I am so ashamed. I don’t know what I’m looking for. I screamed ugly today. I struggle and I lost the battle today. My child hits me so hard and sometimes i stay calm and sometimes i react. They needed a change since they pooped and they kept saying they still need to poop even though they did. I did everything right, I said we need to do this for your booty to not hurt, I sat on the floor with them I even told them what would happen and that I was going to pick them up to help them change. They slapped me one and I was able to breathe through it and then they slapped my face so hard i felt it through my skin. I’m still shaking even now. It still hurts. But I lost it—I was holding them and screamed so loud to stop hitting me. I was so angry but I knew I couldn’t hurt them so I stamped my foot and just screamed. This isn’t every time but it does happen sometimes when i get so triggered and feel attacked. I’m on zoloft, have been doing therapy, and even had a child behavior specialist come help me and my husband work with our child so we could understand better and I’m still struggling. I don’t want to be verbally abusive. I don’t want them scared of me. I did wrong and the shame is hard to bear. But I did wrong and should feel bad.

Grew up always had an amazing almost perfect relationship with my mother… untillllllll…. I became a mother I started to remember things as my daughters started to get older i started to see it’s so easy to love your kids… when my daughter dances to her favorite movie and songs ( kpop demon hunter)I clap and smile, my mom used to called me sl*t ( never danced inappropriately) . I was 7 years old I didn’t even know the word meaning yet… when my daughter gets lazy I tell her no baby go clean, your room is like your tiny house, you have to keep it clean and they listen. I remember my mom calls me ugly and the N word, and cuss me with words i don’t even understand, i was 6 when i heard ( co*k su*ker) i didn’t even know what was it that i suck. I grew up hating my dad because my mom dumped all her trauma on me making him the bad guy. Now i feel horrible, i love my dad and I miss him but i barely talk to him there is no communication between us. We kiss and hug each other every Christmas and on birthdays. Is it normal to start remembering now suddenly? I literally never thought about it before. Just suddenly all hit me? Am I being dramatic? Just needed to share because i feel guilty and bad that i despise my mom, that I want to tell her everything but I just can’t. Not saying she is bad, she was also good at times.

One thing that can be hard about parenting is realising how much your own childhood experiences can affect the way you respond to your kids. Sometimes a child's crying, anger, or refusal to listen can bring up feelings you didn't expect, especially if those emotions weren't handled well in your own home growing up.

Breaking those patterns isn't always easy. You can genuinely want to parent differently from how you were raised and still find yourself reacting in ways you wish you hadn't. Learning to recognise those moments, pause before reacting, and repair things with your child afterwards takes time and patience. It can be especially difficult when you're still working through your own feelings while trying to be there for your children.

For those who feel comfortable sharing, what situations tend to trigger you most as a parent? Have you found anything that helps you respond differently when those old feelings come up?