Love a one-sided convo

Less a rant and more a vent. Matched on Bumble on Saturday, met Sunday, got this today.

After trying for quite a while on Bumble, I finally went on a date that felt like it *sparkled*. I never expect much from dating app dates, so if more dates happen that’s great, and when I get rejected I’m cool with it and move on. This one felt different though, so I’m disappointed. And in its way it feels worse that she said all these nice things to me because it makes it not make sense that she doesn’t want a second date. Maybe I’m just stinging right now, but I’d almost rather she’d told me that after taking some time to get to know me, she’s come to the conclusion that I’m an asshole. That at least would follow logically in my mind and would be easier to let go of.

I did respond to her, to let her know I still think well of her, and more than anything to thank her for not just ghosting me.

Anyway, this made me feel sad and disappointed and I needed to get it out, so here I am. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: Alright, it’s been 12 hours, I’ve slept on it, the sting has largely passed. Honestly I’m grateful to her for not ghosting me, and I don’t think she thinks I’m an asshole. I’m grateful to her for spending the time to get to know me. The feeling I got from the rejection was a momentary thing that particularly stung. Like I said in the original post, my expectations are always pretty low, so me getting my hopes up on this one was, I think, my real issue here. I have nothing but nice things to say about this woman, she was an absolute delight to talk to and spend time with, and I respect how kind she was to me and the regard she had for me not to have just ghosted. I wish her all the best. As for me, ever onward, never losing hope that I’ll find someone who appreciates and wants to stick around with me, because she was right, there’s a lot of great things about me, and someday someone will get it.

EDIT 2: Thanks everyone here for the kind words. A bunch of you really helped soften this for me, I appreciate you.

So on Wednesday I met a girl named Ruth (F30) on Bumble, im a M(28). We started talking and both liked working out, movies, and other activities. So she asked Thursday night if I wanted to grab coffee and workout, so I did and picked her up. We went to my gym, had a fun workout, and I dropped her off. I mentioned to her I saw on her account her name was different, which she mentioned she doesn’t speak English well and its her middle name. I also noticed she had a kid (photos) on the back of her phone, she mentioned it was her son. She explained she was married for 8 years and recently split.

She then tried to change the conversation and told me to take her on a date to a Cuban restaurant tomorrow and we can dance and drink, which I hesitated and told her I can’t tomorrow, so I dropped her off and went home. When I got home I sent her a text saying it was nice seeing her however, I don’t feel connection and ended things. She acknowledged but then kept texting asking why, which I stated that I don’t feel a connection and wished her well. She kept texting and calling me, so I told her to stop, which by 11pm that night I received 10 phone calls. I blocked her number and the next day (Friday) I got about 20 missed calls from different numbers, and it was her leaving voicemails demanding for me to call her. I blocked them all.

So this morning my Mom woke me up saying a random lady was in the driveway asking for me, and it was her!!!!!! She managed to find my address and was asking to talk to me, so my Mom told her I wasn’t home, so she wrote me a letter and threw it on the front steps and left. She waited a little then drove off, but im freaked out now. I contemplated calling the police, or getting a restraining order but any advice or similar experiences? I never had something this crazy happen before….

Why even have a profile at this point?

Meet your usual “nice guy”. I’m so tired smh.

Conversation had just started & he complimented me on my "rosy complexion" - how nice! 😃 and then THAT 😒 it boggles my mind that some guys think it's acceptable to say shit like this to somebody they just met.

Had fairly good chat with with this guy all day. He had his politics listed as ‘left’ which aligned with mine and I assumed meant he was progressive. He had a historical interest which I spent a lot of time acknowledging and asking about during the chat. Just before this exchange he flagged that we live ~50 miles apart which I said was fine for me if it was the right person. Apparently ‘black cat looking for her golden retriever’ isn’t PC anymore 👀

I’ve seen too many Data posts and profile reviews of people asking what they’re doing wrong when the reality is they are just not attractive. I’m not trying to be rude but we gotta be honest with people because online dating is really all about looks and if you’re not conveniently attractive it’s hell. No amount of reworking your profile or resetting pics will change how you look. I think it’s messed up how people give generic advice on here knowing it won’t help but wanting to sound good for the internet. If you’re getting absolutely no matches or very little to any you probably need to look in the mirror and put work in or accept you might just be mid. I’m not trying to be rude but accepting this and putting more energy into real world connections where your personality comes into play would be better than this circus. Online dating is tough for everyone but especially if you’re below average or plain ugly.

Why do women put so little effort? It's better you don't match if you don't wanna chat. I don't know if i did anything wrong or if they aren't interested. This sucks!!

Turns out me and him go to the same gym.

This is what followed.

And he said he was looking for a long term serious relationship.

I’m so tired.

Honestly, I would rather see you have no bio than see this.

The bio prompts exist so that people get to know you better, deter people who might not be a good match, hell, might even be a good topic opener.

If I'm seeing dry / one word bios, I'm expecting the same amount of effort in our conversation if we match (and honestly, from my experience, the same amount of effort on a date), which is a HUGE turn off.

I will swipe left faster than my screen's refresh rate can handle anytime I see one of those bios.

I come across so many profiles that essentially offload the entire dating process and experience to men and it's becoming really tiresome.

The laughing one especially is pretty aggravating because I'm more of a slow burn person and become "funnier" once I'm more comfortable with someone, I don't think there's many comedians out there in the dating world who are just hilarious out of the gate. It just seems like women are setting themselves up for failure with all the requirements up front.

are these all just Tiktok soundbits.

Met her through bumble and she was obviously very into me on the first time we met, she even wouldn't stop texting me and complained about me not texting back fast enough.

On the second date however she asked me if the height on my profile is true (I'm 180cm, I even put 178cm on my profile to avoid what's about to come) and when I asked her why she basically told me I look short. She apologized afterwards and kept trying to save the situation but I couldn't help but just tell her we're done and leave. She's like 20cm shorter than me by the way.

Friendly reminder to not put up with any disrespect

Someone matched with me yesterday, and he liked a prompt of mine that said I was looking for someone fit/in shape. I scrolled down to his prompts, and the "You should not go out with me if"... and he answered, "You don't like chubby guys."

When I looked at his pics, he was lean. I thought since he liked my prompt about wanting someone fit, maybe he recently dropped weight and was working out and just hadn't updated his profile. When I returned the match, I asked if his pics were current. He admitted that he has put on "some weight recently and his pics were in the last year." He also said that he decided to add that prompt because a couple women were shocked by his appearance in person.

Can y'all please be honest about what you currently look like? He intentionally deceived women by putting up pics when he was thin. People aren't going to suddenly see how great you are in person and completely forget about you looking totally different.

In no particular order:

-Smoking
-Middle finger
-"School of hard knocks"
-Shirtless selfie
-Negative language of any sort
-"Just ask"
-ENM
-Instagram handle
-"Swipe left if..."
-Dead animals

Feel free to add yours.

Other petty reasons that should have made it into the list:

-Physical touch as a love language
-Bad grammar
-"My age is actually ___ but I can't change it"

Too many times I'll match with a girl, we'll click in conversation and then boom, she reveals to me that she has a baby.

There was even a woman who waited until after already exchanged numbers, been talking and FaceTimeing to reveal that information.

Like why hide that? I'm not against single mothers, I've even dated one before, but she upfront about that.

I just wish there were more up-front about that on their profile.

So, I’m a tall woman. Roughly 5’10-5’11.

Something that realllllyyyy bothers me, and I unmatch?
When men point out their height to me immediately.

I guess the way I see it, height isn’t a huge deal to me. I know a looooot of women seek out men who are at minimum 6ft. I know this is a really common grievance for men, as well. I get it.

But when it’s the first message (this has happened a few times now).. I unmatch.

It may just be me, but it screams insecurity. 😔 There are so many other ways to start a conversation. I want to meet someone and talk about anything other than physical characteristics.

I genuinely do not understand why so many men in this sub think that a woman doesn't have the right to be upset being reduced to some sort of call girl on dating apps. The whole "He took his shot, and you weren't into it. Move on. People enjoy sex and will ask for it," argument is exhausting. Men do not understand that when a woman takes the time to put up nice pictures, fill out a well-thoughout bio seeking a long-term relationship and get men matching with her who think she should be flattered he asked for sex, it isn't simply "Who cares that he asked." It's being reduced to a literal prostitute. Why wouldn't we be offended??

We've (women) been very vocal about the influx of messages from men asking for sex on this dating app. I actually saw a couple of men say that men need to have sex with us first to determine how they want to pursue us, if at all. Basically saying that we have to audition ourselves with our bodies to see if a man finds us worthy. This is such disgusting ideology. And just another way for some men to use this nonsense to get quick and easy sex.

EDIT: The amount of downvotes from men speaks volumes. A woman doesn't need to prove herself worthy of a relationship by taking off her clothes. Asking for sex on the first meeting to see how he feels about you is manipulative. But I expected nothing less from this sub.

Do the men in this sub understand what I'm saying? I'm talking about men messaging for sex on dating apps before even meeting you and the men who condone this by saying that a guy needs to see if you're relationship material first!

Why is the discourse always about “single mothers?” No one wants to date a single father. No one wants baby momma drama.

Being a single parent of any kind is a kneecapper, so why is this subreddit obsessed with the concept of single mothers? Every single mother out there is associated with a single father

Fyi this isn't just one time, it's been the case every time.

I have been in a relationship since I was 15 till this year. I have never been online dating in my life until now. I knew it wasn't going to be easy at fkn all considering how frustrated my friends were who have been ranting about bumble and tinder in general.

Since May I have had at least 20 matches. some never responded, some did. but Jesus i put in so much effort to keep the ball rolling to keep conversation going, at least at the beginning instead of looking at all women with the same glasses of prejudice. Is this really normal that people have stopped reciprocating the efforts another person is putting to talk to you or am I doing something wrong?

Every time I tell myself that this person isn't worth the effort but after such a pattern I'm losing motivation.

People always say “But women have it easy, you get so many matches.” Sure, we get matches. But what’s the point when most of them seem to want hookups while claiming in their bio that they’re looking for a long-term relationship, life partner, something serious etc.? It feels like half the time people are just saying whatever sounds good.

And can we talk about the obsession with Instagram? I don’t use it. I’m 31. I just… don’t. Yet so many conversations turn into, “What’s your IG?” or “You don’t have Instagram?” like it’s some kind of red flag.
Are there seriously no women out there who don’t live on social media? Not everyone wants to document their life or maintain an online persona. Some of us just prefer living our lives offline.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t want to verify who they’re talking to, I get that. But sometimes it feels like if you’re not active on Instagram, people assume you’re fake, hiding something or weird.

Honestly, I’m just tired. Tired of the endless swiping, tired of people saying one thing and wanting another and tired of feeling like dating has somehow become a marketing exercise where you need a social media presence to prove you’re a real person.

At this point, hire a s€x worker. You obviously do not care about where you put your d!ck, so it’ll save you a lot of time and trouble.

(For the record, he had a witty bio, was 5’8 and average looking - it’s not a case of “I bet he was hot and 6’2”)