For context, I’m 22 and my parents divorced when I was 6. Last year, my dad started dating a woman and they have gotten pretty serious, to the point where he now spends basically all of his time with her and I only see him like once every few weeks. At first, I told myself things like “oh well, I’m glad he has someone that makes him happy who he can spend time with” but I have to be honest, it bothers me a little bit.

It might not sound like a big deal or like I’m just being selfish, but my dad has never been the most emotionally available parent. Not saying he’s a bad father; we’ve always been pretty close, but he’s not very supportive and I’ve never really felt like I could talk to him when I’m going through a hard time. I have 2 older brothers and they both went through some hardships and have said the same thing about my dad. He’s not very responsible, reliable, or accountable, and he is kind of narcissistic. His behavior is a large part of why my parents split up. He is also extremely cheap and stingy. He’s an anesthesiologist and makes loads of money but is extremely reluctant to provide any kind of financial support for his kids.

I hate to talk about it because it makes me sound like l am whining, but that’s why it bothers me when he takes his girlfriend on trips, goes to concerts with her, and does all sorts of stuff with her. I’ve always enjoyed doing things with my dad and my brothers together, but we hardly do anything together anymore. One of my brothers and I have tried to bring up the idea of going on a trip together or doing something fun more often, but my dad never follows through and they always end up becoming half baked fantasies that end in disappointment. Then, just last month, he took his girlfriend to New England last minute (somewhere I’ve expressed interest in visiting before) where they drive all over the coast and ate lobster every day. He was gone on that trip during my birthday, and even texted me saying “wish you were with us.” And just the other day he told me that they’re going out of state together to visit my grandmother (my dad’s mom, who is my last remaining grandparent.)

Whenever I do see him, which is usually every 2 or 3 weeks when my brothers and I go to his house to have dinner, it feels awkward. Less like I’m visiting my father and more like I’m going over to a friend’s house or something. I finally texted him about a week and a half ago and asked him if he wanted to get together soon and that I feel like we hardly see each other anymore, and he agreed, but then I never heard from him again with any plans or invites. Sometimes when I go to his house, either he or his girlfriend will ask if I want to come play pickleball with them sometime, to which I always say yes, but then I never hear anything more from him about it.

I just can’t pretend anymore like I’m happy for him, because I know what he is like and how much stress he’s caused my mom, my brothers, and I, then to see him and his girlfriend going all over the place without a care in the world like they’re in their 20s or something, it just rubs me the wrong way.

As for his girlfriend, I have no issues with her. She is always very nice to me and my brothers and wants to talk to us about things we are interested in; she also has kids of her own and seems to be a good mother, but I am not close with her. I know most people will tell me that I just need to accept it or that he has a right to have a significant other and be happy, and I understand that, but I feel like I have a right to be upset over it too. I don’t have a single memory of my parents being happy together and now I feel like I’m being forced to accept him spending all of his time with his new girlfriend, or like he deserves to be “in love” and it makes me feel guilty when I feel bothered by it. I’m sorry if this was all over the place or hard to follow, but my frustrations with him have been building lately and I just needed to get it off my chest.

Don't you think if one's parents divorce or separate it causes a scar trauma permanent for the children? Why even have children and procreate if the parents can't compromise each other for the sake of the child's future?

I believe the children whose parents stay together until the children become adults become more ahead in life rather than the children whose parents are not. They have a better foundation thus have better advantages in life if they were to chase after their dreams.

Speaking from experience, it's so hurting to hear my parents talk bad about each other. It's not healthy at all; it can cause the child to feel suicidal/depressed.

What do you think is the limit for the child to keep listening to the parents and stay a dutiful child? and keep communicating with them?

How do you guys do it (speaking to the (adult) children of separated or divorced parents)? I'm so genuinely curious.

I have a quick question. I separated from my husband three years ago two years ago he became clean from his addiction and came back home to our two children 11 and 18. He had wrote both children and myself letters, but I was too scared to give them to my children for I did not know what the future held. The 11 year-old girl held so much anger and resentment towards him, and I am wondering if it is time to allow her to read her letter. I honestly believe in my heart that he is passed all of the addictions and lifestyle he had. It has been 24 years of him trying to gain her trust and create a better relationship with her now almost 14 and I truly believe it is wearing on him. Do y’all think the letter would hurt or help their relationship?

(This post will be long so I apologize in advance, I might make mistakes while writing since English isn't my first language so I'll do the best I can)

Me (17f) and my sister (13f), who we'll call Lily, have divorced parents.

They've been divorced since 2020 and dad moved out during the summer of the pandemic. It was hard at first. Really hard. I was in that awkward period of life where I was starting middle school in September, and my sister was still in elementary school.

The first bad sign was when dad left without even saying goodbye, one morning we got up and noticed that his stuff that was near the door was gone, and mom said he'd left. Apparently she thought he'd at least said goodbye to us but he didn't and we had our first issue.

Dad moved into a one bedroom apartment that was incredibly tiny, and I (as a probably depressed teenager with everything that was happening in life) often stayed closed in his bedroom with my tablet and headphones while my dad and sister stayed in the living room/kitchen but I would occasionally come out and spend time with them because I loved my dad and wanted to stay with him.

The feeling definitely changed once he moved in with his girlfriend.

For some context, my dad and his girlfriend (let's call her Karen since she's as bitchy as one) had "been dating for only a year" when he introduced her to us, but it's possible that he was actually cheating on my mom with her since that was one of the reasons for the divorce. Now, when I met her I was 13. Still having a very rough time and she didn't give me a good feeling. She was being way too nice, was trying to make me join in childish things but I didn't complain since she was trying to be nice (literally the first thing we did to meet her was go over to her house and she made us do a Christmas letter box).

Things got worse quick.

Karen lives in an apartment with 3 bedrooms +1 couch/bed and lived with her younger son (21) and his girlfriend, her mother (70ish?), and occasionally her middle child who was 25 or something would come stay over.

Now, as you imagine, that was NOT a nice place for an introvert. So I began staying a lot in Karen's and my dad's room when we were staying over since me and Lily had no room of our own. Once again, I was a kid who had been thrown into a house of people she didn't know in a particularly delicate phase of life. No one had noticed what I was going through and the only time I actually felt a little better was summer 2023 since I was finally finished with middle school (in Italy it's 3 years) and would never see many of my awful classmates again. A little side note, I was not a pleasant kid. I was easily angered and I did resort to throwing hands a lot and I suppose I was even a bit of a pick me. My dad has always wanted me to be strong and I thought that meant being like him (no, he never hit us but he was good at ignoring us when he was mad and he often told me that if someone bothered me I should hit them).

I realized during 8th grade just how fucked up that was and how bad it was making me feel and promised myself I would be a better person. Which I am and I'm really proud of myself for that because it wasn't easy.

But during those 3 years of middle school, I kid you not, I'm sure Karen had a personal issue with me.

Some examples:

\\- wherever we'd go she'd insist on going to high places (suspended bridges, ferris wheels, gondolas, towers, etc) when she, and most importantly my dad, knew I have vertigo. I was even left alone at 12 with my little sister who was 8 while they went on a gondola and I was scared because my sister would rush anywhere so I was constantly grabbing her shirt and making her stay still. Another time we went ice skating but she just had to go to that ferris wheel right then and there so my dad left us alone in the ice rink. Another time they took us to a suspended bridge that we had to cross to go where we had to and I swear I was so scared and nauseous I could barely walk straight. At one point my uncle (who was with us along with my aunt and cousin) made fun of me for that so I just kindly raised my middle finger at him while they laughed. I then told my dad it was not fucking funny expecially not in that moment considering I really didn't feel good.

\\- she always had to intrude on a conversation between me and my dad. Always. One time we were at Primark (a cheap store with literally anything in case you don't know what it is) and I asked for two pjs instead of one because that way I'd get a pajamas for home where I stayed and one for his house where I slept. Dad initially said yes but then his girlfriend said something to him and suddenly it wasn't ok anymore. Later she even said to my sister that our dad already payed child support to our mom so we shouldn't need anything else (bitch what? We're still his children).

\\- she would always make snide remarks about her being fat. For context, Karen is a stick. Literally, she had a cancer to her thyroid and they had to remove it so she ate a lot less but she was also very thin before. Now, suddenly, when I'm around she's "so fat" and "seriously needs to loose weight". I talked to my sister to know if she made those remarks when I wasn't there and she said she didn't think she did. Now, I might not be thin but I too have my health issues and unfortunately telling me that I'm fat won't fix this.

\\- if I ever said anything about not liking something it'd become a big deal. We were out at a restaurant once and I saw her put up one of her biggest performances yet. My uncle said that he wished my aunt would like cruises and I said "Well, I don't like them either. Some people just aren't for boats, besides they're way too crowded" and suddenly Karen started a whole speech about how we can't all be the same and thank God everyone isn't like me. She was talking so loud that the tables around us looked over. I felt ashamed.

So yeah, as you can see, Karen had it out for me even before highschool.

And let me tell you things did NOT get better with highschool.

I have chronic migraines. I didn't know that until I was 15 and saw a video saying that not everyone has pain everyday and I was very much flabbergasted. I had been having migraines ever since I had memory and I actually really beat myself down for that first year of highschool for not being able to keep up with everyone and wondering how people had the energy to work/go to school, socialize, go back home to keep studying, sports, cooking and all over again the next day.

I was having a terrible first year in highschool: too many absences, a teacher that couldn't care less that I was sick (she was the class coordinator so we had asked her to also let the others teachers know that I was having issues and we were trying to figure it out but she never did), teachers started thinking I was purposefully skipping tests, everyday became a nightmare because no one actually believed me...

I was incredibly close to taking my own life.

I'd started writing letters.

Then mom had enough of that teacher and the school so we interrupted the year (which I obviously failed), sent me to a therapist because I really fucking needed it and changed schools.

And where was my father you might wonder, well, with Karen obviously! Such sweethearts!

He had kept insisting that I was just being lazy. He doesn't believe these migraines are real (he just thinks it's some anxious disorder or whatnot), he never came to my visits, never asked to know how I was, sometimes I wonder if he'd have given a fuck if I actually attempted (my parents don't know I've ever wanted to take my own life).

Now I'm doing better emotionally: I'm not as sad, school isn't terrible since teachers actually listen to me and help me out, I have amazing friends that understand my health conditions, and I'm still seeking out a proper diagnosis, but surprisingly enough, I made it past 15.

This is my 3 year in highschool ( I think it's 11th grade...?) and during the summer I kept my usual routine of going to my dad's house and going into a room to basically not exist (at this point we have had extensive conversation where I even ended up crying and basically begging him to take some time to stay with just me and my sister but nothing ever worked).

Unfortunately Karen was pissed that day and decided she'd had enough and started lecturing me, saying that my dad is hurt that I don't spend time with him (yeah, no shit, hurts me too), that I never go out with them anymore (y'all always drag me places I don't like and don't believe me when I say I'm feeling bad, tf?), and that if I had to stay in that room every time I went over then I wouldn't be staying over at all.

I wrote to my mom about it, she asked me to try talking to my dad and I did. It ended with him saying the same stuff: this is my new family, I don't have time (mind you this man sees us 4h on Mondays and Wednesdays, and less than a day on weekends since we don't sleep at his house since 2024), why would I separate two things I love when I can stay with all of you together, and even dragged money into the discourse (he is in no way rich but mom is basically raising me and Lily on her own, we're three people living with one paycheck).

I never went back to that house.

I hardly ever see my dad now and the last times (2) it was nice. We went out to get an ice cream, actually talked, he took me to horseback riding (I started volunteering there in the summer and thankfully the lessons aren't too expensive so I get to do it as a sport this year).

Unfortunately we found out I've got some issues with my sugar levels, something like pre-diabetes or smt, so I have to take the famous ozempic thing (not exactly ozempic, but that med) to help me even it out, start a new diet and loose the extra weight. My dad (who NEVER bothered to even ask about a visit and didn't come with me even when I went to the hospital) said no because it's expensive.

Me and my mom are both mad at him and are trying to make him change his mind. We even told him we'd figure out a different way to pay but that he should at least consider it's actually for my health. This definitely also came from Karen since she's always been concerned with him spending money on me and Lily for anything.

I'm tired of this and don't know if I want to stay in contact with my dad. It's been 6 really hard years for me and I don't think I can peacefully stand more, I'm usually an avoidant person and I've already had two serious arguments with my dad in just four months. I think I'm at a breaking point.

I'm 15F and found out a little while ago my parents are separating due to some not so great stuff, like one of them gambling to get away from their unhappy marriage not great. I'm not asking for a pity party, it's just kinda upsetting as I've always viewed them as a unit. Any tips for sort of accepting it as they go through the process would be much appreciated xx

So… I was with a guy for about 12 years. When we first got together, he had a son who had just turned 5 y/o. The mom was not a constant in their life, and when she was around, she was just chaos. So it wasn’t long before my boyfriend got full custody. And unfortunately the mom faded out almost completely out of his life. I never tried to be his mom, but I did try to set good examples. The son and I got along from the beginning very well. I think it’s safe to say we bonded. There were situations when I would notice things to back this up. For example, he would confide in me things he didn’t want his dad to know. Nothing major, but things like wanting to get his middle school girlfriend at the time flowers for her bday, and was too embarrassed to ask his dad. Another time that shocked me was when he was in the dining room eating dinner with his dad, and I was in the kitchen doing something. He started choking, like for real, not making a sound, grasping at his throat choking. He came all the way into the kitchen to get help from me. Luckily, he coughed it up after like 30 seconds, and was okay. I asked him later that night why did he walk all the way into the kitchen to get my attention when he was sitting right next to his dad when it happened. All he could say was “I don’t know.” These are just a couple examples to show he trusted me a lot. I also drove him to school every day. Taught him how to read, helped him with his homework, etc.

My relationship with his dad was toxic. I tried to leave numerous times, but always went back for a variety of reasons. My bf’s son was a major one. After watching how much he went through dealing with his mom’s chaos, and eventual abandonment, I could not bring myself to tell him that I was also leaving him. Not that I wouldn’t still continue a relationship with him, but I knew that his dad would make it damn near impossible to do so if I left him. The things he would do and say just when I tried to leave were disturbing, and made it clear to me that maintaining a relationship would not happen. At least not while he was young.

So… I stuck around. And the poor son sadly witnessed arguments, and tears. As much as I tried to shield him from all that, my boyfriend didn’t share the same concern. And always said things like, “He should know you’re just going to try and leave him again, just like his mom did.” Gosh, it makes my stomach turn to think of it.

Anyways, when the son was about 17, our situation changed in such a way that I was finally able to leave the relationship and move out. BUT, I felt like I couldn’t do it in a straight forward way because my bf wouldn’t “allow it” (that’s gross, I know). I had been visiting my sister regularly about twice a month, about an hour away. One time I went to visit her like normal, but just never went back to my boyfriend. We had one or two phone calls about, and he threw a fit at first, but I knew he wouldn’t dare come to my sister’s house. And again, our situation was such that he was relieved I wasn’t coming back. He just would never dare be the one to end things. So instead he made things so unbelievably difficult for me, that I had no choice but to leave. Then he could point his finger of blame at me and tell everyone that ***I*** was the one who left ***him***. 🙄

Since then, I have maintained a relationship with my boyfriend’s son without any real issues from his dad. Since he’s older, has his own phone, his own car, etc., I don’t need his dad to go through in order to contact him. Years ago, I would have had to go through his dad to set any visits up, and I know it would have been a nightmare.

I don’t really bring up his dad to him when we talk. But he brings him up sometimes, and with some of the stuff he says, he sees now and understands that I was very unhappy, and that his dad was a total asshole (his words, not mine).
I feel like he’s very close to asking me, “Why did you stay for so long?”

Here is the question I have (sorry I took so long to get here)… if he does end up asking me that question. Is it okay to tell him that I stayed because of him? That I couldn’t bear the thought of him thinking I was leaving him too, after what he went through with his mom? I don’t want to put any guilt on him though, but I don’t know how else to answer that question.

I’d especially love to hear from men on this, since I’m interested in how a mother’s relationship choices can shape the kind of man her son grows up to be. But I’m absolutely open to hearing from everyone.
If you grew up with a mother who was unhappy, unappreciated, or not treated the way she deserved in her relationship, do you think you would have been better off if she had left? Or do you think having both parents together, even in an unhappy relationship, was more beneficial?I’m especially curious about situations where there wasn’t necessarily physical abuse or constant fighting, but more subtle things like disrespect, emotional neglect, lack of affection, or one parent simply not being treated as an equal.Even if your mom tried to hide her unhappiness, could you sense it growing up?

For those who experienced either situation:
- How did your parents’ relationship affect your childhood and your view of love?
- Did it influence how you treat women or what you consider acceptable in a relationship?
- Did you grow up resenting your mom for staying, or did you ever resent her for leaving?
- If your parents separated, did you wish they’d stayed together, or did you eventually understand why they didn’t?

Looking back as an adult, what do you wish your mom had done differently, if anything?
I hear a lot about how important it is for children to grow up in a two-parent household, but I also wonder about the example being set when one parent is consistently unhappy or not treated well.

I’m genuinely interested in personal experiences, not just what people think the “right” answer is.

I don’t know why I’m like this. I really hope there are people who are in a similar situation because I’ve been struggling I’m 18 now. My mom and dad divorced when I was 12. I was fine with it because I just told my friends that my dad lives in another country, and that was it.
But now I sometimes go on vacation with my mom’s husband’s family, and people keep asking questions. I end up lying and telling them that this is my family.
Today I was at my best friend’s house, and my mom’s husband called me. She asked, “Who’s this and I lied and told her, “It’s a man who works with my mom.”
I hate that I do this. I don’t know why I’m so ashamed of it, and I keep thinking that this isn’t normal. I’ve never told any of my friends the truth, even though my best friend tells me everything about her family.should I tell her?Are there people who have been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it?

TLDR; I just want a daughter who wants to be in our life when she’s grown up. I worry all the time I won’t do this part right.

What can I do NOW (in these years) to make sure that I get it right?

——
I’m a remarried, happy mother of a daughter I share with my ex husband. We left his abuse when she was 2.5, she doesn’t remember living with him, we relocated at the time of the divorce back to where I was from, he was awarded some amount of time sharing, but gave up his physical custody of her agreed to let us move, took all our possessions and opted to pay minimal child support —eventually, after we’d started over (spent time as a single mom then) after I met my now Husband, we’re happy & healing (starting to have other children) he came back around, followed us hundreds of miles and sued for custody which he was able to get.

He is a terrible guy— that everything always just goes right for.. enabled by his family, loved by the world lol, just a master at being deceptive, always high energy and acting happy/ Christian but also has plenty of vices (daughter often talks about his drinking and recently smoking) of course the courts don’t see it/ care.
He’s fun. He has no real rules. There’s no bedtime she can eat whatever she wants his new wife also lets her older boys do whatever they want. He’s wealthier, buys her new things every visit, takes her to parties like with neighbors all the time etc.

I think she likes him. She is fearful of his anger, but she should be & theres noting I can do about that part since the court says he’s safe. I’m not sure exactly how she knows to be carful of that but she is.

She’s literally seeing two different types of households. For now she communicates that she enjoys/looks forward to or at least understands that she must go and see him every other weekend. She says that mostly she feels fine about that ..sometimes she still wants to be here and she misses spending time with her siblings. …. We haven’t really gotten into a season yet where she’s absent from a Thanksgiving or Christmas with siblings that notice she is gone bc her little sister is barely 2 and the next Baby isn’t due until February.

We live a happy life, my husband and I are more humble. We’re still working towards a financially better position in life, but by no means do we struggle or suffer or is she ever without, we are happy and in love and my daughter is seeing a genuine strong marriage relationship between us. We are building a family. I do all the things. I’m a stay at home mom I homeschool my daughter. I take her to mini activities. We spend lots of time together. We cook a ton in the kitchen. I TRY!

But. I can’t shake the feeling that maybe I’m screwing it all up still somehow.

Anyways.. We fought for nothing to change when he showed back up. My daughter when this was going down knew of her dad and saw him when he would choose to come to town and visit, but had begun growing up with my now Husband being dad in her life. (She had known my husband for longer than she knew her dad.)
Our new arrangement has made that kind of awkward my ex doesn’t let her call him Dad
Dy, makes her feel weird about living g him.. and I know she feels in some ways like she has to live two lives. She’s aware of more than she can put into words to me.

She is almost 7. I can tell with time and age and maybe things that have gone on that. I’m unaware of she feels less like she should share about him with us and us with them.

Idk
This is too much info now.

I’m afraid I’ll do this wrong. I know I’m a good enough mom. I’m always working on not yelling when I get really mad— but I had really horrible parents. They did really terrible things to my sisters and I and also didn’t know how to be parents/ adults and I feel like in a lot of ways I do better and definitely am aware of how parents could do better for their kids…. And am constantly trying and caring about being a good mom.

I just want a daughter who wants to be in our life when as she’s grown up. I worry all the time I won’t do this part right. I hate my ex, but I always put on as honest a front I can that things are just neutral between him and I.

What can I do NOW (in these years) to make sure that I get it right?

I'm 26F, Indian, and my parents officially got divorced yesterday after 26 years of marriage. There wasn't any physical abuse or anything like that. They simply weren't compatible as partners anymore, and over time, their marriage reached a point where separating was the healthier decision. I genuinely love both my parents and want them to be happy, even if that means being apart. One thing I'm incredibly grateful for is that my parents have reassured my brother and me that we will always be a family, regardless of their marital status. They have made it clear that their divorce doesn't change the fact that we're still a family and will continue to be there for one another.

I consider myself a very strong and independent woman. I've navigated difficult situations in life, and I know I'll get through this as well. But I would be lying if I said I knew exactly how to process everything. I'm extremely close to my family, especially my mom, and family has always been one of the most important parts of my life. I've always believed that having a strong family and support system is incredibly important, especially as a woman. I know that my parents getting divorced doesn't mean I've lost my family, but it's still an adjustment to accept that the family structure I've known for 26 years is changing. Sometimes I feel completely fine and confident about the future, and other times I find myself wondering how to navigate this new chapter.

One thing I'm particularly struggling with is that I haven't told any of my friends about my parents' divorce. Not a single one. I'm generally a very private person, especially when it comes to my family, and I don't usually share personal struggles with others. Part of me feels like I need to stay strong, not just for myself but for my parents and my brother as well. I keep telling myself that I'm strong enough to handle this, and I genuinely believe I am, but I also wonder whether I'm putting too much pressure on myself to always appear okay. I don't even know how to bring something like this up in a conversation with friends. Do I casually tell them that my parents got divorced? Do I wait until it comes up naturally? I don't want people to feel sorry for me or suddenly look at my family differently. At the same time, I wonder whether keeping something this significant entirely to myself is making it harder to process.

I also think being Indian adds another layer to the experience. Divorce isn't always openly discussed in our communities, especially when parents have been married for decades. There's often an expectation that marriages should last forever, regardless of whether the people involved are genuinely happy. That being said, I've never really been someone who cares about what society thinks or what other people have to say about my life. I've always believed in living life on my own terms rather than according to societal expectations, and that mindset has given me an incredible sense of freedom. I don't feel the need to justify my family's decisions to anyone, and I certainly don't believe my parents should have stayed in an unhappy marriage simply to satisfy society. In many ways, that independence makes this situation easier to accept because I'm not particularly concerned about the stigma surrounding divorce. What I'm trying to navigate is the emotional reality of the change itself.

I've also thought about how this might affect my future relationships and marriage. Part of me actually sees it as a good filter because if a man I'm dating or his family cannot accept my family because my parents are divorced, then I wouldn't want to be with someone like that anyway. I know my parents' marriage doesn't define me, my values, or the kind of relationship I'll have in the future. At the same time, I can't deny that having a strong and loving family means a lot to me, and I sometimes wonder how this experience might shape my perspective on relationships.

I genuinely believe this could be the beginning of a happier chapter for both my parents, and I support them in moving forward with their lives. I don't necessarily see their divorce as a failure, because sometimes two people are simply better off apart. I think what I'm struggling with is figuring out how to embrace this change while continuing to build my own life, focus on my happiness, and maintain the strong family bonds that mean so much to me. I want to be supportive without feeling like I have to be emotionally responsible for everyone, and I want to give myself permission to navigate this experience in my own way.

I'd genuinely love to hear from people who have experienced their parents divorcing when they were adults, especially other Indian or Asian women. How did you navigate the emotional side of it? Did it change your perspective on marriage, dating, or what having a strong family means? Did you ever worry about how a future partner or their family might perceive your family situation? How did you tell your friends, and did opening up help? And most importantly, how did you learn to prioritize your own happiness while still being there for your parents?

I'm not necessarily looking for sympathy, just some perspective, reassurance, and advice from people who have been through something similar. ❤️

I’m buying a house and I want my daughter to feel as comfortable as possible. Her mom and I live far apart and I’m hoping to make her space as pleasant as possible for her to come stay longer periods of time, when she’s ready. Thank you.