We were waiting for the school bus and I was looking at some flowers in the ditch when two cars hit each other at full speed. I can still hear the impact and the broken glass spraying across the road. Then it went quiet, no crying or anything. Everyone died, just silence when we got on the bus that early autumn morning.

And the worst part? That damned song Last Kiss was always playing on the radio, to this day I will NEVER drive a vehicle in my whole life. I get shaky even thinking about it.

So I have BPD (borderline personality disorder) and it makes you feel emotions way more intensely than someone without it. I was also diagnosed with PTSD last year. My dog passed away last November from cancer. I got her when she was only 6 weeks old and I was 18. She passed away at 12 1/2 when I was 30. So I had her for the end of my teen years, all of my 20s and the beginning of my 30s. Last October she kept refusing to eat and that wasn't like her. So we took her to the vet and got blood work done. The vet called us back and said it wasn't good and she had cancer. My boyfriend and I are long distance and I had already had a flight booked to visit him for our anniversary, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was very torn about it and was going to cancel the trip but my mom said I should still go visit my boyfriend bc I already had it planned and she knew someone whose dog had been diagnosed with cancer and was still alive after a year. We assumed she'd be ok for a while. Come November she completely stopped eating and drinking water. So my parents had a vet come and put her down at our house. I was on video chat watching the process bc she declined so suddenly and I couldn't catch a flight home bc it is very expensive to get a last minute flight. I just felt and still feel almost a year later so guilty that I wasn't there to say goodbye. I feel like I let her down and I can't forgive myself. I should've been there. Next month will be a year since she passed away and I can't get over her death. I still cry so much that my nose gets all stuffy and I can't breathe out of it. I can't look at pictures or videos without crying. Even thinking of good memories makes me burst into tears. Honestly feels like torture looking at photos, videos or thinking about good memories bc Ik I'll never get those moments back. When she was alive whenever I was crying or got upset she'd run to me and wag her tail and lick me. I just miss her so much. Nothing feels the same. It makes me want to die. I just want to see her and be with her again. I feel so empty. I have had dreams of her that felt real and I was petting her and crying so much in the dream. When I woke up my eyes were actually wet with tears. I was crying in my sleep. The hardest thing is that when the vet came to our house to put her down and he gave her the second medicine that stopped her heart, she stood up, looked at my dad scared, was whining and then she laid back down and passed away. She didn't want to leave us. The vet said he's been doing that for over 20 years and never saw a pet do that. That memory keeps replaying in my head and it's torture.

55m UK. I had a traumatic childhood (neglect, emotional and physical abuse), nearly died after being crushed in a train accident (26years old) and experienced two horrific separations from my wife of 26 years who has BPD, the most recent was 8 weeks back leaving me as the only carer for my disabled 22 year old daughter. I have disabilities myself, sight and balance.

I’ve been diagnosed as PTSD a few times but this time is feels more severe and needs to be healed notably with my caring responsibilities. I’ve tried talking therapies which made things worse if anything and medication. The NHS waiting lists are huge so I feel I need to pay for some therapy. My sleep is horrendous, I don’t want to leave the house and feel hopeless about the future. In terms of paying for help has anyone got any insight or advice as regards what to try and where to look?

I felt pressured to do sex, I can't explain why, I met the lady, and I kind of just let it happen. It felt like nothing really, and I just don't know like will I ever be able to be married or what am I supposed to do with myself and please don't be harsh on me I've already told Allah about this now I just need to know how to deal with it the proper way.

I recently 21M (in the past 24 hours) met with an accident while I was on a bike. A car came and straight up hit me sliding me 3 meters away from the place I fell, Fortunately Alhamdulillah nothing happened to me except some minor bleedings in some places (abrasions). Now today looking at yesterday I cant stop thinking how worse it could have been yesterday and how God saved me from more worse possible things.

I keep thinking of negative stuff for example; If I stayed at home for 2 more minutes I wouldnt have met that car and nothing like this wouldve happened, I couldve possibly been fractured and more worse things could have happenned. Whenever i close my eye I relive that exact moment during which I met with the accident and I cant stop it.

I am not saying I got PTSD but it is some sort of a minor Psychological trauma

Can someone tell me how to overcome these thoughts and get back on my bike without fear

I don’t know if this really qualifies as PTSD at all. A few months ago I witnessed someone close to my significant other OD. We were just sitting there and the man’s wife had come in screaming saying gibberish and eventually telling us to follow. We go to his truck and he is passed out. Seeing the drug paraphernalia my significant other immediately started to assess while I got on the phone to call 911. I then began chest compressions and they did not make it. I don’t want to get into all the details, but they tried very hard to bring him back. I just have to talk about it because right after I got married and then entered an intense training cycle at work so I never really thought about it, but recently it has calmed down and I cannot stop thinking about it. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night multiple times thinking about the situation, and feel incredibly guilty. I have had some terrible anxiety episodes recently and just feel not normal at all. My significant other said that I’ve screamed in my sleep a few times, though I can’t remember. I plan on going to talk to someone, but I had to put this out there for the time being. Would this be considered PTSD or just anxiety attached to a situation.

Is it normal to hear my own screams in my flashbacks?
And why am I now getting more flashbacks again?

It has been almost a year since I left an abusive relationship but the specific event I’m talking about happened 1year and 4 months ago.
I’ve come a long way and coping a lot better than I was, however things are creeping back up and I’m worried.

I’ve also blocked him out my mind and he doesn’t seem to appear in my dreams or anything, and I HOPE that doesn’t change. Again, I’m worried it’s suppressed and coming up?

I feel like im overreacting because what happened "wasn't bad enough" to feel like this. Ive had ptsd for four years, although the initial event happened almost 10 years ago, and I was kind of upset it had happened but i never gave it any thought up until june of 2022. It wasnt that bad of an experience, like it wasnt gory or like an actual threat to my physical well being or safety, and I barely cared for 5-6 years. I feel like my brain is making up these symptoms and that I'm overreacting by having them in the first place.

the constant anxiety re livings new triggers haunt me constantly. My mental is nearing its lowest in a new way im either overwhelmed with fear anxiety and feeling alone or too drained to move. I just want it to stop I’ve even supposedly worked through it but as soon as life calms down it’s all I can think about all that haunts me. Every person I’ve been with js abusive in some way is this some kind of punishment for something in a past life. I’m nearing my edge can’t get help for a month and a half without being put away. god I hate this

It's still in the works to say I have it officially, but it's no shocker that I have some sort of PTSD. I've been assaulted, abused and bully as a child, mainly by men and boys, and now, it's taken a toll on my life that I don't know how to control.

I can't be around men.

Everytime I go out the house or into the city, the only thing I can think about is if a man is nearby. I don't know if I'll get kidnapped. I don't know if I'll get assaulted. I'm scared to go anywhere where I know men will be, and that's quite literally everywhere.

I'm always expecting the worst. To be followed, to be touched, to be harassed. I don't know if they want something from me. I can never tell because men are unpredictable.

How do I manage this? Where do I even start? I know therapy would be a given, but.. it's getting to a point where I can't bond with my family because of this bullshit.

TRIGGER WARNING : talks of SA, ED, abuse of multiple forms

I 25f, am embarrassed by my trauma. I didn’t ask for anything that happened to me, yet here I am having to basically re learn life. I know other people have had it way worse than me so im far from saying im the only one suffering. I finally was able to move away from my toxic abusive family, and over the last year I’ve been on a healing journey. I never realized how much I suppressed over the years, until lately. Things just keep coming up, and my brain seems to keep trying to shield me from it. It’s like the hemispheres of my brain are fighting eachother. I’m exhausted. Depleted. Drained. I’ve been with my amazing supportive partner for a year, however lately it feels like my trauma is yet again ruining something in my life. I never told him the fullest extent of everything I’ve been through, why I did things the way I did in my past, etc because im tired of telling people my trauma sob story, and I’ve been burned in the past for telling the person I was with my past, just for it to be thrown in my face. Because of my trauma, and me trying to move past areas of my life and Heal, I’ve forgotten over the years certain things or how to do certain things and am like I said, on a journey of healing. However - I don’t tell anyone anymore, why I seemingly can’t remember certain things and cough it up to the simple answer, however the simple answers are now being taken as excuses. Sure, I could’ve done more I could’ve helped myself more, but it’s easy to say that now looking back vs in the moment. In the moment, I was running away from abuse as much as I could and when I couldn’t run, I was actively trying to die and getting mad I wasn’t. Now looking back im happy im alive but fuck man. There’s so much shit. I hate what my life was, im grateful it’s not now. But now I have to process all of this shit and it’s just so much. I truly am embarrassed by everything that happened in my life. I don’t want to end up ruining my relationship because of it. It affects every aspect of my life and im tired. I hate feeling the way I do. I feel small.

A few years ago I had to save a coworker's life in adverse conditions. My bosses refused my request to go to another jobsite for the next week and I think that was what really did it. I worked at a remote location and my other coworker (different person, also in leadership, also a jerk) refused to drive up. The whole time driving on that same road in the same truck where I watched my friend choke, sputter, and contort while we were trying to get him to the hospital was what did it I think. Everything set me off, it felt so fucking wrong to be in that place again.

I don't think I'll ever forgive the two people who could have driven instead. My former bosses can go to hell too.

It's been months since my mom and sister reached out to me. I have no friends. The only people I have in my life are my kids and my partner. Ever since I cut my family out, I feel a huge gap with my partner. We used to be so open and loving and supportive to each other. And I know it's somehow my fault. Because I get triggered at the idea of being alone. And here I am alone. Mentally and physically. I just started emdr but feel like I'm being attacked. Like my new therapist is somehow not understanding my emotions at all. And I'm trying to just tell myself it's all in my head. But the reality is I'm alone. All alone. And it's killing me. Every single day it gets harder and harder to fake a smile and pretend I'm ok. I don't deserve anyone. But I also don't want to be alone. I don't know what to do anymore.

WARNING FOR FAMILIAL ABUSE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT

TL:DR I was beaten and raped by my grandfather sometime around December 2024 after several years of (somewhat un)subtle homophobia. He died this August. My family has had a long history of domestic abuse. I do not know if he sexually abused anyone else or if it was specifically for my sexuality.

After almost two years, I scheduled an intake appointment for PTSD, which I worked up the courage to go to today after *a lot* of delay. The lady was sweet, and maybe I'm overthinking it, but she appeared to be visibly grossed out when I shared about developing some really poor masturbation habits in response to my trauma. I feel a little discouraged as I've had men not take me seriously in the past, but I never would've expected *this* reaction from a sister.

I was diagnosed with unspecified PTSD, as she believes my symptoms strongly correlate with those found in CPTSD. Apparently CPTSD itself is not even a recognized diagnosis in the US, so... ??? But the diagnosis itself felt like I was being flayed alive as I read through a horribly detailed map of everything that has gone wrong with me since I was raped, and before then from childhood. Now the "fun" part is mapping out what recourse I have for all these problems.

I'm honestly in such a bad place that I might withdraw from uni for the semester. This has not improved my mood, but... I suppose it's a start. So here's to my new reality... 🥳

And I do mean EVERYTHING. I used to post these kinds of things on the autism subreddit, but none of it went over well there.

Everyone always, always tells me, that I "have PTSD." Not everyone. People who care listen and they're super nice to me.

Firefox is running an advertisement where they're trying to convince people to "come back to Firefox" after time with other web browsers. In that ad, people who were parts of old Internet memes were hired to talk about how "the modern web" is terrible and about how Firefox is a light in darkness...or something!

I'm not hating on the Internet memes with this, and I'm also not hating on people, whether they were in my life or whether they were people in Internet memes! That's what people don't understand when I vent, and of course, I can always word my vents better.

I did not understand then.... Things were so overwhelming. People were so overwhelming. I do not see "nostalgia" in any of this.

And this is just my association of the moment. EVERYTHING is an association. An association of overwhelming times, interactions, and concepts.

I've been looking into dating lately to hopefully, spark some happiness in me, but usually, no one responds or I deal with scammers. However, if I'm lucky, then I'll be rejected being told how sweet I am and, possibly, how happy I'll make someone. If I'm SUPER lucky, then I'll make a new friend.

My best friend told me this morning that she wishes she could take my trauma away, but then I "wouldn't be me anymore." She then said, "Not saying that you’re all trauma but your personality is how you interact with the external world and folks. You can change though I wouldn’t be mad if you made changes. But I want you to do what makes you feel good and fulfilled."

Since a decade, i have dissociation because of differerent traumas. This lead me to numbness and hyper-/hypoarousal in my daily life.

Since a few days i'm experiencing like a "switch" between feeling everything in a very raw and terrible way - and feeling numbed again. I can't control this "switch" and i don't know how, when and why it happens. I don't do therapy.

It is in form of a flashback. For a few minutes i experience very similiar thoughts like during the trauma.

Does anybody know what this?

Hello all,

I’m seeking advice from people who may have been in the same spot that I am. I was in the military and have been a first responder for a decade now. I have been diagnosed with both PTSD and anxiety that is connected to both my military service and my career as a first responder.

I have tried other routes within the first responder world to see if that would help and long story short, it hasn’t. I know not everyone “loves” their job, it’s a job, but I’m to the point where I dread it and everything it entails.

I know I need to go do something else, but I have absolutely no clue where to go. I have applied to some jobs I think I would like and it would take being exposed to trauma out of it, but still service to the community type jobs and haven’t even been called for an interview.

Anyone else with a similar background that felt the same types of feeling and had to find something new to do? If so, what did you transition to? My therapist advises against it (making hasty decisions) but would it be worth it just to pull the chord and take any job just to get away so I can breathe? I’m also considering VR&E if anyone has any insights on that here….much appreciated!

I've kind of already begun the process of starting CPT. I haven't actually started the 12 week worksheets yet, but have spent weeks (I have therapy sessions about every 2 weeks) thinking about which traumatic event I'll decide on for processing.

(I hope this makes sense, so far.)

Just the memories coming back is stressful enough. Without going into details there were multiple types of trauma throughout childhood. I probably have C-PTSD because those things happened for many years but it's not considered a valid diagnosis in the DSM.

In order to go forward with CPT I have to not have any medication changes or new ones added during it, because it could alter the test scores (forgot what they're called). And I have some health issues that my therapist wants me to get the answers to before we go ahead with it.

Very recently I had tests ordered by my PCP because of chronic headaches and migraines. The results are back and I have an appointment with a neurologist a few months from now. Obviously there wasn't anything immediately serious with my brain or else they would have gotten me right in.

But the results are kind of ambiguous. It might just be migraines and/or it could also be something else (treatable, but would be a chronic illness and probably autoimmune related).

So there is definitely something going on but there isn't any urgent reason to see a specialist sooner than the appointment booked.

I really just want to either get this CPT done with or switch to a different type of therapy if I end up needing to postpone it for months.

My impression is that if I don't get the go-ahead, I would be getting regular Cognitive Behavioral therapy in the meantime every couple weeks.

I feel like I need more than that, but the place I'm going to is understaffed and it's already been several months since I started the process of getting in. There were some long and detailed intake appointments months ago that brought up a ton of memories and now I feel stuck. I almost wish I hadn't even tried to get back into therapy. This sucks.

Thank you if you read this far. I'm just kind of lost and feeling very depressed and anxious.

I’ve not been the same since about two weeks ago. I have a flood of things that happened to me during my childhood that I had blocked out come back to me in a series of flashbacks that lasted 6 hours

then more and more stuff just kept coming up in the form of flashback, memories that I just can’t turn off (is that a flashback?)

I got shit to do, and I just can’t. I’m so tired from all the things going on in my head. Reliving the hell I escaped all of a sudden. I was doing so well for so long too…

I was abused a lot in many ways. Three men in my life have physically abused me and hurt my head. I needed brain surgery last month. I am just so depressed about this even though the situation went well and I feel so hopeless that my life matters to anyone

I have PTSD from the past when I accidentally stumbled on healthcare fraud and there was a lot of retaliation and just really bad stuff. So now years later I see a sign of fraud and my mind immediately goes to “what do I have to do to protect myself”. I’m practically non functional this week. Paranoid. Seeing retaliation that may not even be happening. I feel like I’m losing my mind because idk if this is true pattern recognition or mental illness.

I’ve done it before with other stuff…. Like for instance there was nightmarish child abuse and neglect in my childhood. Fast forward decades and my daughter in law showed signs of the same mental illness my mother had and I freaked out, seeing signs of child abuse and neglect of my grandchildren everywhere. I questioned my own judgment thinking it was just flashbacks…. But it wasn’t.

I can’t handle this inability to know flashbacks from reality. I gaslight myself so bad

Growing up, my father was an addict and an alcoholic. He was emotionally and physically abusive going as far as to kick my mother in the belly while she was pregnant with me.

I’ve posted a little bit about this bit of the story, bad left out a great deal about my mother. She definitely didn’t help. Much of her anger would be directed at me. Leading to emotional, physical abuse as well as emotional manipulation.

I don’t like telling her story or really talking about how he treated me. she was the parent that stayed. Growing up she was my hero…
But i watched that hero get dismantled over time. Around 12 as i said she told me she didn’t want to live anymore, this was well i was attempting to guard her from my father, and help take care of my grand parents on my dad side. Which loan behold were also super abusive. But my mother struggled with walking away from people that needed help.
Eventually tho, this lead to her own mental breakdown… we probably should have been removed from the home. I took the brunt of the abuse from her. As “just another stupid fucking male”. She had turned me into her enemy. This hurt me deeply and lead to her refusing me help with school, or even getting my year schedule for my senior year. I had to call a friend who had started to drive and ask him to pick me up straight a student good kid. I had to ask my mom before going and she had gotten angry with me telling me if I “got fucking in trouble. Not to waste my phone call on her.” obviously this grace is over many moments things that I don’t like discussing because again as I said, I still hold a deep love for my mother. But there are some things I feel I have to get off my chest. This moment feeling more emphasized in my mind for some reason.

Hey all,

I've been dealing with PTSD for almost 3 years now, and a recurring thing I deal with is after a panic attack / adrenaline rush, I become extremely fatigued to the point of not being able to walk for some time after. I've gotten pretty good at crawling / dragging myself around!

If I deal with enough PTSD for a week straight, I'm out for the entire next day at least. No one else I know with PTSD experiences anything similar, so I was wondering if anyone else deals with this?

Thanks for your time!