On my most recent Bumble date I lied about having had three exes even though in reality I only had a quasi-ex who took the label of my girlfriend but never even kissed me - pretty ridiculous that I got a random kiss from party girl but not her.

Anyway, I was hanging out at my cousin's and talked to him and my uncle about the date. My uncle said I should've just been honest about my lack of a past relationship otherwise she may have trouble trusting me if she ever found out, he then briefly brought up The Boy Who Cried Wolf. I know Uncle James only means well but I don't believe it is fair of him to compare what I did to crying wolf. The Boy Who Cried Wolf was repeatedly lying to piss off his whole village for nothing more than a good laugh at their expense, he had it coming when the wolf actually showed up and nobody answered him when he cried for real; what I did was not deserving of his eventual fate.

I was lying yes, but it was not deceit but rather me feeling a need to protect myself from prejudice and be given a chance to prove that I've qualities in spite of inexperience. If I were to find out that this girl or whoever I date ends up being the perfect woman who I can be myself with, I'd definitely tell her the truth eventually anyway - I know I'd owe her that. It is like lying on your resume but then performing well on the job to the point where your manager won't care anymore if you weren't honest during the interview - we all need to lie sometimes to get by in life, it is not immoral so long as we are not hurting people. Not all lies are equal, you cannot say that what I did is on the level of lying committed by scammers or world leaders like Donald Trump.

Be it cheating, abuse, even just an husband that's detached from his wife adavances/neediness, even teenagers fucking around and finding out.

From when I was little I always put love in high regards, the person I love is my n.1 most important person, I want to listen to them and cater to their needs, even as a teen I didn't want to hookup or fuck the hot girl and move on. Of course not saying that I could have had that life anyway, but I wanted the love you hear about in the girly fairytales.

But I see people shitting on love all the time, they don't care about their partner or their needs, they grow distant or someone abuses the other, and I'm so envious and angry at them, it's like they got from santa the toy I always wanted but they're just having fun breaking it and tossing it left and right.

And then I'm here alone doing backseat driving / armchair quarterbacking in my mind on other's love, me being a virgin I can't even prove I would treat love that way so those terms above is all I can call it, since I never got to have my go at it.

So when people say "look at those relationship stories gone wrong, this is a positive of being alone", I'm just not able to see that as a positive, I wanted to have my chance to try too cause it's what I care about in life, I don't belive in a religion, I do have hobbyes but I'm not fixiated on a specific one (I've gone from physical ones to not, I enjoy a lot of activities but they're not fulfilling), I don't care about money/success either, I hate drinking/smoking/drugs and the party life, my only wish in life from when I was little was to have a person I could love for all my life, I missed that from a young age cause my family was broken so didn't even get to feel it from my parents, the closest I got to it was by watching anime characters blushing to each other, I wanted to exchange genuine love and grow trough life with a person I loved but I grew up alone.

It just sucks so much that not only we don't get our most desidered wish, but we also have to look at other people toying with it cause in their life it's not what they even care about, if only it was possible I'd happily trade them whatever they're searching for their luck in love.

Title pun intended? :P The flair is only there to try and convey this is a genuine serious question about how people feel. Nothing dodgy, illegal, or too explicit or whatever else that may run afoul of the rules.

From about my mid-30s in a real dark gave up spot (I'm mid 40s now) the feelings I had about pr0n went the same way as giving up.

When I was younger like 20s yes like most young guys I was just horny and used it as an outlet. It was like what I would hope to finally experience too one day (important note here I only ever watched what they called female friendly stuff, basically two people enjoying sex nothing too crazy or dumb stories).

Even at the late 20s when I was really feeling the FA, it still worked as an outlet, I was starting to feel pathetic at having still only *that* to use, but there was that glimmer of hope you know? I did manage a brief set of dates and try sex, once ,and honestly, those videos were sufficient sex ed to not do anything too stupid lol.

Then around my 30s when the rest of the hope was fading fast, I just mentally broke to even feel like wanking. To the point that sometimes I put it on, and it was arousing, but barely. In the rare times I did feel like it like would deliberately find the ones with the slightly older couples/actors.

And now, well yes I'm still attracted and aroused to hot women particularly those who look like they're into it, but man can't help but have that thought in the background that this isn't some wishlist video now. I still have some of my older downloads from years ago, and if I had any emotion or tears left I'd probably cry because it obviously will never happen. It's a record of broken dreams. No wonder if I get death grip trying to keep those emotions back.

I just realized having a social circle does nothing, especially when you can't express your struggles without being ridiculed. I don't want to be a buzz kill around friends and they don't know any singles that are looking anyway. I have plenty of co-workers who I hang out with outside of work and my workplace has few employees so we all know each other.

Even if I go out to a club or something, it would ruin the mood with how depressing dating is. I do go to DnD so I do have friends outside of work. I'd rather just enjoy the moment and let everyone else enjoy theirs than bring up my sop story.

FYI: I'm a 30-year-old, short, awkward, and possibly balding male from East Asia (sorry for my broken English). I've been on medication for depression, loneliness and panic attacks for 4 years. I was doing fine without benzos for about a year, but my symptoms are starting to kick in again.

Hello folks. As the title says, I haven't been able to sleep without taking benzos since getting rejected last Friday. I know it sounds childish, like something a teenager would post online. I had never asked a woman out in my entire life until that day, and damn, I brutally wish I hadn't.

To be honest, I had a crush on her for several months. Her smile made my depressing workdays so much brighter, and I thought our conversations went pretty smoothly. And you know what? She even mentioned she was FA, just like me! So I thought maybe, just maybe, I had a chance.

Last Friday was her last day at my workplace (she was a temp worker for about a year), and I had been waiting for that day to arrive. She used to say how much she loved desserts, so I bought her some desserts from a fancy store and asked her out. I asked if she would go out for dinner or a movie with me sometime. Her response? "No." She said she was thankful my feelings but couldn't go out with me.

Besides being totally heartbroken, what tortures me the most is the fear that I caused a huge nuisance to her. Where I'm from, there's a meme called a "confession attack" (an unwanted confession that burdens the receiver), and I feel like I just did exactly that. Thoughts like, "What if she felt harassed?", "Was she disgusted by my feelings?", and "Why would an ugly, short guy like me ever think it was a good idea to ask someone out?" keep haunting me. I can get through the day, but oh boy, when I lie in bed at night, those thoughts consume me. God, I shouldn't have listened to those stupid self-help YouTube videos telling me to confess my feelings.

Anyway, thank you for reading my vent, folks. This is something I wouldn't dare tell my psychiatrist (A 30 yo FA guy needing benzos for sleep just because of a rejection? He'll probably LOL big time).

I wonder if any of you have gone through a similar experience?

Which is to discuss what male sexual insecurity feels like. How crushing it is knowing you don't turn women on and how it makes seeking relationships futile and pointless.

Taboo because we are suppose to live in this enlightenment age, in which we are above lust and desire. In which men are suppose to regard relationships as dispassionately as arranging a mortgage or a pension scheme. In which even mentioning the importance of the sweaty naked stuff is completely forbidden. Marking you out as entitled and shallow.

Worse you might even be implying that women don't have dispassionate checklist, that their relationship choices might be governed whether a guy makes their heart race or he makes them wet (that will really outrage the puritans).

Yet it matters, it really matters. As a guy who doesn't turn women on, you can see how differently women treat you. How you are only really a person to them when they want something and the rest of the time you're an annoyance. How other men have to put in virtually no effort and you have to try ridiculously hard and for what?

At best a woman will have you because she can hear her biological clock ticking. You won't be the guy whose clothes she is desperate to rip off. You will be a walking wallet, a flatmate and a sperm donor/child care to her.

Maybe that would be enough for some men here but I have seen how toxic that gets. In real life and in deadbedroom subs. Men condemned to celibacy in relationships or stuck with mediocre passionless duty sex.

Such a prospect holds no appeal for me, yet I can expect nothing more but to express those feelings is the ultimate taboo because I have admitted sex matters to me. Something that triggers the puritans.

I don't have a single phone number that it is not work related. Not a single person to have a chat or a beer. Not a single to person to share joys and sorrows with. Not a single emergency contact.

Just a big Void awaiting.

I'm a woman who has been looking for female friends. I use a friend making app - for over a month I was writing to 10 new people a day (not one word messages at all - tailored to their profile) so let's say 300 people. Out of 10, 1-2 would answer. The vast majority would stop writing after 1-2 weeks either because I bored them - or some of them had "looking for a handsome man" written directly on their profile - so I wasn't the target audience.

Of the people who stayed, I would eventually want to move off the app to real time messaging (not all day every day but sometimes being able to shoot them a text or have a back and forth conversation from time to time). Most people refused to move off the app because they weren't interested in talking more frequently.

But of the ones that accepted, I noticed they would talk less than a month before getting bored and slow fading. I guess I'm not good at coming up with things to talk about other than everyday topics (what do people want to talk about? philosophy? history? politics? religion?).

Lately, there has been one person I thought I'd be friends with because she always tells me what a great listener I am and how glad she is to have me in her life. She said I'm the only person she knows who actually listens to her rather than only talking about myself - I respond at length and give feedback without telling her what to do, when she tells me things. But when I asked if she would like to talk more, she said she'd rather stay on the app and write me once every few days when she feels like it, whilst telling me she is actively messaging men on dating apps and when she likes a guy, she likes chatting with them all day actively. So it's not that she doesn't have time.

Generally I try not to talk about myself unless asked and to remember what people said and to ask them about it and to be available as a listener.

So I know this is FA30+ but I remember reading that some of you have friends and talk to people so any advice on how to keep people's interest?

Got any plans for the weekend?

I am just going to relax. God knows I need it. Tomorrow after work Im just going to get errands and shopping done. Plan to get pizza and wings for dinner. There's a pizza parlor near me that has the best freaking pizza. The slices are so thick and they are very generous with the toppings. Their homemade blue cheese is the best . I mean that too. It's so rich and creamy and the blue cheese chunks are about the size of starburst gum. Freaking yummy.

Saturday is just going to be movies from the thrift store. I picked up Just my luck, Beverly Hills Cop 3 , and Three to Tango. Going to make a nice dinner too. Boxed shells and cheese, kielbasa, mashed potatoes, and spinach.

Saturday is football. Thinking of making homemade egg McMuffins with applewood bacon for dinner. Go Giants! Go Vikings! Go Browns! My Jaguars are on a Bye week so I want my AFC South division to lose .

Seriously, what did I do to deserve this? Why can't I be good enough, why am I never the one that's being chosen? Spent years on all the apps in multiple countries and never even had a match, let alone a conversation or a date. Nothing ever happened in real life either. Not in school, not at work, not in the grocery store, nothing. No one has ever found me attractive. What the hell am I supposed to do when no one wants me and everyone I know has paired up long ago and disappeared into their relationships? How do I cope, knowing nothing's going to change and I'm going to die alone, no matter what I do or how much effort I put into increasing my market value (will never go above 3/10 tho)?

Spend enough time on YouTube and you will probably come across these video's trying to tell men how horrible women are, how miserable they will make you and howvthey will ruin your life.

Then they try to tell you how being alone will make you insanely happy.

Well, I'm 44M and been single all my life, so why aint I happy?

In truth its because I have clinical depression and anxiety disorder, which medication cannot cure, it makes the symptoms manageable but its not a cure.

That not withstanding, being single can be rough, especially if you have ADD/ADHD because you find that you dont fit in with regular people which makes it hard to connect.

Worse case scenario, you end up a jaded and cynical loner [like me] who is suspicious of everyone and feels like a sheep among wolves because of years of abuse, bullying and exploitation.

I know there are people who are really living it up being single but for some of us it wasn't a choice it isca lifestyle that was forced on us because of things we cant control and the only way to protect ourselves is to live in a self imposed exile, of a sort.

I also posted this on the main sub, but are there things we can do that don't rely on other people, to get dopamine? I'm pretty tired of struggling to even get out of bed in the morning, let alone do other things. I try my best to force myself to do things anyways, but one of my fears is one of these days I'll just stop being able to even do the most basic things.

Not on this sub, but conducted among the general populace. With questions like, "Would you rather be missing a limb, or to never experience love? How about two limbs?" or, a Logan's Loophole: "Would you rather that your life ends in 50, or that you never experience love?"

Or the other way around where you're given a boon but you have to be FA in return: "You'll be working at your dream job but you'll be FA"? Higher option would be "You'll have all the money you want but you'll be FA".

It's all hypothetical but I still think it'd be interesting to see where do people rank it. What would you be willing to endure just to not be FA, or what would be worth gaining if being FA was the condition.

It's impossible to attract any women at all because of my racial background. I always feel like I am being judged because of my race, and I can tell that women really hate seeing my brown face. It feels like I am fighting gravity just trying to get a woman to treat me like a human being for even a second. All of this rejection has resulted in severe self-hatred. I feel like an actual sub-human because I have never been treated like a complete human being in my entire miserable existence. I am automatically a sexual and social pariah because I happened to be born the wrong race.

Being a brown man is an absolute death sentence in the dating market.

Being a South Asian man is functionally a disability that turns you into a social and sexual leper. If I could choose my race, I would pick absolutely anything over the one I got.

As the title states,I hate when people hype me up when I got a crush. When it comes to women I'm attracted to I already know how it ends,so my brother's fiance was looking this girl up and she was showing me photos of her in more revealing photos. I'll be honest she was looking hot. ( I could never find her online,but I was afraid of accidentally adding her.)

The problem is they gave me hope which only causes me more pain. This type of shit,only makes the fantasies run rampant,and the snap back to reality that much more painful.

Any early 30s bros in here. It kinda sucks how everybody my age is now getting settled down and I've never had a relationship before. It's like a reminder of how truly over it is lol. There's always a chance of things being turned around but man I can't believe how far behind I am.

(Yes, I genuinely experience gender dysphoria too which is it's own hell and is driving this... But I could never cut it as a guy anyways.)

Things suck for passive guys rn... And I never wanted to be a guy in the first place.

Just got back from visiting a friends get together. Literally all of them have gfs but me. Not only do they all have gfs, but they would all probably make for a prettier girl than me if they transitioned. How am I supposed to even chase women when I'm not even the gender I want to be? It's pointless

I was choking back tears the entire social event. I'm good at being in complete agony on the inside while on the outside still appearing functional. Cracking jokes, making conversation, playing the part of a straight male. Internally I'm hollow. It dawned on me a few times that this transitioning thing will never work for me, my mind kept drifting to suicide as I noticed how wide my shoulders were compared even to other guys there.

Even the gym is pointless for me because I'm chronically ill and can't gain weight.

As the years go by, I just keep collecting more misfortune and bad experiences. Next year I will be attractive, I keep saying. Next year, I'll get a bunch of surgeries. Maybe when that's all done I can start trying to date. Maybe then I'll be "good enough". It's always next year. (It's over)

Any plans for the weekend?

I need rest. This week has been hell. There is a vaping ban on Monday in my state so I gotta find a way to quit. One of the littlest joys I have is about to be taken from me.

Work has been a living nightmare. Holiday season is coming up so I'm going to be overworked.

Its sucks its a waste of mental space. You can tell just by their body language when you even try to chat. I wish I could find a way to to eliminate my sexuality.

I’m a 31m virgin autist, been on 30+ first dates off the apps since 2017, never once got a second. I’m decent looking but once they see how I can’t even hold eye contact or follow social cues they get the ick.

Idk why I keep putting myself through this, guess I’d lose all hope if I gave up, and hope is all I have.

And inb4 someone tries to tell me how lucky I am. I assure you nothing happens on these dates. Not kissing, not having sex, just an awkward stilted convo.

Worst part is these dates are getting rarer and rarer the older I get, and I’m still young. wtf will it be like when I’m 40?

UPDATE: She canceled ☹️

There is a conflict in this place about posts from FA men and I think it comes down to a fundamental disagreement about why men are FA.

One group, lets come them the positive thinkers. Think that the FA problem is down to individual, it is a mental health problem. If FA would just try, they would find a partner. They just need to dress better, get on dating sites, go to speed dating events.

Get hobbies, get a male friendship group, engage with the world.

The second group, lets call them the negative thinkers, sees things very differently. For them something has fundamentally changed. They are in a world out of their control, unable to get a sex or family life because society has changed.

In the past the unattractive man was just competing against men in his own area, not everyone on social media. In the past he could get a partner by becoming a good breadwinner because women had to find a provider. In a way they don't have to now.

The negative thinkers have tried everything and failed. They don't see a solution.

The problem I am seeing here, is ultimately this place is controlled by the positive thinkers, who fundamentally don't like the negative world view. They find it frustrating, they don't understand why men refuse to take their helpful advice and try.

Whereas the negative thinkers are frustrated because they can't express how a world beyond their control affects them. In a way their world view has a positive aspect. They don't see themselves are toxic, they see the way the world treats them as toxic.

The problem is, when they try to talk about it, they upset those who don't like their negative view of their situation.