Here we fucking go again… 🫠
35 years old. Endometriosis.
4 going on 5 early natural losses.
2 failed FETs with PGT-A tested embryos.
8 years of infertility.
0 living children.

Like… what the actual fuck?!

I can get pregnant naturally (rarely), but apparently staying pregnant is where things go spectacularly off the fucking rails. Meanwhile, my highly graded, genetically tested embryos haven’t worked either. Make it make sense. 🙃

I was about to start two months of Lupron suppression before my next transfer when, in the most on-brand plot twist imaginable, I got pregnant naturally following a failed FET.

The betas started low and slow. I knew this movie. I’ve seen it before, and spoiler alert: IT FUCKING SUCKS.

But then my hCG reached the highest it’s ever been. It even started doubling beautifully. For a brief, stupidly hopeful moment, I thought maybe this time would be different.
Apparently, the universe saw me having a little hope and took that shit personally.

Today, my numbers dropped. I’m bleeding. And I’m anticipating yet another loss, followed by more waiting and more delays before we can figure out our next steps. Also waiting for an ultrasound to make sure the cherry on top of this miscarriage isn’t a fucking ectopic.

At this point, shouldn’t I at least get a fucking loyalty punch card? Five losses and the sixth one is free? WHERE IS MY PRIZE?!

Every time this happens, I cry to my husband and mom that I can’t do this anymore. Yet somehow, I keep getting back up and trying again.

But I’m tired. I’m tired of numbers, blood draws, symptom spotting, tests, procedures, surgeries, waiting and having my heart broken over and over again.
When do you throw in the towel?

I feel like a glutton for punishment, putting myself through the same physical and emotional hell while hoping for a different outcome.

And yet, I still want to be a mom so fucking badly that I can’t bring myself to walk away.
I don’t know how many more times I can do this. I just know that I wanted this baby, and even though I suspected how this would end, it still fucking hurts.
💔

I have been feeling less and less pregnant over the last few days. Before last Tuesday I felt the baby roll and tumble and then I got a minor cold and it's been much less, and now today nothing. I had a loss last year at 11+2 - MMC discovered at my scan. I was so deliriously happy for my pregnancy back then that I didn't pay attention to any gradual loss of symptoms.

For this pregnancy I've been hyper aware of everything and I've been scouring the internet for forum threads, websites and asking AI for advice.

My midwife says it's fine and likely due to being sick. Movements before they dropped was about 1 or 2 times a day but not every day. I know we don't count movements at this time but I do expect them to get stronger, not disappear completely.

Anyway I am sad and having trouble sleeping. I haven't felt baby move properly for ages and I'm scared to talk to my husband about it. We were both so gutted last year after our loss.

UPDATE: I called my midwife and she pulled some strings to have me checked early. Strong heart beat. Thank you ladies for all your reassurance.

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks a few months ago and found I’m pregnant again (5 weeks today). At first I was so happy! Now I just have this gut feeling it will end in miscarriage again.

It seems so common for women to have to go through multiple miscarriages or fertility treatment to get their baby. I rarely hear about women who have one miscarriage then are successful.

I’m so far down the rabbit hole that I’ve convinced myself I have silent endo. As I have low AMH for my age (29 years old).

I guess I just wanted to vent to people that understand how nerve wracking these first months are 🤷🏻‍♀️

For context, previously have 4 losses all around 6 weeks and am now pregnant for a 5th time.

Today I am 9+2 which is the furthest I’ve ever made it. I had a scan at 7+4 which showed a single baby measuring exactly 7+4 with a strong heartbeat. My next scan won’t be until 13 weeks but I should be able to get a NIPT test just after 10 weeks.

Despite all of these positive signs, my mind is just a rotation of me grabbing onto and fixating on every negative thing I can think of and I’m driving myself crazy. Why can’t I just be happy?

Negative irrational thoughts on repeat:

1. Baby died right after the scan, its heart probably stopped beating soon after.
   
2. My symptoms are all relatively mild. I don’t have bad morning sickness. This is a bad sign that the baby is not growing and/or has something genetically wrong with it.
   
3. My HCG at 9 weeks was 230,000. Some reference ranges say this is ok, others say any pregnancy that goes over 200k is abnormal. Therefore I have decided something MUST be abnormal and am convinced there is something genetically wrong, probably triploidy.
   
4. Again with the high HCG, I know it’s not a molar because we heard the heartbeat but it’s probably a partial molar.

Why can’t I just be happy and stop focusing on all of these things I’m “sure” of?! Why can’t I focus on the positive stories where majority of the time it all works out? It just all seems to good to be true for me after my losses.

Just wanted to vent really and share my insanity and hope there are others in the same boat as me ☹️

Hi all. I’m currently 4w6d (17 dpo) but strongly suspect a chemical.

I can’t totally explain it but this past weekend I suddenly just started getting this feeling that something wasn’t right with this pregnancy. I no longer felt like I should tell anyone about it or like I could be excited about it. My Fitbit resting heart rate started to tick downward again. Any symptoms I had (tiredness, minor nausea) seem to have disappeared. But most damningly, the daily tests I take to see progression have stalled out, never got super dark, and are now getting lighter. Today’s tests are all faint lines again.

For those of you who have unfortunately been through a CP before, do you recall how long it took for the bleeding to start once your lines were very faint or negative?

And is it worth it to ask my doctor for labs, or at this point is that just going to tell me what I already suspect?

Being in limbo sucks.

Update (sort of): I got antsy and went in for a blood draw. And now I have to wait until tomorrow for the results 🙃

Update update: beta hcg just came back at 7.2. Guess my intuition was right. Now I wait for the bleeding.

Final update (next day) for anyone who unfortunately is in the same situation and looking for info later on: spotting began last night. Bleeding has officially started today. I’m going back in for a blood draw again tomorrow to confirm what I know and get it on my record.

TW unfortunately at a private ultrasound clinic this AM, we found out we have no heartbeat, measuring 8 weeks 4 days (should be 8 wks+5). We are gutted. I feel like I have been BEGGING my OB and nurses to help monitor me more closely since a previous miscarriage and I hate to have proved them right. I feel like I am going through this alone. I have been very clear that I want to be as proactive as possible to help maximize chances of getting pregnant, staying pregnant and monitor things closely. I have repeatedly expressed my high anxiety following my miscarriage in March, yet my requests for closer monitoring were dismissed. I have felt incredibly unsupported and left to navigate this agonizing process on my own.

Background... back in March I had a MMC/chemical pregnancy at 34. I tested positive after a missed period (which was irregular due to recent IUD removal in late October '25). We begged for blood testing because we were so nervous and excited. Went from ~150 HCG to ~160 48 hours later, then down to ~140 a few days later. I finally bled in late March, but it was nothing crazy.

We were devastated but wanted to start trying again asap. I was tracking ovulation and all timing methodically. Now 35, I tested positive 10 days DPO and continued taking tests, watching the lines get darker and again, asked for bloodwork. We watched my HCG rise appropriately. At 6 weeks 4 days I had some intense bright red bleeding and after being on the phone with an incredibly incompetent on-call nurse, went to the ER. There they confirmed heartbeat and appropriate measuring (!!!!!) but also a small subchorionic hematoma.

My OB let me move my initial ultrasound/"Pregnancy confirmation" up from Aug 10 to Aug 6 and we again, saw heartbeat increase and measurements looking good at 7 weeks 4 days. Very nonchalant about the sch which I now understand are fairly common and tend to resolve ont heir own. After the previous loss, I was extremely anxious. I begged my doctor to let me come in for another ultrasound for serial imaging to check on the SCH ahead of my first "prenatal appt" schedule Sept 9. They would not let me, so I scheduled my own private ultrasound for this morning (8 weeks 5 days) for peace of mind before a quick trip out of town. So here we are again, no heartbeat... now I'm just waiting to start bleeding and pass the tiny baby.

I just had to vent. These 8 weeks of being pregnant and several months of trying have been the hardest of my life. I feel isolated.

EDIT: This is exactly the support I needed!! Just knowing I’m not alone in these experiences makes me feel a little less crazy. And thank you to everyone reminding me that more scans through my OB’s office wouldn’t have changed the outcome. I do understand that.

What I’m really grappling with is how scary these early weeks can be when you have no idea what’s happening inside your body. Beyond wiping and seeing whether there’s blood, there’s very little information or reassurance available. It’s the lack of resources and support during those early days that has been so difficult for me.

I’m seeing a new therapist who specializes in prenatal care, and I’m also looking forward to seeing a fertility specialist who can help my husband and i understand what might not be adding up and what we can do moving forward.

As I type this I am holding my wife’s hand as we await our 3rd loss. This time, our twins made it to 21+1 but that is just not far enough. My wife is in active preterm labor and there is tension on her cerclage. They will remove it soon and then it is just a matter of time.

I want to thank everyone in this sub who has followed our journey from when we lost our first pregnancy. All those who commented or offered a kind work of advice. There are some genuinely good people here and I want them to know that.

Wishing peace, love, and endless baby dust to those struggling.

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but today we found out the NIPT was positive for trisomy 18. I’ve personally seen many patients with T18 as a nurse and I always worried about it in the future. It’s so surreal this is happening. I’ve had two miscarriages in the last year (8 wk and 16 wk). I feel like the unluckiest person in the world. My OB sent a referral for further testing and we are waiting to schedule. My actual lab report gave a PPV of 25.7%. My OB said my US at 11 weeks looked normal to her but it was just a quick scan. She said she did actively look for signs of a genetic issue so she could give a “warning”, but again the scan was super fast. I’m so terrified. Idk what I will do if it’s truly positive. I mostly just don’t know what to do with myself for the next 1-3 weeks while I wait for testing 😣 I’m 12 weeks and it was a good fetal fraction.

I know it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. But after 2 back to back losses it doesn’t feel like it could turn out any other way but bad. I don’t even want to call my OB and go through the labs or an early ultrasound.

After my slow hcg rise and few other setbacks I started spotting yesterday. Ultrasound today showed baby stopped developing a little over a week ago. I don’t want to pass it at home so I’m going to have a DNC tomorrow and I’m not sure what to expect.. can anyone share their experiences with me? What was it like, did your cycle return on time? Were you able to get pregnant again soon after? I feel so sad.

Editing to add a thank you to everyone who has replied. I’m slowly trying to get back to everyone. This sub has been genuinely so helpful and I’m so grateful to have found you guys thru this crazy experience.

This post is specifically for anyone around 35 who has had a miscarriage and then gone on to become pregnant again. I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences, especially how you dealt with the fear of it happening again.

Until yesterday I was pregnant and should have been around 5+4. For the last two or three days, though, I started feeling strange. I couldn’t really explain it, but I had this feeling that something had changed and that there was nothing there anymore. I didn’t feel excited about the pregnancy in the same way either. When I talked about it, I just felt strangely detached.
And then yesterday, I had a miscarriage.
I was scared and went to hospital, where I had a very heavy bleed and passed everything. In a strange way, I’m glad that the actual miscarriage happened at the hospital rather than at home, because at least I don’t associate going to the bathroom here with that memory. I know that probably sounds odd, but I’m grateful for that small thing.
I cried pretty much all the tears I had the day before yesterday, when I took a pregnancy test and saw that the line was getting weaker and weaker. Then yesterday I spent most of the day crying in hospital. I think I’ve cried enough to supply a small lake at this point.

I’m 35, so technically I’m already considered to be of advanced maternal age.
I want to start trying again as soon as it’s medically appropriate. But I’m scared.
I’m scared of becoming pregnant again and then losing it again. I don’t know how you’re supposed to go through another pregnancy without constantly being terrified that something is going to go wrong. How do you allow yourself to get excited again when you know what it feels like to lose it?
For those of you who have been through this:
How many miscarriages did you have before you had a successful pregnancy?
How long did it take before things finally went well?
How did you cope with the anxiety during the next pregnancy?
Was there anything that helped you feel like you had some control over the situation, even though obviously so much of it is completely out of our hands?
I’m already taking folic acid and my usual pre-pregnancy supplements/medications, and I’ve also got the appropriate supplements ready for my partner so he can start taking them too. I just don’t know what else I can realistically do to feel like I’m giving myself the best chance of things being okay next time.
I know one miscarriage doesn’t mean the next pregnancy will end the same way. I think I just need to hear from people who have actually been through the fear of trying again and eventually got their happy ending.
Thank you to anyone willing to share their experience. ❤️

5+2 US showed gest sac measuring 5w4d, no definitive yolk sac, SCH 2cm

6+2 US showed gest sac measuring 5w6d and a CRL measuring 6w1d (didn’t give me the mm measurements and no access to report) but no cardiac activity. Still have 2cm SCH.

Felt like the US tech was guessing at the fetal pole. And she’s relatively new at OB US. She just moved over from doing other US like DVT. Far different than the MFM techs I’m used to from my prior preg. But I’m sure this isn’t reassuring whether or not she was actually measuring a CRL correctly or not.

I’m breastfeeding so cycles are irregular but by LH strips I am pretty certain of my ovulation and therefore my estimated dates - peak surge on 9/8, ovulation 9/9, positive HPT 9DPO 9/18. 😞😞

feeling defeated. just left my 8 week ultrasound, baby had a HR of 177 and measuring perfect. I do have a hematoma and have been going for weekly ultrasounds bc my last pregnancy was lost due to a big bleed at 11w.
After my ultrasound my doctor looked at me and said “I think this pregnancy will be successful but if it’s not, i need you to wait a YEAR before trying again. your body is clearly telling you its not suitable for pregnancy right now and if you lose this baby you need to go on birth control or really be careful having sex and not get pregnant.”
I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in november & a miscarriage at 11 weeks in March. I have always asked the other drs in the practice if it was okay to start trying before we did. I’m so psyched out now because it makes me feel like she thinks we’re inevitably going to lose this baby. She kept telling me I need to relax and stay calm… how can I after that news? The idea of waiting an entire year to try again is harrowing and just something new to spiral about. As if I wasn’t already anxious enough to lose this pregnancy I’m going to end up blaming myself for getting pregnant so fast if something goes wrong.

prior to this pregnancy I did RPL, SIS, complete fertility work up including karyotyping, semen analysis, round of antibiotics.Only thing I haven’t done is endometrial biopsy or a scope to see if we missed something on the SIS. I did all of this prior to getting pregnant again just to be safe.

I am 27 overweight ftm.... yesterday my TVS done

Fetal pole, Gsac, CRL all are present but no cardiac activity is seen.... ACC to CRL I am 6w5days pregnant....1 week behind my actual date... I am just loosing hope... This is soo emotional situation for me... What is the normal timing for heartbeat to came and

Anyone here who experiences the same...

Your successful or unsuccessful experiences kindly share❤️

I’m 7w2d and everything has been going so well since we found out three weeks ago, until a couple days ago when I started seeing the lightest brown spotting. No other symptoms except some very minor cramping. But I have my confirmation ultrasound tomorrow and I just have this pit in my stomach they’re not going to find anything viable. I just wish there was a way to get it all over with but know we have to go through it. I hope I’m wrong though! I’m usually a generally optimistic person but just, something doesn’t feel right. I keep telling myself it’s early, and who knows what symptoms are normal or abnormal but I just don’t have a lot of hope right now and don’t know where else to share this.
Would love any thoughtful mantras or thoughts for those of you who have gone through losses before.

UPDATE, the next day: my scan went great, the blob is measuring right on track and we heard the heartbeat. As someone posted below, anxiety is not intuition!!!

I had my 6 week 3 day ultrasound. It showed only a gestational sac so I go back in a week. I’m sure of my dates. I ovulated 2 days later than expected but nothing crazy. Why would this be so off? I’m preparing myself for the worst. Any insight?

Seeking any sort of advice or thoughts because I'm dying from the excessive googling and attempting to interpret studies I'm finding online (all of which basically say my pregnancy is screwed).

I am 5 weeks pregnant and was warned at 4w, 4 days that this would likely end in a biochemical pregnancy due to low and slow HCG. My first HCG value was 41. Two days later, it was 54. Another two days later, it was 87. Another two days later, it finally more than doubled to 185, but is still lower than ideal for my gestational age.

On the same day as my last blood draw (5 weeks), I had an early US to see if we could rule out an ectopic pregnancy. Unfortunately, the doctor could not see anything either in the uterus or elsewhere. She said it was likely just too early, and that she MAYBE saw an area of fluid in the uterus that COULD be an early gestational sac. Because my HCG finally doubled, she advised not to do a D&C at the moment (we had discussed this previously to test the nonviable pregnancy tissue and to definitively rule out or rule in an ectopic pregnancy), and is bringing me back in for bloodwork and an US at 5w, 3 days.

Does my doubling HCG now mean that an ectopic is less likely? If my HCG continues to double, is there any hope for this pregnancy, or is it still more than likely abnormal/nonviable given my beta values? I don't know what to think. We got pregnant with our first IUI after over a year of TTC, and I keep thinking about how excited we would be right now if my numbers looked better. I'm drowning in self pity.

POSITIVE STORIES ONLY

Hi guys,

Little background I had my first 6 last week at 6 weeks and 6 days. Baby was measuring 6 weeks. That didn’t concern me as my toddler measured two weeks behind!

I noticed my yolk sac seemed HUGE. She measured and it was 6.1mm. I know that was slightly over threshold so I wasn’t crazy concerned but also prepared myself for the baby to not make it.

Fast forward 5 days later I couldn’t wait 14 full days till my 8 week so I booked private today.

Baby grew 5 days in 5 days and had a heart rate of 126. Kicker my yolk sac was 10.1 mm!!

Obviously all research shows terrible outcomes but I’d love to hear positive stories

I just had my first scan. LMP has me at 8 + 4 but I ovulated either CD 19 or 20, so I should be 7+6. My first positive test was a month ago 9/9 and had 2 good, doubling betas on 9/9 and 9/11.

We saw an embryo with cardiac activity (FHR 153) but measuring very behind. The CRL measured 0.5cm, 6w 2 days. There was also “subchorionic fluid” present (is this a hematoma?). I’m absolutely devastated. My doctor told me not to lose hope since early measurements can be off and ovulation may have been later. I disagree. I understand measuring a few days behind but 1.5 weeks….no…. I used ovulation strips + BBT to confirm ovulation. It feels so cruel to have an embryo with a normal/good FHR but measuring so far behind.

I go back for another scan next week. I don’t expect to see much/if any growth. I feel deeply in my heart this is another loss. I had a blighted ovum a few years ago. I’m just so sad.

I had my first positive pregnancy test last week, and for some reason I decided to do daily strip tests. I've never been pregnant before (I've only had one cycle since IUD removal). However, I noticed that my lines began to fade.

This morning the bleeding and cramping began, confirming my suspicions. I went in for labs anyway, but I don't see this going anywhere but south.

Where do I go from here? I’ve seen women get pregnant the next month after a chemical pregnancy, but how do you know when it’s safe to start trying?

Thank you in advance.

Hello, I have never been though this and I know everything happens the way it supposed too, but it doesn’t make this any easier. Felt off yesterday, and today at work had pink spotting and then got my beta and it was only 16 at 21 dpo. I started bleeding shortly after.

How long did it take you to conceive after you had a chemical? Were your periods back to normal soon after? Just want some reassurance.

TIA

Had my HCG tested Tuesday and it came back at 181 - for 17dpo lower than I’d like but still in range. Just got my other beta done at 19dpo this morning and it’s only rose to 237.

I can’t do another loss 😭 but unfortunately it’s looking to be that way. Now we’re going to have to wait that much longer to start IVF

Update: 7/10 - nothing seen on ultrasound in uterus or tubes at the moment. HCG 294. Plan is to check HCG Monday morning & schedule another ultrasound from there

Update: 7/13 - HCG 807, significant increase over the weekend. Another HCG scheduled for tomorrow morning to check if it goes high enough for a “viability” scan

Update: 7/17 - It’s ectopic, chose MTX

Basically the title.

My procedure is tomorrow. I’m 8w with a blighted ovum. Feeling entirely heartbroken but I don’t want to wait to TTC again.

Would love to hear stories, any surprises along the way, etc.

I had a chemical pregnancy back in December, then I got pregnant again in June and now I think I’m around 5-6 weeks but I’m really not sure where I’m at anymore because the pregnancy is progressing slowly. I feel like I’ve been 5 weeks or 6 weeks for almost a month now.

I think mentally I’ve come to terms with the fact that this pregnancy will end up as a blighted ovum. I’m sad of course but at the same time I’m tired of all this waiting around for a bad news to come. It’s so draining and I’m already an anxious person in general, this is on another whole level of anxiety. My GS was measuring at 8.7mm yesterday and my hCG rose so much from 1,821 on Friday last week to 4,080 yesterday and my sac didn’t even grew much. I have my next scan next week Wednesday and I’m prepared to see nothing in the sac 💔

I was really hoping that this baby would stick. But it’s not looking like it. But I’m also ready to try again if this time it doesn’t work out😔