My guy friend is 25 years old, divorced, and he’s my coworker. He tells me that he met a girl online from a different country, and because I’m here to support him, I’m happy that he’s putting himself out there again. One day, I invite him to a concert with me and he invites his girlfriend because she’ll be in town, I’m cool with it. Before the concert, I pick them both up and I’m asking if we would like to buy some drinks before the concert because me, personally, I like to loosen up before a concert. My guy friend, point blank, tells me “we can’t go because she’s 18.” I’m appalled, bamboozled, too stunned to speak because he’s never brought up her age to me. I’m sorry, you’re a 25-year-old man and in what context did you find this to be okay?

Men are weird, ladies!

I [20F] have a rent payment of $665 not including utilities. I currently have $537.24 in my bank account and rent is due in five days. This is the first time I've moved out and paid rent. This is only my second month renting. I don't know what to do. I hate myself. I only just today did onboarding for a new job. I don't have any other income. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm thinking about selling clothes.

My parents are amazing, but I can't ask for their help because I've been lying to them. They think I have thousands in my savings account. I go to an online college that is pretty much entirely paid by my dad's GI bill. I get monthly housing allowance from GI bill, over a thousand per month. But I did a seasonal full time job across the country over the summer and was so overwhelmed I ended up failing a term and not registering for the next. I'm now registered again, but the term only started yesterday and the housing payment won't come through in time.

My parents don't know I wasn't doing college terms the whole summer. They think I've still been getting housing allowance. They think I saved up from my seasonal job. I was supposed to. I got a new set of expensive piercings instead and spent over a thousand on them and jewelry for them. I hate myself because I knew I could not keep living as comfortably as I have been, and yet I still spent money at the same speed as before. I've spent over a hundred on a Halloween costume. I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to ask my roommates to cover the rest but I think it might be the only option now. I'll pay them back the second I get my first paycheck, even if it means I can't afford gas. I feel like such a shitty friend for this. I was so confident I could handle it and now I just don't know what to do. I'm going to lose so much trust from my roommates.

Dinner is eggs with tator tots, breakfast sausage, and cheddar

edit:

1. I've been wanting that set of lip piercings for forever and I had the budget at the time. It was towards the beginning of my seasonal job, I was making a little under 2k a month and was still getting housing allowance. It was somewhere around $200 for the original piercings, then I had to get them downsized three times, and more of the cost was for a special order for a pair of pure gold spikes which I'm still in love with to this day. Any other jewelry I got was cheap from etsy. I do not have a mountain of piercing jewelry. Can we please stop focusing on the piercings. I understand I made mistakes but I do not regret the piercings.

2. I am not going to tell my parents the truth. I am going to handle this on my own like a grown ass adult. I love my parents but they like to control my life because they're so certain I'm going to fail. I am determined to succeed out of spite for their doubt. I understand they think it's in my best interest to control everything I do, but I cannot understand the full repercussions of my mistakes unless I face them myself. And I cannot learn until I MAKE mistakes like this. I am not going to move back in with my parents, I am going to sell things until I can make this work. I'm updating my etsy and posting things on Facebook. I will handle this myself.

3. Finally, for those of you thinking I'm accustomed to spending "mommy and daddy's money", I worked two jobs in high school at the same time I was taking early college classes and I have been consistently working since then. I am only starting a new job because I moved. I spend MY OWN money. I like to shop, but that does not mean I don't work hard to be able to. The only things my parents have been paying for in the last two years is my phone bill and singing lessons that I asked for for Christmas. Do not accuse me of being a spoiled child.

Boiled eggs, pickles, cheez its, some homemade banana bread muffins, and OJ

Last night he told me once AGAIN (as he has many times before) that he's not happy with how his life is going. That he feels like hes not doing anything meaningful or living with purpose. Well I'm so sorry you're not satisfied with the amazing life you're having with me, maybe you should do something about it.

I can't help but take it personally when he expresses dissatisfaction with his life, because that life very much includes me. He gave up everything to move across the country to be with me and we have been living together for 3 years.

And I was under the impression we were living pretty well. We rent a nice townhome together, in a nice area, we have been traveling a bunch this year, from little weekend road trips to cross country flights. We both have good stable jobs. We cook together, we go to social events and concerts.

I do volunteer work but its for a cause he doesn't care enough about to get super involved in. I have asked him what volunteer work he WOULD want to do one time and he said maybe helping seniors who are tech-challenged but he hasn't ever followed through on that.

This guy is sweet, kind, like the opposite of mean-spirited, has a solid family, not to mention my family likes him and that's hard to accomplish. He pulls his own weight with shared expenses and is generally working on himself with his physical health and fitness, and seeing a therapist. Generally he treats me pretty well except for telling me once every couple of months that he's not happy with how his life is going.

Feels like I am dating someone who is having a midlife crisis in very slow motion. And that is not something I feel very good about committing to long term.

We are coming up on our 5 years anniversary which I made it clear I expect him to propose to me around then but now I'm thinking I should take that back???

FML.

Edit for those of you saying I'm the problem: YOU try spending years in a relationship with someone who keeps saying their life is meaningless and lacks purpose but won't actually do anything about it. Then report back and tell me how you feel.

i love lacey cookies!

so a couple days ago i hung out with a guy friend and we mostly text, probably have hung out about three other times over the past two months. oh my god he was just talking and talking the entire time about movies i’ve never even watched, just dropping title after title and it was so draining just listening to him. for 20 minutes going to and from the film we saw, it was just him yapping and me exclaiming to what he was saying. eventually i just stopped reacting to anything to see if he’d take the hint but no…and i didn’t want to snap at him either because he’s a nice guy, but i don’t think he gets that a conversation is only interesting to me if im also being asked questions and being shown that they’re interested in my thoughts. its also so hard for me to fake interest in a topic i have zero interest in, for example video games, so i end up leaving the interaction feeling robbed.

i think people are going to say that i should just introduce things im interested in to the conversation but i’m not really one to talk about myself unless asked, because what continuously happens when i talk to people is that i am always relegated as the listener, and if i start to talk about myself in anyway they immediately brush off whatever im saying, never giving a real response, just pivoting to the next topic or interest they want to talk about.

this happens with some girls too but mostly guys because for some reason this year i’ve just gotten to talking to more guys (none of which i’d ever be romantically interested in, purely platonic). i actually cried today just thinking about it because i was going to meet up with another guy friend to talk about something we had both seen but in the past he’s always just rambled to me and i didn’t want to be put in that position again so i just told him i wasn’t in the mood and left. both guys also just love bringing up names and passively mentioning things i have no clue about, and they don’t even slow down or pause to explain them which makes me think they just want to hear themselves talk and have someone to listen to, but at my expense. it’s just so incredibly frustrating. why do they fucking do this 😭 there’s 4 guys in my life who do this. i’m also on my period so i think hormones have to do with my sensitivity to this recently, but it’s something that’s been building up slowly and i think i should take a step back from those interactions.

first guy actually asked a few weeks ago if i wanted to hang out and watch scary movies on halloween and i said yes back then but after the other night im not sure anymore…especially because halloween is my birthday (he doesn’t know) and i’m not sure about spending my birthday with someone unless im 100% sure i’ll enjoy being with them. i’d honestly much rather see a film or do something by myself on my birthday and enjoy it than act okay being with someone else.

Dinner, wasa crispbread and anchovies

I've been seeing this guy for about 9 months. When we met, I was in an open relationship and we matched on Tinder as a casual hookup. He had also just gotten out of a relationship about 3 months before meeting me. So it was casual and occasional for a while.

I got out of the previous relationship in May and we started seeing each other more often. At this point (October) we see each other multiple times a week and usually spend the majority of the weekend together. I told him ~2 months ago that I'm interested in being in an actual relationship, and am in love with him, and he knows my goals (finding someone to marry, wanting a family in the near future).

He's told me that he loves me (though he doesn't say it often) and could see himself marrying and having a family with me. He's always gushing about the characteristics that he loves about me and how much he loves how he feels when he's around me. He is curious about me in an un-superficial way and we have a very strong friendship connection. When we're together he's attentive and I can tell he wants to take care of me (carrying my things, getting me water, etc.). He’s also very attracted to me. I’m his plus 1 to a wedding next March.

But he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend. When we talked about it last weekend he said that he's not sure that he's in love with me but he thinks he's getting there. He said he loves me and that hanging out with me is all he thinks about all day. That what we have feels different than his relationships in the past in the way we're actually friends, and that he feels our connection growing. He said that when it comes to building a foundation for marriage family that maybe there's more important things than being head over heels in love, but that really hurt my feelings. He also said that I wasn't comfortable with where things were at I could end things.

I'm having trouble reconciling the way it feels like he feels about me from what he's saying. On the one hand I absolutely don't want to be in a relationship with someone who's not in love with me, that sounds horrible. We've been hanging out consistently for 6 months, if he doesn't feel it by now I doubt anything is going to change.

I think a character trait of his is a compulsion to be "good", and I'm afraid that the things he does are just a result of this personality trait that I'm misconstruing as love. But I also know his last relationship was tumultuous and that he wasn't looking to get into another one when he met me, and he admits he might be held back by his own anxieties.

I've received the similar feedback from previous partners that were very much in love with me though - that they fell in love with me slowly after getting to know me and it didn't feel like previous situations where they were head over heels from the start. Maybe I'm just not the kind of girl guys can fall in love with like that.

One thing he said was that he didn't understand "what made me tick as a woman", that I didn't ask him for help with that much stuff. The thing is I do think he does know, it's just not the kind of stuff that inspires a man to feel loving and protective like that. I don't really crash out over things and I'm not girly. I'm not good at opening up and don't have practice relying on others. He said one thing he loved about his ex was how emotional she was and that she always knew where she was at emotionally.

I want to be someone's dream girl, is that delusional? But at the very least I want someone who can confidently say he loves me and is in love with me.

Food: got a burger with some fries

I really want to try salmon so so bad because it looks absolutely divine. I'm scared I'll hate it. I have been dabbling in the trying sushi because i LOVE avocado and cucumber rolls. I also feel like this girl on my YouTube shorts is my sign to try it because she made pumpkin shaped salmon sushi and it looks heavenly. Im really scared to venture out to trying more fish. Im pretty picky bc growing up i had a lack of access to certain foods. I make my own money and i can afford to try salmon. I just dont know if i should take that chance or not yet. I also dont know anyone who's ever had it so i can't really ask an opinion.

EDIT: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS AND YOUR OPINIONS. I have found it super helpful and i will be doing that soon when i manage to get the courage. (I also fixed my spelling with dabbling, thanks for pointing it out, i was half asleep when i made this post.)

salmon, spicy garlic green beans and sweet potatoes.

I’m a 23-year-old female living with my 23-year-old boyfriend in our first home. We started living together a couple of months after I turned 21. He wanted to help me out because I was living in a very toxic and abusive household. He offered for us to go live in a little house his parents had built behind their house. I said yes because, for one, I was desperate, and of course, I was also really excited to live with my boyfriend. I was freshly 21. I felt like I owned the world. I felt so grown and thought I knew everything. What an idiot.

We then decided to get our own place so he bought the house we’re currently living in last July, and things have been pretty rocky for a couple of months now.
For context, I live in Houston an hour away from my job. I work 40 hours a week, 7 to 4, and he works overnight, 3 to 3 Monday through Saturday. We only get to see each other on Sundays which is also the day we do all our chores, so it’s not like we get to do anything fun anyways.

I’ve noticed that a lot of the things he does bother me. They’re maybe not that big of a deal, but they bother me so much. Like I hate that he’ll move something from where I had it and not put it back. I hate that I have to clean up after him. I hate cleaning up after him. I hate that when I cook, he doesn’t say thank you. He just eats it and doesn’t say anything about it. I have to ask him if it’s good, and he always says, “Of course it’s good. I’m eating it all. Don’t you see? If it wasn’t good, I wouldn’t eat it.” I get that, but it’s nice to be complimented, right? I hate that he always wants to use the same towel. I have, multiple times, put two towels in the bathroom, obviously indicating that one is for him and one is for me. He always uses the one that I use. I tell him, “This is my towel,” and he says, “We’re both getting out of the shower. We’re both clean, so what’s the problem?” I’ve given up on this. I hate that when things run out, he doesn’t throw them away. He just leaves the empty bottle there to collect dust. He just doesn’t throw it away. I don’t get it. THROW IT AWAY.

I read something about weaponized incompetence, or something like that, and I feel like that’s what he does. He makes himself seem incapable of doing things just so I can do them. That shit sucks not only cause he does it but because I have allowed him to believe this, for him to continue doing it. He knows I won’t leave dirty dishes overnight because I hate it, so he knows even if he doesn’t wash the dishes. I will. He knows that if he doesn’t clean out things that have gone bad from the fridge, I’ll do it because I can’t stand having nasty food in there. Things will be out of place for days, and unless I move them, they won’t be moved. There’s a shot glass sitting on our kitchen island from last weekend. I’ve left it there purposely to see if he moves it. It is still currently there, just sitting there. I don’t understand. He does these types of things ALL the time.

I pay utilities. I’m not living here for free. I don’t complain about it, and I’m very grateful that he takes on the bigger financial things, but I hate that he throws things in my face.

Whenever I ask him, “When are you going to take me out on a date?” (I actually cannot remember the last time we went on a date), he always says, “I need to save up money. I have things to pay. I have a mortgage to pay.”

A picnic date is literally free, but okay.

We’re 23 years old, and we argue like we’re 85 and have been through the worst of the worst. I don’t understand. This is such a depressing relationship. I find myself always comparing it to my friend’s relationships and I feel so embarrassed for allowing myself to be with someone that clearly isn’t for me.

I don’t know if living with a man is the issue or if living with THIS man is the issue. It’s making me hate him. I don’t believe in taking breaks in a relationship. I feel that if you take a break, you might as well just break up. So I can’t say that I want to take a break, but I kind of want to break up. Maybe that’s what it is. But I’m so scared of living by myself. Like I said, I’m 23. I have a low-paying job ($18hr) and currently paying for my car ($600) which keeps me broke (I have tried trading it in for a cheaper car but the value is too low and I have a year left of these payments so it’s almost stupid I feel? to get rid of it at this point). My mom lives in her apartment that she fought so hard for after struggling for years financially and in an abusive marriage. I feel really bad having to ask her to accommodate me and my two cats, considering she has herself and two big dogs already in her little apartment. I don’t know if I can afford a place to live, and my cats NEED to come with me.

Speaking of cats and dogs, that’s another thing. Not too long ago, he asked me if I would be okay with him getting a puppy. I told him no because I work full-time, I’m also a full-time college student, have my cats, and household chores to do because he’s a fucking lazy mf that uses his job as an excuse to not do shit. Anyways, I told him it was not a good idea because, with his schedule, he’s barely home, and that puppy would end up being my responsibility. I said “I don’t want a puppy, so I don’t want the responsibility” He said, “I’ve already given a payment for it.”

I couldn’t believe it.

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK ME IF I WANT A PUPPY IF YOU’RE ALREADY IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING THE FUCKING PUPPY?

What the fuck?

The problem is not the puppy. The problem is HIM.
What the fuck? That’s all I can think about. What the fuck? I don’t understand. Who the fuck is this piece of shit?

And then he has the audacity to talk to me about marriage.

Absolutely not.

How can we get married if you won’t even consider my opinion about a fucking puppy? Holy shit. It’s pissing me off all over again. Anyways, I ended up just being like, you know what, whatever. He already got the puppy. There’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe things will be good. Of course, I knew they weren’t going to be because he’s a fucking lazy ass mf as it is. Never wants to do shit. It’s been two weeks since we got the puppy. He’s so exhausted. I can tell, but he won’t say it. I keep telling him, “You did this to yourself for no reason” And he’s like, “It’s no problem. I love her. She will get better.” We currently have an issue with her peeing in the house all the time. Maybe it’s wrong of me, idk, but sometimes if she pees late at night when I’m getting ready for bed, I won’t clean it up. I’ll put her to bed and leave it there until the next day. Let him deal with it.

My cats are under a lot of stress on top of all this because of the puppy. She, of course, is full of energy, and I don’t blame her. She’s a puppy. But my cats are so stressed. One of them has diarrhea. The other one is refusing to eat. They are so unhappy and its breaking my heart because they have always been such active babies and love to run around and do their thing anywhere anytime. Now they keep themselves in our room and I’ve had to pretty much move all their things there because they refuse to be out if she is.

I am so unhappy.

This is horrible.

I feel like any day now I’m going to explode. I cry so much. I’m so depressed. I’m so exhausted. I have thoughts of picking up smoking again after finally quitting two years ago. I have thoughts of self harming. I have never been this depressed, even when I was in high school lol.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can even afford an apartment. If anyone my age who lives on their owncan you please tell me how you do it?
What do you do? How much money do you make to maintain yourself comfortably?

I’m desperate. I feel like my life is slipping through my fingers, and I’m wasting my time raising a man that I fucking hate.

edits - stupid freaking paragraphs and car clarification

ANOTHER EDIT - IM CRYING U GUYS ARE AMAZING. I know I need to leave and I will, I don’t believe there is saving (also yes plenty of conversations have happened and plenty of “I’ll do better” “I’ll fix it” have been said as well. Shit always goes back to being the same). Thank you all so much for this insane advice. I cannot stop crying.

My (31f) boyfriend (32m) of 4 months has been nothing short of amazing and perfect to me. He’s never hidden anything and treats me like a queen. I’ve never caught him in a lie and never had any reason not to trust him. However I made the mistake of checking who he’s following on IG and I saw this girl, who posts nothing but extremely promiscuous photos and lives locally. I looked at her page and saw my bf has liked nearly all of her photos in an 18 month span, stopping right around the time we got together.

I wanted to say something because it made me highly uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to make it his problem and technically he “liked” everything when he was single. But I decided to keep an eye on her page to see if he started back up again - since she lives locally, I was becoming extremely paranoid he was cheating on me.

Anyway, I never said anything because I didn’t think too much of it. But yesterday I went to go check her profile to look. Turns out this girl BLOCKED me and still follows my boyfriend. I have no idea what to do, my brain is thinking the worst right now. Did he tell her to block me because he’s cheating? Is she in love with him and just can’t stand seeing my profile?

HELP!

Dude, I am losing my mind.

A little context.

I usually go to this one bar with my friends. I know the staff there, and it’s cozy, and you know the people because it’s the most popular pub in the area, so there are a lot of regulars.

I (28F) was out with my friends at another bar, and when it was slowly getting to closing time, my tipsy self thought it was a good idea to pop into the pub to see what was happening there.
One of the barmen was sitting at the bar, sippin’ a beer, chatting to other guests and the staff still working. We said hi (we only know each other a little, he only started working there a few weeks ago), and we started to joke and chat and came to the conclusion that we (now a group of four) were not done drinking.
I mentioned I live two minutes away, and it was a done deal.
We started making our way towards my place and pretty much immediately lost the rest of the group, so it was just us two.

I was not thinking ANYTHING by it.

We were at mine, smoking cigs out the window, talking, yapping, and it genuinely was a good vibe. I was truly not thinking about anything that might happen.

We started watching a movie (not even sure which one), and he kissed me. The kiss was okay. He made moves to go further, but I said no, and he immediately stopped and accepted it. (I know, the bar is in hell, but as someone who gets reduced to her body and sexualized all the time, it was nice that he didn’t seem too bothered by it.)

We just cuddled. I had my chin on his chest, talking to him, and he looked at me, sighed, and said, “God, you are so pretty.”

Butterflies immediately.

Then I fell half asleep on top of him, and he moved a little, and I made this little “mm?” sound, and he just went, “You’re good, baby.”

And that made my stomach all warm and goosebumps all over my skin.

HOW PATHETIC IS IT THAT THAT’S ALL IT TOOK?!

He also mentioned that he’d liked me since I first walked into that bar. UGH.

We then went up to my bed. We cuddled. And slept. Nothing more.

He stuck around until like 2 PM, when he had to go.

Now the not-so-fun part.

We haven’t really texted since. Just a little two days later because he saw me at the bar, but when he came out to say hi, I was gone.

But since then? Nothing.

We’ve seen each other at the pub, and it’s just glances, he says hi, and that’s about it.

My mate casually asked him (they’re friends too) if anything else was happening, and he said no. When asked if he wanted anything to happen, he answered with “nothing serious, but down for casual.”

Which, basically, I would be fine with, but I have an issue with having sex because of past trauma. I just need time and trust, and for a situationship, that is not the most practical option.

Also, since that night, I CAN’T get him out of my head.
Like, calling me baby is all it fucking takes?!

SO I think a FWB situation will end badly if I’m already emotionally invested.
I do not want to start something just for the sake of being close to him and being in his presence, because deep down I’m hoping that one day he’ll return these feelings. And if he doesn’t, I’m the one who’s hurting.

And he was upfront about it.

ALSO, have I mentioned that he’s a bit fucked up? A past with drugs, mentally not so stable, traumatized by his ex…

AND MY STUPID ASS HAS A CRUSH BECAUSE IT WAS NICE NOT TO WAKE UP ALONE FOR A CHANGE.

And i felt safe. i usually don't feel safe around men i barely know.

I feel dumb. And pathetic.

Sorry, I just needed to vent, and this got longer than it was supposed to be.
Sorry, guys. Feels good to write it down.

Dinner was an incredible dish in the best asian restaurant in dublin (Maneki)

My BF is going to the military

Hi so I (f 17) have a bf (m 17) who called me out of the blue yesterday to tell me that there’s a slight chance that after boot camp and basic training he might be deployed to Iran and I am spiraling right now.

So a bit of context. Me and my bf met in middle school and started dating our freshman year, currently we’re seniors we we’ve been dating for around 4 years. He was in baseball and was trying to go pro until our junior year he quit because he was fed up with the baseball coach. I was pretty surprised when he quit because he’s been playing basically his whole life but seeing how much happier he became when he quit baseball I supported it.

So I asked him around end of junior year “since you quit baseball what’s your plan?” And he told me he’s thinking of becoming an engineer since he likes math. I supported that full heartedly. Then over the summer he told me he’s thinking changed his mind and he’s thinking of going into the military, specifically the army. I was worried but didn’t voice my fears because it is his life and future and I’m just the girlfriend and I have no say in how his life should go but I did voice my fears to my and his mom. My mom supported my bf in going to the army as my dad was in the army and he got many benefits out of it. His mom understood my worries and promised to make sure he won’t agree to something dangerous. So that put my mind at ease and I supported my bf with going into the army. He signed his contract a month or so ago and now calls me out of the blue saying “we need to talk.”

He told me that he decided to be a combat engineer, which summarizes to he’s going to work with explosives and land mines. When I heard this I was completely shocked and dumbfounded. I didn’t understand why he decided to choose this path. He also decided to drop another bombshell on me and that was that after boot camp and basic training there’s a possible chance that he’ll be deployed to Iran.

I’m really confused and scared and kinda angry at him. I told him I need space to process this and now I have no idea how to progress from here.

Sorry this was really long.

Food: apple cherry crumble pie with matcha

Edit: some people were asking me why I was angry and the reason was because I know my bf is a smart guy. He got an 83 on his ASVAB and I know he could have picked a path with a much lower mortality rate than a combat engineer. Though again I understand it is his life and I’m just his girlfriend so I have no right to say what he does with his life but still I can’t help but feel a little frustrated by this news. Am I wrong for that?

Coaches cheese on tomato slices and boiled eggs

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. My mom’s graduation is coming up in a couple of months. And I do not want to go. I know I should be excited and happy for her for getting another degree but I’m not. I truthfully don’t really care. I know that sounds horrible, but I can’t get myself to care. She’s been in college my whole life so this is not a new exciting thing.

For background, she is emotionally abusive. I won’t get into too many details, but it is definitely caused some tension between us. And one of the things she does is downplay my achievements and up-play all of my mistakes. And she’s always complaining about the work she has to do in school when I have to do probably twice the amount with her up my ass telling me that I’m not achieving anything.

She was complaining about having to write one 5 page essay. I probably write two of those per class. I’m taking per quarter.

I also am terrified of planes, which I would need to get onto to go to the graduation. That’s something I could easily overcome if I actually wanted to go.

I plan on telling her that I have a lot of classwork and I have to be in class because of a participation grade or something.

I haven’t actually told her yet. But is making me take more classes for a quarter because I’m behind because I am struggling in college level classes. So with that, I have no free time I’m not able to even hang out with my friends or take care of myself.. I only have time to shower once a week because I’m so exhausted and burnt out. I know I sound really soft and that’s because I am, but I don’t need those comments that are just like “oh my God grow up”. I already know I have to, it’s redundant.

She will absolutely hold it against me if I don’t go or try not to go. Whenever I don’t do what she wants she says I’m abusing her. But her screaming and yelling is starting to lose its effect on me. So I don’t really care anymore she’ll always be mad about something.

What should i do?

Edit: why do my comments keep getting downvoted?

dinner: baked sea bass with garlic, thyme, and boiled spinach

i (20f) have been in a relationship my boyfriend (20f) for close to a year now. we met online, grew close very quickly, and subsequently became inseparable. i started my relationship with him about 6 months after breaking up with my past toxic partner (which was my first relationship) and was absolutely overwhelmed with joy when my new relationship began to blossom. i finally was experiencing a healthy relationship with someone who really respected me and how i feel, and i felt that i was finally with someone i could see myself being with in the long term.

neither of us have an argumentative personality which is something i value greatly, so we haven’t really had any disagreements at all. i told him before we started dating that i tend to have quite a jealous personality but i would never act upon that jealousy or say something if it wasn’t genuinely justified. i know to keep those feelings to myself if im just being overly jealous.

his friends have been planning to go to morocco together in summer time. my boyfriend asked them if i was allowed to come with (i didn’t ask him to say that nor did i know he asked that till a few hours later), only for him to get the thumbs down from pretty much everyone who was going. one person in particular gets me particularly worried, however.

he has this one friend who was fine when i met him the first time. chatted a little bit, got no red flags from him. however, every time after that he seemed to always say something about getting my boyfriend to cheat on me. jokingly saying he’s already cheated on me. told him they should go somewhere for him to cheat on me. he’d say this stuff even when i’m not there (my boyfriend would tell me). last time i saw him he even pretended he “forgot my name” which felt like some corny highschool attempt of a power move against me. i don’t know what provoked this attitude towards me when i know for a fact i haven’t even talked to him much for me to say something bad about him.

he also does use substances and drinks quite a lot and that’s what i’m worried about with him also going on that trip. i’m concerned he might encourage my boyfriend to keep drinking/using more substances while encouraging him to cheat till he does. and then i have the dilemma of “well if he does it, he did it himself. he can’t have other people forcing him to do it” which i do agree with but i just feel so confused about it. i don’t know how much of a substance or what substance you need to be unaware of what you’re doing.

i can’t tell if this friend is doing this out of jealousy for the fact that we’re in a happy relationship, because he wants to see his friends in the mud and broken up, or because he’s secretly gay and wants my boyfriend lol? like i know straight dudes touch each other and shit quite often but i have no perception of to what extent is normal when i never even had straight guy friends. i wouldn’t even know how to describe how much they touch each other id just have to say it’s quite a lot? like arse touching, fake fucking when my boyfriend bends over, that kinda stuff?

anyway gay tangent over, i dont know what to say. i dont wanna be a dick and tell him i don’t want him to go on a trip with all his friends just cause of that guy but also i don’t know how id feel not knowing what was going on.

Please don’t say hobbies.

29F, will be 30 in 3 days. They’re always condescending, or ignoring me. The ones I try to date just want sex, the ones who pursue me just want sex. I’ve never had many platonic male friends, unless they were gay. I’ve never been in a relationship, and only on maybe a handful of dates. If that.

I have friends, but they have way fuller lives than me, so I end up only seeing them once every few weeks and we usually just chill at their house. Everyone around me is dating, married, or engaged. I’m legit one of only two of my friends that’s single: and none of them are chronically single like I am. I’d spend more time with them, but they don’t actually have the time for me. That’s fine, they have their own lives and everything. I don’t push.

I don’t want to keep doing this alone. Has anyone in my shoes ever gotten out? Figured out what’s wrong? And please, do NOT tell me it’ll come when I least expect it. Or to just wait. Or that I’m fine the way I am, cause im not. There’s something fundamentally wrong with me.

So basically I’m 30, and I gave up on dating. It’s always been my dream to find a partner, settle down and have children. But I’ve had to accept that I’m probably never gonna find a guy that likes me, I feel like it would’ve happened in my 20s if it ever were to happen. The same thing would always happen, guy would come into my life show me some interest, I would reciprocate the interest, I would feel like I was building a connection, I would communicate well, only for them to push me away and say that they do not see me in a romantic way. I did try dating again last year, but I decided to just do it so nonchalant, I feel like the game is now that you have to just be uninterested to keep someone interested.

I went on a date with a guy at the start of 2025, we had matched on the dating at Bumble, and he was very warm, friendly, and seemed interested. He very early on expressed in December 2024 that he would really love to meet me, that he’s got busy schedules in December but he would love to meet me in January. He kept in touch over the Christmas period, he would send me pictures of what he was doing, we haven’t talked on Christmas Day over the app. I felt like I was looking forward to meet him.

By January, replies became slow, and I thought I’d just been ghosted. I went on holiday to Portugal, and I was putting some pictures up on my Instagram story, and I think that sparked him to message me and finally asked me on the date.

I find dating quite quite nerve wracking and vulnerable but he messaged me to meet me in a pub for a drink. It was my first weekend new job, so I was quite stressed because I left the office quite late, so I got to the venue 20 minutes late which I was very apologetic for. He did not seem impressed, he was just like asking me what happened. He didn’t smile at me or anything for the first half of the day, he was looking at me in a way which I felt like I was being judged which I actually just think is his character he is very stoic, but it was completely different to them very warm and very friendly communication that I was receiving on the app. I came to the conclusion that he just wasn’t attracted to me, but he did warmup in the later half of the date and even as we were walking to the train station, he started talking excitedly about restaurants and things that we could go to.

I texted him when I got home from the date just with something that we had talked about, but he never responded. And I just deleted his number and I moved on.

But in March this year, I got a message from an Unknown number, Who i later found out was him. He had said he had seen me on the dating app and asked me if I was still single or whether I was in a relationship but was just bored. We chat a bit about his marathon training, I suggested that rather than texting on an app I would rather just go for a coffee and meet in person because I don’t wanna waste my time, and he said that would be nice, but at the minute he’s lying low because he’s been out quite a lot and he’s quite tired from work so I was like okay whatever..

The month after, he did keep in touch, but it was like a sporadic text here and there. Sometimes flirty and I would flirt back and then he wouldn’t even reply to that. I would try and make an effort to have a conversation so I would respond to his question, I might share a picture. I would ask him a question.

And he would always reply late with something completely unrelated to what I’ve said, wouldn’t acknowledge anything in my message. I noticed this pattern over the whole of April, and frankly I got quite exhausted of it. I don’t know why he was doing this? Felt like he just didn’t know how to have like a conversation, everything was always turned back on himself.

Eventually, I just decided to ghost him, and I kept getting messages from him asking me when I’m free, saying he’s disappointed that I’m not responding. I told him I was just bored, I was bored of the conversation, I was bored of not like meeting and if he wants to continue any conversation with Me, he has to plan a date. Otherwise, I was leaving it there.

So we went on a date he planned a lovely day out, and things were completely different with him. That was more warmth and less awkwardness, he looked at me in a way which I felt like he was attracted to me, we went to the cinema on the way home from the date, which was very spontaneous, and he held my hand. We had a little kiss in the car before we parted ways. There was chemistry and I really enjoyed my time with him

Then it was back to his weird cold messages, ignoring questions that I asked and responding back with something completely unrelated, really don’t know what that’s about. And then he asked me when I’m free for our next date, because he said he wanted to lock it in. And then he didn’t reply for three weeks, because his grandmother was ill.

This man is 40, am I doing something wrong? I don’t know if I need to like play a different game, or play games? Do I need to act completely uninterested even when we’re actively going on dates? I worry I’m too boring, not mysterious enough, not funny enough. I’m just worrying about all these things because I don’t know how you become a guy one. How do you actually keep a man interested?

i’ve been a fence sitter on the topic of having kids for quite a while. and i’m not in a financial position to raise a child in any way shape or form right now anyway. but last night, in my dream, i found myself pregnant and it made my heart sing?

like it wasn’t one of those dreams where suddenly your circumstances change and everything’s shifted a bit to the left. in the dream i was still broke and overworked with a partner i haven’t been intimate with in months, but i realized there was a baby bump, and before i could take a test, i saw a tiny little foot pressing out against my belly. which… of course that was enough confirmation to render the test unnecessary lol.

somehow my dream logic convinced me that this could be possible even through my extended dry spell, and that i could maybe handle being a parent even though im working so hard to keep the bills paid.

but im getting to that age where, if you want to get pregnant, you have to be sure because you have to seriously work at it. and waking-me is still not as sure as dream-me was. but dang… i woke up to my period and a little streak of sadness 😓

girl dinner: grilled cheese on homemade bread dipped in marinara (don’t tell [r/grilledcheese](r/grilledcheese), i put crispy onions in it and it was delicious)

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eta: dang based on the vote ratio, this post has already become my most controversial post of all time, and that’s saying something considering i made a post about incels that hit /popular last week 😅 (to be fair that one’s listed as my second most controversial lol)

sorry for posting about a dream and having complicated feelings on becoming/not becoming a parent yall, but this conversation has already been so thought provoking, i appreciate all the input so far! 🩷

Food: Day old Cantina Chicken "Crispy" taco minus jalapeno sauce add onions. (the black spec in the cheese sauce is a burnt bit from the taco I swear!!!!

Sorry, this is going to be another guy post 😭
(and a longgggg one)

But before I get into that, I shall share some positives! I finally decluttered my apartment AND got a new big TV. We are living it large out here.

Anyway, now to the diary entry.

I met this guy, we hung out like five times, and then he just disappeared. Five months later, we crossed paths again, and this time we ended up in a full-on situationship.
I would sleep over at his place for two days in a row, then he'd come over to mine. We texted constantly, spent most of our free time together, went out, all that fun stuff.

Both of us had some pretty significant relationship trauma, so we purposefully agreed to "stay casual." but ya know... when you're spending that much time with someone, feelings develop.

and boy...did they develop.

He had already told me that he didn't see me as someone he'd marry or have children with, and that he didn't envision a future with me. (look at that a previous post!!!)

I still fell in love with him, and eventually I told him.

He told me that his feelings hadn't grown.

Which was really difficult for me to reconcile with the relationship we had developed. I wasn't expecting a marriage proposal or anything, but hearing that from someone I had become so emotionally attached to was devastating.

I grieved that relationship terribly.

I stopped eating, I was emotionally all over the place, and I handled a lot of things incredibly poorly. I bombarded his phone with calls, knowing it would upset him, and sent him some genuinely awful messages about how terrible he was.

I'm not proud of any of that. I was hurting, but that doesn't excuse how I behaved.

The next time I saw him in person, he was out with his friend, his friend's girlfriend, and her best friend.

And he was getting hella close to the best friend.
and I proceed to lose my mind.

I was already struggling with the rejection, and seeing him potentially interested in someone else right in front of me made everything so much worse.

Long story short, there were several attempts at no contact, which I kept breaking (I KNOW). Eventually, we started spending evenings together at my apartment just talking, sometimes for hours.

At some point, I suggested that maybe we should actually take some space and see where we were in a few weeks.

And during that time, he slept with the girl I had been worried about.

Of course he did. Lmao.

I worked on myself, I grieved but used the motivation to make myself a better, stronger person.

A few weeks later, I saw him at a bar during the World Cup. I was there to watch soccer, didn't say hello, didn't look his way, just minded my business.

His friend's girlfriend and the girl were there too. They walked past me, looked at me and giggled, which felt absolutely humiliating at the time. I don't know what they were laughing about, but given everything that had happened, it was difficult not to take it personally.

I brushed it off as best I could and kept watching the game.

A few days later, he reached out.
He wanted to talk. He told me he missed me.

And, well, another long story short...

We're back together. Exclusively.
We've had some really honest conversations about what happened. He opened up about how badly his previous relationship had hurt him and how certain similarities between that experience and ours had brought up fears he hadn't really worked through. But he realized his past was clouding his judgement and determined that he trusted me enough to try things out with me.

I also had to take accountability for my own behavior, because I know I contributed to how unhealthy things became.

We've both made a conscious effort to communicate differently. He tells me when something bothers him, I do the same, and we try to understand each other instead of immediately reacting.

And the strange thing is, we've been genuinely happy together ever since.

He spends most of his free time with me. He'll stop by after rehearsal at 1 a.m. just to say hi and hang out for a little while. He takes me out, he's affectionate, he's met my family, and he even bought my baby niece presents while he was on vacation.

In August, after we'd spent a week apart, he came back and told me he loved me.

And I couldn't say it back.

Not because I didn't love him.

I absolutely did.

But the last time I told this man I loved him, the outcome was losing him and eventually finding out he'd slept with someone else.

And something about that experience has made loving him feel frightening.

Which is where I'm struggling.

I know that we weren't together when he slept with her. I know he was trying to move on. I understand that he wasn't necessarily choosing her over me.

But emotionally, that's exactly what it felt like.

I loved him, I wanted him, and he was able to pursue someone else. And the fact that it was the exact girl I had been worried about made it feel so much more personal.

I remember being physically sick over the possibility of them sleeping together. I remember telling myself, while throwing up in my bathroom, that if he ever slept with her, I would never speak to him again.

And yet, here I am.

My therapist once told me that some people need to get under someone to get over someone.

Which, sure, I understand.

But he got under someone else... only to come back to me?

I know that's an oversimplification of what happened, but it's something my brain keeps returning to.

And what's frustrating is that I genuinely believe he loves me now.
He actually says it more often than I do. He's consistent, he makes time for me, and when we're together, I feel happy, comfortable, and loved.

But when we're apart, I sometimes find myself slipping back into the same anxiety I felt when we weren't talking.
I remember wondering whether he was with her, whether he had already moved on, whether I meant anything to him at all.

And even though things are completely different now, those feelings still resurface.

Sometimes I'll see her in the background of a random Instagram video (intersecting friend groups) and suddenly feel like everything happened yesterday.

I told him recently that she reminds me of an incredibly painful time in my life. That I loved him then, and I love him now, and part of me is terrified of being the person who loves him so much only to get left behind again.

Fear is the actual wound. She's just the reminder.

He told me he understood my fears, that he loved me, and that he was happy to be with me.

And I believe him.

I just wish believing him made the fear go away.

There are so many bigger fish to fry in the world, and yet my brain remains completely fixated on the fact that he slept with someone else.

I don't want to punish him forever for something that happened when we weren't together. I don't want to keep comparing myself to a woman who probably doesn't think about me at all. And I certainly don't want to sabotage something that has actually become really lovely.

But I also don't want to pretend that the past didn't hurt me just because the present is better.

I wanted this relationship so badly, and now that I have it, I'm struggling to fully relax into it.
I grieved the death of this relationship, but like Lazarus, it rose back up again. Unfortunately, nobody warned me that just because something comes back to life doesn't mean you forget what it felt like to bury it.

I guess I'm wondering whether anyone else has experienced something similar.

Have you ever gotten back together with someone you genuinely loved, only to discover that even though the relationship was healthier, your feelings hadn't quite caught up?

How do you stop associating loving someone with the last time that love hurt you?

Because I really do love him.

I just want loving him to feel safe again.

TW for brief descriptions of DV, child abuse, suicide and death.

Tl;dr My mother spent my childhood suing the people responsible for leaving my sister severely disabled and maimed, often leaving me and my two older brothers alone with our abusive father while she was at the hospital getting things documented with my sister. My sister was awarded $8–15 million, but she’s now on hospice. My eldest brother died by suicide because of the trauma we endured, and my surviving brother turned to drugs. My mother just told me about the lawsuit and the money, which my brothers knew nothing about. Because of my family’s circumstances, I’ll inherit it all when my sister dies. My mother made that choice. My surviving brother has no idea.

I grew up extremely poor. My family lived below the poverty line. Two older brothers, an older sister and me. My sister was maimed and left severely disabled after an incident, by the fault of people charged with protecting her. I won’t go into detail about it, as it’s extremely identifiable and I don’t need anybody recognising me. But it decreased her life expectancy to just years, a decade or two at most, and her quality of life is abysmal.

I always wondered why my mother never sued. I used to ask her and get some vague answers about how it only would’ve made our lives harder, and they were just trying to pick up the pieces and carry on. But it made me resentful, admittedly.

My sister was always the favourite, all the extra attention went into her, my mother would disappear with her for months at a time taking her to specialised programs and treatments at world class hospitals across our country or even in other countries—leaving the other three of us with our severely abusive father and no money left for a second or third meal of the day.

My sister was spared the abuse by virtue of how disabled and sick she was. One of my brothers learned early on how to shut up and keep his head down. But my other brother and I… we got it really bad. One particularly bad concussion left my brother with cluster headaches at 13.

That same year, after 10 horrific years spent with him, my mother uprooted all us kids and we moved across the country in the middle of the night to a small town where he’s unable to find us. But the damage was already done.

My brother developed addictions to try and manage the pain from his cluster headaches, and deal with the trauma he lived with from the abuse we suffered. He confided in me at one point that he’d been offered a place in a trial that had promising results for cluster headache sufferers, and he wanted to take it. Then he found out it wasn’t covered by healthcare yet. With how sick and disabled our sister is, and how she’s always been the favourite, the focus, he did what we had been trained to—he… left the trial. Because he didn’t want to ask our mother for any money that we had been taught should go to my sister instead.

If we were expected to give up meals so she could be part in random trials around the world, then how could he ever justify taking part in a trial himself when my mother could use that money for something for my sister instead? We were so well trained by that point. My sister was so clearly the favourite. Her birthday was the passcode to everything, including the credit card PIN numbers. Every holiday was one she had chosen. And yes, weirdly enough, we managed to afford several holidays after we left my father and cut off our one income—in hindsight, this is one of the things that should’ve tipped me off. My mother didn’t work, but she said she had saved a lot from when she did, and we were living off the interest supposedly. That’s the story we got. My sister would get double the presents, she got to pick any pet we got, etc. So it went without saying that we grew up to believe everything in our lives needed to be directed around her, and therefore—no cluster headache trial.

He took his own life a few months later.

I grew up knowing my mother was getting older and increasingly unwell, and that I would eventually be expected to care for my sister. My other brother escaped into drugs and alcohol, too, so it fell to me.
I geared my life around it. I resented my sister for being the favourite, and sometimes thought horribly that if she’d died, my mother might have left our father sooner and spared us all that abuse.

But I love my sister. None of this is her fault. She doesn’t even know about any of it, and she loves us so, so much. So I dedicated my life to becoming the best possible caregiver for her.

I did healthcare courses, then went to uni for journalism and law. I’ve always wanted to be a journalist, but I know I’d make a good lawyer, and I need to earn enough to support the carousel of carers and medical professionals my sister requires.

I’ve always wanted to be an author, though. To actually use my voice for me for once. My life has always been dedicated to advocating for others. I was born with that job, but books and writing were my escape.

Alas, my sister comes first. So I went into law and journalism. Filled out the paperwork to apply for scholarships, because we’re still so poor. But the scholarships are assets and income tested, so I needed proof from my mother that we have no income except her piddly savings, which she told me were $40k at around that time—far below the half a million dollar threshold.

My mother put it off for weeks. Then my sister got extremely sick. Her heart is failing, and it’s filling her lungs with fluid. She stops breathing sometimes, and an alarm she’s hooked up to will go off, screaming through the house. And so my mother told me she had something to tell me.

They did sue. And when I was 10, they were awarded money. In exchange, the matter would be settled out of court, but no “settlement” would be exchanged—no admission of wrongdoing. An award of money. A donation. How philanthropic of the people who maimed my sister and will be her killers.

I won’t say the amount, but it’s between 8-15 million dollars awarded to my sister directly. The largest sum of money that had ever been awarded to any singular benefactor in the place we lived at that point in time. This money doesn’t include the individual awards given to my mother and father. Between half a million and a million each. My father put his in gold, apparently. My mother owns three plots of land—and our home. I knew about none of it. My cousins, my aunts, my uncles, family fucking friends knew. But not my brothers or I.

And because my sister is dying, that trust will dissolve soon. Apparently, the way it’s intended to work is that when the recipient dies, the trust dissolves and splits between the remaining immediate family members—my brothers, my parents and I. Except, my mother is still legally married to my POS father, and my brother is deep into drugs and gang activities. So my mother has spent the last several years going to court over and over, and consulting with an array of attorneys, to ensure that when my sister passes, the money only moves onto me.

I’ll inherit it all. I didn’t even fucking know about it a few months ago. My mother is confused that I’m so fucking gutted, and I can’t talk to any of my friends because how am I supposed to explain that becoming a millionaire is the worst thing to ever happen to me? I lost my childhood for this money. The lawyers told my mother that their best chance at winning if it went to court was if we met a standard of a picture-perfect family who were otherwise perfect, until the Incident. So my mother stayed with my father. The defence delayed everything constantly by pushing for more and more tests, insisting that evidence could be found to prove my sister wasn’t as bad off as my mother made her out to be.

So my mother had to keep taking her to all these different doctors around the country and around the world to have elaborate tests and treatments done, just to prove that nothing ever improved. Every holiday, every pet being picked by my sister is because everything was paid for by her. Her blood money. Every password, every PIN number being her birthday? Apparently it’s a reminder to my mother every time she buys something—this is paid for out of your daughter’s blood money, so do you really need it? They get a quarterly payment out of the trust, and my mother has to prove to the company where every dollar is spent. Which is why basic necessities were struggling to be covered for my siblings, but my sister was getting dozens of presents every Christmas. Every SINGLE thing in my life ties back to this stupid fucking money, and it’s the worst thing that could have happened to me.

Without it, I’d still have my brother. Without it, I’d have my sister. I’d have my other brother, not lost to drugs. We wouldn’t have been stuck with an abusive POS for a father. We would’ve been able to grow up with our mother. I could’ve followed my dreams. I could’ve gotten a scholarship I earned, and deserved, rather than a lame one simply because I don’t qualify for the others.

All of my drama-loving, leech cousins buddying up to me in recent years was because my aunt had shared with them about the money. My other aunt constantly trying to hold cherished childhood photos of my brothers hostage to force me into getting coffee with her or something when she couldn’t have cared less about my brother when he was alive, desperately trying to reach out to the little family we had left, isn’t because she had some wakeup call after his death—it’s because she knows about the money and who it’s going to go to. Fucking everybody knew, but my brothers and I, who aside from my sister, gave up the absolute most for this piece of shit blood money. It makes me sick. I hate all of them. I hate the money. I hate that my mother thought it was good compensation for the childhood we had. I hate that I wasted so, so many years resenting and hating my sister for being the favourite, the “spared”, the protected, all because I didn’t know what was actually going on, and now she’s dying and I’ll never get those years back with her. I hate that instead of my brother and sister, that’s all I’ll have. I hate that I’m in my second year of uni and nobody will understand why I’m crying over inheriting millions. I hate that it could’ve saved my brother. I hate that I’ve worked so hard all my life, suffered so much, graduated several years early and it’s all been for fucking money that I was lied to about. I can’t even earn my own goddamn scholarship that I fought for years for. I worked so hard for it just to be unable to apply because of this money that I didn’t earn at all.

Everyone chose to sacrifice us, making the executive decision for us that the money we would inherit would be decent enough compensation one day. I hate that I grew up poor while my sister grew up rich, and I hate that I understand my mother’s reasonings for most things, because the impact of them was so horrible at the time. The favouritism in hindsight… of course my sister should’ve been the one to choose everything. It’s her money. But nobody told us anything. In fact, they explicitly lied about it. My mother said she wanted us to live our own lives and create our own paths without the knowledge that we’d inherit millions one day—she didn’t want us depending on that. I hate that, seeing how my brother is now, I understand why she made that choice.

Because my brother, the one person who understands, who loves everything with me, the only one who could possibly conceptualise what a monumental betrayal and heartbreak this is… he’s not inheriting any of it. He gets nothing for his troubles, except a whole lot of trauma. And with the person he’s become, it is justified. He would just depend on the money, and see it as the world finally giving him what he deserves for his pain, then he’d use a good chunk on the first wild night and OD, with his luck. Or get stabbed again, and not wake up this time. So I’ve become all the people I’m scorning. I’m hiding it from him. The money he would be just as entitled to, I am taking all of.

I had a horrible childhood, and yet somehow, I was never jaded from it. Now I’m just so jaded, so betrayed. I’m so, so angry and resentful, and I have no idea where to go in life from here. It’s completely shattered the foundation everything I know has been built on. Every choice I made in life, based on a lie.

I apologise for the supremely long tangent. And I want to really thank anyone who stuck around this far down. I hope you jumped around or skim read, because I think the only thing worse than living all this would have to be reading it. As stated, I’m unable to talk about this with anyone in my personal life, so I really just needed some girlfriends to vent with, maybe even get some advice if anyone could possibly advice any part of this niche, nuanced disaster.

Even the counsellors at my uni kind of mocked me about this until I broke down in class one day, and my journalism tutor (thank god for her) pressed me hard about what’s wrong (I’m an excellent student so my performance dropping is really unusual for me) and then met with one of the counsellors herself to talk to them about me and got
me an appointment. I just… can’t fathom what my life has become. If this had been a soap opera, I’d have turned it off by now for how much it’s reaching.

Dinner is the all-day big breakfast (salad, bacon, hashbrown, scrambled eggs on sourdough toast, avocado and mushrooms) offered at the cafe down my street and a rose latte.
.

I had a shit day at work but won’t let that bleed into my ACOTAR 6 release night! Happy release day to all who celebrate!

Girl dinner is popcorn with maggi (chicken bullion) and French green beans.

Ramen from a pop up

My resume looks like a mess, what can I do next?

I graduated in 2022 with a useless degree from a top school.

I originally wanted to be a doctor, but couldn’t follow through because of anxiety and depression. I also found out last year (shortly before losing my insurance) that I have ADHD, which remains untreated to this day due to insurance issues and med shortages.

Here are the jobs I’ve had since graduating:

2022-mid 2024: Office Coordinator at Hedge fund- I was basically a receptionist and dabbled in admin/secretarial tasks. I left when I had another job lined up, but after onboarding they changed my location.

Aug 2024- October 2024 - professional development contract employee at a top law firm. This was a
short contract, just helped them welcome new attorneys and log CLE hours. Left because I was being bullied terribly.

Jan 2025 - September 2025 - business operations associate at startup/hedge fund.
Here, I had tasks in office management, compliance, Bizops, investor relations and HR. Got burnt out quickly, was threatened with a PIP. Constantly working overtime, but getting criticized for my work. I felt like I was going to get fired soon, and felt so stupid all the time, I thought maybe corporate wasn’t for me, and decided to pivot into something that seems more stable.

September 2025 - Now: Living off of savings taking pre requisites for nursing school. But there’s no guarantee I’ll get in and I’m nervous. Also, the job market for new nurses is terrible in NYC (where I live).

Did I ruin my career? Where can I even go from here?

Dinner is a good ole plate of penne with tomato sauce and a vegan cordon bleu on the side.

Over the past few years, since my breakup, I’ve been going through a bit of a journey of self-discovery (which might not be quite over yet). I’m not really looking for advice (let alone judgment), but rather just an exchange of perspectives. Are there people here who feel similarly and can relate? Or feel differently, don’t really get it, partly get it, or… well, anything in between?

Sooo, I don’t think of relationships in boxes, but rather in terms of connections. To me, intimacy, love, sex, romance and commitment don’t necessarily have to go hand in hand. They can overlap without having to turn into a conventional relationship.

Casual dating doesn’t mean that I don’t care about someone. I don’t want a committed (monogamous) relationship, but I still want emotional intimacy, trust, affection and shared experiences. I can care about someone, feel attracted to them and share romantic moments with them without wanting a relationship. Casual doesn’t mean meaningless to me.

I also don’t think friendships have to be strictly platonic. I love my friends with all my heart. That love is just as valuable to me without having to be romantic. At the same time, friendships can include romantic moments, physical intimacy or even a sexual component (e.g. occasionally making out with friends) without changing what the friendship is. Flirting with friends feels completely normal to me. Not every attraction is a promise, and not every affectionate gesture is a declaration of intent.

What matters to me isn’t the label we put on a connection, but how we treat each other. I value honesty, respect, trust and genuine affection. I can allow myself to be close to someone without that automatically creating expectations, possessiveness or obligations. At the same time, freedom doesn’t mean being careless with other people’s feelings.

I want to be able to love people without that love always having to take the same form. I can desire someone without wanting to be in a relationship with them, and I can have friendships that are more emotionally intimate than some romantic relationships. Different people can matter to me in different ways without any of those connections being less valuable than the others.

Does any of this make sense to anyone? As I said, I’m still figuring things out myself, but one thing I do know for sure is that I don’t want to be in a conventional relationship anymore. Maybe I am poly? I cannot really imagine being in a relationship with multiple people at once, but who knows?!

dinner: chicken kalamaki skewers with pita bread and tzatziki sauce

this is a really long post, it’s just about my journey in my education, family, a bit of trauma and career and the significant toll it has taken on me, and how i just don’t feel like moving on. i just felt the need to get this off my chest because i have been internalizing so much that it now physically hurts and i randomly cry all the time. just a rant and trauma dump from a depressed 23 year old that just wants peace and solace, nothing else.

i had a really tough realization that im internally drowning, and it’s becoming harder and harder to catch up with life and feel better, even though i have moments of good times and peace and bad moments (like today).

long story short: im burned out by my own career. i feel stuck in it since i already studied four years of it as an undergrad (i studied information technology). IT was never my first choice, in fact i had no other choices. i was pulled out of highschool after 9th grade abruptly by my parents as they believed that it would help with my behavioral issues (SA by a close family member as a child and the fact that i had caught my dad cheating on my birthday month and it had spiraled into me making bad decisions after bad decisions after the issue was simply forgotten about, were the main cause). i was also sent back to my home country for a few months.

when i was pulled out, i had my phone taken away too. so i had no friends for a year, did not get to go anywhere, was forced to stay by my parents side at all times. at around this time my parents used homeschooling as a way to help me “graduate” early, so at 16 i started at community college. i was young, and i still didn’t know what to do in terms of studying. my dad, being heavily into tech, had told me to “do tech, and nothing else or i won’t support your degree. you didn’t go to highschool so this is your only opportunity”.

being young and naive, i listened to him and started a degree in IT. i thought that finally getting a chance to go to an in person school would help me get a chance to socialize again, but nope. covid had hit. so i was stuck studying in isolation AGAIN at home. at this point, all of my highschool friends had forgotten me, i had a phone but only texted one friend, my mom and dad and sibling. i was always studying, i watched youtube, maladaptive daydreamed a lot.

by the time 2022 rolled around, thats when i got into university and was able to socialize more, but it was still hard making friends because everyone in my university had their own friends from highschool or kept to themselves. at this time, i was starting to feel burnout from the pressure of not getting an internship, not being good at IT like others and also still struggling to know what I wanted to do. i had no aspirations at 19 to do anything, i felt really isolated and could only escape into video games.

my mental health only took a toll when i finally graduated at 21 in 2024. i felt happy i graduated, but immediately my mom told me to apply for a masters. being south asian, having a masters is heavily respected but also expected of you. at the time, i always listened to what my mom said, and when i was still speaking to my brother he had said “just do it now, moms just going to push you to do it and will nag you”. so i did. while applying for jobs.

i ended up getting a job in a sector im not particularly a fan of, but it was the only job out of 300 applications that would take me. don’t get me wrong, i had about 4 interviews, 3/4 had said they liked me but i had “no experience”. that one job i got was a referral.

so while working, i was also doing my masters (computer science). and everything seemed to sail smoothly until my aunt passed away. she lived in europe, but she was the aunt i was closest to. she was the one that stood up against my dad and was extremely strong and confrontational and made it known she cared for you. her only one wish was for me to visit her in europe, as i only got to see her in america, my home country or through face time. we only were never able to go because my mom was too afraid to travel anywhere without my dad, and my dad said no to visiting her because he didn’t like her.

that was the moment i felt something start to bend in me, like a slow gut punch where the pain slowly spreads. it was my first time experiencing a death that truly felt like everything was done. it was the first time i went to england after all those years, and only for a funeral when my aunt died. i don’t think i ever got over her death and it is nearing the month when she passed.

still, even after all that. i pursued my masters, continued to work, tried my best to push through. but there was something deep inside that started to feel a bit of resentment at how much control my dad had over us, even though he was the one that always hurt the family. how every choice i made was based on what he wanted and not anyone else. eventually, i also got a promotion at work. but my dad wasn’t happy because it wasn’t a “real job” according to him (i worked in IT support, and he wanted me to get a third tier or backend job). he yelled at me about how i was too “egoistic” to have my brother help me find a job at his company because he works at a very good and well known tech company (that wasn’t the case, he tried to refer me but i always got rejected).

i got flashbacks and memory lapses of how my dad still never wanted to pay my tuition despite me being in tech, how every semester he would yell at me and call me useless and ask me why i didn’t get fafsa or scholarships (he made a lot of money to qualify for fafsa) and i had to take out loans that i paid off. it made me even more resentful of tech, of living at home, and made me go deeper into a spiral of rumination and self loathing about my career choices but also about myself.

i was working this new promotion, and i was still doing school but at this point it was getting very difficult. i couldn’t hold on for much longer honestly. and then fall 2025 came around and not only did my mom have a huge health scare which caused her to be admitted into the hospital, a week later my uncle had passed away. i was already stretched thin, between taking care of my mom, answering relatives phone calls and my masters, my grades had started to plunge.

and then, i got an email from my school that i was academically dismissed, because i had failed one class and my GPA tanked so low. i never had gotten academic probation and was in good standing, and i had only ever gotten one C before which was why my GPA tanked.

i told my mom, and her reaction was devastating. she cried and broke down and said how was this even possible and how could we even tell my family because it was so shameful. the guilt crept in and that feeling to make her happy came, and i applied to a different masters.

it was around this time i had gotten a better position and a raise, and started to feel like maybe i could go somewhere. but then, my life hit the fan in early 2026.

my assaulter admitted to my mom what he had done in February, and i had told my mom this two years before but she never believed me and neither did my dad. so i spent years ontop of everything else believing i was a dirty liar and just a disgusting person. when in actuality i was right.

i spiraled even more, i was pushed to try and forgive him and i tried for a bit until i realized i was only pushed to do this so everyone can feel happy and guilt free. and it made me realize my entire dynamic with my family and what role i played. someone they could mold and manipulate to please them and make them feel better, someone they could rely on if things went wrong, and taking care of the house (i cooked a lot, cleaned and was my moms emotional therapist during the cheating).

i ended up moving out the house in secret and living in my own apartment. and while that was for the best, because my abuser still lives in that home, i am honestly still feeling so burnt out, and im mentally spiraling. my parents have realized their mistakes but continuously projecting their guilt onto me has become such a habit, and even placing boundaries and talking to them less doesn’t help. i also live alone, which makes it hard.

my job has a glorified title and i work from home which makes me feel even more isolated and makes me realize i no longer want to do this, and this second masters i am pursuing: i no longer want to do it either (cybersecurity lol) and plan to drop out because not only can i not afford it and student loan debts are piling, i can’t focus and study anymore. i realize that, everything im even doing now is it what i want? do i even like tech? ontop of that, was moving the right thing to do? i feel so lonely i can’t even function anymore. i have no friends, and i have anxiety making new friends and each time i do they never reach out again. talking to my parents makes me feel less lonely but then they do something that is so triggering it makes me revert all the healing i did in therapy. ontop of that, my abuser is getting married and i have to witness him getting married despite being not involved at all.

i have such fear about losing my job due to being a contractor, i have fears of not being able to afford rent and having to move back into an emotionally abusive household while my abuser is still there and happily about to have someone for life and living his best life. i go to therapy, a psychiatrist, anything. im on medication to help me but often times it doesn’t work. i was diagnosed with major depression and severe anxiety, along with a mood disorder and CPTSD. all of which im trying to heal in CBT therapy and intensive therapy.

but even then, whenever i try to do something to make me happy, that feeling of existential dread that i will go back to feeling so depressed and exhausted comes in. i can’t stop crying, i even cried in physical therapy today and had to be left alone. im only 23, i see others enjoying life so well, and im here thinking when will it get better? i should be grateful i have what i have to be able to do what i want, but its so hard.

i’m so lonely, i have little to no friends, i can’t stand my job anymore and also get disrespected by co workers there, i feel like a burden even telling anyone im close to about this. i have anxiety about my future and what will come of me, and how ill keep going. im drowning and it feels like an ankle weight of life long suffering is weighing me down and i keep trying to push myself up but something always happens. sometimes i wonder, had i gone to highschool would life be different?