r/CautiousBB • u/Popular_Chain_2680 • Jul 17 '26
Sad Frustrated and defeated
feeling defeated. just left my 8 week ultrasound, baby had a HR of 177 and measuring perfect. I do have a hematoma and have been going for weekly ultrasounds bc my last pregnancy was lost due to a big bleed at 11w.
After my ultrasound my doctor looked at me and said “I think this pregnancy will be successful but if it’s not, i need you to wait a YEAR before trying again. your body is clearly telling you its not suitable for pregnancy right now and if you lose this baby you need to go on birth control or really be careful having sex and not get pregnant.”
I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in november & a miscarriage at 11 weeks in March. I have always asked the other drs in the practice if it was okay to start trying before we did. I’m so psyched out now because it makes me feel like she thinks we’re inevitably going to lose this baby. She kept telling me I need to relax and stay calm… how can I after that news? The idea of waiting an entire year to try again is harrowing and just something new to spiral about. As if I wasn’t already anxious enough to lose this pregnancy I’m going to end up blaming myself for getting pregnant so fast if something goes wrong.
prior to this pregnancy I did RPL, SIS, complete fertility work up including karyotyping, semen analysis, round of antibiotics.Only thing I haven’t done is endometrial biopsy or a scope to see if we missed something on the SIS. I did all of this prior to getting pregnant again just to be safe.
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u/MeMarissa Jul 17 '26
Shop around for a different OB (which I understand is harder said than done). That is incredibly frustrating and I am so sorry that happened to you. I CANNOT STAND when people tell me to ✨just don’t be stressed✨. It shifts the blame towards us, like we are doing something wrong for being concerned about our baby. I am so frustrated for you.
Congratulations on having a great 8 week ultrasound! You are doing everything right and I wish you nothing but the best. 🤍
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u/Popular_Chain_2680 Jul 17 '26
When I was telling my mom she was like “I am anxious just hearing her tell you to stop being anxious” like you’re not creating a warm and safe environment.
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u/MeMarissa Jul 17 '26
Ironically my mom was the one that told me “stress doesn’t help anything” when I decided to tell her I was pregnant so I could have support in my struggles with pregnancy after loss. She meant well, but I definitely won’t be confiding in her again. 😂😭
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u/DearestClementine Jul 18 '26
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u/Popular_Chain_2680 Jul 18 '26
I think she may just have been having an off day. My husband didn’t think it was as bad as I did. But again, I’m an NP so I think I took it as even harder as a medical professional. We all have our days tho and I think she wanted a quick appointment and unfortunately I ask lots of questions…. Giving her the benefit of the doubt this one time but if not will switch practices to a bigger one in the major city near me
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u/DearestClementine Jul 18 '26
To say “your body is clearly telling you it’s not suitable for pregnancy right now” is downright cruel and also incorrect, given that you had a normal scan and your body is not giving any signals of the sort. It’s nice of you to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I kinda don’t give a shit about her off day. You can’t speak to someone that way when your job involves speaking to people in vulnerable positions.
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u/Popular_Chain_2680 Jul 18 '26
I know. Maybe she phrased it different and my pregnant anxiety mind is paraphrasing it in my head but I don’t think I did. My husbands legit so chill to so he didn’t even bat an eye till she walked out and I was like what the fuck?
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u/princessEh Jul 17 '26
I had two second trimester losses and had to wait 3 months after each, but I had complications so it was closer to 6 months each time.
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u/No_Swimming_9747 Jul 17 '26
That’s crazy. I’ve had 6 or 7 in a year and a half and my doctor only told me to wait 1-2 cycles after my last loss bc I had a D&C.
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u/Popular_Chain_2680 Jul 17 '26
I’ve waited one full cycle after both d&cs and made sure I had the verbal all clear from my fertility specialist, high risk, and another OB in the practice!!! Like I’m soooo not the patient to just say fuck it and do whatever I want
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u/No_Swimming_9747 Jul 17 '26
Yeah that’s insane for her to say, especially when you’re not high up there in number of losses AND when you potentially know the cause of one of those losses (which could happen to anyone). And it’s even worse saying that when you’re currently pregnant. Like she’s speaking it into the universe. If that was her opinion it should’ve been kept to herself until AFTER something happened (God forbid) not while you’re currently pregnant and already scared about it.
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u/Reasonable-Emu9929 Jul 17 '26
Huh?? There can sometimes be reasons drs tell you to wait x amount of time after a loss but 1) why would you be bringing this up right at this moment while everything is going well and 2) what an odd way to say that no matter what sort of scientific knowledge/backing this is being said with?!
This wouldn’t be okay with me - have you felt uncomfortable around your dr before? I’d be reassessing my relationship with this OB and seeing what else is out there for a different OB (but wouldn’t get rid of this one until you have a solid plan and are on the schedule with someone else if you do).
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u/Popular_Chain_2680 Jul 17 '26
I’m lucky that she is 1 of 4 in the practice, so I plan to just avoid her as much as possible/: I’ve heard she is amazing in the delivery room so that gives me hope
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u/redderhead111 Jul 17 '26
Sounds like you need to fire that doctor. I’ve never heard of someone in a medical field saying “hey, your body isn’t happy” and rather than figure out why, just abstain from pursuing life goals for a year. No biggie.
I’m so glad you’re having good scans right now, but if you have the option, find another practitioner. You don’t need the extra stress and frustration.
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u/Willing-Plantain-350 Jul 19 '26
Right! I had 5 miscarriages & 8 chemicals in 2 years and was never told that. He told me it’s bad luck and I will get pregnant, which I did after two miscarriages in a row back to back cycles. So I say screw that OB! Total nonsense
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u/rocketmanatee Jul 17 '26
That truly doesn't make sense. Yes you order a recurrent loss panel in that case, but there's no study I'm aware of that days not trying for a year would improve anyone's chances of having a living child.
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u/Annawiththesauce Jul 17 '26
What the… that doctor 😵💫🥴 I don’t have words
New pregnancy, completely new chances (if no reason found). Rooting for you! And you deserve a better doctor
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u/Vivid_Cheesecake7250 Jul 18 '26
Obviously I’m shocked with all the other commenters, however, I do like to remind myself (and others!) that we are not doctors, and even if we were, we would not be YOUR doctor and wouldn’t know YOUR specific situation. I do think it’s unwarranted for her to have this discussion with you when you’re still happily pregnant, and only have it IF this pregnancy ended.
On another note, please tell me you are on full pelvic rest and taking it very carefully with any exercise or lifting during this time? ❤️🩹 I had a SCH too and my doctor legitimately put me on lifting restrictions - no more than 6lbs - and no exercise aside from regular walking from place to place (lived in nyc so walking was a must). It felt excessive caution and surely was, but I took no risks, and made it through fine. I had to file for accommodations at work (retail management, we handled massive cheese 20-80lbs wheels which I no longer touched after that) and surprisingly my job accommodated me throughout the pregnancy all the way until the end. Only saying this because I see lots of people and even some doctors take SCH precautions lightly but I have a feeling you are already extra cautious with your history, just wanting to make sure.
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u/Popular_Chain_2680 Jul 18 '26
Hi!!! Yes, I am doing allll the things.Im an ICU nurse so unfortunately not really able to accommodate things for me there, so I’m currently on short term disability. Which stinks as it’s really no money financially but after losing 3 pregnancies we’re trying it all. Increasing my water intake, only walking around the house or to briefly go out to eat, and lots of vitamin c. Who knows if the vitamin c actually does anything but can’t hurt! I bled after having sex at 7 weeks pregnant in my first pregnancy, so my husband has been terrified since and in 2nd pregnancy and this one we haven’t done anything since I’ve gotten a positive test. Which stinks but I totally understand his concern and he was ultimately right because I had two big bleeds!
& I totally agree. I see why she’s saying wait a long time. I’ve been through a lot and my last loss was traumatizing. I was admitted to the hospital, bled a lot and still had to have a d&c after losing the baby. I understand completely she knows that my body and mind have been through an incredible amount the past year. But she shouldn’t have said it while this pregnancy is still viable. It’s all I can think about now like did she have a feeling something was wrong and didn’t want to say it? Just so crazy
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u/opulentfae Jul 18 '26
That is absolute garbage “advice” with zero medical backup. I’ve had three miscarriages at 5, 6+3 and 8+3 and my specialist and midwife have always both said to keep up momentum and go back to trying as soon as we are mentally ready. Your tech frankly needs to sit down and stay in their lane.
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u/RizzaRu42 Jul 18 '26
Absolutely get a new OB. That is asinine. I am so sorry she has you all worried.
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Jul 17 '26
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u/Popular_Chain_2680 Jul 17 '26
Okay right? At first I was like I’m being sensitive. But I’m a nurse Practioner and the idea of saying that to someone in their most vulnerable state is shocking
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u/potethue Jul 17 '26
What in the world? Why would she choose to say this to a loss mama with a perfectly fine current pregnancy? My heart breaks for you and I don’t blame you for spiralling. This pregnancy is NOT the other pregnancies. Wishing you all the best.