or is this a grandma problem? 😂

I’m a single mum to a nearly 3yo and work Tuesdays and Wednesdays. My daughter is with her nanna while I work, and I am gone for 6 hours at most each day, although she usually manages okay, she’s very attached to me as she doesn’t see her Dad and has struggled with daycare in the past.

After a week of holidays with me last week, she really struggled with me going back to work. today I’m just reconsidering everything and I’m at a loss.

On Tuesday she was upset when I left for work even though she’s usually fine because we have had 5 whole days together 24/7 to “fill her mummy connection cup” and she stayed at her own home with Grandma baby sitting. Today I left again but left her at Nan’s for a change of scenery as she loves it there, I only went to work for just 2.5 hours and apparently she was upset the entire time. When I got home, my mum looked absolutely miserable and told me how much my daughter missed me (thanks mum, as if I don’t need one more thing to feel bad abou). My daughter seemed tired but fine as she never naps with her nanna and is constantly go go go despite me asking her nanna to slow things down and have quiet time.

I’m wondering whether changing my workdays to Wednesday and Friday might help by giving her a day with me in between? it’ll be a mission to change my days, but if I know it may help I’m willing to do it.

I’m also conscious that my mum is negative and draining, so I can’t tell how much of this is my daughter genuinely struggling vs Nan’s own reaction making the whole situation feel worse. 🙃 she’s very much trying to guilt me and I’ve been told by my psychologist that she’s a narcissist. I’m not willing to feel guilty about having a few hours to myself to work to put a roof over our head and food on the table.

Trying a new daycare arrangement seems like the obvious option, before you tell me to put her in daycare, I’ve tried it at the start of the year. I’d be getting calls daily asking to come pick her up as she wouldn’t settle. I tried for months and ended up pulling her out. I don’t believe there’s any benefit in putting her through another transition to daycare when kinder transition start in 3 months. and I can’t wait until my daughter is in kinder and im shattered daycare didn’t work out!

I’m hoping things improve when she starts kinder in February, but until then I’m feeling pretty stuck! I can spend 5 days with her 24/7 but after a day at work it’s like our connectiok is undone and I’m just sitting here supportijg her screaming from me leaving her to go to work because I’m the only provider to put a roof over our heads.

Parents who’ve had clingy toddlers, did spacing out childcare/workdays help, or did consecutive days work better? And how do you tell the difference between your child genuinely not coping and your caregiver struggling to manage their emotions about it?

I just dropped my 5 month old at daycare and it’s day 2, I came early to pick him up as I’m only doing half days for a adjustment period and his teacher is a 1:4 and two other babies were napping and teacher was feeding one baby and my baby was just crying on the playmat. I understand teacher has to feed babies but it doesn’t make me feel good. Who knows how long he was crying for? Anyone have good daycare advice for a new parent or just experiences on how to deal with the guilt

Hi everyone, I’m posting because I honestly don’t know what else to do and I’m at my breaking point.
My daughter just turned 4, and her attachment to me has reached a level where I feel completely suffocated. She refuses to go with anyone else—not even her dad or grandparents who she sees all the time—and she absolute refuses to go to preschool. Constantly, day in and day out, she has to be right next to me, touching me, or talking to me. I don't even get a moment to use the bathroom or breathe in peace.
Because I never get a single second to myself, it has deeply affected my mental health. I am sliding into depression, feeling trapped in my own home, and resentful—which makes me feel like a terrible mom, adding even more guilt to the pile.
I love her more than anything, but I am running on empty. If anyone has been through this extreme stage of separation anxiety or clinginess, how did you survive it? How did you gently start setting boundaries or get them to transition to preschool/other caregivers without completely traumatizing them (or yourself)?

I’m not even talking about the laundry, dishes or hobbies. I’m talking about using the toilet, getting more water, picking up DoorDash from your front porch? My baby will only contact nap or sleep in the swing which I try very hard to limit or avoid completely. There is no ninja roll away or transfer for naps. She has gratefully been sleeping well at night. I’m alone with her all day and don’t have family, nor do I have available friends or the funds for a regular postpartum doula. She’s 12 weeks today.

I’ve been a full-time stay-at-home dad for the past year, looking after our son from 12 months to two years old. My wife stayed home for his first year.

Until recently, he wanted me for almost everything—picking him up, holding him, protecting him. Now he’s becoming very independent, but he’s also started wanting Mum to do most things - change diapers, etc.

At the same time, I’m noticing that I’m less willing to interact constantly. I love him, but after a year of full-time care, tantrums and very little space for myself, I’m feeling worn out. Being less wanted also hurts, even though I know he isn’t deliberately rejecting me.

I’m struggling to separate what’s his natural development from what’s my own exhaustion and am finding it hard to continue the level of support I gave him all last year in the same way and level… I’m not telling him I love him 100 times a day anymore 😝

Has anyone else experienced this combination? Did your enjoyment of parenting and your closeness return as your child got older?

I’d love to hear from parents who’ve come through this stage and found a new life balance - both for themselves, and with their child… Thanks!

I’m really struggling right now with my 18mo old. She’s never been a good sleeper, even with cosleeping and she’s very clingy during the day (to the point my husband and I are both in constant pain from carrying her because while she wants to be carried, she wants you to actively move and she flails and does not support herself or let us hold her in a way that doesn’t strain us).

I feel like I’m just complaining but I have truly hit my breaking point. I don’t even want to be around my kid and I feel like a monster. I’m so lucky to have such a supportive husband that is a true partner and does his share plus much more but I know he’s also close to his breaking point.

We have friends that do cry it out and they put their kids to bed at 7 and don’t get them for 12 hours. They do date nights and have time together. We are typically fighting naps and bedtime for a minimum of 30 minutes, sometimes 2 hours or more before she falls asleep. We have tried shifting bedtime, following sleep cues, running off energy, anything we can.. I can go on and on about elderberry, strict routines, etc.

Last night she was just crying in her sleep (per usual) and my husband is a much lighter sleeper so he moved downstairs. Typically I can sleep through/ fall asleep quickly after minor whining but around midnight she was full out WAILING and thrashing me/ hitting me. I lost it and had to move her into her own room because I was irrationally angry. My husband heard my open the door / her screaming amplify so he ended up taking her. I moved to our extra bedroom as I was absolutely irrational and she kept him up until about 4am.

We don’t understand how she functions, she survives on maybe 6-7 hours of sleep at night and 15mins - a hour for naps.

Again, THIS IS WHO SHE IS. She has NEVER been a good sleeper or given us the ability to get enough sleep. I’ve boiled over so bad that I have not seen my kid today. My husband took her to daycare, picked her up and is doing all the things as I’ve hidden in another room because my nerves are shot and I’m literally sick.

What are our options? How are others getting through the insanity of not sleeping? We don’t want to do any cry it out, we want a healthy attachment with her but the situation is driving me to feel like a monster. I need more solutions.

Need some help over here. Dad of twins at 14 months. We’ve been going the attachment parenting route as well as we can, but to be honest, with twins we’re at our limit in many cases here.

I help with them as best I can, diapers, watching them while on break from work, being responsible for one of them at night, ect. But the nights are the hardest.

Our daughter has always been the most troubling to get to sleep. Most of the time she won’t let anyone get her down except mom, if I try it’s just thrashing and screaming for 20 minutes or more, until mom comes to get her again. And then she still wakes up 2-3 times a night and when she does, it will be a hard wake up, crying loudly, thrashing, and again, very unlikely she’ll let me take her To comfort her. She’ll take a bottle, usually finish it, then keep fussing. She’ll usually only settle if you’re standing or sitting with her, but if you try to put her down again, she’ll start crying again. It’s exhausting. Just now, she woke up and though calm, wouldn’t go back to sleep for an hour and a half. Miraculously when she woke up as my wife tried to lay back down, she let me take her and now I’m pacing the living room wither her asleep in my arms while I type this, and I’m expecting I’m probably not going to get any sleep for a few hours

The boy is a bit better, but still challenging. He can also wake up suddenly and energetically with loud cries and even if given a bottle and held while standing or sitting, might not go back to sleep for an hour or more.

we’re trying to get them off night time bottles and encourage them to sleep through the night. We’ve got them down to roughly two bottles a night, and we’ve started diluting them at a ratio of 3:2 for milk:water at the moment.

We’re getting desperate. The exhaustion is wearing on us, and we haven’t had a good night sleep in a year. When they were really little one of us could manage both, but now with these high intensity wake ups, and extended awake times, we just can’t double duty it anymore so we’re both just stuck with babies with difficult sleeps.

I think the son is making progress quicker, but it’s still a battle. Unfortunately it’s effecting our mental health, and while we can get some short help during the day, there aren’t really any near by family we can lean on for any kind of night help.

Any ideas for what’s going wrong here? Anything for us to check that we may be missing or not thinking about?

Apologies if I’m not entirely clear. It’s 3 in the morning and I have a currently peacefully sleeping daughter in my arms, but I don’t know for how long.

My 7-month-old recently started daycare, and it’s been a really hard adjustment for both her and me. She doesn’t eat there, so my husband and I have to go in during our lunch breaks to feed her. She takes a bottle from us without any issues when we’re there. She also barely naps, sleeping for at most 10–15 minutes, and cries and fusses for much of the day.

She does seem to do slightly better as the week goes on, but the progress has been minimal. Every week feels like starting over. I’ve gone in during the afternoons, and she’s usually sitting on the floor or crawling around crying and fussing. She immediately settles as soon as I pick her up.
Last week, I was told she had a much better day and was making some progress, which meant she took some bottles and only cried for half the day. I know that’s technically progress, but I didn’t find it particularly reassuring.

We’ve tried bringing things from home, but that doesn’t seem to help. She does eat some of the solids I pack for her, but not much.
She has always been slow to warm up to people and is particular about who she feels comfortable with. I’ve done my best to socialize her by taking her to story times, getting together with friends and family, etc. She generally does well in those environments as long as me or my husband are there, but she has always been selective about who she likes and will go to from day one.

I’m already struggling with being away from her all day, and it hurts to know that she’s having such a hard time. I know adjustments take time, but I’m starting to wonder how long this is supposed to take and at what point I should be concerned that something needs to change.

I’d really appreciate any thoughts, advice, or experiences from other parents who have been through something similar! How long did it take your baby to adjust? Did things veventually get better, and was there anything that helped?

We’re a couple with a 20-month-old daughter. She goes to what we consider the best nursery in our area and she seems generally happy there. But at home, it’s a very different story.
She wakes up screaming sometimes, screams when she wakes during the night, and a lot of the time she’s just generally unhappy or frustrated at home. She does laugh and smile, so it’s not that she’s never happy, but it feels like most of our time at home is spent managing her emotions rather than actually enjoying time with her.
We’ve tried taking her to parks, playdates, getting her toys, spending one-on-one time with her etc. These things can make her happier for a while, but the next day we’re back to the same situation.
I know toddlers cry and have difficult phases, and temperament probably plays a role. But I know another toddler around the same age who seems much more content, eats well and is generally happy at home, so I can’t help wondering if there’s something we could be doing differently.
It’s honestly starting to affect us as parents too. We spend so much energy trying to keep her happy that we’re becoming tired and irritated, and I don’t want that to become our normal family life.
For parents who had a similar toddler, did things naturally improve with age? Is there anything that genuinely helped with temperament, frustration, sleep or overall happiness?
I’d really appreciate practical advice from parents who have been through this. I want her to grow up happy, but I also want us to actually enjoy this stage with her rather than constantly trying to manage her emotions.

I am a FTM to a 1 year old baby girl. This is a genuine question. I am now a full time SAHM & experiencing severe burnout, and so is my partner. My MIL offers to help but only on her terms. Which means she will only watch our daughter at her place & we usually have to book weeks in advance so she’s hard to pin down.

She is wealthy, retired & prioritizing her travels & friends from my husband’s eyes. We moved across country with hopes to have some help here & there- nothing crazy. Maybe a few hours for 1-2x a week. She convinced us to move & that she’d be there to help with our daughter. Now we have a home we bought & are SOL without a village. We have tried to compromise but she’s very controlling.

We’ve been looking for a babysitter but they are so pricy here & we have 1 income down unexpectedly. I just came out of ppd & PPA a few months ago, but still experiencing extreme burnout. We explained that we are fine with having our daughter be watched at her place but need to have her watched here from time to time.

She’s not willing to budge. She’s very controlling. I explained that we are practicing attachment style parenting in a loving & honest, vulnerable way- twice. Both times I was met with no response. We welcome and appreciate our breaks away from our daughter when needed but the fact that she’s not open to watching her over here ever feels weird to me. We even offered to accommodate her here to make she feel at home. She only lives 10 mins away.

Are we being inflexible? Is this a mil control thing? Are you comfortable only dropping your babies off with in laws? Can this affect attachment? I’m still breastfeeding 3x a day btw. We need a break but don’t know if it’s worth the headache with her. She tried to take her to her house she was 6 weeks old & I had to put that boundary up. Smh

Hi! ❤️ I'm looking for some advice or experiences with my 6 month old who turned 6 months today
Since birth, he's always been an extremely quiet, chilled and sleepy baby. I've been worried about his development and wondering if anyone has experienced something similar.
- Was a very sleepy newborn and still loves sleeping. Sleeps 8-8 and loves his naps
-Rarely coos or makes “ooo” and “ahh” sounds.
-Doesn't babble or blow raspberries.
-Sometimes makes humming, grunting or squealing noises.
-Grabs toys but isn’t really that interested and he’ll only grab from the one’s dangling down
-Doesn’t bring food or toys to mouth at all only ever brang toy to mouth once
-Doesn't vocalise to get our attention.
-Doesn't make noises when he wakes up.
-Has good eye contact sometimes but doesn't maintain it for long.
-Often looks away after a few seconds.
Smiles when we speak or sing to him but usually only briefly.
-Doesn’t smiles spontaneously to get our attention.
-Does growling noises sometimes
-doesn't turn towards our voices, only sometimes although he reacts to sounds. Passed his hearing tests twice now
- Follows our faces and objects with his eyes.
-Is extremely fascinated with his hands and other people's hands.
-Constantly watches his hands, opens and closes them and puts them in his mouth.
-Frequently hits his knees with his hands when excited
-Sometimes tenses his body and makes repetitive movements arms up in front of his face
-Moves his head side to side to soothe himself to sleep.
-Chews on his tongue at times
-Always has a over it face less expressions
-Rolls both ways
- can sit up assisted but pushes back
-Does swimming movements during tummy time sometimes
-Started solids but eats puree when I feed only doesn’t do blw doesn’t bring food tried multiple times
-Doesn't seem active unless someone interacts with him.
-Sometimes just lies there quietly staring.
-Occasionally cries when I walk away and settles when I return when tired or hungry
-Can smile, move his arms and legs excitedly and engage when we interact with him but takes a lot to do so
-Iron levels were normal.
-Chromosomal microarray and Fragile X testing came back negative.
**I'm wondering whether anyone else has had a baby like this who was simply a quiet, laid-back baby or a late bloomer? Did they eventually catch up with their milestones?**
BEEN TO A PEDIATRICIAN NOT CONCERENED

Possibly relevant to add we’ve always practised attachment parenting

I am realizing that my husband and I have different parenting philosophies. I am still nursing our 17 month old at night, overnight on demand and for naps. I also cosleep with him in his room so my husband and I haven’t slept in the same bed for over a year. He initially moved into another room when our son got bigger and needed more room in the bed and now he sleeps in a different bed because our bed is broken so I am on a floor bed with our son in his room.

Even though he’s the one who first brought our newborn into the bed with us when he would wake overnight, he later took issue with me embracing cosleeping and has said that I “abandoned our marriage bed”. I should note that our son refused bottles starting at 2.5 months old, so I have handled every wake since then.

He wants me to stop breastfeeding cold turkey - has said that it’s “for me at this point, not for our son”. If it were up to him he wanted me to stop nursing and exclusively offer bottles when LO started refusing.

Despite not being the one who woke up at night, he is still frustrated and upset that our son isn’t STTN and that he needs me so much. He even brought up letting him cry it out in the crib months ago which I quickly shut down because it doesn’t align to my parenting values.

I am frustrated and upset and disappointed. Our son is a wonderful little boy who is exceeding all milestones and is so very happy. I don’t want to change my parenting approach and honestly it makes me nervous to consider having another child together given how out of sync we are.

We are having other issues, not just this, but curious if anyone else has a partner who doesn’t share the same approach/values?

Toddler just turned 3. He's large for his age and very physically strong. We also have a 2 month old.

Our toddler hit a serious screaming phase around 2.5 after we finally got his physical violence under control (by walking away "I'm going to keep myself safe" then returning for repair when he'd finished). He's now weaponized screaming and it's becoming even more dangerous.

Before baby, he'd scream in the car to the point where we have to stop the car because it feels unsafe. At home we can usually walk away quickly enough, but occasionally we run into moments where we can't. I've taken to wearing headphones but sometimes I don't have a chance to get them on. I try to protect baby's ears over my own by covering them with my palms, so my ears have started to hurt, I feel like I'm not hearing as well, and I've been getting a lot of migraines and vertigo.

For example, yesterday I was sitting on the couch nursing baby. The toddler had piled books on me, but wanted to read them under the blanket. Baby screamed every time we tried so I said I needed to finish nursing baby and then would put him in the crib so we could read under the blanket. Toddler started kicking me and baby. Piled under books and the blanket, I held his legs away from me while I struggled to stand with baby. Noticing I was going to leave, he stopped kicking. He was going to throw a book at us but then threw it across the room instead. It broke immediately and he began screaming. I couldn't find my headphones in the couch so I had to leave the room with the baby to protect baby's ears. Of course this made the screaming worse. I stood outside the room trying to console him, which also made it worse, so we couldn't even do that. Baby was shaking and terrified every time I tried to put him down in the next room. Ultimately the toddler screamed for over ten minutes straight. I got a migraine, ear sensitivity, and vertigo again. Today he did the same thing while Dad had baby on the changing table (Dad wouldn't hold him while changing baby's diaper so he started screaming). I rushed to get toddler out of the room and shouted to Dad to protect baby's ears (instead of frantically trying to finish the diaper) but the screaming was so loud he couldn't even hear me the first time. That's how our day started. My ears and head are hurting again, particularly the ear I couldn't immediately cover when the screaming started.

I am having a hard time repairing. I'm so terrified he's hurt our baby's ears and I'm livid at the thought. The migraines have disrupted our lives. We missed a family member's birthday party because I couldn't tolerate sounds or moving my head. With all the pain I'm not eating as well and I feel depressed. I don't know what to do. We've talked to the toddler about the screaming but I'm so tired of pretending I'm not angry with him as I wait for the next time he does this.

Does anyone have good book recommendations for different ages/stages of parenting

I love nurture revolution for first 3 years and wish I’d discovered it sooner and would love something similar to help through the older ages too!

My EBF son just turned four months old yesterday. For about a week, he has had a hard time napping. I’ve tried swaddling him, bouncing him forever, and feeding him to sleep (which is usually what we do, with no problem). He insists on yawning and rubbing his eyes, but none of these tactics will put him to sleep as he will just wake up and start crying / fussing.

Night time is no problem thankfully. He will sleep perfectly at night.

Another thing is that he will nap on my husband super easily, but won’t at all with me lol.

I’m going crazy over here. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you!!

I’ve been lucky enough to be able to stay home with my 17mo since she’s been born. I’ve recently had to pick up a couple shifts for a little more income, and she had to start daycare.

She did a trial for a couple hours and did great! Today is her first full day and she was crying when I dropped her off. I think a big reason for it was because another toddler was crying, but I had to leave while she was crying and I’ve literally never done that. The teacher was holding her so she was being comforted but I’m so worried she’ll cry for me all day and this will ruin her attachment.

Any words of reassurance?

I'm so over breastfeeding. I've been trying to gently wean for months but she's been non-stop teething. Shes cutting 5 teeth at once rn??? And I know she's in pain and I feel so bad for her and all she wants is the boob to be comforted but I've been nursing more than when she was a newborn at this point when I was trying to stop and I'm SO done. My nipples hurt so bad from her constant nursing and she accidentally bites me all the time and she grabs at them and I just want to cut my boobs off. I cannot do this anymore and am genuinely considering just getting the pill that stops your milk production and just stopping. I'm worried that's gonna destroy her emotionally but I just can't keep doing this. I'm not sleeping, I can't even sit down without her shoving her hands in my shirt and yelling boob, I've tried so hard to be responsive and like I said, I've been trying to gently wean as I'm very much attachment parenting but I just cannot do this anymore. Please help.