r/FTMventing • u/TheDoctorsSonic • 12h ago
Sensitive Topic Rough Doctors Appointment
Hello everyone. This is my first post here. I’ll go ahead and warn anyone who has intense bottom dysphoria and issues regarding medical providers that this may not be a post you want to read. Fair warning.
I had my usual follow up today with my PCP. I have been on T for almost 11 years, I’m 27, and she’s the second doctor I’ve seen regarding my transition. I really like her! I want to make that clear before I get into it. She’s a phenomenal doctor overall.
I went in today for my usual appointment just to get my testosterone refills along with an issue I’m facing with prediabetes. In the past, the topic of a Pap smear has been brought up. I have rejected attempts to do one thus far. I don’t have penetrative sex and I’ve never even had anything go up into that area. I’m fully vaccinated against HPV. I’ve only been with one partner, my husband (cis), and we don’t have traditional penetrative sex and he has never interacted with that area. I know there are still risks involved not having one. The logical part of me is aware of that. It’s been brought up at every appointment I’ve had for the past few years.
Today was different. She phrased it as though it wouldn’t be an option. She stated we would get my physical out of the way along with the pap. I immediately panicked. I have very intense bottom dysphoria and it sent me into an intense panic. I tried to remain calm as she explained what it would involve and she stated if I wasn’t comfortable with her doing it, I could do it myself. I knew I couldn’t but I just wanted her to leave the room at that point. She did the traditional physical and then told me that I could let them know when I was done.
She left the room and I did make an attempt. I was shaking and hyperventilating. She stated that her other patients who have intense dysphoria choose this option with no issues. It didn’t help that medical assistants kept knocking on the door to see if I had done it yet. I couldn’t even get my hand to put the swab inside. I was shaking and tearing up. I cried in my car after the appointment.
I guess I’m writing this post because I feel like a freak. She made it sound like no one else has this issue. I told my husband and while he’s supportive of me, I think he also thinks I need to just suck it up and do it but won’t say it. (He’s in the medical field.) I can’t get anyone to understand the way my dysphoria impacts me. It put me into such a bad state of mind and I feel like I need to downplay how it made me feel because I’m afraid I’ll appear weak if I express how much it upset me. I don’t know why I’m even writing this all out. I just need to get it out and I feel like I can’t outside of the internet.
I feel weak. It has sent me into such an intense dysphoric state that I haven’t felt since before I started T. I feel stupid because of my reaction to this. I feel like I’m being dramatic but it seriously has thrown me into such a bad frame of mind.
4
u/SecondaryPosts 11h ago
You're not a freak and your doc was out of line. You have the right to consent to or refuse a medical procedure. She can't force you to get a pap smear, and if she legit told you she can, report her. I'm sorry you went through that, man.
If you wanna get hysto at some point, one benefit is that you won't have much reason to get pap smears afterward.