired of going through the same cycle and feel like i need a proper change. i've been looking at places in south africa and thailand since they seem more affordable and getting away from my usual surroundings might help too. i'm thinking of staying for two or three months, but going that far from home makes me a little nervous. has anyone done rehab abroad?

I'm hoping to hear from people who have experienced addiction themselves, particularly alcohol and cocaine addiction, or from people who have supported someone they care about through detox and early recovery.

Someone I'm very close to has just come out of detox, and it's been just over 24 hours. We live around 50 miles apart, so I can't just pop round or see how he's doing.

Our relationship is a little complicated to explain. We're more than friends, and there's a real emotional and physical connection between us, but we're not officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We've been consistently in each other's lives, and I care about him a great deal.

He's read my messages, but I haven't heard from him since he came out. I'm trying not to make assumptions or take it personally, but I don't really know what to expect at this stage.

For those of you who've been through detox and the early days of recovery yourselves:

• What were you feeling in the first few days after leaving detox?
• Were you exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious, ashamed, withdrawn, or just trying to get your head around everything?
• Did you sometimes read messages from people you cared about but not have the energy or ability to respond?
• What did you need from the people who cared about you at that point? Was contact comforting, overwhelming, or a mixture of both?
• What did the next few days and weeks look like emotionally?

And for those who have supported someone through this, what did you learn about that period that you wish you'd understood at the time?

I'm not looking to pressure him or make his recovery about me. I want him to have the best possible chance of getting well. I just want to understand what he might be experiencing so I can be supportive without misinterpreting the silence or expecting too much of him too soon.

I'd really appreciate hearing about your own experiences, even if they're difficult to share. Thank you.

Damages you , hurts others and you can end up hurting even more than the night after a long night of drinking .

You can lose support , yourself , partners or kids.

You can say or do extremely hurtful things when you’re drunk upset and will end up with a lot of regrets the next day.

Some can handle a few drinks , some cannot .

Please abstain from alcohol. It’s not worth it.

I’ve been using it since I was 15 - brief interludes where I would get clean for a year or 2 -
I cheated on two men who were both the love of my life, because that were sober and eventually I would seek out destructive men to get high with.

I smoke it until my lungs bled and I knew I had to quit. I was running half marathons, getting degrees, I have 5 universities degrees in total. Not one person my long term job knew as I was master of disguise.

Recently due to trauma and anxiety i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and then later ASD.

I was then prescribed medical marajuana!

At first it helped the pain, and for the fist few years I could sleep and go to work and keep food on the table and a roof over our heads - (working single mum) it seemed like it was a sweet lesser brother of smoking street weed!!

My ex husband was an abusive pot head and I got pregnant after 9 months and it ended in a very destructive divorce and 18 yrs later losing my home.

Homeless and trauma ensued!

The prescription went up and up!

And here I am - 3wks clean

I don’t mind how many times I’ve quit - it’s a lot - I swore it off but the thc oil seemed innocuous and harmless!!

It isn’t!

My bowel function stopped! I’ve been using laxatives to go - all the while awake at night with anxiety that I was masking with daily use!

My gut is ruined - I know it’s not forever - but to be unable to defecate because I was using such high doses of oil is simply the worst most vile place I’ve ever been!!

It’s destroyed my gut, I am so ill I could lose my job.

I’ll be going back in the rooms!! Modern medical cannabis is not an inert safe or effective substance and just cos they put medical before the work cannabis doesn’t make a nice safe option for an addict!

It’s an insidious creeping devil that steals 3 x what it gives… I feel so foolish as I know this recovery is going to be a much longer harder ride that it ever was before!

I was forgetting things at work, my resilience was at all time low, things taking me longer to recover from, my health had gotten worse and worse year on year and I was definitely developing Prodormal CHS, every morning wrenching gut pain and feeling to sick to eat… my memory and executive functioning was deteriorating and day by day I’ve bern losing the happy version of me!

This time I’m really making a promise to myself and my son to stay away.. after this I doubt I’ll ever be tempted.. don they say you have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired - well I’m truly at my lowest ebb today! I want to use this suffering somehow to help others in the future! Because I am utterly exhausted and so over it!! Healing my body now is my responsibility and a full time job!

Peace and light to all of us in recovery! ❤️‍🩹

Prescribed 30/500 x 2 once a day

2 days at 15/30 x 1 once a day , quitting outright tomo as wds are here regardless

Can someone share experience of what to expect ive been on this dose 3 or 4 years and am currently only 6 weeks out of 4mgs diaz so my nervous system was already unhappy

Thankyou

I've been here too many times before. Riding the shadowed existence of active addiction. Back against the wall. Still standing, either in a state of chemical suppression or, weak and chipped away during brief moments of lucidity.

I'm an addict. I dont know if scales do it any justice, but through my eyes, it feels terminal. Theres a cold, glancing uncertainty that this can only end up as a life destroyed. I accept it, but fear it too. I dont have a DOC, but I've serious issues with 3 major classes (Opioids, Benzos and Stimulants). The first is managed by buprenorphine and the second is "on paper". The last one is the dirty secret, and likely the most destructive. I'm painfully aware of the issues this mess has brought into my life, and every level. Others have suffered too, but, when I step back, there was very few to hurt from the offset.

Conceited, and self absorbed surely, but I feel caught in my own existence - consciousness of a complex mind, who got lured into substance relief later in life (early 40s now, late 20s when recreational turned into reckless abandon. I held it together and presented a very convincing prompt of a high achieving, driven, working class done good person, whom was coasting through life. Both intelligent and smart (nuanced difference), personable, kind, empathetic and superficially successful. Then enter escalation of issue, legal reprimand, professional badgering and the ruination of that naive belief that justice is fair. A process that lead to lengthy court appearances, unemployment, endless layers of bureaucratic process, a marriage, an "all is great sure" outward expression of self, and in the past 6 months, my first child.

I describe my situation in such details as I feel ive nowhere to go. All offered help (which is abundant) is a carrot/stick approach. I have no space, no person, no profrssional input that I can truly reveal the extent of my disorder. I talking about material loss, more procedural more legal fall out. I dont feel safe speaking to any person (countless examples where this turned out to sadly be a consequence off sheepishly asking for help).

This is all on me and I dont know what to do. I have an idea how it will end, and it just seems inevitable that ill stand the stage and keep time to the disassembly of my life. I dont enjoy that feeling, and for once, I'd love to be the one receiving genuine, unconditional support and guidance. I had to adopt that role from childhood, and its all I know. So much so that, at times, I dont know how to mins me. So, whilst I know this will pass, the low ebb and flow of mood, the lethargy for life, erasure of who i was, and an identical all but lost, I turn here with the scra ps of hope I've left.

TLDR - Polysubtance misuse/addiction, life altering consequences. Livinf a soul crushing hidden life, but able to mask just enough to keep afloat. I look for help and admit vulnerability, but my support is conditional and expects only cold, clinical sobriety and pharmacological assistance. Objevtively not safe spaces to start out a different path and truth telling could be the light gust of wind to topple it all down. I see myself as a problem solver, and I cant get on top of this.

Thank you for your time and patience

Ps I know the above reads staccato, but its all Ive got for now.

Not the plan, the real stuff.