For me, it was realising that other people had different standards and expectations when it came to relationships.

For example, it would take a lot for me to end a friendship, such as a serious betrayal of trust.

Over the years, I've lost quite a few friends. One valued punctuality, whereas I've always struggled with time management due to mental health difficulties. They eventually ended the friendship. At the time, I was genuinely shocked that this could be a reason to end a friendship, especially one that had lasted many years.

Another friend stopped speaking to me after I set a boundary around lending money.

What surprised me was how readily some people seemed able to walk away from friendships when their expectations weren't being met. They seemed to have a much clearer idea of what they wanted from relationships and what they weren't prepared to tolerate.

Meanwhile, I was brought up to be accommodating and understanding of other people's difficulties. I think I carried that mentality into my friendships.

Looking back, there were people who treated me badly whom I never walked away from, even when I probably should have. Instead, I'd try to understand why they behaved the way they did and make allowances for them.

I suppose I expected the same understanding and grace in return when I wasn't perfect myself.

I'm beginning to wonder whether growing up as a glass child taught me to prioritise understanding other people's behaviour over recognising my own limits. I never really knew what my own limits were?

I can think of plenty of other examples, but I'm curious whether anyone else experienced something similar.

What surprised you about other people's expectations or boundaries when you entered the wider world, particularly if you were brought up to behave very differently at home?

I'm the eldest. I have ADHD, but was late diagnosed. I did have issues as a teenager, because I was late diagnosed and ignored for so long that things got so bad I had to act out in a big way.

My youngest brother is the favourite. He was meant to be the sports star. My mum was a single parent, and always stressed how she had to be there for him because all the dads were there for their kids. So she'd spend all morning on a freezing sports pitch watching him.

My sister is autistic. She needed extra help in school, but was manageable at home. I don't resent my sister in any way, because it's not her fault. But she got extra attention. I

As the eldest, I was both parentified and the glass child. I did horse riding, but my mother would complain that it was too cold and wet for her to watch me (after she'd spent all morning doing the same to my brother for double the time). I wasn't able to do sports because I had no way of getting there. Then when my sister was bullied, I had to hear her rant about it. I had to act as an adult when she would complain about this and that.

It became a thing, that 'what OP wants, OP always gets' and that I would kick off if I didn't. Except, that's not what happened. What happened is I would get upset when I wasn't listened too, or when I wanted something and was told no whilst I watched my siblings get things. My brother had hundreds, if not thousands poured into his sports career. I had to email and beg my father to buy me a new coat for horse riding.

And I know, horse riding is an expensive sport. I even got my own horse, because when my grandfather died my absentee father felt guilty and agreed to buy a horse for me and to pay for him because I presented it to him like a business deal. And anything my father wouldn't cover for my horse, I had to pay for myself. Even when I barely saw my horse, because my siblings came first and my mother was too busy to take me to see him. Except for when she also had a riding lesson, and she of course could only ride my horse. It took moving him to another stables closer to where I lived for me to really get to enjoy spending time with him. Even then, I would compete and my mother rarely came to watch. The few times she did, I was criticised for not being good enough. But she still would go and stand on a sports pitch, and complain when my brother wasn't selected for whatever sporting event she thought. I would walk to see and care for my horse every day, no matter the weather. It was miserable, but it was some escapism.

My brother was awful too. He would steal and eat my food that I paid for, and then I would be the one who was punished and called unreasonable for being angry about it. My feelings were always dismissed. I don't have a relationship with my brother. He was abusive towards me, and I had to just accept it because if I tried to stand up to him, I was the one who was causing trouble. My sister also didn't have it easy from my brother, but she also got more support at home. Me being the one who found my own way to do things became 'she always finds a way to get what she wants so I don't need to bother to help her'.

I now am stuck. I can't get a job, despite trying. I have two degrees, and no one will hire me. I don't have any skills with building actual friendships and communities and networking because I never developed them. I always had to just lock myself away from my family, for my sanity. I had no help and support with careers, with how to meet people. At university, I had to work so I couldn't attend events.

I can't point out to my mother how she ignored me, and how using the idea of I make things happen for myself is a cop out. It's shaped my whole life and ruined it. I can't market myself, I'm used to being flexible and easily ignored and temporary for so many people because I'm used to only being treated well when I'm needed for something and otherwise my thoughts and feelings don't matter. If I try and point it out, I'm called a bully and selfish because I've had more financial support than my siblings. Well, yes I have. I know that. But also, I didn't get any disability allowance from the government and my father supported my sister a lot more than me. My brother didn't go to university and has worked all of his life.

I moved away, I moved abroad to escape this. I'm being forced back and treated like the glass child again without my sister even being here. My belongings I had to leave when I moved and were told would be kept safe have been thrown out or ruined. I did have a bedroom in my mums house, but she boxed my things up and gave that room to my brother who was meant to have moved out. Then again, I was the inconvenience and my things had to be thrown out. I now can't find half of my clothes as she donated them after for an unknown reason sorting through them after I made it clear what was to be posted to me. I just have the things I told to donate left now. Many of my things are broken or have gone mouldy, and I'm called selfish for being angry that I'm going to be the one who replaces them when I can't afford too and being angry that again I wasn't listened too and was expected to be okay with my belongings being ruined.

It's always when I stand up for myself and say actually this isn't okay that I'm met with anger. It's why I left, because I can't live with this expectation that I'm the one who copes. I am not coping. I am homeless and have no income. I cannot stay in a country that's no longer my home because it was never made to feel like home, I was made to feel like an inconvenience for not being a stay at home babysitter and for reminding that I existed.

When does this end? All the things I wanted for my own place are now ruined, broken or lost. I don't have nice clothes for winter. I don't have my own place. I can't build the audience I need, or sell myself, because I am so used to being ignored and expected to just quietly get on with things. I've done therapy, until I couldn't afford it. I can't engage with therapy because I am so deeply conditioned into being passive and agreeable to keep the peace that I can't get into things properly, I can't get outwardly angry. It gets better at some point, it has too, right? I just want to go home, and to the place that really feels like home, even if it means living on the streets. More than that, I just want someone to see me for once. To remember me. To not treat the reminders that I exist as an inconvenience.

Fin.