Persecutor Complex

[u/YourGenuineFriend]

I need help. Can anyone help me think this through or provide me with any ideas strategies as to work with this?

I am suffering from a complex that has been controlling my life on and off since a major violation in March 2025.

What happened was a pattern where I first was betrayed and then invalidated by people I thought I could trust.

After ending a relationship with a narcissist he threatened me. I afterwards turned towards a mutual friend of mine for support and what happened was he simply relentlessly invalidated me and not only that but stripped me or reduced my existance or emotional turmoil into nothing. He acted like this defender of this narcissistic social structure. I felt abandoned and cast out. I couldn't believe what happened at first still can't. Then later I searched for help in therapy where I was met with the same ordeal where the therapist in question basically abused followed by secondary violation of disbelief and institutional betrayal. That happened in March 2025.

Since then I have never been the same. Time passes by I am losing more of my sanity. This experience housed severe fracture in my psyche where this events have been walled off from me by dissociation.. I can't get through and all I am feeling is somatic pain and my own anger turned towards me.

What I understand so far is that this a protector part of myself that is been abused and turned onto me through manipulation. This part of my psyche feels colonized and not my own anymore. This is reflected in dreams like massive catastrophic alient invasions.

I honestly don't know how long I can take this any longer. I have been stripped of my human dignity and I cant seem to recover.

To have a strong position in order to work with this I know I need a strong Ego position where I am able to seperate my self of self from this complex. However this is very hard to do. It almost feels like I am not alive anymore.. like I am a walking zombie that on occasions wakes of from this paralyzing trance.

I have so much anger that was suppressed from those events that turns into automatic violent murder ideas those people to pay for what they did. I feel raped, robbed and psychologically abused where part of my psyche is simply colonized by whatever those experience were.

This is not me and I don't recognize myself anymore. I really don't know what to do anymore. I did a lot of shadow work but this shit just keeps comming back over and over again. Everything I did or the idea that there was progress just dissappears. It is constantly the same thing over and over again. I am sick and tiered of it already.

How do I even work with something like this? With a part of my own psyche that has turned against.. I need clear Ego seperation from it but I feel I cannot create this sealed Ego boundary from it and it just intruded in my space.. I am losing myself in dispair over this. I want it gone..