Dating app conversations are terrible. I ask questions about them but get vague, low info answers back. I try to thread the needle between inquiring about their life but not being overbearing or asking too many questions. I try bread crumbing info about myself to give them an opportunity to ask about my life, but they don’t take it or show any interest.

It’s been extremely frustrating, to the point where I thought I’d burn some money and just try talking with OnlyFans girls. After all, if I’m literally paying them to talk to me, surely they’ll put a little bit of effort into the conversation right? I tipped to start a convo and here’s approximately how it went:

Her: where are you from

Me: I’m from [state], how about you?

Her: I’m from the southern east coast

Me: cool, I’ve been to Florida and Virginia but never anywhere between. South Carolina is on my bucket list though. Do you like where you live?

Her: I don’t tbh, I’d love to move someday

Me: anywhere in particular you’d like to move? New England, PNW, Hawaii?

Her: realistically probably Florida. Fantasy def Hawaii

Me: yeah I lived in Honolulu for a bit, it’s really nice but really expensive. The only part of Florida I’ve been is Miami and it seems like a fun place to live!

Her: I’ve been to miami, it’s nice to visit I definitely wouldn’t live there tho

Me: [tipping] Hope this helps with your future move, thanks for the chat

Now this is honestly better than most conversations I have with women but even so, I still feel like I’m the only one trying to keep things going. I feel like I’m doing something wrong, like there’s a vibe that just wafts off of my messages that women find repulsive, but I can’t identify it. And I know this has nothing to do with looks because I don’t have a profile picture on OF. So can anyone help me? What is it that im doing wrong? I’m trying not to feel misogynistic but when stuff like this happens it just gets so easy to feel bitter towards women. Any help?

This started all the way back in 2020, due to the pandemic. I've had a crush in my class who I've barely had time to spend with, before the lockdowns started. We stayed in contact online during the lockdown, and I've asked her if she's interested in meeting and she said yes, but we couldn't meet yet due to covid restrictions.

However, the lockdown made me depressive and that led to me losing her, causing the meeting to never happen. If covid never happened, the meeting would've worked out.

Once the schools re-opened, I was forced to talk to classmates despite rising covid cases and that caused me to develop a very hypocritical feeling. Why wasn't I allowed to meet the person important to me when cases were low, but when cases are higher, no one cares?

That made me uncomfortable and I developed a feeling called derealization. Only online friends were now comfortable to talk to, and meeting up the same way as it would've happened with the first crush.

From then on, I kept making new online friends. However, something always happened that the meeting didn't work out:

2nd girl (2021): Was down to meet but her parents were against it, and deleted all her social media

3rd girl (2021-2022): This one was questionable as I was 14 and she was 21, but I asked her if she was interested in meeting and she said yes, then later backed out last minute causing me to be very suicidal, and she accused me of gaslighting and manipulating her with my loneliness/health issues to meet up with her. She also said she "only said yes bc that's what (you) wanted to hear", so she lied to me over months and gave me false hope.

4th time was similar to the 2nd, 5th time started disliking me after hearing about my past, 6th time was parents, 7th time was a relationship but her getting jealous bc I kept thinking about a closer friend who wanted to meet, 8th time due to my growing health issues, 9th time because of their trust issues.

And this is only counting the times I was blocked, there have been at least 30 or more meeting attempts that never worked out. I even went to someone's city once, flew to another country, just for her to not show up. Said she'd make it up to me, next time excuses again just for me to get sick after as well, nowadays not responding to meeting messages.

The main point is: People keep cancelling meetings, saying they don't owe me meetings, I'm starving without human contact and say I don't deserve it; I stopped feeling human and developed derealization, everything that isn't from online feels fake, and things never work out.

I've never considered myself an incel even tho I've heard of the term, but looking more into it it seems very similar to my experiences, just that mine isn't sex-related and started before I even knew what sex is. However, I still think it's very similar bc sex can't happen without a meeting, and if even a meeting is denied, then what can you do.

In general I agree that sex isn't owed, but I would raise the point that meetings/human contact in some form are owed, bc if you believe it isn't, it could very quickly fall down a slippery slope about "food isn't owed" etc. Imo, if you don't wanna meet, just say it, but don't fool me, I'd accept it, but those who agree should go through with it

How do I get out of this situation

Good day, I come from a Nigerian immigrant family, dating was something that was taboo in my household all of a sudden till my 21st birthday. For personal reasons I have giving up on dating, everything my parents bring it up it always pisses me off, and these are immigrant parents so you can't tell it to them straight, if anyone has a similar experience or background i could really use some advice